Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(BBC)   Family angry with crematorium staff for refusing to squeeze their fat mother into their small oven   (news.bbc.co.uk) divider line 115
    More: Strange  
•       •       •

11660 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 May 2006 at 11:19 AM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



115 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2006-05-29 08:07:40 AM  
Could be worse - they could have offered to do her after some disassembly...
 
2006-05-29 08:10:28 AM  
They could just dump her in the Thames...
/oh, did they like her? Then they won't dump her.
//Definitly does not look like an eater
 
2006-05-29 08:22:27 AM  
Listen,if you're feeling badly about it.
After we eat your mother, we could dig a hole and you can throw up into it.
/sickest Python skit evar
 
2006-05-29 08:44:58 AM  
She was too big for the oven. What the hell did they expect them to do? It's not a matter of respect, it's a matter of physics and volumes. Yelling at them won't make the oven bigger or your mother smaller.

As an aside, Yo dead momma is so fat, when she died they had to arrange cremation 120 miles away in order to find an oven large enough to accomadate her girth.
 
2006-05-29 08:49:19 AM  
Gilbert Grape.
 
2006-05-29 08:56:23 AM  
Gonna need a bigger funeral pyre.

www.tamu.edu
 
2006-05-29 09:37:34 AM  
Stevil84:
They could just dump her in the Thames...

Last time I checked, Norwich wasn't anywhere near the Thames...mind you, global warming and all of that...
 
2006-05-29 10:14:38 AM  
It's a reference to a Monty Python sketch
 
2006-05-29 11:22:47 AM  
Norwich is near the Chenango....
anyhoo, yeah cut her up into little pieces and cook...err...cremate her a bit at a time, in a light white wine sauce.



//going to hell for sure.
 
2006-05-29 11:23:18 AM  

22 stone X 14 = 308 pounds.


Quick, let's cremate Paris Hilton now before she's too fat to ever get rid of !

 
2006-05-29 11:24:17 AM  
Just tell the family to cut her in half and they can do the 2 halves seperately.
 
2006-05-29 11:24:27 AM  
They couldn't just chop her up?
 
2006-05-29 11:25:12 AM  
Dang it!! JoeCamelToe beat me to it!

/good one though. Great minds think alike.
//or is it Fools never differ?
 
2006-05-29 11:26:13 AM  
What a buncha reverse Nazis.
 
2006-05-29 11:26:18 AM  
Don't they have tree chippers in England? They seemed to work pretty well in Fargo.
 
2006-05-29 11:27:47 AM  
They could just blow her up like they do beached whales!
 
2006-05-29 11:29:06 AM  
static.flickr.com

newsimg.bbc.co.uk

Same person?
 
2006-05-29 11:29:08 AM  
So 22 stone is about what in lbs?

/"How fat was she?"
//Yo mamma's _so_ fat, when she sits around the house, she sits _around_ the house.
///Like "crunchy frog" sketch better
 
2006-05-29 11:29:47 AM  
yes, how insensitive of the crematorium for not simply butchering the old bat before shoving her in, nobody would've noticed!
 
2006-05-29 11:30:21 AM  
They obviously need to put in a dehydrator as the first step to cremation.
 
2006-05-29 11:30:45 AM  
22 stone is 310 pounds / 140 kilos.
 
2006-05-29 11:31:09 AM  
I would say that being measured in stones is a fair indication that your too fat
 
2006-05-29 11:32:48 AM  
Hmmm, am I the only one to think that 310 is indeed big, but not THAT, at least in a "I don't think we'll ever have to cremate somebody that fat" sort of way ?
 
2006-05-29 11:33:30 AM  
Could be worse - they could have offered to do her after some disassembly...

Heh.

It would be like getting angry about an auto mechanic whose garage wasn't big enough to fit your RV.

Stupid people.
 
2006-05-29 11:34:41 AM  
I'm guessing that the crematorium was built in the 1800's and so people weren't that "big" back then.
 
2006-05-29 11:35:07 AM  
Hmmm, am I the only one to think that 310 is indeed big, but not THAT, at least in a "I don't think we'll ever have to cremate somebody that fat" sort of way ?

Depends on how tall she is. If you're 310 pounds but 6 feet tall, you can probably fit into an oven. But what if she were only five-foot-one or something?
 
2006-05-29 11:35:25 AM  
it's not that she's THAT fat

It's that they put her in one of those posh, double wide coffins cause she's so fat.

If they had just shoved her into a normal sized one, it may have fit in the oven,

(why do you use a coffin in a cremation?, why not a bag?)
 
2006-05-29 11:36:18 AM  
Basil: "Oh uh, Austin. I'd like you to meet somebody. This is my mother, Mrs Exposition"
Mother: "How do you do?"
(Austin punches her to the floor)
Vanessa: "Austin!"
Basil: "My God man, what have you done?"
Austin: "That's not your mother. It's a man baby!"
(Austin tries to pull Mrs Exposition's wig off and finds it's real hair)
Austin: "Yah, yah, come on, why..won't..this wig..come off?"
Mother: "Get off my..hair! Ow!"
Basil: "Austin!"
Austin: "Yeah hold on, hold on one second."
Basil: "No, no let go of my mother! Oh! Oh mother! Mother are you alright?"
Austin: "What?"
Vanessa: "Austin have you gone mad?"
Austin: "No!"
Basil: "You have a lot of explaining to do!"
Austin: "I'm sorry Basil. I thought she was a man!"
Basil: "Dammit man you're talking about my mother!"
Austin: "Well you have to admit she is rather mannish!"
Basil: "Austin!"
Austin: "Well no offence but.. if that is a woman it does look like she was beaten with an ugly stick"
 
2006-05-29 11:36:35 AM  
strangeguitar writes:

Listen,if you're feeling badly about it.
After we eat your mother, we could dig a hole and you can throw up into it.
/sickest Python skit evar


I am feeling a bit peckish.

/Classic shiat ;-)
 
2006-05-29 11:38:03 AM  
They should have bought some gasoline and did the job themselves.
 
2006-05-29 11:39:32 AM  
Rann Xerox: I am feeling a bit peckish.

I thought that was from "cheese shop."
 
2006-05-29 11:40:05 AM  
22 stone ??

I farking hate these archaic weights and measure systems.

/ just saying
// weighs 19 bookends and 1 lugnut.
 
2006-05-29 11:43:25 AM  
You just need the right tools.

www.ryobitools.com
 
2006-05-29 11:43:52 AM  
i heard they made north carolina style bar-b-que out of her and had a family pig picking(um i mean mom picking)
 
ACF
2006-05-29 11:44:49 AM  
Fat guy in a little coat. Fat guy in a little coat.
 
2006-05-29 11:45:44 AM  
vegasgurl

"Peckish" is used in the "Cheese Shop" and "Undertaker" sketches.
 
2006-05-29 11:46:26 AM  
i60.photobucket.com
 
2006-05-29 11:46:57 AM  
212.84.179.117

Unavailable for comment.
 
2006-05-29 11:49:14 AM  
Okay, if they were rude to the family, then that's one thing. But if their complaint is based soley on the fact that they couldn't accommodate her, then tough shiat.

People are so frickkin whiney these days.

STFU, you lot. (You know who you are.)
 
2006-05-29 11:49:56 AM  
So far the best option I've seen here is to blow her up like a beached whale. Messy but it would work like a charm.
 
2006-05-29 11:52:39 AM  
You all are sick, SICK!! Of course, chopping her up was the first thing I thought of, too.
 
2006-05-29 11:52:57 AM  
RE:


kyosuke: Gonna need a bigger funeral pyre.


That's not for burning people silly, that's for crushing young freshman corps members.
 
2006-05-29 11:55:14 AM  
Pfffft.

Last week they had a burial-at-sea here and the woman washed up on the beach the following day.

What did the investigation determine....?

"Everything was done according to the proper rules and regulations."

....? Then how'd she end up on the beach with her eyes eaten out by fishies?

/ just askin'
 
2006-05-29 11:55:18 AM  
"I want people to know about what happened to us and that the crematorium owners are not going to do anything about it.

"When people die you expect they must have respect and we're not getting this.


?????????????????

What a biatch! What does she expect them to do, rip out the oven and spend about $20,000 installing a new one for their fat arsed mother?

Maybe she should have worked harder at keeping her mother somewhere below the one ton level.

Of course, the funeral guys could have simply driven the body out somewhere, piled a whole bunch of scrap wood on it and made a bonfire. Then they could scrape up some of the ashes -- wood or bone, who cares -- and given them to her and no one would have known the difference.
 
2006-05-29 11:56:17 AM  
img68.imageshack.us

I hear they got the capacity for a woman of her "girth"

/one way ticket
 
2006-05-29 11:57:18 AM  
Ah, good old entitlement whores.

"We demand you bend the laws of physical space to suit our needs."

This thread needs a
"No! You can't burn your mom here. (funeral pyre) Not yours!"
image.
 
2006-05-29 11:57:30 AM  
This guys has a better idea than using a chainsaw or explosives:

www.hotflick.net
 
2006-05-29 11:58:07 AM  
I don't understand the famiy's complaint. I understand their anguish, but not their anger.

If Mom can't fit in there, she can't fit in there. What's the crematorium supposed to do? Prop her up in the corner and leave her there for a while until she dries up and shrinks a bit?
 
2006-05-29 11:59:10 AM  
That's not for burning people silly, that's for crushing young freshman corps members.

Not just restricted to Corps members; it's also for crushing young freshmen with no engineering skills and the desire to built large, unstable buildings whilst under the influence of alcohol and sleep deprevation.

But let us not split hairs.
 
eno
2006-05-29 12:02:09 PM  
Machtyn

So far the best option I've seen here is to blow her up like a beached whale.

Can you imagine? You'd be scrubbing shards of mom off the walls for weeks. Then what do you do? You'd have a couple hundred buckets of momchunks you'd have to get rid of... you'd be baking all day. And the smell. Have we even tought of that? "Hmm. Is that a potroast?" "No, it's mum. But you give me an idea..."

/I could go on
//but you get the idea
///bored
 
Displayed 50 of 115 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all



This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report