This is perfect for when I put a lil' Cap'n in my wife.

strangeguitar:
This is perfect for when I put a lil' Cap'n in my wife.

Better that than Mount Gay.

i read that as Dom Roark

/no life

If I wasn't lazy, and had even the smallest amount of Photoshop skill, I'd PS hoards into the title of a warcraft game.

Damn you, Submitter! I actually had to click on the link to find out what "Tesco" was, and I'm still not completely sure. Is it a store?

Wow, nice engrish. asboe'd??

mmmm mount gay.. i can almost taste the AIDS

"hordes"

that is all

ENGLISH motherfarker, do you SPEAK IT?!

I know you Brits invented the farking language. Forgive me when I ask this, but is it me, or do any other English speaking people on Fark not have a clue what this article is saying?

Contraceptive? I thought alcohol caused pregnancies? That was my niece's excuse.

/liquid panty remover, right?

Well, judging by the number of people that posted the same thing while I was typing the Weeners... I guess I'm not alone. Thank God...

do people actually talk like this in england?

On second thought, the first line in TFA is a masterpiece.

... partake of the Caribbean's finest rumpy-pumpy fuel.

Well, there's my new nickname for rhum !

What are the 12-year-old mothers hoarding?

Arrr! I'm hoarding treasure chests full of 12 year old mothers!

FTA: asboed-up, bowed-legged chavettes, paaand, rumpy-pumpy

/My universal translator is broken, apparently.

(Scene: a wartime RAF station)

Jones: Morning, Squadron Leader.
Idle: What-ho, Squiffy.
Jones: How was it?
Idle: Top-hole. Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father; hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie.
Jones: Er, I'm afraid I don't quite follow you, Squadron Leader.
Idle: It's perfectly ordinary banter, Squiffy. Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father; hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie.
Jones: No, I'm just not understanding banter at all well today. Give us it slower.
Idle: Banter's not the same if you say it slower, Squiffy.
Jones: Hold on then -- Wingco!-- just bend an ear to the Squadron Leader's banter for a sec, would you?
Chapman: Can do.
Jones: Jolly good. Fire away.
Idle: Bally Jerry... (he goes through it all again)
Chapman: No, I don't understand that banter at all.
Idle: Something up with my banter, chaps?

From TFA:Our informant Simon Murton notes that this "doesn't always work straight away - if you click on 'my favourites' on the left side then do a main search it shows up. Usually!!!" We should add that you have to be a signed-up online customer to avail yourself of this offer.

Uhhh... doesn't that mean that the Rum's only showing up because you've bought a bunch of rum (or rum-type products) before? Like how after buying Fulci's "Zombie" from Amazon, now every damn search I do returns more zombie movies?

Seems to me if it doesn't work for someone who's not logged in, and who doesn't have an established purchisng pattern, then it just simply doesn't work? - Meaning the TFA is just making stuff up?

"The government's main weapon against yobbery is the ASBO. An acronym for "anti-social behavior order," it is a civil order obtained from a court that prohibits a person from engaging in certain narrowly defined activities that are not necessarily criminal but are clearly anti-social.

A neighbor who habitually throws loud drunken parties might be slapped with an ASBO that sharply curtails the number of guests allowed on the premises after 9 p.m. People who violate an ASBO can be jailed. "

Now we just have to find out what "yobbery" is.
/enjoying this thread way too much

Are they developing a new language over there?

Ahhh.... americans.... got nothin'

Tescoe Vee late of the meat men?

I have no idea why I could understand this entire article. I think I may have a tumor.

Aye, the King's English has obviously been bastardized since they haven't had one for a while.

Women, sheesh! Put a crown on their head and they think they're the bloody queen.

/Checks door for MI-6
//Checks windows for SAS
///Will Mission Impossible - 6 have to do with British intelligence?
////slashy trolly fun...

I hoard 12 year old mothers.

OneHotBiscuit: Damn you, Submitter! I actually had to click on the link to find out what "Tesco" was, and I'm still not completely sure. Is it a store?

Supermarket. Not quite as cheap and nasty as Asda, but close (Asda are owned by Wal-Mart, if that helps give you some frame of reference).



Robokev: FTA: asboed-up, bowed-legged chavettes, paaand, rumpy-pumpy

/My universal translator is broken, apparently.

Asboed-up - ASBO is Anti-Social Behaviour Order, figure the rest for yourself

bowed-legged chavettes - 'Chav' would be commonly used like "drunk chav scum" or "thieving chav wanker". bow-legged... well it's an article about teenage pregnancy, you figure it out ;)

paaaad - £ pound, in a vile urban accent (see 'chav')

rumpy-pumpy - sex

I've been hoarding hordes of whores.

/arrrrrrr!

asboed-up 15-year-old boyfs: boyfriend with an Anti-Social Behaviour Order (going for the trifecta?)

paaand shops: pound shops (dollar stores?) pronounced in a South London/Estuary English accent - the language of the Chav

rumpy-pumpy: sex

Chavette: female poor white trash

Chardonney: Common Chav child name, who think it's dead classy because it's like wine and stuff.

godofusa.com: mmmm mount gay.. i can almost taste the AIDS

Thankfully heterosexuals never get AIDS. Eejit.

For the Hoarde!!!

Love the term Chav. Does it stand for Council housed and Violent in your neck of the woods?

elendilmir: Love the term Chav. Does it stand for Council housed and Violent in your neck of the woods?

I think that's a backronym, apt though it is

/anyone wondering why the article is full of brit colloquialism - the vultures at El Reg do it deliberately, much like the Rockall Times

i am curious, does one pronouce chav as

1) tchAHv
2) shAHv
3) tchAv
4) shAv
5) other variant

glomund
Option 3, assuming I'm reading that right and you mean something like the sound from the end of watch and an 'a' like in plastic.

Hah, hah, hah - he rogered the boobly.

I understodd the article, and chuckled a bit.

It appeared to be (or at least my interpretation of it was) a parody of the young 12-15 year old dialect, which as I get older, and in a different, english-speaking country, I find myself understanding less and less of.

I think that sentence could have used less commas.

English is my second language, my first being Caveman.

"Oh my God... I'm a Chav!"

SmartArse: I know you Brits invented the farking language. Forgive me when I ask this, but is it me, or do any other English speaking people on Fark not have a clue what this article is saying?

Here beginneth today's lesson:

There is a growing distain in some parts of the media for the youth in Britain today, and part of the way this article was written is a parody of this phemonenon.

The phrase sink estate can relate to an area of social housing where the government palm off the poor and socially excluded. Over time these areas become continually deprived with the view that the people have no hope for successful social mobility.

The term asboed-up refers to a person who has "achieved" an Anti-Social Behaviour Order, carrying it around like a prize.

The use of the term boyfs is criticism of the language barriers caused by "text speak", the abbreviated form of language used in mobile phone text messaging much used by the berated youth of today.

Bowed-legged chavettes refers to female chavs who have had an extensive number of sexual partners at a young age.

Paaand is a further parody on the language barrier, typically referring to the way in which a working-class person from south east England might pronounce the word for our currency. Pound shops are the much berated stores in which most if not all of the stock costs just one whole unit of our currency.

Gold clown necklaces and glitter scrunchies are stereotypical attire of the chav. There was a similar internet story some time ago which showed how the much-berated UK catalogue store Argos produced a range of similarly tacky jewellery upon entering the word chav into its' online product search engine.

Caribbean's finest rumpy-pumpy fuel refers to the said bottle of rum in the search results, with rumpy-pumpy as a slang reference for sex.

GP refers to General Practitioner, a term for Family Physician.

The social refers to the Social Security Office, a somewhat outdated name for a welfare centre. These places are stereotypically used on a frequent basis for the lower-classes to secure the funding of their subsistence.

Little Chardonney (sic) refers to the sudden sharp rise in babies being named Chardonnay, particularly by the lower-classes. This phenomenon is seen to have come about for two main reasons. Firstly the rise in bling culture, with continuous references to expensive champagne being made in popular culture. Secondly, the popular television show Footballers' Wives featured a young female character with said name, aptly given in retrospect due to her lower-working-class status being catapulted into a world of big money.

The reference to the Daily Mail rounds off the implications of media distain for the youth, as this daily newspaper is a bastian of Middle England right-wing aggrievement with its' unabating social commentary of those who are believed to be bringing down the country.

Here endeth the lesson for today.

BenR

nice, that was what i had figured... chav on you crazy asbos

labman:
The sony USB link at the bottom of the page was far more amusing.

/plug & play?

Here ya go Farkers, I Americanized it.

Wal-Mart offers bourbon with Trojans

Teen pregnancy explosion explained

Anyone wondering why the US's trailer parks are full of 12-year-olds pushing baby carriages while their redneck boyfriends spray paint there names on overpasses, should look no further than to Walmart.com's website for the shocking answer.

Insert pic of bourbon and Trojans

That's right, even those white trash mommy machines, who'd rather spend their time browsing dolla stores for confederate flag bandanas and Lady Clairol than shopping for Pampers- and have accordingly elected to do the responsible thing- are invited instead to partake of Kentucky's finest ugly-bumper fuel.

After half a bottle of that, it's either back to the free clinic for RU42 or down to the welfare office to add little Crystal to the CCI roster. We have forwarded our report to the man.