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(Some Guy)   Sen. Stevens explains the internets: "And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes"   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass  
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11947 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jul 2006 at 12:34 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

243 Comments     (+0 »)

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2006-07-03 07:05:15 AM  
Oh, that hurt my eyes to try and read that. That was not a speech or statement, but the ramblings from an old guy screaming at a houseplant.
2006-07-03 07:11:01 AM  
Seriously, where do these idiots come from? Are we such piss-poor examples of Enlightened Free Citizens that our elected officials are truly representative of the American People?
2006-07-03 07:16:08 AM  
Actually it's pretty accurate. The internet is about to go down the tubes...
2006-07-03 07:18:49 AM  
I think he got his tubes tied.
2006-07-03 07:24:31 AM  
In all fairness, as an Alaskan, it was Ted's turn to be elected.
2006-07-03 07:27:40 AM  
I like to think of it not so much as a truck, but as the short bus.
2006-07-03 07:28:52 AM  
Alaska is not a truck.

It's a pipeline.
2006-07-03 07:32:33 AM  
Very scary stuff indeed. Someone needs to show Ted what a mail server looks like when it's shoved up his ass.
2006-07-03 07:36:38 AM  
Ted Stevens, I now dub thee Unfrozen Caveman Senator.
2006-07-03 07:42:07 AM  
DOWN THE TUBES. That's one you hear a lot. People say, "This country is goin' down the tubes." What tubes? Have you seen any tubes? Where are these tubes? And where do they go? And how come there's more than one tube? It would seem to me for one country all you need is one tube. Does every state have its own tube? One tube is all you need. But a tube that big? Somebody would have seen it by now. Somebody would've said, "Hey Joey! Lookit the farkin' tube! Big-ass farkin' tube, over here!" You never hear that. You know why? No tubes! We don't have tube one. We are, sorry to say, tubeless.

/George Carlin
2006-07-03 07:45:37 AM  
The fact that he actually helps make policy for technology and the internet scares me.
2006-07-03 07:51:49 AM  
And there are people who think these morons should be in charge of our nation's healthcare. We're all going to end up with leeches and a chicken foot.
2006-07-03 08:02:35 AM  
Nabb1: chicken foot

MMMmmmmm. Chicken foot.
2006-07-03 08:10:55 AM  
Nabb1: We're all going to end up with leeches and a chicken foot.

My grandmother has a really creepy old brooch that's made of a real bird's foot (not sure if it's a chicken foot, though). That has nothing to do with this discussion, I just haven't thought about that icky old thing of hers in years.
2006-07-03 08:48:02 AM  

Your grandma seems like a real interesting gal.
2006-07-03 09:10:23 AM  
"And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled..."..with yummy candy goodness. And a chicken foot.
2006-07-03 09:28:21 AM  
Lord of Illusions
Ted Stevens, I now dub thee Unfrozen Caveman Senator.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and was later thawed by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes when I fly to Europe on the Concorde, I wonder, am I inside some sort of giant bird? Am I gonna be digested? I don't know, because I'm a caveman, and that's the way I think! When I'm courtside at a Knicks game, I wonder if the ball is some sort of food they're fighting over. When I see my image on the security camera at the country club, I wonder, are they stealing my soul? I get so upset, I hop out of my Range Rover, and run across the fairway to to the clubhouse, where I get Carlos to make me one of those martinis he's so famous for, to soothe my primitive caveman brain. But whatever world you're from, I do know one thing..."
/Props. to some farker I stole that off there profile from
2006-07-03 09:33:02 AM  
He's a beauty. A one in a million guy.
2006-07-03 09:55:34 AM  
I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

Now, what the hell did he mean here? Surely his staff didn't try to send the whole Internet to him. Even if the dumbass meant e-mail, that's still really slow.

/Ted Stevensism?
//listened to the 10-minute audio clip, but had to stop halfway through because it was just too funny
2006-07-03 10:29:36 AM  
stebain: He's a beauty. A one in a million guy.

Why would he lie. Now why would he lie?
2006-07-03 10:42:04 AM  
Why would he lie. Now why would he lie?

And that song is now stuck in my head. Thank you.

Step right up, and don't be shy
Because you will not believe your eyes...
2006-07-03 10:44:56 AM  
Remind me again why there isn't a push for term limits for these people...If it's good enough for one elective branch, it's good enough for another.
2006-07-03 10:52:42 AM  

why there isn't a push for term limits

Because they're focusing on important issues, like getting re-elected.
2006-07-03 10:55:12 AM  
Remind me again why there isn't a push for term limits for these people

A push by who? Congress isn't going to write a law limiting its own power. The courts can't write law, and the President is perfectly content with these idiots running things.

And oh yeah, guess who's 3rd in line on the Presidential Succession List (after the VP and speaker)?
2006-07-03 11:43:13 AM  
By "tubes" he means "Modern Ducts." Surprised y'all missed that.
2006-07-03 12:29:59 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2006-07-03 12:38:47 PM  
DailyKos? Daily - farking-Kos? Don't EVER let me see someone denigrating the Drudge report articles again.
2006-07-03 12:38:57 PM  
Ooh baby, baby it's a wide world.
2006-07-03 12:39:31 PM  
Im laughing so hard.
I can barely type this.
2006-07-03 12:39:33 PM  
Dear Sen. Stevens,

[image from too old to be available]
2006-07-03 12:39:50 PM  
This guy should go back to his office and find all his shiat packed up in boxes, on the sidewalk in front of the building. Just get out, Ted.

This is the same moron who has pushed hardest for FCC regulation of cable and satellite TV and radio, by the way. He's a douche of the highest order.
2006-07-03 12:40:13 PM  
Oh holy jees mother of all that is in the world.

Guys like this make up policy for us?

Oh man. Just reading that made me cry.

I'm glad the internet is tubes. Time to go to Home Depot and buy me some more internets.
2006-07-03 12:40:51 PM  
JerseyTim That was icing on the cake.
2006-07-03 12:41:07 PM  
Wow ... um ... just wow
2006-07-03 12:41:12 PM  

Okay, so where's the real article?
2006-07-03 12:41:20 PM  
There is one key fact he leaves out which would make his analogy as accurate as any ever heard -- What he neglects to mention is that the tubes are all filled with Porn -- mmmmmmm wonderful Porn.... :-)
2006-07-03 12:41:20 PM  
Its more like an old west saloon where people come in, drink up, leave a deposit of information, get their wallet stolen, occasionally duel, watch some dancing girls, then leave and go back to the real world.

Mostly, I watch som dancing girls.
2006-07-03 12:42:03 PM  
With Ted Stevens to thank for being their poster child, most of these guys are old enough that they've just gotten over how cool eight-transistor radios were. We expect them to make coherent policy on the Intarwebz? Say goodbye to net neutrality. AT&T and the rest are just creaming their shorts waiting for the gravy train to leave the station.
2006-07-03 12:42:51 PM  
Bring back 8-tracks!

Once you have done that, Senator Stevens, then shall I take you [click] seriously.
2006-07-03 12:43:07 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
This just in: Teh internet is a series of tubes. More at 11.
2006-07-03 12:43:16 PM  
Yep. That pretty much seals the deal on my theory. We take these people who are voted into office and isolate them somewhere making them think they are writing new laws, but in actuality, the "Shadow Government" just ignores the laws and eats Doritos.
2006-07-03 12:43:23 PM  
Back in the old days we thought the internet was powered by various humors and spirits in the phone lines. But modern science tells us that the internet is the work of a gnome living deep in the ground.

/paraphrased from Mr. Show
2006-07-03 12:43:24 PM  
Ted Stevens is a whore pimped out to the telecom and cable tv companies trying to turn a trick for them, but we will be the ones who get screwed. He does not serve his home state of Alaska, or any others among "We The People" at all. This is the same asshole who is trying to get corporate welfare for a construction company to build a bridge to nowhere.
2006-07-03 12:43:27 PM  
...yeah that guy...he should definitely have a say in what gets taught in schools...
2006-07-03 12:44:11 PM  
So, it's long and thin, like say... Kareem Abdul Jabaar?
2006-07-03 12:45:03 PM  
If you read the whole article, not just the part that moonbat Kos quoted you'll see his position:

"The whole concept is that we should not go into this (regulation) until someone shows that there is something that has been done that really is a viloation of net neutraility that hits you and me."

You disagree with this position?
2006-07-03 12:45:38 PM  

I'm I think I actually lost brain matter readinng that
2006-07-03 12:46:13 PM  
So the guy's wrong. Technology isn't his forte -- politics is.

Anyone here represented by the guy? Why not compose a polite letter (mailed by traditional post -- which ensures he'll see it) explaining the technology to him and pointing out where he got it wrong.

Perhaps you could make the gent an advocate for your point of view rather than a laughing stock.
2006-07-03 12:46:48 PM  
LOL@people who voted for this retard.
2006-07-03 12:46:57 PM  
Is it just one tube that America is sliding down, or is it many tubes? Any why can't we see these tubes? I want to know more about the tubes.

--George Carlin (greatly paraphrased)
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