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(Some Guy)   Sen. Stevens explains the internets: "And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes"   (dailykos.com) divider line 245
    More: Dumbass  
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11808 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jul 2006 at 12:34 PM (8 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



245 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2006-07-03 07:05:15 AM
Oh, that hurt my eyes to try and read that. That was not a speech or statement, but the ramblings from an old guy screaming at a houseplant.
 
2006-07-03 07:11:01 AM
Seriously, where do these idiots come from? Are we such piss-poor examples of Enlightened Free Citizens that our elected officials are truly representative of the American People?
 
2006-07-03 07:16:08 AM
Actually it's pretty accurate. The internet is about to go down the tubes...
 
2006-07-03 07:18:49 AM
I think he got his tubes tied.
 
2006-07-03 07:24:31 AM
In all fairness, as an Alaskan, it was Ted's turn to be elected.
 
2006-07-03 07:27:40 AM
I like to think of it not so much as a truck, but as the short bus.
 
2006-07-03 07:28:52 AM
Alaska is not a truck.

It's a pipeline.
 
2006-07-03 07:32:33 AM
Very scary stuff indeed. Someone needs to show Ted what a mail server looks like when it's shoved up his ass.
 
2006-07-03 07:36:38 AM
Ted Stevens, I now dub thee Unfrozen Caveman Senator.
 
2006-07-03 07:42:07 AM
DOWN THE TUBES. That's one you hear a lot. People say, "This country is goin' down the tubes." What tubes? Have you seen any tubes? Where are these tubes? And where do they go? And how come there's more than one tube? It would seem to me for one country all you need is one tube. Does every state have its own tube? One tube is all you need. But a tube that big? Somebody would have seen it by now. Somebody would've said, "Hey Joey! Lookit the farkin' tube! Big-ass farkin' tube, over here!" You never hear that. You know why? No tubes! We don't have tube one. We are, sorry to say, tubeless.

/George Carlin
 
2006-07-03 07:45:37 AM
The fact that he actually helps make policy for technology and the internet scares me.
 
2006-07-03 07:51:49 AM
And there are people who think these morons should be in charge of our nation's healthcare. We're all going to end up with leeches and a chicken foot.
 
2006-07-03 08:02:35 AM
Nabb1: chicken foot

MMMmmmmm. Chicken foot.
 
2006-07-03 08:10:55 AM
Nabb1: We're all going to end up with leeches and a chicken foot.

My grandmother has a really creepy old brooch that's made of a real bird's foot (not sure if it's a chicken foot, though). That has nothing to do with this discussion, I just haven't thought about that icky old thing of hers in years.
 
2006-07-03 08:48:02 AM
HomerButt:

Your grandma seems like a real interesting gal.
 
2006-07-03 09:10:23 AM
"And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled..."..with yummy candy goodness. And a chicken foot.
 
2006-07-03 09:28:21 AM
Lord of Illusions
Ted Stevens, I now dub thee Unfrozen Caveman Senator.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and was later thawed by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes when I fly to Europe on the Concorde, I wonder, am I inside some sort of giant bird? Am I gonna be digested? I don't know, because I'm a caveman, and that's the way I think! When I'm courtside at a Knicks game, I wonder if the ball is some sort of food they're fighting over. When I see my image on the security camera at the country club, I wonder, are they stealing my soul? I get so upset, I hop out of my Range Rover, and run across the fairway to to the clubhouse, where I get Carlos to make me one of those martinis he's so famous for, to soothe my primitive caveman brain. But whatever world you're from, I do know one thing..."
/Props. to some farker I stole that off there profile from
 
2006-07-03 09:33:02 AM
He's a beauty. A one in a million guy.
 
2006-07-03 09:55:34 AM
I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

Now, what the hell did he mean here? Surely his staff didn't try to send the whole Internet to him. Even if the dumbass meant e-mail, that's still really slow.

/Ted Stevensism?
//listened to the 10-minute audio clip, but had to stop halfway through because it was just too funny
 
2006-07-03 10:29:36 AM
stebain: He's a beauty. A one in a million guy.

Why would he lie. Now why would he lie?
 
2006-07-03 10:42:04 AM
Why would he lie. Now why would he lie?

And that song is now stuck in my head. Thank you.

Step right up, and don't be shy
Because you will not believe your eyes...
 
2006-07-03 10:44:56 AM
Remind me again why there isn't a push for term limits for these people...If it's good enough for one elective branch, it's good enough for another.
 
2006-07-03 10:52:42 AM
Dancin_In_Anson

why there isn't a push for term limits

Because they're focusing on important issues, like getting re-elected.
 
2006-07-03 10:55:12 AM
Remind me again why there isn't a push for term limits for these people

A push by who? Congress isn't going to write a law limiting its own power. The courts can't write law, and the President is perfectly content with these idiots running things.

And oh yeah, guess who's 3rd in line on the Presidential Succession List (after the VP and speaker)?
 
2006-07-03 11:43:13 AM
By "tubes" he means "Modern Ducts." Surprised y'all missed that.
 
2006-07-03 12:29:59 PM
sv1.randomcrap.net
 
2006-07-03 12:38:47 PM
DailyKos? Daily - farking-Kos? Don't EVER let me see someone denigrating the Drudge report articles again.
 
2006-07-03 12:38:57 PM
Ooh baby, baby it's a wide world.
 
2006-07-03 12:39:31 PM
Im laughing so hard.
I can barely type this.
 
2006-07-03 12:39:33 PM
Dear Sen. Stevens,

img410.imageshack.us
 
2006-07-03 12:39:50 PM
This guy should go back to his office and find all his shiat packed up in boxes, on the sidewalk in front of the building. Just get out, Ted.

This is the same moron who has pushed hardest for FCC regulation of cable and satellite TV and radio, by the way. He's a douche of the highest order.
 
2006-07-03 12:40:13 PM
Oh holy jees mother of all that is in the world.

Guys like this make up policy for us?

Oh man. Just reading that made me cry.

I'm glad the internet is tubes. Time to go to Home Depot and buy me some more internets.
 
2006-07-03 12:40:51 PM
JerseyTim That was icing on the cake.
 
2006-07-03 12:41:07 PM
Wow ... um ... just wow
 
2006-07-03 12:41:12 PM
Hahahahahahahaha....

Okay, so where's the real article?
 
2006-07-03 12:41:20 PM
There is one key fact he leaves out which would make his analogy as accurate as any ever heard -- What he neglects to mention is that the tubes are all filled with Porn -- mmmmmmm wonderful Porn.... :-)
 
2006-07-03 12:41:20 PM
Its more like an old west saloon where people come in, drink up, leave a deposit of information, get their wallet stolen, occasionally duel, watch some dancing girls, then leave and go back to the real world.


Mostly, I watch som dancing girls.
 
2006-07-03 12:42:03 PM
With Ted Stevens to thank for being their poster child, most of these guys are old enough that they've just gotten over how cool eight-transistor radios were. We expect them to make coherent policy on the Intarwebz? Say goodbye to net neutrality. AT&T and the rest are just creaming their shorts waiting for the gravy train to leave the station.
 
2006-07-03 12:42:51 PM
Bring back 8-tracks!

Once you have done that, Senator Stevens, then shall I take you [click] seriously.
 
2006-07-03 12:43:07 PM
abclocal.go.com
This just in: Teh internet is a series of tubes. More at 11.
 
2006-07-03 12:43:16 PM
Yep. That pretty much seals the deal on my theory. We take these people who are voted into office and isolate them somewhere making them think they are writing new laws, but in actuality, the "Shadow Government" just ignores the laws and eats Doritos.
 
2006-07-03 12:43:23 PM
Back in the old days we thought the internet was powered by various humors and spirits in the phone lines. But modern science tells us that the internet is the work of a gnome living deep in the ground.

/paraphrased from Mr. Show
 
2006-07-03 12:43:24 PM
Ted Stevens is a whore pimped out to the telecom and cable tv companies trying to turn a trick for them, but we will be the ones who get screwed. He does not serve his home state of Alaska, or any others among "We The People" at all. This is the same asshole who is trying to get corporate welfare for a construction company to build a bridge to nowhere.
 
2006-07-03 12:43:27 PM
...yeah that guy...he should definitely have a say in what gets taught in schools...
 
2006-07-03 12:44:11 PM
So, it's long and thin, like say... Kareem Abdul Jabaar?
 
2006-07-03 12:45:03 PM
If you read the whole article, not just the part that moonbat Kos quoted you'll see his position:

"The whole concept is that we should not go into this (regulation) until someone shows that there is something that has been done that really is a viloation of net neutraility that hits you and me."

You disagree with this position?
 
2006-07-03 12:45:38 PM
wow

I'm I think I actually lost brain matter readinng that
 
2006-07-03 12:46:13 PM
So the guy's wrong. Technology isn't his forte -- politics is.

Anyone here represented by the guy? Why not compose a polite letter (mailed by traditional post -- which ensures he'll see it) explaining the technology to him and pointing out where he got it wrong.

Perhaps you could make the gent an advocate for your point of view rather than a laughing stock.
 
2006-07-03 12:46:48 PM
LOL@people who voted for this retard.
 
2006-07-03 12:46:57 PM
Is it just one tube that America is sliding down, or is it many tubes? Any why can't we see these tubes? I want to know more about the tubes.

--George Carlin (greatly paraphrased)
 
2006-07-03 12:46:58 PM
Yea, a tube is nothing like a pipe...
 
2006-07-03 12:47:23 PM
home.comcast.net
 
2006-07-03 12:47:36 PM
Dancin in Anson


Remind me again why there isn't a push for term limits for these people...If it's good enough for one elective branch, it's good enough for another.


Because of the committee system. It works for the Executive Branch because it has a number of departments with staffs that are, for the most part, retained and permanent from one administration to another. That means that every 4 to 8 years they don't have to rebuild those staffs and re-invent the wheel. It is a pool of expertise upon which the new department heads can draw on (especially with regards to State and Defense). This helps to maintain continuity from one administration to another.

Congress doesn't have such an aparatus. Each Senator and Representative is expected to learn and develop expertise on the subject of their committee assignment. The amount of power these committees wield goes without saying. Now, since they don't have a large pool of experience to draw on and lean on (like the Department of State or the DoD) these individuals, with equally untried and ignorant staffs, must pick up where their successor left off and develop an incredibly high degree of knowledge and familiarity on subjects they have, more than likely, little knowledge of.

Its a lot like being enrolled in college, you register for a history class, and being expected to have doctorate or better knowledge about that subject by the end of the first week.
 
2006-07-03 12:47:40 PM
Rockdrummer: DailyKos? Daily - farking-Kos?

The entirety of the article is quoting Stevens.
What have we told you about attacking the messenger?
 
2006-07-03 12:48:06 PM
Someone email him this link

http://www.yzzerdd.com/
 
2006-07-03 12:48:10 PM
Anyone here represented by the guy? Why not compose a polite letter (mailed by traditional post -- which ensures he'll see it) explaining the technology to him and pointing out where he got it wrong.

Perhaps you could make the gent an advocate for your point of view rather than a laughing stock.


HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Yes, I'm sure he will listen to the people who elected him as opposed to the people who are filling his pockets. What do you think this is? A country of ethical politicians?

This guy has his opinion (that he sees as fact) and wouldn't change it unless you created some new lobbying group who paid him more than the cable companies.
 
2006-07-03 12:48:11 PM
Cdn_Nrrd - although your proposition is lost on most farkers, you are obviously an adept person at strategy and people skills.
 
2006-07-03 12:49:20 PM
Hickory smoked - you mean like dismissing stories quoted by Drudge, NesMax, etc?

/double standard
 
2006-07-03 12:49:36 PM
This is the "Bridge to Nowhere" moran. I write him "internets" every so often reminding him that he is a schmuck.
 
2006-07-03 12:49:38 PM
Cdn_Nrrd - although your proposition is lost on most farkers, you are obviously an adept person at strategy and people skills.

With no clue about politicians/human nature. If this were someone sane, then that would work just fine. A teacher, perhaps. Maybe some public speaker. But a politician?
 
2006-07-03 12:50:04 PM
Yeah... Reading that almost physically hurt. I can sort of guess at what he's trying to say, but still not sure any of it really made sense strung together. It's as if he was told what conclusion he was supposed to enforce, but had no earthly idea of how to get there at all. Maybe he should have read some Cliff Notes on teh intarweb.

/I agree, boxes packed and on the curb by the morning.
 
2006-07-03 12:50:25 PM
People get the kind of government they deserve - never truer than now...
 
2006-07-03 12:50:44 PM
I'm glad that our policy-makers have a firm grasp on the English language, really. What the hell was he saying? I couldn't even decipher most of that stuff.

I want someone to send me an internet. ^_^

/boobies post
//behold, for I have slashies and I don't know how to use them.
 
2006-07-03 12:50:44 PM
In the words of Cartman:

Durrr Durrr Durrrrrrr *drool* *shuffle*

He does however, sound like he's getting his knowledge from Dell tech support. "I want to remove a game my child put on my computer" = "Alright, do you have your Dell Restore CD? This process will take about 3 hours..."
 
2006-07-03 12:51:25 PM
I_C_Weener

That is maybe the greatest description of the internet ever. If you didn't rip that off from someone else, props to you man.
 
2006-07-03 12:52:55 PM
tonesskin


Yes, I'm sure he will listen to the people who elected him as opposed to the people who are filling his pockets. What do you think this is? A country of ethical politicians?

This guy has his opinion (that he sees as fact) and wouldn't change it unless you created some new lobbying group who paid him more than the cable companies.



Is this based on your personal knowledge of the man or an assumption?

As for your comment about whether or not he'd read a letter from a constituent...you're pretty much wrong. Politicians have their failings but they generally go out of their way to respond to constituents who make the effort to contact them...generally operating under the assumption that if they went so far to write to them they might do something to hurt their reelection if they don't get a response.


/knows some Congressional staffers
//gf worked for a Representative
///has received written and signed responses from my Rep.
 
2006-07-03 12:53:37 PM
I think we should all email the schmuck and show him what a clogged tube really looks like.
 
2006-07-03 12:53:38 PM
Alaska needs to quit sending this clown to Congress.

Old men who can't fathom technology need to be phased out. Our govt. really needs some new blood. If you can't understand how email works you have no business making technology laws.

Ever notice the Senators pushing technology laws are always these old senile coots like Stevens or Hatch.
 
2006-07-03 12:53:39 PM
I_C_Weener: Its more like an old west saloon where people come in, drink up, leave a deposit of information, get their wallet stolen, occasionally duel, watch some dancing girls, then leave and go back to the real world.

And the only music played is anything by Steve Perry.
 
2006-07-03 12:53:43 PM
Dear Senator Stevens,

As a constituent, I felt motivated to write regarding recent statements made by you about the Internet. I work for the Internet, and I have to say that some of the posts are just hillarious...

/etc.
 
2006-07-03 12:53:59 PM
tonesskin

Yes, I'm sure he will listen to the people who elected him as opposed to the people who are filling his pockets. What do you think this is? A country of ethical politicians?


Don't re-elect him then?
 
2006-07-03 12:54:03 PM
Cdn_Nrrd


So the guy's wrong. Technology isn't his forte -- politics is.


Correct. And that would be just fine, except he's head of the farking committee currently considering a major telecommunications overhaul that will funadmentally change the way the internet works by shifting power to telephone and cable companies (who just happen to have him in his pocket). For him to clearly not have the slightest farking clue how the internet WORKS and yet have the single largest influence on its immediate future is frightening (in all seriousness).
 
2006-07-03 12:54:10 PM
oh man thats bad... Thats like, wow, I just don't know. Where is this guy from? Who the hell elected him? A series of tubes? Ah, thats painful.

/Still questioning.
 
2006-07-03 12:54:20 PM
ToxicVodka: I think we should all email the schmuck and show him what a clogged tube really looks like.


Or how about an unclogged one like goa.... ahh hell no I ain't getting banned today.
 
2006-07-03 12:55:14 PM
and if you hear the actual audio clip of him saying this stuff, he keeps stammering and stumbling over his words like porky pig. really weird. a whole bunch of pages on ytmnd.com have gone up focusing on this stuff.
 
2006-07-03 12:55:27 PM
The pipe analogy is not so bad. A TCP connection is called a pipe after all. If he thought a bit more about the analogy, he would have been fine.

When someone has to take a bath, the rest of the city doesn't have to wait until the bath is filled before they can use the water again. Likewise for movies and the internets.
 
2006-07-03 12:55:34 PM
Rockdrummer: "The whole concept is that we should not go into this (regulation) until someone shows that there is something that has been done that really is a viloation of net neutraility that hits you and me."

You disagree with this position?


The position is retarded. If you think we should regulate when net-neutrality is violated, then why the hell not regulate now?

Hell if that's your position, pre-emptive regulation is business-friendly. Since pre-existing regulation will prevent businesses from spending money developing a revenue model that we will regulate out of existence if it ever gets implimented.
 
2006-07-03 12:56:22 PM
I was gonna say something about how stupid Senator Stevens is but I'm not sure WHAT WAS SAID! Someone teach this guy about about punctuation, sentence formation and logical flow of ideas before we show him about "the internets"........
 
2006-07-03 12:56:35 PM
img285.imageshack.us
 
2006-07-03 12:57:11 PM
Is this based on your personal knowledge of the man or an assumption?

The former. Look at his voting record.

As for your comment about whether or not he'd read a letter from a constituent...you're pretty much wrong.

Or not. Been there, done that.
 
2006-07-03 12:57:59 PM
Does anyone have that in English?
 
2006-07-03 12:58:14 PM
MWeather -

"If you think we should regulate when net-neutrality is violated, then why the hell not regulate now?"

Because government intervention should be a last resort, not a pre-emptive policy.
 
2006-07-03 12:59:33 PM
Contact your representatives and tell them to keep net neutrality.

http://action.freepress.net/campaign/savethenet
 
2006-07-03 12:59:57 PM
Rockdrummer: Because government intervention should be a last resort, not a pre-emptive policy.

Ok, educate me. What harm could possibly come from pre-emptive regulation on this issue?
 
2006-07-03 01:01:02 PM
He should have used pipes instead of tubes. It's true that internet connections are like pipes and can be filled. A lot of network people use that analogy. I would venture to guess that most internet pipes are not full. What he doesn't realize is that probably not why his "internet" sent on friday arrived late, it's probably the crappy email system they use. (The same one that keeps losing emails that are needed in investigations!)
 
2006-07-03 01:01:10 PM
FTA "...what happens to your own personal internet?"

My own personal internet Senator? Let me tell you about my own personal internet. On my own personal internet there is no government clown trying to censor images I can see, even if they are of naked people. On my own personal internet there is no government clown even thinking about the possibility of placing restrictions on political speech and discussion even during election years. My own personal internet also allows gambling, and forever will, because a grown up can decide for themselves if they want to play a little poker online.

You are not invited to play on my own personal internet Senator, because you are a jackass and you will ruin it. I'll stay off your half billion dollar bridge and you stay off my internet, ok?

/boy I wish I had my own personal internets.
 
2006-07-03 01:02:57 PM

So, let's see.

There's one company now you can sign up and you can get a movie delivered to your house daily by delivery service. Okay. And currently it comes to your house, it gets put in the mail box
Accurate enough.
when you get home and you change your order but you pay for that, right.
No idea what he means there, probably just a "senior moment" or tripped over his tongue.
But this service isn't going to go through the interent
All right, I don't know what service he's talking about here... is he talking about NetFlix still, or streaming video?
and what you do is you just go to a place on the internet and you order your movie and guess what you can order ten of them delivered to you and the delivery charge is free.
What? Are you talking about YouTube, or something that does streaming movies for a monthly subscription fee?
Ten of them streaming across that internet
Well, even if you did them all at once, people do this all the time with file sharing systems.
and what happens to your own personal internet?
What? If you're talking about your Internet connection, I guess it's common that other applications get slowed down due to the videos hogging your bandwidth, but usually not to the point of being unusable.
I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?
Ignoring the fact that he called an "e-mail" an "internet," it's probably because the sender computer's clock was off. Either that or something was up with your mail server.
Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially [...]
Wow. Either they're making routers with huge buffers, or the e-mail was split into packets with a bigger-than-standard TTL field and just bounced around for a few days because for whatever reason the routers didn't have your destination information. Or, you know, someone's mail server was screwing up.
The regulatory approach is wrong. Your approach is regulatory in the sense that it says "No one can charge anyone for massively invading this world of the internet"
What? You're getting a little confusing... but going back to charging people Internet usage fees is a step back. Maybe routers with QoS policies to de-prioritize LimeWire packets or something...
No, I'm not finished.
Awesome.
I want people to understand my position, I'm not going to take a lot of time.
Fabulous.
They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet.
Sure. Information Age and all that.
And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on.
Okay, fair enough, I mean, look at IPv6.
It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes.
Kind of. At a really basic level, okay, fine, call it a series of tubes.
And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.
Microseconds, dude. Microseconds. Queuing delays. A few dropped packets. A difference of a fraction of a second per packet during periods of high congestion. All right?

I mean, installing routers with QoS functions would be nice, you know, to make sure your e-mails are delivered in a more timely fashion than, say, pirated MP3s someone downloads via LimeWire... but total deregulation here could (not necessarily would) amount to basically ISPs charging extortion fees to high-bandwidth sites to keep them high priority... or charging users who use the Internet a lot. Which is a real step backwards. YA RLY.
 
2006-07-03 01:04:29 PM
2KanZam: I was gonna say something about how stupid Senator Stevens is but I'm not sure WHAT WAS SAID! Someone teach this guy about about punctuation, sentence formation and logical flow of ideas before we show him about "the internets".......

It's not a punctuation issue. The guy is almost 90. It's hard to string words together when you're senile.
 
2006-07-03 01:04:39 PM
the senator is absolutely correct.

the internet is NOT a truck.
 
2006-07-03 01:05:34 PM
Stevens clearly doesn't know how to articulate his point, but I understand what he's saying. He's saying that if the internet is required to carry, for a fixed price, whatever anyone wants to send, the upcoming high volume services will probably swamp it. That's a valid concern. With no incentive (i.e. a higher cost) to increase capacity for things like video-on-demand, ISPs will stick us with the bandwidth we have for a very long time, and it could choke off many new services that won't be able to get the throughput to the consumer that's needed to run them.

I'm hoping Congress will keep its nose out of this issue and let market forces shape things, but that's probably too much to hope; the siren call to regulate, control, and play favorites is just too great.
 
2006-07-03 01:06:12 PM
OMFG they're going to shut down YouTube!1!
 
2006-07-03 01:06:47 PM
The good Senator is a moron, but he also demonstrates that even morons vote correctly once in a while.
 
2006-07-03 01:07:22 PM
And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.

So if my load time is slow, it's because my tube is full of enormous amounts of material? Ridiculous. If fapping gave you a faster connection, Farkers would be surfing at speeds that would defy physics.
 
2006-07-03 01:07:33 PM
Well, jjorsett, some regulation is fine -- if it helps people. You know, preventing ISPs from blocking or throttling access to certain sites and what not.

But paying ISPs like $200 billion of our tax dollars to do things that they have apparently not done in the years since their pork barrel handout... that's bad, mmkay. I mean, we're really falling behind other developed nations in terms of broadband access.
 
2006-07-03 01:07:47 PM
actually, now that i read it closer...

the guy is probably speaking in metaphore. Metaphorically speaking, the internet IS a collections of tubes (or, more technically, a tunnel where packets are delivered via tcp/ip).

but since this guy isn't a very skilled orator, it probably didn't come across that way.

/still wiping away tears of laughter @ "Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially"
 
2006-07-03 01:09:40 PM
This is what you get when you have someone from ALASKA heading up commissions that deal with technology.

Not trying to put down Alaskans here, but come on now, what are the normal constituents of Alaska worried about really? Probably in this order: Oil exploration, oil checks, de facto legalization of teh evil weed, and hunting and fishing.

TUBES?!?! WTF?!?!?!, is this guys tech advisor some old HAM radio guy?

There must be some sweetheart deal going on here where telcos are offering to run free massive fiber link upgrades along the Alaskan pipeline to turn Alaska into some sort of almighty hunting, fishing, oiling, and bandwidthing superstate.

Note to senator: shut the hell up and stop pretending you are technically knowledgable and stick to your bought and paid for activities you moron.
 
2006-07-03 01:10:57 PM
Deregulation worked so well for Savings and Loans why wouldn't it work for the Internets?
 
2006-07-03 01:11:02 PM
Somewhere out there in cyberspace is a video of Ted Stevens picking his nose and carefully examining the results, on the floor of the Senate no less. Of course he's spent most of his career picking your pocket with "Bridge to Nowhere" schemes and cozying up to oil interests.
 
2006-07-03 01:11:58 PM
i21.photobucket.com
 
2006-07-03 01:12:48 PM
MyMindIsGoingDave

Well played!
 
2006-07-03 01:13:19 PM
Rockdrummer: Because government intervention should be a last resort, not a pre-emptive policy.

Except when we already had laws regulating it because it was a perceived danger, then those laws were allowed to lapse, and now we wish to reinstate them for the same reason they were originally written. I would say that's trying to plug a hole that should already be filled, rather than waiting for the floodwater to rise just to prove there's a problem.
 
2006-07-03 01:14:32 PM
www.tradoc.army.mil
TEH INTARNETS ARE TUBES!!!!
 
2006-07-03 01:15:28 PM
There is only ONE engineer in Congress. And he's from Indiana. Meditate on that for a bit.
 
2006-07-03 01:18:03 PM
jjorsett

I understand what you are saying about ISP and bandwidth, that the current model doesnt really provide for segmented services and such...but my connection speed has been bumped several times in the last two years. The upload speed is still low, but the down pipe is very phat, and I havent had to pony up extra money (other than cable rate increases on the package). The cable company did this to compete with others, and in this market at least it's working, DSL subscriptions have been flat or slightly down while cable subscriptions have been trending up. Competition works without letting those greedy farks in Washington stick thier hands in it.
 
2006-07-03 01:18:26 PM
Chuck Norris sent an internet to Senator Stevens, who got it in only EIGHT DAYS!
 
2006-07-03 01:19:32 PM
Rockdrummer: you mean like dismissing stories quoted by Drudge, NesMax, etc?

No. Not like that. When people dismiss Drudge and Floorhumper.com, they criticize the content of the articles, not simply that they come from a site with different views than their own.
 
2006-07-03 01:19:40 PM
Okay, you know, if you translate what he is saying, his position is understandable. Am I the only one who sees this?

What he said:
"There's one company now you can sign up and you can get a movie delivered to your house daily by delivery service. Okay. And currently it comes to your house, it gets put in the mail box when you get home and you change your order but you pay for that, right."

Translated:
"There are services that deliver movies/information to your door in a physical manner, like Netflix"

What he said:
"But this service isn't going to go through the interent and what you do is you just go to a place on the internet and you order your movie and guess what you can order ten of them delivered to you and the delivery charge is free.
Ten of them streaming across that internet and what happens to your own personal internet?"

Translated:
"But thats a physical delivery system. Over the internet, there are services that do the same thing, only muchmore information is bought/sold/delivered - with no overhead for actually transporting the information - so people order considerably more infomation th an they would if it was delivered in person to their door. SO what happens when people order 10 times as much information?"

What he said:
"I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?
Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially [...]"

Translated:
"The other day, my staff sent me an email, and it didnt arrive untilt he next day. Why? Because of the incredible amount of this commerical traffic on the internet that delayed it."

What he said:
"The regulatory approach is wrong. Your approach is regulatory in the sense that it says "No one can charge anyone for massively invading this world of the internet"."

Translated:
"There needs to be some sort of rationing of bandwidth such that not just anyone can bring the internet to a crawl with enormous traffic. There should be some sort of penalty or fine for abusing the internet and causing delays for everyone else"

What he said:
"No, I'm not finished. I want people to understand my position, I'm not going to take a lot of time. [?]"

Translated: (after being interrupted and asked if he was done giving his speech)
"No, I'm not finished. I want people to understand my position, I'm not going to take a lot of time."

What he said:
"They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes."

Translated:
"Bandwidth is not infinite. There is a limit to how much information can be transfered at any given moment. It is limited. If information was water, and the internet were a series of tubes of various sizes, you could see that even if you have large tubes somewhere, the places where the tubes were small would restrict the flow of water through the entire system. Even if you expand the internet, it will still have places where the bandwidth is limited, because of how the information is relayed."

What he said:
"And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material."

Translated:
"Because of this paradigm, It is possible that with increasing traffic, that more and more information will be delayed as more and more of the bandwidth is used up,r eaching the maximum limits in many areas. Something needs to be done to prevent abuse of bandwidth at the expense of everyone else"

I think his point is, or at least could be, a valid point. I think he's just not good at explaining technical things. But I think he really does grasp the problem.
 
2006-07-03 01:19:53 PM
MaKaM: There is only ONE engineer in Congress. And he's from Indiana. Meditate on that for a bit.


And they ain't even senators....
 
2006-07-03 01:20:07 PM
Tubes? I thought it was all done with clacks and imps.
 
2006-07-03 01:20:27 PM
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck.

Now who could argue with that? Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, it expressed a courage little seen in this day and age.


/They said you was hung
//Baby, they was right
 
2006-07-03 01:21:32 PM
Maybe he just got confused by the word "YouTube". On the up side, this will no doubt lead to many hilarious T-shirt designs.
 
2006-07-03 01:21:43 PM
mtylerjr: I think his point is, or at least could be, a valid point. I think he's just not good at explaining technical things. But I think he really does grasp the problem.

We should however expect that when someone is head of the committee that will lay down legislation that will shape the future of the communications sector in the united states and likely the world that they perhaps.. you know have a grasp of the english language and the subject upon which they are talking about?

I mean is that so much to ask?
 
2006-07-03 01:22:50 PM
Click, Daily Kos, close. Why do people even read that crap?
 
2006-07-03 01:23:51 PM
img267.imageshack.us

Unfrozen Caveman Senator
 
2006-07-03 01:23:56 PM
It's an analogy. I'm sure he's aware that the internet is not really made of tubes.

What I fault the guy for is saying "an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning". Gee, where's MY internet?
 
2006-07-03 01:25:57 PM
Was that suppose to be a speach or an entry in a Vogon poetry contest?

/cue the confused dog pic
 
2006-07-03 01:26:37 PM
Major Thomb

Pretty much the entire thing is a direct quote from Stevens, so what does it matter where it's from?
 
2006-07-03 01:26:57 PM
mtylerjr


I think his point is, or at least could be, a valid point. I think he's just not good at explaining technical things. But I think he really does grasp the problem.


Not so much.
 
2006-07-03 01:27:26 PM
Greenslime,

Vogon poetry was less painful to listen to than this speach.
 
2006-07-03 01:28:02 PM
To the people agreeing with his vote (if not his words.) Did you actually read what the vote was about?

It was an amendment to existing regulation that would force all ISPs to treat VoIP traffic equally. In other words, you can use QoS to up your VoIP traffic priority but you must also place all other VoIP traffic (even from your competitiors) in the same QoS group.

He voted no, in essence, he voted that ISPs can offer a VoIP service, place a higher priority on that traffic, and in turn send another businesses VoIP traffic to the back of the line.
 
2006-07-03 01:28:27 PM
My god, it's full of tubes!
 
2006-07-03 01:29:30 PM
I used to work at the Senate Computer Center and I know there is an entire staff dedicated to helping Senators with their computer needs.

Perhaps Senator Ted should speak with one of them.
 
2006-07-03 01:29:33 PM
Rockdrummer Thank you.

tonesskin: If this were someone sane, then that would work just fine. A teacher, perhaps. Maybe some public speaker. But a politician?

Sure! The guy has a set of skills you and I could only dream of having: The ability to repeatedly get elected and serve in positions of actual power.

We know technology. He knows how to advocate a given point of view. Why not mix the two?

The guy wouldn't deliberately spout nonsense (nobody in power enjoys looking like a fool), he just doesn't know any better. Why not correct that with a well thought-out letter?

"I can easily see how you could come to the conclusions you have, since Internet technology often behaves the way you describe. However, behind the scenes it actually works like this..."

[yadda yadda yadda]

"...and that is why I think your personal preferences actually support the opposite position. In that spirit, I hope you'll reconsider supporting/rejecting similar legislation in the future."
 
2006-07-03 01:30:32 PM
Senator Stevens,

That's just, like, your opinion, man.

Dude

perso.orange.fr
 
2006-07-03 01:31:16 PM
Wow! WOW! This is the kind of article I started reading Fark for years ago, and the kind that has been missing for far too long. The kind where I just sit here and hold on to the desk to keep from falling off my chair because I'm laughing so hard and the customers are looking at me funny. WTG, submitter.
 
2006-07-03 01:33:50 PM
From TFA: There's one company now you can sign up and you can get a movie delivered to your house daily by delivery service. Okay. And currently it comes to your house, it gets put in the mail box when you get home and you change your order but you pay for that, right.

No shiat? Where can I find such a wondrous thing? Is it magic? Do I need some sort of crystal ball?

It's funny, for all his other rambling, the part about tubes (as a metaphor for bandwidth) was about the only other thing in his speech that had some semblance of an inkling of an idea that may be sort of correct.

/His staff sent him an internet?
//A whole farking internet?!
 
2006-07-03 01:34:23 PM
Note to senator: shut the hell up and stop pretending you are technically knowledgable and stick to your bought and paid for activities you moron.

Isn't that what he's doing here also? I'm sure some corporation paid him to have that opinion.

Unfortunately his description of the internets got filtered through a dozen different marketing weasels before it reached his speech notes.
 
2006-07-03 01:35:09 PM
what really ticks me off is he didn't mention "penis enlargement emails" EVEN ONCE!
 
2006-07-03 01:35:30 PM
Tube technology FTW!
 
2006-07-03 01:35:51 PM
Blank83: And that would be just fine, except he's head of the farking committee currently considering a major telecommunications overhaul


Yeah, and this guy knows more than anyone else in the government! Sure, it's wrong, but nobody has told him that. On top of that, the folks who are educating him on the subject (the telco lobbyists) aren't about to correct him.

He doesn't know he's wrong. Why not point out to him what he doesn't know he doesn't know?

As a technology guy, I really appreciate it when marketing/speaking/political folks point out where I bugger up a presentation or sales spiel. You're literate technology folks who actually vote for these people (something I'm unable to do, not being a citizen of your nation). You can actually DO something about this beyond ridicule, so why not do it?

It's -- what? -- an hour of your time and $.50 postage?
 
2006-07-03 01:36:16 PM
The only thing more funny than this are the wingnuts trying to defend this guy. Anything they won't defend? Wow.
 
2006-07-03 01:36:16 PM
It's Alaska, so who cares, right?
 
2006-07-03 01:36:46 PM
You know why you didn't get that email until yesterday? Because that's when you opened your inbox, stupid! I've heard of CEOs who don't know how to use Outlook because their secretary does all of it for them, but this is ridiculous.
 
2006-07-03 01:36:54 PM
Downloading the Internet is so easy, even a caveman could do it.
 
2006-07-03 01:37:15 PM

Translated:

"Because of this paradigm, It is possible that with increasing traffic, that more and more information will be delayed as more and more of the bandwidth is used up,r eaching the maximum limits in many areas. Something needs to be done to prevent abuse of bandwidth at the expense of everyone else"

I think his point is, or at least could be, a valid point. I think he's just not good at explaining technical things. But I think he really does grasp the problem.


We already have a mechanism that compensates bandwidth providers for building networks capable of handling the bandwidth. People are charged for the size of bandwidth they are delivered .

now, due to recent market competitive forces (price war) bandwidth providers want to gouge the content providers.

In the abstract, I can accept that. It is just capitalism, seeking a buck from anyone that has one.

The real danger here is that it allows for all sorts of abuse. Through regressive pricing, bandwidth providers force vertical integration. Use their browser, their content partners, their news sources, their blogs, their proxies, or suffer from miserable bandwidth and annoying latency.
 
2006-07-03 01:37:33 PM
jjorsett: With no incentive (i.e. a higher cost) to increase capacity for things like video-on-demand, ISPs will stick us with the bandwidth we have for a very long time, and it could choke off many new services that won't be able to get the throughput to the consumer that's needed to run them.

What about the incentive of providing the best service to the customer? Wouldn't the company that's first out the gate with video on demand win? Wouldn't the company that offers video on demand for the lowest price win?

The same exact argument happened in the 90's with respect to building out infrastructure for high-speed internet service, and those tired arguments are the very reason why cable started kicking DSL's ass. The cable companies put the money into laying the digital-ready cable, and then they reaped the reward.

And elchip is right on--the US is woefully behind other countries in terms of broadband (and wireless) access. Yes, this country is not as densely populated as those with widely available high-bandwidth connectivity, but even dense metro areas of the US don't have the options widely available in Asian and European cities.
 
2006-07-03 01:37:57 PM
mtylerjr

Translated:
"The other day, my staff sent me an email, and it didnt arrive until the next day. Why? Because of the incredible amount of this commerical traffic on the internet that delayed it."


Quite simply, no, that is not possibly the reason. Possible reasons include, problems with DNS, problems with a firewall, problems with the mailserver. Unless the incredible amount of commerical traffic was actually a DDOS against the mail server, traffic is not the problem.

But, by far and away the most likely reason? The staffer didn't really send it when he said he did, then lied about it knowing Stevens would never know any better.
 
2006-07-03 01:38:52 PM
mtylerjr:


I think his point is, or at least could be, a valid point. I think he's just not good at explaining technical things. But I think he really does grasp the problem.

Commercial traffic does not make emails (or internets) get to you faster or slower. Bandwidth is not infinite, which is why, when people use more bandwidth, they pay more. Like any commodity, you pay to use more bandwidth, so the very idea that YouTube existing slows down the Internet for the rest of us is retarded.

Further, no body is talking about adding new regulation. What we're discussing is taking existing regulation and expanding it to cover the newer incarnation of the Internet. This same regulation already guarantees that a Cingular user can place a phone call to a Verizon user.
 
2006-07-03 01:40:33 PM
nastro: Tube technology FTW!


i4.photobucket.com

/I can't help myself
 
2006-07-03 01:41:05 PM
images.telestatic.net
 
2006-07-03 01:41:40 PM
IdBeCrazyIf

Had to self-Heimlech after that one....

/golf clap
 
2006-07-03 01:42:52 PM

Major Thomb


Click, Daily Kos, close. Why do people even read that crap?


Uh, how is a quote from a Senator not fark-worthy in this case ?

ooooohh, I get it. It's from Kos, therefore....it's not really a quote ? or something.. no, I don't get it.
 
2006-07-03 01:43:05 PM
As a technology guy, I really appreciate it when marketing/speaking/political folks point out where I bugger up a presentation or sales spiel. You're literate technology folks who actually vote for these people (something I'm unable to do, not being a citizen of your nation). You can actually DO something about this beyond ridicule, so why not do it?

The point is, it's not going to change anything. Yes, thats very cynnical of me, but it's true. I've tried teaching some computer illiterat people how to use PC's, and while most get it, theres ALLWAYS, in every class, the guy who memorizes all the vocabulary, then tries to write on the monitor with a pen, or will order something off amazon and then stare at the printer waiting for it to come out "I clicked the button, why isn't my book coming out?". Some people are just too rigid in their mindset to take to a radically new and different technology.
 
2006-07-03 01:43:19 PM
Major Thomb

Click, Daily Kos, close. Why do people even read that crap?

I kinda think that, in this case, the KOS got it right.

Senator Stevens has no business enacting controls and regulations on a system as wide and disparate as the Internet, seeing as he has no grasp on how it actually functions.

/so there!
 
2006-07-03 01:43:33 PM
haha...I cannot believe how surprised everyone is. This goes on EVERY SINGLE DAY here in DC. Its amazing it doesnt get into the news more. The president's secretary loads his iPod for fark sake. Thats not even close to representative of the American public. Go vote you morons, and maybe you won't have to cry so much.
 
2006-07-03 01:43:53 PM
Thank you to those who spent the time to deconstruct and translate what the Senator was saying.

For some reason, though, I can't get past: "I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday

Classic.
 
2006-07-03 01:45:34 PM
Out with the onion-belters!
 
2006-07-03 01:45:43 PM
"A friend asked me to try AOL, but I said, I already own a computer..."

Duh...........
 
2006-07-03 01:50:48 PM
Tomorrow, he needs to sit down with his pre-teen grandchildren and have them explain this whole internets thing to him.
 
2006-07-03 01:51:16 PM
Sorta scary, isn't it?

Not surprising if you think about how many citizens really still think that computers will slowly go away. He probably never felt the "need" to learn what the internet actually was or how it operates, and decided to bluster his way through an explanation. Many of us do or have done the same thing when we're just plain ignorant about something. He sure as fark fits the ignorant part. I wonder how many other committee members in our government are in the same shoes when they come to vote on some legislation? Just a point to ponder.
 
2006-07-03 01:52:10 PM
img150.imageshack.us
 
2006-07-03 01:52:50 PM
 
2006-07-03 01:54:09 PM
"I want people to understand my position."


/ asplodes
// boom head shot
 
2006-07-03 01:55:13 PM
It doesn't matter if our representatives are knowlegeable about the issues they are voting on because they don't read the bills they vote on anyway.
 
2006-07-03 01:55:39 PM
Oh. My. God.

This guy is one of the craziest people in the Senate. He also refused to swear in the oil-execs, and pushed for that bridge to nowhere in Alaska that cost like $200+ million. Off with his head!
 
2006-07-03 01:56:58 PM
Devin172: Congress doesn't have such an aparatus. Each Senator and Representative is expected to learn and develop expertise on the subject of their committee assignment.


Stevens has been in congress for how long? This committee? If this is as far as he's gotten during his tenure (appropriate term I would say) he has no business continuing.

12 years and out. Both Houses.
 
2006-07-03 01:58:36 PM
cfporn.com:

Utterly. Freakin'. Brilliant.
 
2006-07-03 01:58:47 PM
Yeah, the internet is going to The Tubes!!!

ec1.images-amazon.com
 
2006-07-03 01:58:56 PM
I think WayToBlue has it right.

Senator to aide: Did you send me that internet I asked you for?

Aide: Oh, um, of course I did senator...did you not receive it? The internet tubes must be clogged.

Senator: Really? I'll have my assistant check my internet again...maybe it's there now.

Aide rushes off to actually send the mail.

/modern day equivalent of the check is in the mail
//what happened to you internet? you used to be cool
 
2006-07-03 02:02:18 PM
floridian62
what really ticks me off is he didn't mention "penis enlargement emails" EVEN ONCE!

maybe they don't fit through his tubes
 
2006-07-03 02:04:18 PM
Blank83: Pretty much the entire thing is a direct quote from Stevens, so what does it matter where it's from?

It doesn't, really. However, linking to a site with an extreme political bias is a sort of fashion statement by the anonymous submitter. He can read the thread, see who complains, and silently tell himself that he's better than they are.

It's very annoying, especially since it would take two seconds on Google to find a politically-neutral version og the story.
 
2006-07-03 02:04:53 PM
Nabb1: And there are people who think these morons should be in charge of our nation's healthcare. We're all going to end up with leeches and a chicken foot.

OK, I'll bite on the threadjack...

I've been in the healthcare industry for years (decades), payer side and provider side, and the technology employed by the Medicare program is absolutely light years beyond anything used in the private sector.

Until the current Senate screwed with trying to give out drugs, the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services are a shining example a highly technical government program administered with astonishing accuracy.
 
2006-07-03 02:09:21 PM
I know my dad was just talking off the top of his head and that this is a poor representation of his intelligence, but my father (who was in his 70's at his time) when first encountering a fax asked me how they got the paper through the phone lines.

/very funny, though now with the benefit of age I suddenly see that he just wasn't paying attention.
 
2006-07-03 02:13:03 PM
2006-07-03 07:36:38 AM Lord of Allusions

I'm a little late to this thread, but Lord of Allusions wins.
 
2006-07-03 02:25:16 PM
Rarely is the question asked: Is our tubes prioritizing?
 
2006-07-03 02:25:39 PM
Will the country really go down the Tubes if they pass this Fee Waybill?
 
2006-07-03 02:30:17 PM
Tubes, all the way down.
 
2006-07-03 02:32:26 PM
if the internet has tubes, then we need to find out if they are aluminum. then we need to start an neverending war with no objectives.
 
2006-07-03 02:33:10 PM
Gussie Fink-Nottle: Tubes? I thought it was all done with clacks and imps.


25 points for the ultra-obscure discworld reference. I bow to you.
 
2006-07-03 02:33:22 PM
Multi-Vitamin:

It might surprise you to know that the "normal constituents" of Alaska worry about the same things as "normal constituents" of other states.
 
2006-07-03 02:40:11 PM
So if it's tubes... how does wireless work...

Wireless tubes?
 
2006-07-03 02:45:58 PM
2006-07-03 01:19:40 PM mtylerjr

I actually enjoyed your translation; perhaps you could have your own personal internet for translating political speeches. Start with this guy, then work your way up to W's nonsensical gibbering.
 
2006-07-03 02:47:54 PM
Congress needs an age limit. Once you hit 50, you have to be replaced.
 
2006-07-03 02:51:09 PM
Glassfish: I understand what you are saying about ISP and bandwidth, that the current model doesnt really provide for segmented services and such...but my connection speed has been bumped several times in the last two years. The upload speed is still low, but the down pipe is very phat, and I havent had to pony up extra money (other than cable rate increases on the package). The cable company did this to compete with others, and in this market at least it's working, DSL subscriptions have been flat or slightly down while cable subscriptions have been trending up. Competition works without letting those greedy farks in Washington stick thier hands in it.



Net neutrality is the key here. You can't allow Verizon or other the "right" to charge Yahoo more than Google or someone else. Without net neutrality Verizon could decide it dosen't like a particular company and charge them more than others or not allow access to them all together. The ISPs are paid already as it is by all parties involved.
 
Slu
2006-07-03 02:53:51 PM
2006-07-03 01:10:57 PM Free Radical

Deregulation worked so well for Savings and Loans why wouldn't it work for the Internets?

This statement is incredibly simplistic, un-related and completely irrelvant.

Thanks for playing though.
 
2006-07-03 02:54:07 PM
This is why old people shouldn't smoke dope.
 
2006-07-03 02:55:39 PM
mtylerjr: I think his point is, or at least could be, a valid point. I think he's just not good at explaining technical things. But I think he really does grasp the problem.


There is no problem. Emails are recieved within minutes not days. If there is a problem with him getiing an email it's ot because of the "enormous" amounts of traffic on teh internets. Don't defend this idiot. His point is not valid and this is his lame attempt at repeating what his masters(telcom) tell him to say.
 
2006-07-03 02:57:50 PM
People who dismiss messages because of their sources are by definition close minded.
 
2006-07-03 02:58:40 PM
Slu: This statement is incredibly simplistic, un-related and completely irrelvant.

Thanks for playing though.




No it's actually incredibly true. Look how well deregualtion worked out for the power industry. Enron? hello? Basic services that have no competition need regulation. Look at how oil companies are robbing us blind. Why because they can. No real regulation.
 
2006-07-03 03:01:54 PM
Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: People who dismiss messages because of their sources are by definition close minded.


Incorrect. You have to consider the source. If the Jerusalem Post reports that Palestinians want to eat jewish babies do you believe it?
 
2006-07-03 03:04:39 PM
What the fark is wrong with you people? You actually elect men like this to our government? You actually take time out of your day to drive down to the polling booth and cast a vote?

Statistically speaking if you threw darts at the ballot you'd have a better chance of electing someone better. This is the man you have elected to have speak for you?

Holy shiat I think I'm going to be sick. Obviously this isn't aimed at everyone, but that guy got into office somehow, and he wasn't hand picked by motherfarking Xenu!
 
2006-07-03 03:06:54 PM
I think we can now officially declare this guy retarded beyond all hope. Someone call Health & Human Services for him.
 
2006-07-03 03:08:43 PM
The only really important matter is "what's his position on flag burning?" Nothing else matters!
 
2006-07-03 03:09:40 PM
Haymaking by the usual condescending lefties out there. Yes, his terminology is pretty amusing, but he does clearly grasp the problem (as it has probably been explained to him a dozen times by staffers and by lobbyists). And yeah, the internet made of a sort of tubes.
 
2006-07-03 03:11:33 PM
you know how they say things are going down the tubes? just where the hell are these tubes huh?

man ted stevens is an incredible fark-tard.
 
2006-07-03 03:12:33 PM
Why Alaskans keep sending old 'Uncle Ted' back to the Senate:

www.marions-kochbuch.de

/He brings home lots of it.
//Hate his political stands, though.
///He's getting a bit blustery and wacky in his old age.
 
2006-07-03 03:13:23 PM
You Sir, are no Al Gore.
 
2006-07-03 03:16:03 PM
Just how MANY onions are tied to the Senator's belt???
 
2006-07-03 03:17:07 PM
mmb1978: Haymaking by the usual condescending lefties out there. Yes, his terminology is pretty amusing, but he does clearly grasp the problem (as it has probably been explained to him a dozen times by staffers and by lobbyists). And yeah, the internet made of a sort of tubes.

Slavish apologists statement by the usual blinded party loyalist. Defending a man who is the epitome of a threat to our society.
 
2006-07-03 03:18:16 PM
After reading Senator Stevens's comments I have come to the conclusion that he should be heavily medicated, tied to a gurney and left to rant at a shiny doorknob in the hallway of an old folk's home where he belongs. Along with him I would also like to think we can do the same to every single one of his Congressional peers who believed that this guy would be a qualified member of this committee.
 
2006-07-03 03:18:25 PM
Sigh....

No, not red flags with illegible German writing in one corner.

BACON, he brings home the BACON.

/My first burn on a hot link...
// MMMmmmmmmmm... Hot links.
 
2006-07-03 03:24:33 PM
mmb1978

He doesn't grasp the problem, but thanks for playing. There are a hundred other factors that might go into an email not getting delivered on time, but the "internet tubes" being clogged is pretty far down the list.

Being in my posistion I have the unfortunate job of explaining technology to non-technical managers and descision makers daily. Somebody lied to this man if they said his email was delayed by "clogged tubes" and everyone in the US will pay dearly for that lie.
 
2006-07-03 03:33:56 PM
Cuchulane
Is there a web site-buyable book that has drug coverage info, while I am on MediCAL anything that could be close would help.
Trying to figure out what is/isn't covered is nuts, eg: Kadien, yes but only 90 total (not good with a scrip that has 20x4 per day).

As for the article, yeah the translations are what he meant (of course being sentr the internets...wow).
 
2006-07-03 03:34:14 PM
And you people say my Sen. Byrd is senile.

/he is.
//not as much as Stevens
 
2006-07-03 03:34:44 PM
www.operative.net

It's a tube, dumbass.
 
2006-07-03 03:40:36 PM
mmb1978

So his E-mail was days late because of lots of movies being downloaded?

No, he does not have a grasp on the problem and he made an ass out of himself. Again.
 
2006-07-03 03:43:20 PM
www.northerntool.com

haha...INTARTUBE.
 
2006-07-03 03:45:20 PM
does anyone here know where i can get the latest version of the internet? my buddy said he burned it onto a cd for me, but i havent been able to load it up. i checked my email and someone sent me a copy of the internet but it had a virus on it.
 
2006-07-03 03:46:05 PM
ssrat: s there a web site-buyable book that has drug coverage info, while I am on MediCAL anything that could be close would help.
Trying to figure out what is/isn't covered is nuts, eg: Kadien, yes but only 90 total (not good with a scrip that has 20x4 per day).


Try here...

Part D resource center
 
2006-07-03 03:47:35 PM
Who the Fark is Ted Stevens?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tn51uT4a-IU

(pops)
 
2006-07-03 03:50:31 PM
Churchy LaFemme

hey i think your intarwebs tube is clogged up
 
2006-07-03 03:58:23 PM

For those of you who believe net neutrality is bad for the Internet here's what some real experts have to say about the issue. (the links pop)

Vint Cerf, Co-Developer of the Internet Protocol:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QMEf3FfuoI


Tim Berners-Lee, Inventor of the World Wide Web

 
2006-07-03 04:05:51 PM
Wow, that really tied some loose ends up for me! As a network engineer (CCNP) for a major bank Ive been trouble shooting all wrong, I should have just called ROTO-ROOTER.
 
2006-07-03 04:06:31 PM
WARNING: The Original Audio may cause your BRAIN TO ASSPLODE

http://media.publicknowledge.org/stevens-on-nn.mp3
 
2006-07-03 04:11:12 PM
You tell everybody. Listen to me, Hatcher. You've gotta tell them! The Internet is tubes! We've gotta stop them somehow!
 
2006-07-03 04:15:53 PM
OMG...I don't want this IDIOT deciding against Net Neutrality!

Its like the politicians are totally detached from everyday life! Find these suckers and vote them out of office! Please! Like I posted before:

The scene in the room was surreal, with Senators debating in front of a room full of Blackberry-armed lobbyists. There were aides behind the Senators who would pass their bosses arguments and information, with the lobbyists passing arguments and information to the aides based on the arguments Senators were making. There were over 50 Bell lobbyists alone, including 12 employees of Verizon. Some Senators were simply proxies for lobbyists to argue through ...

Disgusting.
 
2006-07-03 04:21:13 PM
ClamHammer

jesus you werent kidding
 
2006-07-03 04:23:27 PM
mtylerjr

Well said.
I know that you will get slammed by the uber-geeks who love to argue about the causes slow data transmission, but you provided a cogent translation of the senator's speech.
 
2006-07-03 04:29:28 PM
Everyone realizes that this moran is third in line of succession if something happens to Bushy, right?

1.Cheney (V.P.)
2.Hastert (Speaker of House)
3.Stevens (Pres. pro tem. of Senate)

That's terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. I sure hope nothing happens to any of the guys in front of his looney ass.
 
2006-07-03 04:33:09 PM
www.originalalamo.com
Get the scientists working on the tube technology...
 
2006-07-03 04:33:25 PM
1886 called, they want Sen. Stevens back.
 
2006-07-03 04:35:40 PM
 
2006-07-03 04:43:50 PM
Doesn't the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence allow for armed revolt if the American government is decided to be acting counter to the best interests of it's citizens?
It's time, people.
 
2006-07-03 04:44:38 PM
I went ahead and emailed him outlining why he was wrong.

I encourage everyone to do the same instead of bantering on Fark.
 
2006-07-03 04:50:30 PM
2006-07-03 04:44:38 PM Flatline_UTD

Emailing a congressman? Getting involved in the process?
That's hot.
 
2006-07-03 04:50:48 PM
Teh intarwebs is pipes! Look:


i6.tinypic.com
 
2006-07-03 04:52:16 PM
Rockdrummer: If you read the whole article, not just the part that moonbat Kos quoted you'll see his position:

Kos himself isn't that moonbatty. Some of the diarists, though... gyee.
 
2006-07-03 05:02:16 PM
PLEASE tell me this old bastard was saying this stuff after a recent stroke... I sometimes am ashamed to be an American.
Christ I wish we could all see his face when someone actually explains the "tubes" too him. What a MORAN!



/loves the tubes
//loves tube pr0n
 
2006-07-03 05:12:00 PM
OMG!! Did he mention the internet has tubes? LIKE THE ONES IRAQ HAD WHEN THEY WERE BUILDING TEH NUCULAR BOMBZ?111./11.11.111? WE MUST DECLARE WARZ ON TEH TURRIST INTERNETS!!!!11!!1.11.1.11!!

All i ask is that right in the middle of the State of the Union speech...with all senators and congresspeople assembled witht eh president and the VP, that a meteroite takes out DC...is that too much?
 
2006-07-03 05:19:39 PM
Could I borrow one of those... eh... space age... things... you know...
 
2006-07-03 05:41:17 PM
Teh intarweb is like, totally tubular. Tubular, yeah. Totally.

/gag me with a tube
 
2006-07-03 05:45:56 PM
Thank you, mtylerjr, for the translation. I only had the audio of his speech from Metafilter yesterday, and it made my head hurt.
 
2006-07-03 05:48:06 PM
Great, our tube technology is out of the bag. The NYT is to blame! Kill tehm all!
 
2006-07-03 06:17:12 PM
Senator Magoo - you doddering fool.
 
2006-07-03 06:48:49 PM
www.unc.edu
 
2006-07-03 07:09:06 PM
This is why, inside the Capital Beltway, it's so easy to pose as an "expert." If you appear to know what you are talking about you can persuade our clueless legislators that you are an expert, especially if what you are saying something couched in terms that they find appealing. And waving some money around also helps.
 
2006-07-03 07:33:45 PM
Either way, if the rich getting what they want comes down to whether or not the rank and file is smart enough not to get circles run around them, then I'm afraid rich will get what they want, even if they record their speeches and play them backwards instead.
 
2006-07-03 07:50:13 PM
img.photobucket.com

I don't understand!
 
2006-07-03 08:06:30 PM
codefactory.cc
approves of Sen. Stevens' ignorance

/and anyone else's
 
2006-07-03 09:12:29 PM
The fact that he actually helps make policy for technology and the internet is still in office scares me.

/he's senile... and was an asshat to start with.
 
2006-07-03 09:14:01 PM
This is where I keep telling you people that the people enacting legislation on the net have NO farking idea what they are doing. They rely on lobbyist to explain this shiat to them because they have no other source of info. IF YOU WANT to do something positive - DO write your congressperson a non-email letter explaining your position on net neutrality, the DMCA, etc. Attend community meetings - most congress peoples do sponsor these inside their home state.

Or face up to the fact that Senator Stevens is not unique and that you are farked.
 
2006-07-03 09:22:01 PM
I'm actually going tubing tomorrow on the Current River, right here in Missouri. Being the 4th, there will be THOUSANDS of tubes. With little internet people sitting in them. Except for the tubes that carry the beer coolers.
We do not expect to encounter any trucks in the river.

Scratch that, it's the 4th; anything is possible. Flaming trucks driven into rivers is SOP here in Missouri on the 4th.
 
2006-07-03 09:32:10 PM
Funnier than the quote is this thread. It's one thing to make fun of the guy because he does a bad job of making his point; it is another thing to make fun of him because you don't understand he has a valid point.
 
2006-07-03 09:41:55 PM
Dear spammers,
Please stop dumping material into my personal internet tubes, I'm expecting 10 movies any day now.

/oh yeah, that 'remix' was lame as hell.
 
2006-07-03 10:17:34 PM
i70.photobucket.com
 
2006-07-03 10:20:54 PM
mrverbal
it is another thing to make fun of him because you don't understand he has a valid point.

I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday

That certainly is a valid point. Touche.
 
2006-07-03 10:23:43 PM
Correct me if I'm wrong. Basically the good senator wants entities that send large amounts of packets through these tubes to pay for "premium" service, which cost will be passed on to the end user. I think that someone should tell the good senator that his system is already in place. Users of huge bandwidth pay for that bandwidth, and the cost is passed on to the end user.


/Or am I wrong?
//Correct me?
 
2006-07-03 11:12:35 PM
Error403, you are correct sir!
 
2006-07-04 12:03:35 AM
Error403, you are correct!

Also, Sen. Stevens is the biggest friggin moran ever.

Take all the swipes you want at DailyKos, trot out kindergarten level conservative arguments about markets and regulations - the simple fact is that the neutral nature of carrying internet traffic is the single greatest reason that you're using the internet instead of using some lame bulletin board on AOL, stuck in 1980s technology.


Tim Berners-Lee - the guy who invented the WWW agrees. So does Vint Cerf, the guy who really did invent the Internet (and who defended Al Gore's statements about his support for the Internet as a Congressman). And Olympia Snowe, who is no youngster, has no trouble understanding it.

As for Sen. Stevens? It's very hard to get a man to understand something when people keep putting money in his pocket not to understand it.

So now unqualified ideologues and batshiat stupid morans like Stevens want to change the rules so the cable companies and phone companies have a new way to restrict your choices whenever it makes them a buck. And that's all there is to it.

But, hey, we can always stick our heads up our asses and create our own realities! That's called the Relatavistic Right for ya!
 
2006-07-04 02:26:30 AM
ChickenGeorgeVII

Oh, that hurt my eyes to try and read that. That was not a speech or statement, but the ramblings from an old guy screaming at a houseplant.


Ooh, I LIKE that description. I'm gonna steal that for use as a tagline.

It's just the ramblings of an old guy screaming at a houseplant!
 
2006-07-04 03:13:09 AM
That was... OK, was that run through seven Babblefish translaters? I've had an easier time understanding Engrish on Japanese candy boxes.

/For restrooms, go back towards your behind.
 
2006-07-04 03:37:35 AM
"I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?"

BwahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha...!

/Sad that they use expensive 'meetings' to 'learn' this crap.
//Is our senators learning?
///I need to get sent an internet; my staff is only at 7 o'clock.
 
2006-07-04 05:35:10 AM
I thought of something very profound to say, but then I discovered, thanks to the great Senator, that it would take three weeks to get my point posted here on this FARK thread.

I think I will go to a chatroom and wait a few yeras to have a conversation.

/damn tubes
 
2006-07-04 07:28:19 AM
craphound.com

Courtesy of BoingBoing and some artist named Piggy.
 
2006-07-04 11:03:44 AM
i dont know why... and i dont know how... but this thread is one of the funniest ive evar read.

"it's a tube, dumbass."
 
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