"These lips were BORN to syphon oil out of the ground."

"Tomorrow, I get to poop again!"

/one grillion points for the obscure reference

"Grrrrrrrrrrrr"

Just a goddamn piece of paper...heh...that was a good one.

"Farking morons."

"I may only be vice president of the US, but I'm president of Smirking Assholes of America."

Post all the bullshiat about me on the Internets you want. I'm still the farking man.

"Execute Order 66."

BOOM! Headshot!

Yeah, I crapped my pants, and there is nothing the American public can do about it...BANG! Haha, you thought I shot you in the face didn't you. Well, I didn't, but I very well could have. I am the VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. That means I pretty much control the whole country or even the whole world. I am probably the most powerful and coolest man in the world. Nothing can stop me. Nothing.

If you had my unit, you'd smirk too...

Yeah, I did her. Twice.

"Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!"

I wonder if they can see my labotomy scar...

"Oh God... I shouldn't have had that spicy burrito. Ok that does it, i'm doubling the border patrol. Muwahahahaha"

"Colbert thinks he's sooooo funny. Time to invite him on a 'hunting trip.' Bwahahahaha! Bwahahahahahaha!"

"It really IS warm when you pee in your undies..."

"Want a jelly baby?"

"My left eye currently feels lazier than the American populace..."

Do you smell that? That's the sweet scent of evil!

Whoa! haven't made THAT smell before...

Life's so much better since I installed that hidden web-cam in my daughter's bedroom

"I like that editorial you wrote. Wanna go quail hunting this weekend? moo-ha-ha. MOOOO-HAA-HAAA=HAAA-HAAAAA!"

I own everything!

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.

"I've got nothing"

This new robotic eye is working perfectly. If only they could give me a cybernetic smirk...

All your base are belong to us.

"What's up with my crazy eyebrow?!"

Look into my eye!

"I am happy racoon and this is my merry tribe. We shall make life better for all the creatures in the forest. My brain is made of jello and Mr Rogers is my idol. Now if you excuse me, the happy men in white jackets are about to pin me down again."

"Man, that Katherine McPhee is one hot broad!"

Suckers!

I'M NOT WEARING PANTS

...and the American public shall never know...

Im bigger than my name leads you to believe...

"Guess where my hands are..."

Pull my finger.

Heeeyyyy, Baybee!! Come on down to my secure, undisclosed location and let's have some fun!

"Those wiseasses at Fark will be laughing in Gitmo once I make this call to the NSA..."

"I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance."

Can you smell what the Cheney is cooking?

I shot him on purpose, but yoooooooooooou'll never bring me to justice.