on the juice

I'm flattered but taken. If there's an open bar though, maybe we can talk.

RedEyedWings

That was the finest example of free-verse flame that I think I've ever seen.

I'll see what I can do...maybe the ex footballplayer who is tending bar can hook us up.

/I keed

Language Barrier

Oh before you comment, I will add that the 10,000 head farm, was family owned.

Ok, i'm gone for the day. Enjoy playing with Language Barrier, guys. See if you can get him to post something in mostly/all caps, or to talk about how many hot girls he sleeps with. Either of these is worth a beer from me at a Boston Fark party.

Language Barrier,

Read your bio. You know, I would believe you farked your friend's mother, since you're just the kind of guy that would go there, but then again I really have trouble imagining you've actually ever had a friend.

Troll on you crazy lil' kobold, you. Troll on.

I know one of the guys that own all of the Pizza Huts in Northern California. Do I win?

Language Barrier:

In my defence, "lawyer," my family's farm celebrated its bicentennial three years ago.

So not only is my cock miles longer than yours, and thicker to boot, my family's farm is older, too.

STFU and go spend your lawyers salary on something you don't need so it will make you feel better about your life.

I give up. You guys believe what you want about each other, I'm done with this thread. Thanks for the laughs.

since this thread is turning very MUCH into high school, how about we all sit at that table over there and whisper and point and laugh uproariously at Language Barrier as he walks past us.

I dare RedEyed to stick something on the back of his jersey.

LanguageBarrier...I have to agree. You are way insecure. Anyone who goes around saying "I can do what you can do but you can do what I do" has some serious issues. Have you had your medication levels checked lately? Might want to look into that...

And oh yes, LanguageBarrier...this is one band fag who would love to see you show up at a fark party. You'd walk out with my bassoon where the sun doesn't shine.

/might think you're all that and a bag of chips with your supposed ranch and great job, but can you play 8 different musical instruments? I can. Talent has beaten you this time, asshat!

What do you get when you cross a 'dumb jock' and a 'band fag'?

dumb jock band fag sin theta.

/Math nerds FTW!

So that includes the firefighter who said basically the same thing to me right?

/just askin

You are not "just askin." You are beating us up with how you are all that. Get over yourself and get back to work.

/does anyone know where this guy works? Can we call his boss?

FarkingBabs - maybe he should check out your 1st quote and take a moment to ponder.

you know he's just going to call up his super-cool-way-better-than-anyone-else-even-though-he's-never met-any-of-us-friends to have a beer of some amazing brand and tell all of this brilliant ranch owner and lawyer friends how he just PNWED all these band geeks on the internet for a full afternoon.

I don't think I'd be happy knowing my lawyer was jacking-off on the internet all day and not working. Oh, wait - you can do both at the same time.
My god, man - you CAN do no wrong.
Will you have sex with me? Me and FarkingBabs at the same time? We're so amazingly not worthy of your big penis though... but we promise to wear the obligatory bag over our head. Pllleeaaaassseeee?

Language Barrier: Hey boss! Come see how pissed off I made all these band fags!

Language Barrier's Boss: Haha, they're totally upset! Nice work Johnson.

Language Barrier: Best four hours of my life.

Language Barrier's Boss: Now suck my cock.

Language Barrier: Yes sir!

All the ways I wanted (past tense) to torture those who tormented me in high school would simply get me arrested and imprisoned if I were caught. Reality can in no way compare to the myriad ways I can destroy the tormentors in my mind, because in my head I can do it again and again and again. And that's even prior to imagining the death part.

HumTum just has a need to viscerally justify his success, which in the long run won't really mean that much to his former bully, since the guy seems to have his own fish to fry. If HumTum wants my respect for his petty vengeance, he needs to hire a hit man to kidnap the guy, tie him up in duct tape and then smash every toe with a ball peen hammer while he sits behind one way glass, only to divulge his identity right before the bully feels the sweet sting of death as lye is injected into his carotid artery.

Since I do fear incarceration by authority figures, I keep all this in my head, because The Man can't arrest me yet for my pre-Geneva torturous ideas that go through my head.

LanguageBarrier...good, then your boss knows that you are a pompous, arrogant asshat who really does have no talent. You only think he's laughing at me. He's really laughing at you, figuring out how good your head is going to look on his wall and wondering why he's wasting your salary when he could just give the janitor a raise and get just as good an employee.

But trust me, Fark party or no Fark party, my bassoon is ready for you.

Of course, I'd have to accept that if you did have the balls to show up to a Fark party, you'd probably be drawn and quartered in the parking lot.

/laughing because you have absolutely no comeback to my musical talent...your supposed lawyerly talent can be learned, but musical talent is innate (that means some folks are born with it and some--like you--aren't!)

LB - the mind BOGGLES at your whit.

arg - 'wit'.

where is that creative writing degree when i need it? or the english degree.

My reunion will be fun, even if it is 7 years away.

Especially since I found out one of the girls I hung out with is now in porno.

/Jessica Jammer, if anyone cares
//slashy slashy

Language Barrier:

I'm sure you're the biggest-dicked Canadian squash farmer in the world. Congratulations.

Thanks. If I was a securities lawyer, I'd still have a bigger dick than you. Thankfully, I'm not. Not however, am I a squash farmer, at least not right now. Though I'd still rather be a big-dicked squash farmer than an insecure, socially repulsive lawyer who enjoys ruining good fun for nice people on an internet.

And btw, I'm oh-so-impressed that your family has documents signed by someone I don't care about and land patents that don't matter a half-a-shiat to me and blah blah blah ... but really, I'm through with you.

It'd be a lot of fun, and a great release, to eviscerate you some more, but there's plenty of good Farkers waiting in line and some of us have jobs we aren't lying about to get back to.

/aren't you full, troll?

Quackedtheduck: Could someone post their penis length so we can hear Language Barrier say his is bigger.

About as long as LB's dumb posts.

Ha! Now you can't win! If you try and out-size me, mine just grows along with it.

Language Barrier: Nothing better than a typo in an insult to make you look smarter than the person you're insulting.

and you go on a tirade abotu how awesome you are, how much of a liar and sopulless

Brilliant.

Actually, language barrier, you are being told off by someone who plays the flute, piccolo, oboe, english horn, bassoon, contrabassoon, clarinet and bass clarinet. Anyone of those takes way more talent than your precious, supposed career.

BTW, HAVE you had those medication levels checked lately? If not, you really, really should get on that.

Hey, language barrier...you really must be behind a language barrier. Could you please define:

abotu
sopulless

for me?

/people who live in glass houses really shouldn't be in possession of stones

machoprogrammer: The Computer Science nerds will probably pick on you.

No, no. IT is punishment enough for the poor lad. I'd offer my condolences and offer to buy him a cheap bottle of jack.

Language Barrier
Get a life people.

Where's the IRONIC tag when you need it?

Language Barrier:

You see, this response by you is what makes you the most insecure person here. I'm laughing about all of this, and you go on a tirade abotu how awesome you are, how much of a liar and sopulless human I am, and storm out.

What did I say about how awesome I am?

I said my dick is bigger than yours, and then you awkwardly agreed. Like I would ever let your greasy, ass-grab-in-the-huddle, washed-up-jock with hands-of-stone near my member.

I didn't talk about how awesome I am, I just insulted you. Repeatedly. With a smile on my face and my dick in your girlfriend/mama's mouth. (They take turns).

I don't farm for a living. I write for a living. I'm not awesome. But neither are you, by any means, so that's okay.

Nor am I insecure at all sir, just having some fun with a dumbass securities lawyer from the heart of Texas who brags about his salary like it equates to his dick size and even has a family ranch just to complete the white-trash cliche.

What I'd do ... if I were you ... is realize that you got your back initially up because you misinterpreted a headline that everybody else understood and then chose to argue about it for more than four hours on the Internet. Then I'd wonder why I did that and realize that it was because I was insecure, about my life, my job, my worth as a human being. I'd reconsider my choice to make fun of firefighters, some of the bravest civil servants we have. I'd realize that I'd wet my pants and call them if my tricked out double-wide ever went up in flames. I'd wonder why, if I loved my job so much that it was the first thing I mentioned in Internet arguments, I chose to spend my day ignoring it in favour of insuting Internet blather. I'd wonder why I didn't have anything better to do.

Finally, after doing all that, I'd conclude that my self-worth was likely in the negative, and I'd go looking for a handgun, which is probably under the floorboards of whatever kind of (American) pickup truck my ranchin' Pa bought me when I finally got into law school.

Then I'd shoot myself, and die realizing that everybody on Fark hated me.

But that's just what I'd do, if I was you. Thankfully, I'm me, and I can just enjoy the fact that I'm not, in fact, you. Everybody on this thread can and should do this. And smile everybody, it's not often you find someone on the Internet that everybody agrees is an idiot.

RedEyedWings

I thought you meant his girlfriend was his mama.

oh ... mercy .. that was fun ... i gotta go. real job does beckon.

have at him, everyone. it's like the Fark version of fish in a barrel.

RedEyedWings...brilliant, positively brilliant. If *I* were him, though, before I shot myself, I'd stick my head in the toilet and flush it. *THEN* I'd shoot myself.

But that's just me.

/Think he'll leave his truck to Cletus and Britney?

I'll have to say, this thread has been comedy gold.....

In hindsight, best match I ever struck...

I'm outta here......

I'm going to take a shot in the dark. The writer of the article is one of these subhuman, happy conformist dolts who actually, genuinely thought high school was the best 4 years of her life - and all the movies making cartoony, 2D stereotypes out of this and that highschool "group" are a reflection of real life.

But you can get paid for writing columns that belong in an elementary school newspaper.

Yet I'm not the one trying to tell people how much smarter I am than them.

2006-05-17 03:57:42 PM Language Barrier

...What I do takes more school, plus a few years experience. Anyone with a strong back can climb stairs and point a fire hose. I could do what you do. You cannot do what I do.

To paraphrase Shakespeare, Me thinks the little lady with the twisted cotton Gucci panties doeth protest too much.

I love you all. Hard. In the face.

Sorry, but if some ex-jock is still the same narrow-minded retarded dipshiat I knew in High School, his only place is to bag my groceries.

/or wash my car

TryinToThink,

If you're still reading. Sorry, I was out for a bit.

Believe me, I am proud to be a firefighter. I had to work hard to get where I am. There was a lot of personal sacrifices that I had to make to achieve my goals, but everything worked out for me in the end and I couldn't be happier to be where I am.

What got me PO'ed was the fact that some goofball comes in here with an account - what is it - 6 days old...and blabbing on about how he makes $125K (or more appearently) a year being some desk jockey. I already know I couldn't do his job (nor would I want to), but I just let my temper get the better of me...

I should've known better. I already know that not every person can do this job...but I got sucked into the ensuing flame war against Language Barrier and probably made myself look stupid (That being said, I'm still a rookie...haha).

I realize that it's easy to hide behind a keyboard...hell, I could claim to jump over tall buildings in a single bound and make a million a year for doing it and then defend it all day if I wanted to...and in the end, it's still just as stupid as it was when started.

Believe me, I am beyond proud to be a firefighter. There's nothing more I want to do with my life than be a firefighter. I've found my true calling and hopefully I can do it until the day that I die.

I'm not generally a total asshole (contrary to what was proven here a wee bit this evening)...So, to any of the other firefighters on Fark who are reading, my apologies. Hopefully I can write it off as a rookie mistake and learn to keep my feet out of my mouth in the future.

/Please don't throw coffee grinds in my freshly cleaned bathroom

//Or make me dress up in a Haz mat suit and go get coffee for the crew

///Or whatever other pranks that get played on the rookies

(Yes, the first two happened)

What got me PO'ed was the fact that some goofball comes in here with an account - what is it - 6 days old...and blabbing on about how he makes $125K (or more appearently) a year being some desk jockey. I already know I couldn't do his job (nor would I want to)

Remember, it was some "desk jockey" that designed your breathing apparatus, stronger helmet, lighter equipment, etc. We might not be able to do what you do but a lot of us bust our asses to make it easier and safer for you to do what you do.

GCD...you have nothing to apologize for. That feeb, LanguageBarrier, will hopefully just go away. We all respect and admire you for the job you do. I couldn't do your job, nor would I want to, but I do have tremendous respect for people like you who have found their life's calling in firefighting. I think we Farkers took good care of idiot child and, IMHO, that speaks to the respect we have for firefighters.

But please, if LanguageBarrier does die in a fire, would you guys just let him burn? Please?

/sux about the pranks they played on you--that HazMat suit and coffee thing is a hoot, though! :)

MayoBoy,

Not necessarily. A lot of the inventions within the fire service have been created, tweaked, modified, etc. etc., etc. by people IN the fire service.

A LOT of people I've had the pleasure of meeting are super-talented and creative individuals...and it's those individuals who have made the fire service what it is today instead of still running a bucket line.

I'm not saying that a "desk jockey" didn't have a hand in it, but chances are, it was after the initial design was created by a firefighter...Who knows what works better than the guy at the front line, actually fighting a fire?

There's nothing wrong with desk jockies. I used to be one myself (see profile). It just wasn't the career for me though. If that's your calling though, all the power to ya.

GCD

You're young and excited about your career and that's great but take a piece of advice from someone who's been around the block a time or two.

Lose the superiority complex.

You don't know who's on the other ends of the internets and don't want to turn into Language Barrier.

This is the first thing I've had green-lit in 6 months.... good to see it got a lot of comments.

/submitter
//it's the little things that keep me going

MayoBoy,

My apologies. There's definitely not a "superiority complex" there, but re-reading some of my posts, I can see how easily it could be mistaken for one.

My biggest pet peeve is people saying "I could do your job." I usually just want to throttle them when they say it...and I've heard it way too many times already.

That's why my profile has the poem in there called "I Wish You Could". If you haven't read it already, please do.

It sums up what it is to be a firefighter a lot better than I have been doing.

My biggest pet peeve is people saying "I could do your job." I usually just want to throttle them when they say it...and I've heard it way too many times already.

Sorry, I guess I should elaborate a bit here:

The "I could do your job" comment drives me batshiat crazy. Quite simply put, the answer is "No, you couldn't."

The same way I couldn't do your job of being a lawyer, or a doctor or an electrician, the farking Zamboni driver, or whatever the fark it is you do.

Every job has its own unique challenges and some people are better suited to do them than others.

Me, I couldn't do an office job. Sure, 9-5 hours would be lovely, but I'd probably go postal quickly.

You, you have your 9-5 job. But if you like to eat and sleep on a regular basis, firefighting isn't for you. There's nothing like getting a meal out of the oven and being called off for an incident. Murphy's Law at its finest. Then you have the wonderful 3am alarm that could wake the dead...

To me, it's more a respect thing than anything. You're a lawyer, great...where's your business card? I may need your services some day.

I'm a firefighter and (God forbid) you may need my services some day...

I would go to my reunion, if only to laugh at, and disparage all the townies who grew up in my little suburban Boston town--who thought they were the shiat. I've perfected my Boston accent, so I'd have a blast with them: "HOW AAAAAAAH YO!?"

But I'm too apathetic. And why spend even an hour's time with them?

I missed my 5th and 10th year HS reunions. Was sort of interested, but was out of town both times for family stuff (not a big surprise given that it was the day after Thanksgiving). At least two guys from my high school class are currently selling hot dogs at Fenway Park (one jock, one nerd for those keeping score).
I went to my 5th year college reunion. I told this one jerk off after he started acting out, which was fun. Sadly, I found that I didn't miss as many people as I thought I would. As has been pointed out, most of the attendees were pretty self-absorbed.

I'm confused. Language Barrier seems to be bragging about having the best of both worlds by being a jock and being a lawyer or something.

LB, you'd do well to remember that all lawyers are good for is fast talking and nitpicking and get paid well to do it. Otherwise, zero purpose, doing as much for the good of mankind as the armchair QB Uncle Rico lookalike.

You have a law degree, but there are plenty of people with degrees working in gas stations.

/I'm the only one in my graduating class who made a prosecutor start whining like a toddler. And I'm an ITT dropout.
//Seriously, why go to school when they don't teach you anything new? I learned more under internships.
///LB was a tight end. But I changed that real fast. He's all yours, BearToy.