the woman, who was born out of wedlock and raised by another man, refused to claim Tellis' body.

"When people walk away, they aren't avoiding a legal obligation, just a moral obligation," said Scott Gilligan, an attorney with the Ohio Funeral Directors Association.

Shaddup, Gilligan. How is it a moral obligation to pay for this man who was, for all intents a purposes, a stranger to this woman?

I don't see the problem here. My family has standing orders to donate my body en toto if they can, or simply not claim it and use the money for something useful. Funerary expenses are ridiculous.

"When people walk away, they aren't avoiding a legal obligation, just a moral obligation"

Moral obligation to a lump of meat and bone?

I'm not dead yet.

Why do we even have fire?

Shut up, you're not fooling anyone.

Gwendolyn: Why are people paying $6,000 for a funeral?


But if you really cared about this person... you care about them don't you? Here let me show you the marble, velvet inlaid coffin that will be the resting place of your loved one.

/I'm all for going out Viking style... even if it has to be the retention pond in my neighborhood

Somehow I can't see a problem with this article.

/Hates her father sperm donor
//Would do the same to him if given half a chance

"Either the family members cannot or will not take financial responsibility for burying their loved one"

At first, I read that as buying their loved one.

I wonder if I can arrange to have little green crackers served at my funeral...

/shame I won't be there to enjoy all my schemes
//unless...

"When people walk away, they aren't avoiding a legal obligation, just a moral obligation," said Scott Gilligan, an attorney with the Ohio Funeral Director$ A$$ociation.

"Funeral directors claim it's immoral not to pay them $6,000 for dumping a body into a hole in the ground"

I feel happy...

I feel happy...

/ninepence

use the 6 grand to purchace a catapault. Then lob me into the neighbors yard.

If they can't FIND my body, then no one has to pay for funeral expenses.

I have seen it. Woman on TV sobbing about how the po-lice didn't have to shoot their son and he was just an angel and was turning his life around and about to go to Dental school and yet she, nor any of his baby's mammas will bother to claim the body from the morgue.

I'm feeling better

I want to do that....

//My mother-in-law's birthday was 6-6-06. I think it was just another sign....

The large chain funeral homes are some of the most disgusting institutions in existance.

"sad" nothin', assholes tend to get what they deserve.


/me? i got cancer in my eyeballs

Ever go into a funeral home's casket showroom?
It's all fun and games until you get to the infant caskets.

This is why I carry a can of gasoline with me everywhere I go. That way, I can just be cremated on the spot right where I die. Plus, if my car ever runs out of gas, I'm prepared.

I suppose abandoning the body is poor form, but funerary costs are ridiculous, so its not surprising.

//Cremation, Lebowski style?

Gwendolyn: Why are people paying $6,000 for a funeral?

I agree with Gwendolyn. I want to go as cheaply as possible.

That is like towing/impound charges as far as scale to actual cost. Although unlike towing they won't sell uncle merl after 30 days.
Really Walmart could do it for about tree fiddy... mark my words they will.

And from my ashes, grow mulch will be made. In it, a tomato garden will be planted. And I will be in those tomatoes as they are eaten by my family, and that is eternity.

I second the Viking Style funeral and am seriously considering adding it to my will.

I always said, "Stuff me in a Hefty bag and leave me on the curb."

Once I'm dead, this meatbag is of no concern to me.

This is why I'm donating my body to science. If my progeny want to spend the money on something else, I'll let them.

The human pre-occupation with their bodies after death is quite silly.

smoky2010: My mother-in-law's birthday was 6-6-06. I think it was just another sign....


She's either really old or damn young.
Either way she's drooling in diapers.

I didn't like my mother-in-law so we're using the funeral money to remodel the kitchen."

That's my plan with my Father in Law.

M: Um, well, um, which would you recommend?
U: Well they're both nasty. If we burn her, she gets stuffed in the flames, crackle, crackle, crackle, which is a bit of a shock if she's not quite dead. But quick. And then you get a box of ashes, which you can pretend are hers.

/I think we've got an eater

MorePeasPlease, do they cost less? Because I'm sure you could fit an adult into one with a little work and a skill saw.

I would like to be dumped in the forest for animals to eat.
Please.

Beemer: I agree with Gwendolyn. I want to go as cheaply as possible.

Unfortunately that damn near is.

"Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... up to... Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince."

Sad commentary on life. One day you are on top of the world and the next day you die and you are being rolled in newspaper and stomped into the ground to avoid funeral expenses.

Going out true viking style means at least one guest at your funeral dies of alcohol poisoning. Now that would be a funeral worth paying for.

Living people can enjoy a kitchen. Dead people don't care where they're burried.

I can never understand this obsession with throwing money at corpses.

/still thinks the pyramids are cool

Just put me in a can of Folgers

Pa always said not to pay no nevermind to life insurance. After a few days someone will bury you, don't you worry 'bout that.

Bwahaha, I win

Thankfully my body disposal is covered by work. well and me partly. I think I pay .80 a month or something wacky for around 10K.

snikrepkire:I would like to be dumped in the forest for animals to eat. Please.

Tibetan "sky burial"?

Got to get rid of Grandma's mortal remains? Want to do it on the cheap? Well all you need is a big cardboard box, a couple of yards of plastic sheeting, some duct tape, and a little imagination!
Just wrap up granny in the plastic sheeting and tape her up good, (remember to wear gloves!)

Put her on the card board box, tape this up good too.

Place label on box "PERISHABLE".

Then make up an address, the farther away the better, don't bother with a return address, then add stick on stamps, a couple of bucks worth.

Here is the tricky part, drop "granny box" off at a post office at night, no where near you.
Soon granny will be on a whirl wind tour to nowhere, ending up appropriately in the dead letter office. When she gets a bit ripe, she will be treated to a Viking funeral at the US Postal Service expense.

/ Now you know what happened to Jimmy Hoffa.

*slams fist on desk*

Damn you, Reverend Otis.

Just wrap me in newspaper, like a dead fish, and put me in the landfill or whatever.

Organ donation, tissue donation, research purposes-there are many ways one can leave one's earthly remains behind to do something useful without going the whole funeral expense route.
/when you know where you're going, doesn't really matter what happens to the body when you kick off
//the Vikings had a pretty cool idea
//the ethnic group, not the team

Three months ago my mothers funeral cost me $17,000 and it was not fancy at all.

Discard as an empty shell after the soul has left.

Things like this make me glad I changed my major from morturary sciences. The funerary industry is one giant money making machine designed to make you feel guilty if you don't pay as much as possible to pickle your dead loved ones and stick them in a $5000 impermiable stainless steel casket. I think people are finally starting to realize the load of shiat that has been shoveled their way for the past 100 so years.

/plans to be placed in a pine box and buried directly in the ground (no vault or embalming needed)

Lesson for parents: Instill in your kids enough manners to bury your dead body. Unless, of course, you think it will hurt their self esteem.

I think anyone who wants a service should be obligated to leave the money and legal documents behind to make sure it happens.

Otherwise, I hear pig farms are a good way of disposing of remains. Heck, I bet the State could even charge the pig farmers for them. Imagine the tasty bacon!

It's win/win for everyone!

MorePeasPlease: She's either really old or damn young.Either way she's drooling in diapers.

For the win!

/and she's probably asking for more peas, too

Funeral Directors are low-life ripoff artists. My family has instructions to cremate me as cheaply as possible.

I love how they take the moral high ground, while charging obscene amounts to vulnerable, grieving families.

They even rob you for a simple cremation. $800 or more just to burn you in a furnace and then stick your ashes in a plastic bag?

ChairmanKaga:

Sorry for your loss.

Just render me into soylent green.

klatubaradanikto: I have seen it. Woman on TV sobbing about how the po-lice didn't have to shoot their son and he was just an angel and was turning his life around and about to go to Dental school and yet she, nor any of his baby's mammas will bother to claim the body from the morgue.

ItchyAss: Bigot much?

I see no mention of race in his post, yet you drew some interesting conclusions from it...

Birnone>

You got Grandma in my pork chops.
You got pork chops in my Grandma.

GUYS! YOUR BOTH RIGHT!

Two great tastes that taste great together!

Senor Dingdong
Things like this make me glad I changed my major from morturary sciences

to doorbell sciences?

/why do birds suddenly appear?

6,000 buck to bury someone! Wal-Mart needs to get into the cremation business.

In one instance, a woman contacted the Ohio Funeral Directors Association, which handles indigent cases, to pay for the funeral of her dying mother-in-law, said Trey Wackerly, a Canton funeral director and member of the organization.

I thought people always said "get married or you'll die alone" and not "get married AND die alone".

Its disgusting. How can these families just simply turn their backs and refuse to claim the bodies just because they can't afford it. They can easily cut back on many items they don't need like eating out, cell phones, internet, cable TV, beer, etc. Give the dead relatives some clisure and a proper burial.

//I hope they get the treatment when they die. Scums.

NightSteel

Thanks! Are you talking about my Mom or the 17K? Because both have left a certain empty feeling...

/heart
//wallet

ItchyAss
Ever been to the Memphis morgue?

Why should I donate whats left of me when I die just so that someone else can live? What, I die and they don't have to? That's a jip.

In Egypt, at least during the British rule (and heady days of Egyptian archaeology), ordinary folk would burn mummies for fuel.

So I say let Grandpa sit in natron salt for a few weeks, then use 'im to heat the winter cottage.

DarthPapercut
6,000 buck to bury someone! Wal-Mart needs to get into the cremation business.

you can get a casket at Costco. (really)

damageddude

Same for my Grandstep-father-in-law.

/thrice removed

MorePeasPlease: I see no mention of race in his post, yet you drew some interesting conclusions from it...

Bigotry isn't limited to race.

I'm also of the school of "please dispose of my body as cheapy as legally possible." I prefer a bit of repsect, but would be upset if my familly spent a small forutune on planting my carcass in an overpriced field.

Cremeate me. Take the funeral money and put up a public bench in the caribian.

All who come to my funeral must dress up like a character from Rocky Horror, no matter how old they are.

/that is all

The only people that sound butthurt in that story are funeral home directors or their representatives. Fark the vultures I say. The funeral is about the ones left behind and if they don't have the need for one who cares.

I want a viking funeral. With the party that lasts several days ending with a raid on some unsuspecting villiage.

Just put me in the wood chipper.

/I loved Fargo.

My funeral wish is to be cremated, put in a Pringle's can, and spread over Yosemite meadow. If my family can do that with the backyard BBQ, more power to them. I'd rather my family spend the money on hookers and blow then on a stupid coffin and ceremony. Money should be spent on the living.

The reason why people have to pay ridiculous sums of money for funerals is because it's the law.

Seriously.

All you farkers who want Viking funerals [ and yeah, I'd want a combination Irish Wake/Viking funeral, with at least sixty gallons of mead on tap ] would be well-advised to check up on the burial laws in your county/city/state--because it may well be illegal for someone other than a 'licenced' type to take care of a dead body.

Read "licensed" as "funeral director who gets paid an arm and a leg--and not granny's--to bury or cremate you".

The funeral industry has got quite a racket going in that regard.

Costco has discount caskets.
If you are gonna go that way (put in the ground in a box)it will save you a lot of cash to preorder through Costco.

/The funeral homes hate Costco for taking away their huge markup

I want to, at least, have a wake. If people don't want to celebrate my life, then they can celebrate my death! No reason why we shouldn't be having more parties with plenty of drunk revelry.

ForgottenAccount
Going out true viking style means at least one guest at your funeral dies of alcohol poisoning. Now that would be a funeral worth paying for

Bah, Irish wakes result in half a dozen folks with alcohol poisoning. None dead though, genetic immunity you see.

I had a great dad who was always there for me. $6000 to bury him was a mere pittance compared to what he spent on me in his lifetime as well as giving him the dignified send off he deserved and earned.

Personally I want to be frozen and kept next to Mickey Mantle's head. Not that I expect to be brought back as much as I can become a burden to my family for generations to come.

/i'd like a viking funeral
//thank you

I want a viking funeral. With the party that lasts several days ending with a raid on some unsuspecting villiage.

Yes, and especially the part where all your best buddies fark your maid and then cut her throat and send her to the afterlife with you with their spoogey regards.

beer4breakfast

Just be careful, if you eat too many processed potato crisps you might not be able to fit into a single Pringle's can.

When I DIE just put my body IN A FIRE.

Malacon: Bah, Irish wakes result in half a dozen folks with alcohol poisoning. None dead though, genetic immunity you see.

That's because the liquor of choice for an Irish Wake is whiskey, which is well-known to be the Water of Life [ aquavitae ] and the cure for all things that ail you. I mean, hell, look what it did for Tim Finnegan.

/Irish Whiskey, that is.
//Jack don't do jack.

I want to be buried here.

If you want a fancy funeral, pay for it yourself. It's not the relatives who should be chided for not spending the money, it's the deceased who spent the money while they were alive. If a nice funeral was important to them, they would have done something about it, right? They didn't, so why should anyone else feel bad about it?

Didn't the Vikings also send out the still living spouse/slavegirl of the deceased on the burning boat?

I would prefer to be freeze dried and sealed in a Cadillac on a pedestal. Pose me in a pimped out lean so future archaeologists will hopefully conclude that I was some sort of pimp god. It's my best chance at immortality.

/actually donating all my organs
//liver is no good

The First My family plans to not bother claiming my aunt when she goes. Why? Because she's spent a lifetime ripping off every relative she could and never working an honest day in her life. She has already said that when she dies, the county can do with her body as they please, so she's not even expecting us to claim her body. She's one of those sick persons that has money in off shore banking, but chooses to life a homeless lifestyle. Not a guess, it's a fact. She's sick, vindictive, evil, manipulative, selfish and abusive to everyone around her.

She has managed to suck dry every elderly relative she could and we were powerless to stop her. We tried, but legally, she got away with everything. She's laughing all the way to the soup kitchen, thinking she's got a victory. In a way, she did.

For all I care, she can rot.

shove me under my neighbor's house then call the cops and report me missing.

The Viking funeral's a great idea, but where will you find the young woman whom your male guests will enjoy and then be sacrificed to provide you companionship on your long voyage?

I mean, if you want the BUDGET Viking funeral, it's your call.

And wouldn't you feel silly showing up at Valhalla and not be able to speak the language?

Past 100 years or so?
shiat elaborate burals are as old as organized human culture. It is probably the first thing that seperated us from other animals. Really interesting pratices thoughout time. Infact that is the only reason we know about certain cultures.

/Take me down little susie, take me down

Kirbeep

"Hey baby, is that a rotting corpse sticking out of your cleavage, or are you just happy to see me?"

See, its not JUST the freaking funeral homes either.

The farking Graveyards are crazy too. Paid 5K for plot, and $1500 to open and close the crypt.

/Wishes I was a ditch digger who could make $1500 a day...

Prop me up beside the jukebox when I die

/twang

muninsfire

[aquavitae]

Please! Hold your Latin tongue!

Whiskey is uisce beatha; and whisky uisge baugh!

Clem: And wouldn't you feel silly showing up at Valhalla and not be able to speak the language?

You might.

I won't.

/That reminds me; I need to pick up a copy of Beowulf.

I want to have my remains scattered at Smith Falls here in Nebraska, cremated or not.

/chunky style

AliasUndercover

Just put me in the wood chipper.

Wow.

Your wife and I had already decided to do this.

/Glad it's ok with you.

Just put me in this..

/wawa

The First

Except that the vast majority of people can't make $6,000 appear for quite some time, even cutting back on things they "don't need" (funny how one could make the same argument towards coffins). What happens to the body while people like me (I can't afford to drop $600, let alone four digits) save up?

Ya, $6,000 was as low as I could find for my pop. He never wanted anything fancy anyhow. They made me shell out $1,200 for a casket he would be in for a few hours, then burnt to ash.

Dear mailman,
If I don't answer the door, the casket is in the basement and the hole is dug in the lower end of the backyard. The shovel in the shed. Thanks

They only cool thing I can see doing with a dead body is using that company that makes gems from your ashes. Otherwise, it is just rotting meat. I'd rather my family spend the money on somthing more reasonable, like a new meth lab to replace the one I surely died in...

Not happy.

Robobagpiper: muninsfire

[aquavitae]

Please! Hold your Latin tongue!

Whiskey is uisce beatha; and whisky uisge baugh!

Not everyone in here speaks Gaelic; the latin name's better known.

I just call it "my bottle."

/The girlfriend prefers cider.
//Anyone know where I can get some of the really good cider? The only stuff I can seem to find has barely the bite of an ale.

My tattooed skin is to be made into a bookcover for my tattoo artist's flash work book.

My skeleton is to be donated to a dojo so I may continue to teach after my death.

My organs to whoever needs tham.

The rest of me feed to the dogs.

No funeral, no wake. Small party with food and drink to celebrate.

Personally, I think you should be able to just bury someone in your back yard--provided you have a death certificate for them first. I think having to pay someone to dump someone in a hole as one Farker put it is a scam.

The Amish just find someone with a backhoe, put the deceased in a wooden box, and put them in.

/lives not too far from Akron and Canton

Oh when I die,
Now don't think I'm a nut,
Don't want no fancy funeral,
Just one like 'ole King Tut.

My mom wants to be cremated and thrown into the ocean on a windy day...with hopes that much of her blows back into people's faces.

Bigotry isn't limited to race.

I am a huge bigot, then.

The whole burial thing is a waste. There's so many better things you can do with the body:

Have it stuffed and use it as a Halloween decoration. Then dress it up like Santa for Christmas. (Tuck rotting organs back into the ribcage as necessary.)

Hire it out to Britney Spears as a babysitter.

Take it to a movie as the ultimate "cheap date."

If it's decomposed enough, enter it into a Michael Jackson lookalike contest.

Cremate it and switch the ashes with the restaurant's regular namebrand coffee. See if anyone notices.

Danger Mouse

She's been looking a little more chipper around the house lately...

ItchyAss
The comment virtually dripped with intolerance of the poor or uneducated. "Po-lice" and "baby's mammas" are clues that the poster assumes a lower socioeconomic status for those affected by the story.

Or, I had seen the situation myself as indicated by the first sentence "I have seen it." and didn't have to infer anything. You are spot on with the intolerance of someone who would do such a thing, though.

Just put in a deep freezer in the basement and keep collecting my social security checks.

My dad planned ahead for his funeral since he was terminally ill. He had everything paid for years ahead. He had finalized his funeral plans only two days before he died...so my mom didn't get stuck with the expenses. Plus he paid off the house before he died.

"These situations are a sad commentary on just how weak family ties have become to some people, said David Corey, executive director of the Ohio State Coroners Association in Columbus."

News flash. People have been hateing on their own family members for thousands of years. Hell I remember this one story in the bible about family hate. What was it called again? Oh yeah, Cain and Abel.

/Mr. Corey is an idiot.

My burial instructions: Give away the parts anyone needs. Do what you want with the leftovers. You're paying for it.

$120 - Problem solved.

When I go, I hope my family turns me into mulch.

Human Mulch

Malacon: Bah, Irish wakes result in half a dozen folks with alcohol poisoning. None dead though, genetic immunity you see.

I already have my arrangements made. I am to be donated to medical science and it is a requirement that my family throw a traditional Irish wake.

My side of the family is estatic about it... my wife's side of the family look at me weird when I explained what it was.

I swear, people just don't understand how important whiskey is sometimes.

Um... It's not my corpse and I'm not paying for it's disposition. You evil farkers can take it out of the taxes you steal from everyone (at gunpoint(. I'd say feed it to the pigs, but the police already have a taste for human blood, no need to encourage them.

/It's so much rotting meat.
//No one lives there anymore.
///I refuse to mourn the house my mother lived in.

I want to go as Mr. Carbell did in author Larry Nivens'
sci-fi A World Out Of Time

/wonder did L.Ron read this?
//on wiki

I'd like some wacky adventures Weekend at Bernie's style.

First you plant the seed.

Then you sow the seed.

Then nature grows the seed.

Then you eat the seed.

Hello Rick!

Major Thomb

What bothers me is that you illustrated an electric chainsaw. It would be unsafe to use a 2-stroke version inside a house... This shows an attention to detail that I find alarming!!

I want my body to be shipped to Haiti, where it will be turned into a zombie by one of them voodoo priests

REMEMBER ME!

REMEMBER ME!

I wanna go out like bender wanted to go out:

A real pity I got to this thread so late.
YOU CAN SAVE A SMALL FORTUNE BY GOING TO:
http://www.funerals.org/
and joining the funeral consumers alliance.

These folks are A-OK in my book.
Your family can get the closure that they need, and it doesn't cost just rediculous amounts of $$$

Funerals are an expensive ripoff. If there are any pieces of me left from the fire & wreckage just throw a hell of a party & toss my remains off the end of the pier for fish food. A few words would be nice too, uknow, good husband, good father, then spash one. Oh yeah, Gov't has $250k life insurance policy on my azz. Have fun spending it & husband #2 does not get my boat.

Death by Misadventure: News flash. People have been hateing on their own family members for thousands of years. Hell I remember this one story in the bible about family hate. What was it called again? Oh yeah, Cain and Abel.

No shiat. Blood is thicker then water but people in general can't stand too much of their family. It's funny to see supposed Christians say it's all about family values when Jesus didn't really like hanging out with his family much. Wasn't he pretty annoyed with his mum when she asked him to turn more water into wine?

Well there's 2 cases in the story. First the woman who's biological father abandoned her. I totally agree there is no moral imperative for her to be responsible. She could if she wanted to but that would be an act of charity and while extremely nice in no way required; and shame on the Funeral directors for trying to make it so. The second case, the woman with the mother in law apparantly received some sort of life insurance pay out on the mother in laws death. There is an imperative there; especially if the mtoher in law was soley responsible for the policy. I mean she gets the policy to take care of her funeral arrangements so it won't be a burden on the family and you spend it on remodleing a kitchen. That's low. Sorry but that's how I see it.

On a personal note being of Irish ancestry I can only say an Irish wake is the only way to go ( and really thats thanks to bloody St Patrick converting my proud pagan ancestors...otherwise I'd go with the Viking funeral ftw. )

"These situations are a sad commentary on just how weak family ties have become to some people, said David Corey, executive director of the Ohio State Coroners Association in Columbus."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Must be due to them gay marriages.

Many funeral directors make used car salesmen look like saints.

shove me under my neighbor's house then call the cops and report me missing.

My neighbor's yard could use the fertilizer.

ChairmanKaga: What bothers me is that you illustrated an electric chainsaw. It would be unsafe to use a 2-stroke version inside a house... This shows an attention to detail that I find alarming!!


Well, the issue was cost, so I picked the electric because you can get one for under $100. Gas models are at least $50 more.

ItchyAss: I have seen it. Woman on TV sobbing about how the po-lice didn't have to shoot their son and he was just an angel and was turning his life around and about to go to Dental school and yet she, nor any of his baby's mammas will bother to claim the body from the morgue.

Bigot much?

What a witty thing to say. And very original! That whole non-sentence thing where you add "much" to a noun, rather than a verb...very, very witty. If you know what group of people he's talking about, without him saying so, doesn't that make you the bigoted one?

Senor Dingdong: /plans to be placed in a pine box and buried directly in the ground (no vault or embalming needed)

Vaults are now required in NJ for all burials. Something about groundwater pollution.

FLYNAVY: Have fun spending it & husband #2 does not get my boat.

Damn, what the hell am I going to go fishing on?

IdBeCrazyIf:

FLYNAVY: Have fun spending it & husband #2 does not get my boat.

Damn, what the hell am I going to go fishing on?


well you could sell the boat for the funeral costs and use the life insurance to buy a new better boat

mediaho: How is it a moral obligation to pay for this man who was, for all intents a purposes, a stranger to this woman?

Yeah! How dare he raise her in light of her own father not being in the picture? He's a man so he must've been some kind of sicko, right? Yeah! Fark that guy, raising stranger's children.

chum.

Whats funny is those people claiming using 'po-lice' and 'babymomma' are bigotish terms are, in fact reinforcing the stereotype, and are themselves bigots.

FarkinHostile: My tattooed skin is to be made into a bookcover for my tattoo artist's flash work book.

My skeleton is to be donated to a dojo so I may continue to teach after my death.

Man. If a funeral on the cheap is $6000, I don't even want to know how much you would have to pay a guy to skin and de-bone you...

Custom5: I think it'd the natural father she doesn't want to be responsible for and as I said she shouldn't have to. It takes more than a genetic contribution to make some one family.

The funeral industry has got quite a racket going in that regard.

It's worse than the diamond industry, and that's saying a lot.

The only purpose funerals serve is to help the living come to terms with the death of a loved one through ritual. If a family wants to throw away thousands of dollars on an unnecessarily ornate casket, let them. It's a stupid waste of cash, but if it makes them feel better, it's no business of mine.

OTOH, it's stupid to say, "We need a mink-lined casket to show Mom we loved her." Mom's dead and gone forever. Her personality, all that she was, disappeared forever when her brain ceased to function. The time to tell people in your life that you love them is now, not when they are dead because by then they will have vanished into oblivion. Go fishing with your dad, send your mom to Paris, buy a splashy gift for someone in your life today, because after they die you'll never have that chance again.

MadAfro: It's worse than the diamond industry, and that's saying a lot.

I wonder if they're somehow related?

/It's teh Illuminati!
//They're after our precious carbon!

ItchyAss: The comment virtually dripped with intolerance of the poor or uneducated. "Po-lice" and "baby's mammas" are clues that the poster assumes a lower socioeconomic status for those affected by the story.

Interesting. You can admit that the poor do use these terms, i.e. they can be said to act a certain way, as a group. That's not bigotry?

BorgiaGinz: OTOH, it's stupid to say, "We need a mink-lined casket to show Mom we loved her." Mom's dead and gone forever. Her personality, all that she was, disappeared forever when her brain ceased to function. The time to tell people in your life that you love them is now, not when they are dead because by then they will have vanished into oblivion. Go fishing with your dad, send your mom to Paris, buy a splashy gift for someone in your life today, because after they die you'll never have that chance again.

Bears repeating.

Even if you believe in an afterlife where you see all your relatives again, if they'd be pissy enough to shun you for not giving them a gold-inlaid hermetically-sealed titanium-alloy casket...why the hell would you want to associate with 'em anyway?

/If local laws permit, it's a Viking Funeral + an Irish Wake for me.
//Going to mandate that at least half my life insurance is used to pay for the Wake.
///Do what you want with the other half.
////Though I'd prefer to be at the wake before I get burnt. Throw a bottle of whiskey on me so I can enjoy it, too.

...and I'll burn better.

funeral directors see as a disturbing trend

I'm shocked that the people who stand to make 6 grand off the funeral see it as disturbing.
farking assholes.

swastikashapedreadingcubicles: Whats funny is those people claiming using 'po-lice' and 'babymomma' are bigotish terms are, in fact reinforcing the stereotype, and are themselves bigots.

Said it better than me, thanks.

nemo_annonymous: //Cremation, Lebowski style?

Goddamnit! Just because we're bereaved doesn't mean we're saps!

her family didn't like the mother-in-law and hoped to use the cash to remodel their kitchen.

I farking hate my mother in law, and I dream of the glorious day she dies.

But there is no way in hell I would ever not have her buried. If she isn't buried, how can I piss on her grave?

I hope the funeral director is every bit as slimy as what has been described in this thread. Somebody like that would have nothing against putting a turd in her mouth before he glues it shut.

MadAfro:
MadAfro: It's worse than the diamond industry, and that's saying a lot.

I wonder if they're somehow related?

/It's teh Illuminati!
//They're after our precious carbon!

Hmm we put corpses in the ground and then they dig diamonds out of the ground....my god you're right...it all makes horrible sense....diamonds are human teeth! transformed by all the flouride they put in our water! curse you Illuminati!

I want to have a funeral like Andy Kaufman. Past that give my body to science or whatever.. If they will take it.. I doupt, I plan to go out in a blaze of glory! (not really)

The owners of the cremation company will get the real diamonds when I get the real money.

Dear family,

Here are my funeral instructions:
1. Either get a plain wood box from the funeral director or buy the casket online from costco, whichever's cheaper. Use tupperware or a folgers can for the urn.
2. Cough up the fee for burninantion. It's usually set by the county/township/whatever anyway.
3. Hold a brief ceremony somewhere they serve hotwings. Mandatory: At least one joke about the sauce and my eternal destination.
4. Put me out with the trash the next day.

If you MUST bury me in the ground, find a cheap acre or two somewhere in unencorporated county land and rent a backhoe. You can get an entire acre for 1/2 the cost of a burial plot in most remote rural areas. Property taxes will be less then the annual "maintenance fee" on a burial plot, or can be avoided by simply signing over the property to the county as "abandoned."

jshine
snikrepkire:I would like to be dumped in the forest for animals to eat. Please.

Tibetan "sky burial"?

We should do it the way the old Zoroastrians in Persia did. Built a tall tower outside of town, and anytime someone kicks it, drag them up to the top of the tower and leave them for the vultures. Fuel efficient, land efficient, and ecologically sound.

My mother works as a caretaker for the elderly. I used to feel pretty bad for the ones whose kids never visited or who left them there to rot. Then I realized, some of them may have been complete bastards to their kids. It's easy to forget that when you look at an old helpless person, but all the wife beaters, deadbeat dads and the moms who didn't do enough to stop it...let them rot. But the ones who were great parents and were still abandoned...there's a special place in hell for their kids.

Donate your body to science. They'll learn something and give your family the ashes afterwards. It's free.

ChairmanKaga:

Are you talking about my Mom or the 17K?

Both.

is it not in the book of mathew: "let the dead bury the dead."

I actually have in my will... That $25,000 of my estate is to be spent sponsoring someone to climb Mt Everest and scatter you ashes.

/think I'm lying?
//don't make me host the PDF

I'll have you know, I plan on full burial procedures for my mother-in-law...so the next day, I can dance the friggin Watusi on her grave.

/little boombox on the headstone.
/Do you "feel the vibration", you miserable twunt?

2006-06-12 01:20:39 PM IdBeCrazyIf
FLYNAVY: Have fun spending it & husband #2 does not get my boat.
Damn, what the hell am I going to go fishing on?

Running joke with my wife...when I finished restoring my 1st plane, I told her that I hope her next husband enjoyed my plane...she shot right back without missing a beat "not half as much as he's going to enjoy your boat."

/you can joke about alot of stuff in my house, but the boat is not one of them.

you=my ...drunk from watching the game

Since I am terminally ill, I put together my funeral package months ago. Cremated, ashes divided between a few key people, and a party. Everyone is to have their own private service in a manner they see fit, scattering my ashes hopefully somewhere fun. I was fine with the whole "hey, you're going to die thing" but I wasn't fine with the whole "don't you want to be buried properly in this 14k coffin with goose down filled pillows, the Mona Lisa painted inside to look at and a light to keep you comfortable?" thing.

A light? I'm dead. It's not like I'm going to be picking up War and Peace and finishing it because I have time on my hands.

You could donate your body to Body Worlds and then your family can play a Where's Waldo game when they go to the exhibt .... "Ooooh, I wonder which one is Joe?"

ooops forgot to close bold sorry

Funerals are for the living. If they don't want one, why should I care?

klatubaradanikto:

What the hell are you talking about?

Here's something to think about....

There are 6.5 billion people (est) in the world alive today. What if each wanted a 1m X 2m grave plot? How much land would that take? It works out to roughly 13 million sq km. The US (50 states + DC) is only roughly 9.2 million sq km. This also does not consider ANY roads or paths between plots. You would need all the land of the US and Canada just for graves, roads, and paths... and maybe a few flower shops.

Not a very sustainable system in the long run.

/just feed me to the wolves

Sealed coffins will contain the build up of gas and one day will rupture in the ground, tearing apart and spewing your remains in an explosive decompression.
/But they cost more...
//The more you know...

The most hysterical spoof of the Funeral Industry was "The Loved One", which ridiculed Forest Lawn In LA. Liberace plays the Casket Salesman and he is fantastic: "this model is water proof; but this one is dampness-proof; and this one is moisture-proof". He also recommends "silk lining, because you know rayon chafes the skin". Hard movie to find, but one of the best. Also stars Jonathan Winters as the Holy Reverend. Written by Evelyn Waugh. Pure comedy gold!

My friend from Louisiana's old cajun-ass father died of cancer recently. Before he died, he called my friend to his hospital bedside and gave him his address book with instructions that, after he (the father) died, the son was to call everyone in the book and tell them to "Kiss my ass!".

The son did exactly that. He said half the people were outraged, and the other half laughed their asses off - which he felt was exactly what his father had wanted...

Man. If a funeral on the cheap is $6000, I don't even want to know how much you would have to pay a guy to skin and de-bone you...

I believe the proper leathering of the skin would be the expensive part. As for the skeletionizing I have three words:

Flesh.....eating.......beetles.

FarkinHostile

My organs to whoever needs tham.

You'd better make damn sure that your family knows your wishes them. Even if you sign your organ donor card, your family can refused to have your organs taken and the doctors have to abide by their wishes. Its a stupid law, but its the law.

phaedra: Since I am terminally ill, I put together my funeral package months ago.

Sorry to hear that. I've always wondered how I would react if I knew I had X amount of time left. WOuld I kill the people I hated

FLYNAVY: Running joke with my wife...when I finished restoring my 1st plane, I told her that I hope her next husband enjoyed my plane...she shot right back without missing a beat "not half as much as he's going to enjoy your boat."

The old joke about the wife asking her husband if he'd try to find love again and remarry if she died. He reluctantly says he would. Then she asks if he'd let the new wife wear her old clothes, and eat at her old table.

"Yes and yes", he says, reluctantly. Then she asks if he'd let the new wife use her golf clubs.

"No, no" he says..."She's left-handed".

jesus, it's a corpse not a person. who farking cares. sure when I die I'd prefer to have my ashes float down the mississippi or some other hippy crap but since I'll be dead it won't matter. throw me to a group of necros for some beer money and get over it.

ItchyAss: The comment virtually dripped with intolerance of the poor or uneducated.

Since when are we supposed to be tolerant of stupidity and ignorance?

please bury me beside kirbeep

AliasUndercover

Just put me in the wood chipper.

/I loved Fargo.

Put me in the woodchipper now.

/I'm going to Fargo
//On Friday

I am a funeral director/embalmer (for real). Those of you complaining about funeral costs should step back and look at where the person just came from (normally the hospital who may or may not have failed, expensively.) The funeral is almost nothing compared to hospital costs. We provide in 3 or 4 days what a wedding planner does in months. And for less than what people willingly pay wedding planners.

Also, you are paying for staff to be on call 24/7/365 and deal not only with unpleasant and potentially communicable diseases. When I find myself refereeing deep seeded family issues, I do not feel like we are charging too much. I get no holidays or holiday pay. Last 4th of July I happily drove 12 hrs to take a veteran to his final resting place. No beer or fireworks for me, and no extra pay. Would any of you do all of this for $40,000 a year?

my firm offers a full funeral w/ cremation following for $3,600.00 including the casket.

Get life insurance.

Should the federal government start paying for these services?

If you want, nothing prevents any of the whiners from making their own casket and doing it themselves.

// bottom line - people don't like paying for things they don't want.

///for me,having a funeral, followed by med. school dissection, then cremated with ashes put in urn, urn inside a casket and casket in a vault. I've done it all. Want it all done to me.

GreenSlime,

In Calif, USA they bury the dead one on top of another for Family plots.

But what you said makes sense. If this plaent keeps getting overpopulated and polluted, we may need to resort this as a way to deal with the dead:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070723/

(Mr. Heston does not approve.)

Maybe humans are finally becoming less superstitious.

although, farkers can talk a good game of smack, until it is their own dead kid. yeah, just meat, toss it in a hefty bag and set it by the curb.

loraksus: Sealed coffins will contain the build up of gas and one day will rupture in the ground, tearing apart and spewing your remains in an explosive decompression.

That sounds awesome!

I now want my grave to end up like an impact crater after 10 years or so. Bonus points for blasting my ribcage into the face of preacher or whatever!

/My life will end with a bang

I want to be plasticized*


*link pops

M: Um, well, um, which would you recommend?
U: Well they're both nasty. If we burn her, she gets stuffed in the flames, crackle, crackle, crackle, which is a bit of a shock if she's not quite dead. But quick. And then you get a box of ashes, which you can pretend are hers.

HISSSSSS BOOOO GET OFF THE STAGE

//these comments brought to you by royal episode #13

You can put me down on the feed to the animals list. I'd like one of the Tibeten style funerals like the had in Kundun. No fuss, no muss and my body went to a worthy cause. Even better if I can get my loved ones together, get them boozed up and then they can throw my chunks to the critters.

I can't believe how much funeral parlors charge for simple things like caskets and urns. It's such a rip-off I would be pissed if I knew my family wasted that much money to stick me in a hole in the ground to rot. For that money the could go on a trtrip to Fiji and have a damn fine wake for me.

Plasticmojo: If you want, nothing prevents any of the whiners from making their own casket and doing it themselves

Actually, as a funeral director, I'd expect you to be cognizant of the laws of the land, and put the following disclaimer after that statement:

*In my city/county/state.

There are many jurisdictions that require certain 'amenities' for the dead--coffins have to have such and such requirements, etc.

While you happen to live in a permissive jurisdiction [ where? I wanna have my viking funeral there.... ] there are many people who live in areas that are more...restrictive.

Regardless of expense, after my death I want to be encased in carbonite and mounted on a wall ala Han Solo, the only difference being I'll be flipping the bird with both hands.

/yes, I know Han was still alive

"These situations are a sad commentary on just how weak family ties have become to some people, said David Corey, executive director of the Ohio State Coroners Association in Columbus."

No, dickweed. It is a commentary on how tired the average person is of being assraped by funeral conglomorates.

I haven't worked out the exact details yet.
But when I go I wish to be cremated, my remains to be saved for the next 4th of july. On the 4th have a big BBQ in my honor. Following that bring my ashes to the fireworks guy in town (along with the bribe I'll leave behind). Have him attach my remains to a rocket and let-er-rip.

No announcement should be made or anything, just pause the show for second, let mine go up alone, and when it has faded out resume the program.

take me to the rendering plant and turn me into make-up additives and soap.

really, humans have a wide range of valuable materials in them. cadaver parts for surgery are just one example.

Immediately after my death, I'd like to be tossed into a simple hole in the ground, in a park or forest or at the infield at Santa Anita or someplace pleasant like that, and a nice olive tree planted over me. Preferably, without the person who undertakes the mission getting arrested in the process, since that would probably cause them to remember me with a certain amount of resentment.

I'm plesantly surprised with the number of "when you're dead you're dead" replies. Neat.

I would say they should donate the bodies, but most schools won't take a dead body if the person died of a terminal illness, was obese, etc.

My mom - semi-hardcore-Catholic - mentioned to me that not only did she never want to be on a feeding tube, she wanted to be cremated and tossed into one of the Great Lakes, somehow, legal or not. Dad's the same way. Grandma didn't want a funeral, so we had a memorial service, which as a helluva lot cheaper and probably better at the remembering/honoring bit than a funeral would've been.

However those opinions got formed, I have no idea, but it's nice to know I'm not gonna feel guilty forever for not doing a lavish funeral. Yay.

PS - Organs! Donate! ... although I'm donating everything but my eyes. I don't know, even though I'll be dead and all, and probably burned, that's the one thing I can't stand to give... everything else, have at me. I had a friend who got a good couple of extra years on her life 'cause of a lung transplant. I was a donor before then, but I'd be an idiot not to be one now, after knowing her...

loraksus:
Sealed coffins will contain the build up of gas and one day will rupture in the ground, tearing apart and spewing your remains in an explosive decompression.


We are not allowed to call them sealed caskets anymore - GASKETED (only warrantied until burial - casket co. warranty). Generally they are placed in a steel reinforced concrete vault. Those vaults have a tough seal as well. I have disinterred more than one of these vaults that had a sealed casket in them, never has one been exploded inside.

Furthermore, you are saying that gas will blow up 20, 18, 16 ga. welded steel before finding a weak spot in a rubber gasket and just spewing some nasty gas into the dirt or outer burial container around it.

Has anyone ever seen an example of this in their local cemetery? - didn't think so.

/the more you know.

You'd better make damn sure that your family knows your wishes them. Even if you sign your organ donor card, your family can refused to have your organs taken and the doctors have to abide by their wishes. Its a stupid law, but its the law.

True, I signed the card, the sticker is on my wallet, and my family knows my wishes and I believe they will do it. We have had this conversation many times, so there is no question as how I want to be disposed. Heh, my brother got me all riled up once by threatening to have an elaborate funeral for me if I went. I got so fired up I was sweating. I swore to come back and haunt them all if I was buried traditionaly.

mrsirjojo: Sorry to hear that. I've always wondered how I would react if I knew I had X amount of time left. WOuld I kill the people I hated


It's been tempting, to be honest. But it's been a lot more fun watching people scramble around trying to be my friend again, you know, make up for past wrongs. It provides me with my daily chuckle.

Went to a Marine buddy's funeral @ Arlington Nat'l Cemetery a coupla months ago. His family wanted the whole 9 yds. The caisson, military band, escort troops, the riderless horse, & a flyover. Took 3 hrs to get thru & when it was over we all felt so drained & so sad. Think that's one of the main reasons I'm against formal funerals. Tell some stupid stories of dumb things I've done, everyone have a coupla laughs, then get on with your life. Hopefully I'll be in a better place having some laughs of my own.

Big funerals are a huge waste of money. &...."love me when I'm gone".

wow... i really like the freeze-dry method that someone posted....

either that, or i want to be shot off in fireworks. ftw.

phaedra: It's been tempting, to be honest. But it's been a lot more fun watching people scramble around trying to be my friend again, you know, make up for past wrongs. It provides me with my daily chuckle.

Do you give into the temptation to tell 'em off?

/My condolences about the whole situation--but at least you can get a laugh or two out of it.

FLYNAVY: Tell some stupid stories of dumb things I've done, everyone have a coupla laughs, then get on with your life.

You, sir, need an Irish wake.

I'd like a Vader-style funeral pyre myself. Huge bonfire benath teh trees. Only after I've benn parted out, though. I wish the laws required organ donation after death. As soon as that spark dies, you're nothing more than spare parts that can better help others as opposed to going into the ground or an oven.

Muninsfire-

Sorry, yes, please check your local regulations, most places do not allow you to do "whatever you want", but generally allow family members to take care of their own in accordance with local law. Public health is a concern. As well as filing the necessary paperwork.

In KS, if you do it yourself, and bury the body before filing a death certificate you get a tasty felony (exemption for licensed funeral directors/funeral homes).

/Back yard cemeteries generally require rezoning and make the real estate harder to sale.

//Hates the sales part of the job. I always encourage people to stay within their means. If they can't afford something, how do we get paid?

The First: Its disgusting. How can these families just simply turn their backs and refuse to claim the bodies just because they can't afford it. They can easily cut back on many items they don't need like eating out, cell phones, internet, cable TV, beer, etc. Give the dead relatives some clisure and a proper burial.

//I hope they get the treatment when they die. Scums.


Are you kidding me? The living should be worried about the living, the dead are... well... dead.

wrt to the Lebowski incident...

A friend's family actually went through this. They cremated a member who passed away who's wish was to have their ashes scattered from a plane. When they opened the door to spread the ashes, the wind scattered the ashes around the entire inside. They had to hose it clean when it landed.

/true story

I'm going to donate my mother-in-law's corpse to science.

First, I'm going to donate all the stuff I can donate... to be used in transplants, not research or education, mind you*

With what's left over, I'd like to be freeze dried, powdered, and used as mulch for a tree.** Preferably a big oak. Too bad they're only doing this in Sweden. (pops)


* in med school, I dissected parts of other people. I did not enjoy it and I don't think that I (personally) learned that much from the experience. I don't want people to do that to my remains. Sorry.
** Reminds me of Speaker for the Dead.

We're still paying for my uncle's funeral, 7 years ago.

In retrospect, we probably shouldn't have rented him a suit...

I wish to be ground up, made into hamburgers, then fed to my in-laws. After many burgers and beers, I wish my will to be read

"As written in my last hour of breath...EAT ME"

then the dramatic pause

"Oh wait, you already did!"

Cue the vomit noises

//my dream come true

trippdogg: My friend from Louisiana's old cajun-ass father died of cancer recently. Before he died, he called my friend to his hospital bedside and gave him his address book with instructions that, after he (the father) died, the son was to call everyone in the book and tell them to "Kiss my ass!".

The son did exactly that. He said half the people were outraged, and the other half laughed their asses off - which he felt was exactly what his father had wanted...

Hah that guy rules. Trolling from beyond the grave!

muninsfire: Do you give into the temptation to tell 'em off?

/My condolences about the whole situation--but at least you can get a laugh or two out of it.

Only once. And she absolutely deserved it. It even netted me a "But she's dying, how can she be so mean?" as she walked off. I'd be tempted to it more often if the groveling wasn't so damned amusing.

Thanks. I think. I never knew what to say when someone told me they were sorry.

Oh I forgot.

I'd also like to be flung into the ocean just like they did to that guy in Northern Exposure with Chris' big catapult thing he flung the piano with.

They could make a betting pool for distance.

/Watched lost of NE this weekend.

I want to be buried naked except with a Lucha Libre mask and a cape on, with a shotgun by my side.
5 thousand years from now I want archeologists to say WTF??

I am a funeral director/embalmer (for real). Those of you complaining about funeral costs should step back and look at where the person just came from (normally the hospital who may or may not have failed, expensively.) The funeral is almost nothing compared to hospital costs. We provide in 3 or 4 days what a wedding planner does in months. And for less than what people willingly pay wedding planners.

Dead people don't necessarily come from a hospital. And even if they did, just because it was horribley expensive (whether right or wrong) to try and keep a person alive, doesn't mean it should be ridiculously expensive to bury them. And I don't want to pay a wedding planner either.

Also, you are paying for staff to be on call 24/7/365 and deal not only with unpleasant and potentially communicable diseases. When I find myself refereeing deep seeded family issues, I do not feel like we are charging too much. I get no holidays or holiday pay. Last 4th of July I happily drove 12 hrs to take a veteran to his final resting place. No beer or fireworks for me, and no extra pay. Would any of you do all of this for $40,000 a year?

No, I wouldn't. That's why I have a different job.

my firm offers a full funeral w/ cremation following for $3,600.00 including the casket.

That's ridiculous.

Get life insurance.

I have it, but so my family can deal with the financial loss of losing my income, not so greedy people can look for ways to spend it for them.

Should the federal government start paying for these services?

No, people should start making it clear that when they die, they want the body taken care of as cheaply as possible, then these outlandish services wouldn't be necessary anymore, because it wouldn't be expected.

If you want, nothing prevents any of the whiners from making their own casket and doing it themselves.

Seriously? I thought there were laws governing this kind of thing.

// bottom line - people don't like paying for things they don't want.

And shouldn't have to.

///for me,having a funeral, followed by med. school dissection, then cremated with ashes put in urn, urn inside a casket and casket in a vault. I've done it all. Want it all done to me.

Great, but I'm sure you can get a better deal on that kind of thing than the rest of us.

Anyone ever see that episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshiat about the death industry? abso-farking-lutely sickening what these shysters do to grieving families.

My Mother passed away last year after a lengthy battle with cancer. Before she became incapacitated she went to the funeral home of her choice and pre-selected the arrangements, then went out to lunch with a sister afterwards.

Very strong woman.

"When I die I don't want no coffin,
"I've thought about it all too often,
Just strap me in behind the wheel
And bury me with my automobile."

/obscure?

I would like my body to be turned into food for people who are starving.

Sincerely,
Robert Thorn

unnaturalcravings: I want to be buried naked except with a Lucha Libre mask and a cape on, with a shotgun by my side.
5 thousand years from now I want archeologists to say WTF??

That is a genius idea, my friend. I practically snorted my coffee up through my nose.

theorellior: Hey, phaedra, I hope we Farkers can give you a chuckle or two as you wind things up. It's the least we can do.

As witnessed above, you seem to be doing a good job of it.

phaedra: Only once. And she absolutely deserved it. It even netted me a "But she's dying, how can she be so mean?" as she walked off. I'd be tempted to it more often if the groveling wasn't so damned amusing.

Well, hell, you don't have to be nice to anyone unless you want to, 'cuz you've got something even more powerful than the race card to bargain with.

Thanks. I think. I never knew what to say when someone told me they were sorry.

Just expressing my sympathy for your situation; no real response is required....just letting you know there's a human being out there who empathises, and wishes you well.

I want to sell my body to science

/recalls Family Guy segment

"...Please dont bury me
Down in that cold cold ground
No, Id druther have em cut me up
And pass me all around
Throw my brain in a hurricane
And the blind can have my eyes
And the deaf can take both of my ears
If they dont mind the size

Give my stomach to milwaukee
If they run out of beer
Put my socks in a cedar box
Just get em out of here
Venus de milo can have my arms
Look out! Ive got your nose
Sell my heart to the junkman
And give my love to rose

Repeat chorus

Give my feet to the footloose
Careless, fancy free
Give my knees to the needy
Dont pull that stuff on me
Hand me down my walking cane
Its a sin to tell a lie
Send my mouth way down south
And kiss my ass goodbye"

/good ole Prine!
//"Ought'nt we bury them fellas, Josey?"
"Buzzard's gotta eat, same as worms"
///I'll be waiting for Jack Straw...

What? No one here wants to be put in a canoe with flaming Tiki torches as the current carries you downstream?

I want my body hickory smoked, smothered in barbeque sauce, and served as the main course at my funeral. Hopefully none of my guests will get Kuru.

Dear Boomers,

I didn't think you chuckleheads could stoop any lower. Please stop exceeding my expectations on exactly how self centered the lot of you are.

Signed,
The people who are following after you in the pipeline.

And who, at the rate you guys are going, will be disposing of your corpses in massive burn pits.

xalres

Anyone ever see that episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshiat about the death industry? abso-farking-lutely sickening what these shysters do to grieving families.

Was thinking the same thing. On a related note, I love that show. I honestly never thought Penn and Teller could be such a font of information. Their skill at making stupid people look stupid is unrivaled.

My old man wants to be wrapped up in a hefty bag and put out on the curb with the dumpster on garbage day.

/would grant his wish if it weren't illegal
//cremation, cuz most folks figure we'll burn anyways ;)#

I don't want a Vikings funeral.
I want a Pacers or Colts funeral, where for months and months there's a buildup about how nice it will be, how i have the talent to host the best funeral in the nation... and then, when everyone gets there, they'll find my corpse in a pine box with bugs eating me.

/nuthin'
//back to the roethlisberger thread

Cremate me and spread my ashes along I-76. Preferably with the windows rolled down at 80Mph.

"When I die I don't want no coffin,
"I've thought about it all too often,
Just strap me in behind the wheel
And bury me with my automobile."

/obscure?

Does anyone actually understand what the word obscure means? Seems like every other time this crap is used, it's for a Simpsons quote. Or a classic movie, like The Breakfast Club or Vacation, or a bestselling book by a bestselling author like Steven King. And now a somg from a Hall of Fame singer and songwriter with a bunch of grammy awards. Obscure would be the opposite of these things.

I'm telling my family to plan a kickass fishing trip, and I'll be the chum

This Viking funeral you all speak of.
Does it include a party boat and a team of footbal players?!

JRHOWARD

Ridiculously expensive is such a subjective term.


I enjoy helping people. I like my job. Do I not deserve to be paid for helping my fellow man.? Is something wrong with me when, what I want out of my job is to hear a family say that I made the arrangements easier to go through? But then again we are treated the same way teachers are, do what you love and enjoy the breadcrumbs.

$6000.00 of a $250,000 life insurance policy is not really that much to pay.

The cremation rate is going up and it is cheaper, and I have no problem following the wishes of the families that wish to go that route. However, I have little sympathy for those that think it should be done for cheaper than an airline flight. (We use lots of gas, too.)

If our firm treated people like the trash many are speaking of here, we would be out of business and likely on trial for derelection of responsiblity.

Could it be that the market allows these prices, it's very different when it's your own. Funeral Homes do well, and should be able to cover their overhead charges.

From the NFDA - median funeral home owner/upper management salary is $60,000, median funeral director $41,719.00, so so so greedy.

Please support locally owned and operated facilities, they generally have lower costs and provide better service.

Why are funerals so expensive?

When compared to other major life cycle events, like births and weddings, funerals are not expensive. A wedding costs at least three times as much; but because it is a happy event, wedding costs are rarely criticized.

A funeral home is a 24-hour, labor-intensive business, with extensive facilities (viewing rooms, chapels, limousines, hearses, etc.), these expenses must be factored into the cost of a funeral.

Moreover, the cost of a funeral includes not only merchandise, like caskets, but the services of a funeral director in making arrangements; filing appropriate forms; dealing with doctors, ministers, florists, newspapers and others; and seeing to all the necessary details.

Contrary to popular belief, funeral homes are largely family-owned with a modest profit margin.

gtv42
I wonder if I can arrange to have little green crackers served at my funeral...

I'm stealing your idea. You owe me a keyboard.

NathanAllan: Your Mother was not only a very strong woman, but also thoughtful. I've often wondered why more people don't do this, and save those left behind the aggravation and the trouble at a time when they are really least able to handle it competently.

Very sorry for your loss.

JTHoward
Does anyone actually understand what the word obscure means? Seems like every other time this crap is used, it's for a Simpsons quote. Or a classic movie, like The Breakfast Club or Vacation, or a bestselling book by a bestselling author like Steven King. And now a somg from a Hall of Fame singer and songwriter with a bunch of grammy awards. Obscure would be the opposite of these things.

Yeah, I know what it means...but just because James Taylor sang it doesn't mean everyone knows it. It's from a 30 year old album that had two hits on it (Handy Man and Your Smiling Face) but unless you OWNED the album and listened to the whole thing, you didn't know this song. If you asked James Taylor self-professed fans to name their top 20 songs of his, this one probably wouldn't be in the mix.

From the "dictionary.com" site, here are the two definitions I would claim as relating to my use of the term obscure for this song

Not readily noticed or seen; inconspicuous: an obscure flaw.

Of undistinguished or humble station or reputation: an obscure poet; an obscure family.

Since this song is NOT instantly or readily identified with this singer (at least never in anyting I have ever read, heard, viewed, etc.) I would say that the use of obscure relates just fine. Go up to a bunch of people on the street, ask them (in this order)
"Who sang the song 'Traffic Jam'?
then when none of 'em know, ask 'em
"Do you know James Taylor the folk singer?"
they'll say yes if they're older than 30, but how many knew he sang the song!

So, yeah, obscure I think kinda covers it...

Burn me to ashes and when someone pisses you off through my ashes in there face. Wohahahaha!

ItchyAss I see nothing wrong with being bigoted against the poor and uneducated. Being poor and uneducated is something you control yourself. So why should I give a flying fark about them? STFU already.

I'd like my body in the casket to be attatched to strings so someone in the rafters can make me dance around like a marionette.

At least let me be buried by a priest in a New Orleans Catholic cemetery. Above ground. With a jazz accompaniment. And bury me in my hottest dress, with my cutest demibra/panties set and put on 3 inch heels on me.

No stockings, s'il vous plait.

No . . . .

I wanna go into eternity wearing an LSU sweatshirt.

Geaux Tigers!

I enjoy helping people. I like my job. Do I not deserve to be paid for helping my fellow man.? Is something wrong with me when, what I want out of my job is to hear a family say that I made the arrangements easier to go through? But then again we are treated the same way teachers are, do what you love and enjoy the breadcrumbs.

That's great, I love my job too, but you were the one listing all you do for so little pay.

$6000.00 of a $250,000 life insurance policy is not really that much to pay.

Well, that just makes it sound like you're trying to take advantage of people with money to spend. The amount of the policy shouldn't have any bearing on what your services cost. And not everyone has insurance. And $6000 is a lot of money to spend on someone that is gone. If that's what they want, and that's what the family wants, that's fine with me, but don't pretend that there is any need for any of these fancy caskets that people often feel obligated to buy.

The cremation rate is going up and it is cheaper, and I have no problem following the wishes of the families that wish to go that route. However, I have little sympathy for those that think it should be done for cheaper than an airline flight. (We use lots of gas, too.)

It's not a complicated process, of course it should be cheaper than an airline flight. The costs are artificially high for what is actually being done. Whether that's because of the process used, or the people providing the service, or the licenses needed, or whatever, it shouldn't cost much to burn something.

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with the market, or with you personally, or any funeral home. It's the entire process that we expect people to be buried with a giant marker and a fancy casket that bugs me. But as long as that is the standard, of course people are going to make money off of it, and that's fine, but don't pretend like you're providing some noble service.