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(Fark)   Farker's girlfriend cheats on him, wants to know best way to get revenge. Voting enabled. This link doesn't go anywhere   ( divider line
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6186 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jun 2002 at 12:17 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

205 Comments     (+0 »)
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Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Newest | Show all

2002-06-18 01:08:42 PM  

I agree. Mental abuse is much more effective than physical.
2002-06-18 01:09:20 PM  
1.) replace all personal lubricant containers with crazy glue.

2.) Have a friend call her place disguised as a doctor informiing her that according to a recent patient testimonial, she may have HIV.

3.) Glue her toliet seat up in the middle of the night.

4.) Go beat the living hell out of that guy, and when you have to answer to yuor girlfriend, say you and that guy had a gay relationship and a doctor called and said you might have HIV. (do this after your friend calls your ex-girlfriend of course)
2002-06-18 01:09:21 PM  
Drop her like a bad habit and move on. Kick her to the curb and do not give her the satisfaction.

And sign her up for information on Genital Warts, maybe her new man will come across the mail and re-think his actions....
2002-06-18 01:09:26 PM  
smile, and tell her its about time she caught up with it like you've had someone'll bug her that "you dared to cheat on her,
2002-06-18 01:10:39 PM  
All of mine deal with autos...
**Go to WalMart, buy a locking gas cap for her model car, and put it on, throwing the old one away ( along with the key to the new one). Once she gets to the gas station,....stranded.
**Marbles in the hubcaps. Once she starts moving, the rocks get sucked up against the tire and everyting's fine. Once she slows down, all hell breaks lose. ( noisy, frightening.)
**Instead of putting sugar in the gas tank, as above mentioned, just take off the gas cap, pour a little sugar around the rim, pour the sugar bag out somewhere, and wedge the empty bag under the tire. That way, nothing's really wrong, but it sure as hell looks like someone poured it in the tank. So she will go through the trouble of having the tank broke down to get it checked. Big money for nothing.
*** paint thinner in the windshield wiper fluid resovoir works wonders too.
2002-06-18 01:10:53 PM  

that and I'm voting for Fb-'s. "Grow the fark up, be a man, move on with your life and forget about the biatch."

jesus.....we're losing her capt'n!!

"Runtime: 266.18 sec -- Tue Jun 18 12:41:06 2002"

2002-06-18 01:14:03 PM  
Sign her up for an account on Fark. Pretty soon she'll be spending all her waking hours here reading and posting. She'll be a recluse loser with no friends....oh....wait a minute.... D'OH!!!
2002-06-18 01:15:04 PM  
"06-18-02 12:41:25 PM Number_twenty3 for this entry:
Two words:


I was going to offer my services but legalities are such a pain in the ass.
But I voted for your suggestion.
2002-06-18 01:15:46 PM  
I've been there. Earlier this year my g/f dumped me and it turned out she had quite the adventures. Granted she is crazy, and has ruined her life, and I feel sorry for her, but every now and then I find myself asking, what if?

Take the advice of the ultimate expert on getting screwed by women, Sam Kenison

"I want to cum on their back, steal 30-40 dollars out of their purse, and crawl out the window, and never call them again. Let them wake up sticky, broke, and confused, see how they like it"
2002-06-18 01:15:57 PM  
1. Ask a drop-dead georgeous woman from work or wherever (one the g'friend has never met) and introduce her as the woman you're leaving her for...


2. Repeat #1 but with a man. Nothing bothers a woman more than losing to the other team.
2002-06-18 01:28:46 PM  
Just hire a hooker to show up at her boyfriends house when you know both are going to be there and have her act like she knows him/her intimately.

Sit back and laugh your ass off.

Or just let it be and go on with your life.
2002-06-18 02:09:42 PM  
I seem to remember a story on Fark a little while back about some kid that photoshopped his ex-girlfriend's head onto some other picture, posted it, and got charged for it. Don't remember what happened from it all...
2002-06-18 02:12:03 PM  
Easy. Fark her MOM!
2002-06-18 02:12:21 PM  
Any comments advocating illegal activity (i.e. posting naked photos of her on the internet) will be deleted. So don't post them. That is all.
2002-06-18 02:14:22 PM  
jesus. you people have a lot of anger.

Dude just ignore it. Life goes on, man.
Be like this guy.
[image from too old to be available]
2002-06-18 02:16:21 PM  
For all your revenge needs, nothing measure up to The Payback
2002-06-18 02:19:53 PM  
Poop on her Cat!
2002-06-18 02:19:53 PM  
You will have to wait about 6 months for this one, but it's worth it.

On the day after Christmas, post flyers on every bulletin board you can find (Wal-Marts usually have them) that read:

$$$$ CALL (555) 555-5555 $$$$

Of course, you replace (555) 555-5555 with her phone number. It also helps if you write her number all along the sides of the flyer and cut slits, making it even easier for the prospective Christmas tree seller to take the number along with them.

Hilarity ensues.
2002-06-18 02:19:53 PM  
1) Find a willing, non-mutual friend
2) Watch "In The Company Of Men" with said friend
3) Take notes on strategy employed in the movie
3) Friend will then target (ex)girlfriend as his prey
4) Enjoy
2002-06-18 02:24:36 PM  
While I like the ideas of posting naked pictures or videos of her, I think the best way to piss her off is to move on. And do it now. Don't waste a second. Go out, find another girl and bang the bejebbies out of her! The more "serious" the relationship withthis new person, the more pissed of she will be that you were able to move on so quickly. Especially if it is her friend, sister, or mom.

Now with voting!
2002-06-18 02:24:36 PM  
-Popefez -Bradth27, you're my kind of guys. I'm one of the most passive aggressive people on this planet. It's nice to hear other decent passive aggressive comments. Here are some of my suggestions.

1. Put some hair remover in her shampoo, her hair will slowly start getting thinner and looking shiatty.

2. Put some baloney on her car, make a face even. When the baloney bakes in the hot sun, it'll leave a mark.

3. Go to or meet her at a bar. Offer to buy a round of shots and put alittle syrup of ipecac (ipecac makes you vomit - it's what you take if you ingest poison) in her drink. Then sit back and watch the fun.

I've done this a number of times (only to people who were deserving of this, trust me). Here's my favorite story. My buddy and I were having a few drinks at a local bar, and watching the videos on the big monitor. Then in walks Omar, a guy I knew and disliked in high school (long story). He and his friends proceeded to sit in a table in front of us, blocking our view of the monitor (there were lots of other seats in the place). He then says, "we're not blocking too much of the screen are we, hahahaha". My friend and I then start chatting about him and I remarked how much we both disliked him. I then had an idea, "I've got a bottle of syrup of ipecac in my car"! So I went and got it, came back and we worked out our plan.

Omar and his girlfriend were dancing and when they came back, my friend and I were in the doorway to the area we were sitting, having a mock argument. Omar of course had to butt in to our fake argument. My buddy was trying to convince me to try a cowboy (a shot of Kailua and triple sec liquor-it tastes like orange coffee). He said it was all the rage in California. I protested and said I hated shots and they tended to make me get sick. I then said, I'll do one if you'll do one with us, misery loves company I always say.

I went and got the shots and doctored Omar's drink. We toasted and drank up. After that, it was just fun to watch. He and his girlfriend went back out onto the dance floor and danced for a few minutes and came back. Omar started to get very distant (your mouth waters alot before you puke). He then disappeared and I found him puking in the bathroom. I said hey Omar, are you ok? He said that he never gets sick. I then asked him if I could get him some water or paper towels and what else he drank that night. He said just a number of beers and I mentioned that I always get sick if I combine beer and liquor. After I got back to our table, he came over and kept thanking me for helping him out. I just said, "No problem man, I'm glad I could help". His girlfriend wasn't too impressed with his drinking skills as well as the puke smell on him. Needless to say, it wasn't a great night for him, but it was for me. =o)

But the maturest thing you can do is walk away like she doesn't matter and don't look back.
2002-06-18 02:26:44 PM  
Replace all of her hygene products with Nair (Shampoo, Conditioner, Lotion, Body wash, etc.) Farking hilarious....never did this to a girl, but did do it to my moms x-husband.

2002-06-18 02:26:44 PM  
Seriously, roll with the punches, forget about her and move on.

She's proven her character's worth by not at least dumping you before she goes out on you. What's to say she won't do it again in light of this if you decide to carry on with her.

Some ladies I wouldn't mind dating have the decency to step up and say they have boyfriends (not a BS line BTW with eventual visual confirmation by way of huffy and puffy stares from their significant other). Ironically I only want to date them even more because of this.
2002-06-18 02:32:30 PM  
First off, to those of you who say, "Don't be stupid blah blah just get over it blah blah." No shiat, everyone knows that's the practical thing to do, but who wants to read that? Nobody. Whoever posted this most likely didn't do it for practicality but amusement.

That being said, on to those of you who said he should sleep with her mom and/or friends. Now that is low. Sleep with her grandma, that's lower.
2002-06-18 02:33:15 PM  
after eight years, (six dating and two married), i got my heart ripped out. now her life has gone to hell,(happens when she decides to date a married cop), and its been both sad and nice to sit back and watch her throw everything away. job,family,friends,ect... but there is always little things you can do just for kicks. in my case i forwarded all telemarketer calls for her to his number along with all her mail that still came here. nothing too drastic but does the heart good knowing that the salesmen are calling his house looking for her instead of mine.
2002-06-18 02:37:22 PM  
How about getting over it and moving on? Revenge is for losers.
2002-06-18 02:39:00 PM  
be real nice to her.....take her out to her something nice..... go out to a movie later.....get a few drinks in her......let her know that she is the only thing that matters to you in this whole world, and then knock her teeth out and gum f*ck her!

that or slip some roofies in her drink and drop her off at some random frat party and let them all go to town on her.
2002-06-18 02:42:16 PM  
Yo, Moderator - since when don't we discuss illegal activities on FARK? In some states oral is illegal can we talk about that? What about marijuana - we're always talking about that...

Get off your high horse ...

As for the revenge thingee - get over it - have a heart to heart talk and convince her that the only way you'll forgive her is if she'll do a threesome with you and one of her cute friends...
2002-06-18 02:42:35 PM  
this one only works if your still dating her... get her to give u a blowjob in your car (preferably with her being nekid) in front of a house or soemthing.. then when ur done blow your load all over her face and hair and kick her out of the car and drive off with the clothes if you have em.. talk about your long walks home...
2002-06-18 02:46:35 PM  
make a video, then put it on kazza. Or post pics.
2002-06-18 02:46:35 PM  
BigBubba--Thanks for reminding me about Foucault. I hadn't read any since college. It's a shame that we have advanced to such barbarism. We are such weenies in this century.
2002-06-18 02:46:35 PM  
This may get moderated away, but I don't think it's actually illegal...

Just get her personal info (name, address, mother's maiden name, etc., but no phone number) and type them out nice & neat. Make about 50 copies & leave them lying around in the seedier businesses in town.

She'll start getting phony credit-card charges in about a week. Identity theft: it can work for you too!
2002-06-18 02:46:35 PM  
Put on a gorilla suit. Kidnap your girlfriend. Take her to the top of an elaborate system of switch-back ramps, where you will have already put aside a bunch of 40-gallion drum filled with oil. Call her new lover on the phone and tell him to come get her if he really loves her.

When the guy arrives and starts climbing the switch-back ramps, light one of the drums of oil on fire, turn it on its side, and send it rolling down towards the guy.

He will now have to decided whether to 1) let the drum roll over him and die, 2) try to jump over it, or 3) run away. If he chooses option 2, and is successful, light another drum and roll it at him.

If this guy loves her, he'll risk his life to save her. If he just wanted her tang, he'll run away. If he's lazy-assed, he'll die.

If this guy runs away or dies, you keep the girl and win the game.
2002-06-18 02:50:59 PM  
Let her float on down the river like the shiat that she is and find someone better.

What goes around comes around.
2002-06-18 02:57:10 PM  
1. Go to her car, with some friends, a vat of liquid nitogen, tongs, a screwdriver (or other prying device) and as much shaving cream as you can carry.

2. Open the car.

3. Drop the shaving cream in the liquid nitrogen. Wait a few seconds, then remove it with tongs (gloves help, too). Pry the metal off, so you have a block of solid shaving cream. Throw it in the car.

4. Repeat with all the shaving cream containers.

When the shaving cream warms up, it expands (you know how much is in one container). When she opens the door, about 40 lbs. of shaving cream will burst out and cover her, the interior of the car, etc.
It halps to paractice a bit first on a few cans, so you can do it quickly without screwing up. If you can videotape it (to watch later) or at least get a good vantage point, it makes quite a show!
2002-06-18 02:57:10 PM  
Turn her car into a gigantic ad for Fark. Cut out bologna and write the words Fark,, its not news its Fark, etc., etc. on her car, when it dries and she takes it off, the paint comes off with it.
2002-06-18 02:57:10 PM  
Forgive her. People never expect it, and it always shocks the crap out of them. The only thing better than revenge is being able to live with yourself. Cut your loses and move on.
2002-06-18 02:57:10 PM  
Tell her you faked every one of your orgasms.
2002-06-18 02:57:11 PM  
Do this:

[image from too old to be available]
2002-06-18 03:04:17 PM  
I did this to my brother for shiats and giggles. I went to the store, pulled out all those little cards that say "would you like more information" signed him up for everything I could find. Every commercial that came on I called for more information. I signed him up for small business packets, excercise machine videos, you name it, he needed more information about it. In a couple of days his P.O. Box was so full he had to get a bigger one. He got a TON of junk mail for the next year. I never did tell him it was me, but I liked listening to him biatch about it

GOMER113, did that girl have any teeth? Just wondering...
2002-06-18 03:04:17 PM  
Crash her favorite website and when people go to it to complain, put in some lame cute error message like "Oops, we spilled beer on the SQL server again (tee-hee-hee)".
2002-06-18 03:08:21 PM  
Sorta like Yammering_Splat_Vector. But don't worry about forgiving her. Cut your losses, realize that at least you're free of her filth, and happily enjoy life.
2002-06-18 03:12:51 PM  
Revenge is always a manly way to foster closure in these instances. I'd suggest using "assifiddida" (sp?) which is a resin produced my certain plants, and is used in many wood restoration products. The hard part may be finding some, but use that positive anger to scour the net. Assafiddida has a smell that is difficult to describe, but I'll try. If you took fresh shiat and added a super compound of garlic and onions, that's what it smells like. Because of its consistency, it tends to melt when exposed to temperatures of about 100F. When it melts it adheres to whatever surface its on, and it's damn near permanent. I used pencil eraser sized pieces of it, and put them in the dashboard heating vents of my target's car. This stuff then melted to the interior heat ducts of the car. Result: A brand new car that smells like shiate and CANNOT be restored without being taken apart by a mechanic. I do know that the guy I did this to sold his car shortly thereafter. Don't ever let anyone tell you that what comes around goes around because my experience has been that if you don't relatiate they come around to get you again.

Go get em Tiger!
2002-06-18 03:13:18 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
Become an insane lumberjack?
2002-06-18 03:15:59 PM  
The best revent isn't done, it happens. I went on a two-week trip (for research, not even a vacation), and my then-fiance cheated on me and cleaned out my bank account. I got back...confiscated his phone, called the woman and all of his other friends and told them what he did, then e-mailed a bunch of other women and friends for good measure. Kicked him out - no one would take him in but his dad. Kept all of the stuff we'd bought jointly that was left (he owes me money anyway).

Ended up working well as revenge as well as for good. It warned people of what he really was, and it finally made him face the lies he's been telling. The boy has problems, and after that when he had no one to lie to, he started facing what he was doing wrong and how he'd farked up his life. I actually wish him the best in getting himself together at this point.

Don't spend too much time thinking about it. From someone that's been there...just move on.
2002-06-18 03:19:05 PM  
Boy, there are alot of revenge stuff here that's alot worse than mine. The problem with the "do her, and goober on her and leave her" is that your leaving your DNA at the scene and all she has to do is report it as rape. Nuff said.

Another idea is vegetation killer on her lawn, but better if done in certain areas. Then, everytime she goes home, her home's facade looks horrible. Then she'll keep buying more shrubs and they'll keep dying too. Fun!
2002-06-18 03:23:00 PM  
Another idea would be to sign her up for all sorts of porno magazines. Anything you can imagine. The best would be the sick stuff, but I wouldn't know anything about that . Just check the "Bill me later box".
2002-06-18 03:31:20 PM  
Cut off your ear and send it to her.
2002-06-18 03:31:21 PM  
the universe often evens itself out. use your bitter, hardended emotional state to screw over another random girl without feeling guilty at all. chances are, she farked some guy over once and she deserves this. if all works out well, some new guy will do this to your ex-girlfriend.

ah, the universe is in harmony : )
2002-06-18 03:31:21 PM  
What I did was call all my buddies with trucks and simply move everything I owned (which was pretty much everything)out while she was at work. She came home an empty apt. without heat, elec., or phone.
then I refused to talk to her or see her. Ever. Again.

been 7 years now

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