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(CNN)   U.S. House workers, unfamiliar with the sounds of people actually working, mistake air hammer for gunfire   ( divider line
    More: Followup  
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6282 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 May 2006 at 5:31 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

156 Comments     (+0 »)

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2006-05-26 04:17:39 PM  
That is awesome.
2006-05-26 04:21:31 PM  
Great headline submitter.
2006-05-26 04:22:23 PM  
Dang, I was betting it was from a car backfiring.
2006-05-26 04:24:50 PM  
Awesome headline, submitter.

And what do you do? A plumber? What on earth is that?

2006-05-26 04:25:02 PM  
I'm sure legislation will be introduced soon that requires air hammers to have silencers after this.
2006-05-26 04:26:05 PM  
Why do air hammers hate our freedom-loving legislature?
2006-05-26 04:26:45 PM  
Do air hammers have bayonet lugs?
2006-05-26 04:30:21 PM  
Damn. There was supposed to be a picture of the construction worker from the Village People there.

I suck.

2006-05-26 04:49:46 PM  
If they send the Mexicans back, they might just get to know what real work is like.

/not that I know
//I'm just sayin
2006-05-26 05:33:18 PM  
Bravo, submitter
2006-05-26 05:33:38 PM  
2006-05-26 05:33:43 PM  
*golf clap*
2006-05-26 05:34:11 PM  
Kudos submitter. Best headline of the day.

It would be even funnier if it wasn't true.
2006-05-26 05:34:18 PM  
quick1, I second that golf clap.
Boy is that embarassing...
2006-05-26 05:35:06 PM  
Graft doesn't make a sound? I guess i haven't done much dishonest work, either.
2006-05-26 05:35:57 PM  

Right. Because U.S House workers will be the ones giving up their cushy jobs to fill the needed construction positions. Right.
2006-05-26 05:37:16 PM  
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!! so this is what they shut everyting down for?
2006-05-26 05:37:50 PM  
I'm sure every loud noise scares the people on Capitol Hill these days, they're probably surprised there aren't mobs setting up gallows and guillotines on the Steps.
2006-05-26 05:37:59 PM  
probably had to have a mexican explain to them what that strange industrial noise was
2006-05-26 05:38:48 PM  
The only shots in DC near the House today were the ones Patrick Kennedy took before driving back to the Senate.
2006-05-26 05:38:57 PM  
Great farking schnitt. What the fark is wrong with people? Who would report "shots fired" without actually seeing some evidence of shots being fired? Like someone with a gun? Like someone's head exploding? Who hears "bang" and immediately ASSUMES "gunfire" rather than "car backfire" or "fireworks" or "air hammer"?????
2006-05-26 05:40:19 PM  
That's just what they WANT you to think.
2006-05-26 05:41:26 PM  
submitter, please out yourself so that we may thus congratulate you.

That headline will be my one-liner for the next week or so. I applaud thee.
2006-05-26 05:41:26 PM  
Fantastic headline, Submitter! I say best headline of the week!

/Laughing my farking arse off.
2006-05-26 05:42:50 PM  
Definitely one of the best headlines I've seen.
2006-05-26 05:43:54 PM  
Oh man, can you imagine the orgasms conspiracy theorists are having right now?

"... So, naturally, the GOVERNMENT claims it was AN AIR HAMMER!!!" (insert blinking text and hundreds of images as necessary)

/btw, how's the Atlantic tsunami coming along?
2006-05-26 05:44:11 PM  
2006-05-26 05:45:23 PM  
NewportBarGuy: Do air hammers have bayonet lugs?

No, but they do have the deadly 'conspicuously protruding pistol grip' and 'detachable magazine capable of holding more than ten nails'.
2006-05-26 05:45:24 PM  
I also add my kudos to submitter!

Gawd, a WHOLE office building full of morons.

So basically you don't need a brain to work for the government.
2006-05-26 05:46:33 PM  
Well, at least SOME time wasn't spent on creating new, pork-barrel legislation.
2006-05-26 05:47:15 PM  
One of them actually had a panic attack thinking about working.

\good job smitty
2006-05-26 05:48:28 PM  
Prude_Hawkeye: submitter, please out yourself so that we may thus congratulate you.

Submitter here..

It's almost 10:00pm here in Iceland, it's still daylight out, and I've got a VERY nice buzz working right now.

Thanks for the kudos on the headline!

/back to beer..
2006-05-26 05:49:44 PM  

i could've evacuated the whole city with my wailin' air guitar
2006-05-26 05:50:26 PM  
Operation Distraction update:

Mission accomplished
2006-05-26 05:50:45 PM  
Sadly this headline is accurate in all regards.

Yet they "fight for the american people, because they know what hardwork is all about".
2006-05-26 05:50:59 PM  
Moreover, the phrase "air hammer" conjures a picture in the mind of a capitol hill worker that looks kind of like this:

[image from too old to be available]
2006-05-26 05:51:01 PM  
Who hears "bang" and immediately ASSUMES "gunfire" rather than "car backfire" or "fireworks" or "air hammer"?????

Same people who lock their car doors if they see a black person walking down the street.
2006-05-26 05:51:28 PM  
That's probably the best headline in the history of Farkdom.
2006-05-26 05:53:13 PM  
Darn...I was hoping someone finally decided to fix what's wrong with the government...
2006-05-26 05:53:56 PM  
How many millions of dollars will this investigation, inquiry, think tank hours, new committee meetings, hearings, more govment employees, cost?

Maybe it would be a good idea to go into the capitol and pop a paper bag. Create more jobs for the mexicans.
2006-05-26 05:56:05 PM  
They just wanted the day off to get a longer weekend, duh.
2006-05-26 05:56:33 PM  

Same people who lock their car doors if they see a black person walking down the street.

wait, you mean not everyone does that?
2006-05-26 05:56:55 PM  
fear, fear, FEAR!
2006-05-26 05:57:15 PM  
None of them know what work sounds like. Most of them apparently don't know what gun fire sounds like either.
2006-05-26 05:57:33 PM  
The "worker" who reported the shots is Republican Representative Jim Saxton of New Jersey..send him the bill.
2006-05-26 05:57:43 PM  
They probably passed landmark legislation while everyone was running away from osama...anthrax...sniper...random gunfire. (pick one, no you can't pick, not yours)
2006-05-26 05:59:02 PM  
Again, another pathetic tale about the readiness and efficiency of the State's security forces.

One would assume that the US House was one of the most heavily protected, constantly surveilled [is that verb?], carefully patrolled places in the USA during this nation's mighty Global War on Terrorism.

Yet it took hours to figure out there was no gunman, no shots were fired, and a jackhammer made a noise.

Other than intimidating ordinary people and scaring the shcitt out of everyone, Homeland Security is a farce.

Are you feeling safe yet, citizen?

[image from too old to be available]

Code Blackwatch Plaid!!
2006-05-26 06:00:51 PM  
Dick Cheney?
2006-05-26 06:00:53 PM  
Did someone say "hammertime"???

[image from too old to be available]
2006-05-26 06:01:27 PM  
I (heart) Tabatha Static.
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