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(Some Blogger)   30 Things you didn't know about Chuck Norris   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
•       •       •

42496 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Jun 2006 at 8:37 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2006-06-13 06:42:45 PM  
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

This stuff is as old as Weird Al's parents are dead, but that one's comedy gold.
2006-06-13 06:56:35 PM  
Welcome to months ago.
2006-06-13 06:59:46 PM  
Those were hilarious 5 months ago. Okay, they're still funny, but what's with the reapeat?
2006-06-13 06:59:47 PM  
I clicked that link actually thinking it was going to be true facts about Chuck Norris, as a bit of satiric reaction to all those stupid jokes. But no. But did anyone know that his brother, Aaron Norris, is a producer? Well, he is, albeit a relatively minor one.
2006-06-13 07:00:39 PM  
I can't spell "repeat."
2006-06-13 07:02:29 PM  
WTF? #13 is psycho
2006-06-13 07:17:04 PM  
Man, and I thought I posted old news.

/old thread is too funny
2006-06-13 07:19:02 PM  
Chuck Norris doesn't teabag people, he potato-sacks them.

/still my favorite
2006-06-13 07:20:20 PM  
#31: Chuck Norris knows old news when he sees it and roundhouse kicks submitter in the crotch.
2006-06-13 07:21:03 PM  
ceremony_1968: This stuff is as old as Weird Al's parents are dead, but that one's comedy gold.

This is really, really old, but they almost all make me laugh.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
2006-06-13 07:27:53 PM  
Chuck Norris makes women orgasm by pointing at them and saying "Booya"
2006-06-13 07:57:11 PM  
Still have some favorites.

CN doesn't hunt, because hunting implies that he might fail; CN goes killing.

CN doesn't sleep; he waits.
2006-06-13 08:19:52 PM  
I'm not sure why this stuff doesn't get old to me but it is funny every time.
2006-06-13 08:19:52 PM  
Chuck Norris isn't weak; he's very strong.

/my personal favorite
2006-06-13 08:40:00 PM  
It's certainly not news...
2006-06-13 08:40:06 PM  
That's much ado about a guy with three acting expressions -- with beard, with mustache, and shaven.
2006-06-13 08:40:56 PM  
Wow, with pages as new as this on Fark, I'm sure we'll be getting to see a link to that crazy, brand new "Juggernaut biatch" video soon!
2006-06-13 08:41:04 PM  
My favorite:

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
2006-06-13 08:42:43 PM  
Is it still 2005? What day is it?
2006-06-13 08:42:53 PM  
Pffft... Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because He's a pussy.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Jack Bauer in the face. Jack blinked.
2006-06-13 08:43:01 PM  

It's not news, it's

/Slashies for Chuck Norris.
2006-06-13 08:43:20 PM  
holy fark what ignorant farker greenlit this old shiat????????
2006-06-13 08:43:27 PM  
That's old and busted.

/but still somewhat amusing.
2006-06-13 08:43:51 PM  
There is no such thing as evolution, just a list of species that Chuck Norris has allowed to survive.
2006-06-13 08:44:24 PM  
Another reason Ill never become a total farker. Christ, are the editors just phoning it in now between right-wing political shrills?
2006-06-13 08:44:28 PM  
2006-06-13 06:59:47 PM SmashLimousines [TotalFark]

I clicked that link actually thinking it was going to be true facts about Chuck Norris, as a bit of satiric reaction to all those stupid jokes. But no. But did anyone know that his brother, Aaron Norris, is a producer? Well, he is, albeit a relatively minor one.

This is what I thought :S

Oh well.
2006-06-13 08:44:42 PM  
This stuff is older than your mother...

...but still funny
2006-06-13 08:45:12 PM  
Dude, this is so old that my mom and all her friends (who have AOL accounts) know about it.
2006-06-13 08:45:15 PM  
I used to like Chuck Norris until I found out he's a wannabe Ranger in real life. Apparently, he went along on a few pot busts like a 16-year old groupie. One of the busts was totally bogus and resulted in a guy doing years behind bars for possessing a few joints.

Now I think Norris is nothing but a giant douchebag.
2006-06-13 08:45:17 PM  
Bill Brasky > Chuck Norris
2006-06-13 08:45:42 PM  
Chuck Norris is teh suck.
2006-06-13 08:45:45 PM  
Hey I heard of this new thing... there's this video game and the Japanese to English translation comes out as "All your base are belong to us."

Ha! What a hoot! Think it should be greenlit?

/lets do the timewarp again!!
//Rocky Horror Slashies!!
2006-06-13 08:47:03 PM  
2. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

I would say this has more to do with prison style sex than anything.
2006-06-13 08:47:10 PM  
might as well turn this into a collection of old things...
2006-06-13 08:47:23 PM  
Old as the hills but still enough to make me LOL in the Uni library
2006-06-13 08:47:42 PM  
Chuck Norris once shot his age during a round of golf...when he was sixteen.
2006-06-13 08:47:51 PM  
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

2006-06-13 08:48:09 PM  
"Before the Boogy Monster goes to bed, it checks it's closet for Chuck Norris."
2006-06-13 08:49:22 PM  
old, tired .... still somewhat amusing tho. somewhat. my faves:
-- superman wears chuck norris pajamas
-- before he goes to sleep, the boogeyman checks under his bed for chuck norris

/no mas chuck .... no, really
2006-06-13 08:49:40 PM  
awesome sub, can you find me some webpages on how hilarious mullets are? also i really love kurt cobain but hate all this "alternative" labelling!
2006-06-13 08:49:55 PM  
Welcome to the internet. Flamewars, make a left. Pr0n, head right.
2006-06-13 08:49:55 PM  


That's FUNNY!
2006-06-13 08:49:56 PM  
I perfer "The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were based off a real event; one day Chuck Norris swallowed a whole turtle and after he crapped it out it was 5 feet tall and had learned karate"

/Still loves the Chuck Norris jokes
//But is now on the Jack Bauer jokes
///the only reason your still conscience is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you ;)
2006-06-13 08:50:24 PM  
I prefer to call him Nuck Chorris. Just sounds better.
2006-06-13 08:50:24 PM  
Old and busted.
2006-06-13 08:50:45 PM  
*generic farker this shiat is older than the hills reply*


same thoughts exactly
2006-06-13 08:50:58 PM  
The whole Chuck Norris thing is like being at a frat party where you're the only one who hasn't been drinking.
2006-06-13 08:51:16 PM  
Fark is getting old, her hearing is going, memory. Give her a break, listen to the old stories, and if she messes herself call the nurse.
2006-06-13 08:51:57 PM  
If that doesn't make you want to stand up and solute ol' glory than you're a terrorist bastard.

Alright, I give... I'm a terrorist bastard.
2006-06-13 08:52:13 PM  
Chuck Norris shiats out organic pomegranate juice.
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