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(Scotsman)   Someone in Scotland makes an emergency call every 32 seconds. One in six of those calls is for a real emergency. The rest are from people who need help getting their budgie back in its cage, or their dictionary off the roof of their house   ( divider line
    More: Asinine  
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4701 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 May 2006 at 10:20 AM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

43 Comments     (+0 »)
2006-05-08 07:35:27 AM  
Someone in Scotland makes an emergency call every 32 seconds

I didn't do it.
2006-05-08 09:13:43 AM  
I think we all know when all those 911 calls are made.
2006-05-08 10:21:47 AM  
Oprah's crotch sought in questioning...
2006-05-08 10:24:52 AM  
It's them dammed wild Haggis.
2006-05-08 10:31:52 AM  
I would think there would be more calls in winter for emergency kilt sealers to prevent the backdraft.
2006-05-08 10:32:05 AM  
What if there's a Piper down?
2006-05-08 10:36:46 AM  
If she is good looking I will put my budgie in her cage.
2006-05-08 10:37:59 AM  

[image from too old to be available]

2006-05-08 10:38:47 AM  
I was witness to a 911 call in suburban Austin, Texas some years back. It was at a wedding reception. The mother of the bride was frantic because the guests were arriving at the reception hall and the hall's bar was still locked up. The reception hall in question was owned by the local fire department and was, in fact, adjacent to the fire hall. This was a Sunday afternoon, however, and there was no one to be found at the station, or in the office, or at the home of the person with whom she had arranged the rental.

So when you're in Texas in a hall owned by the local fire department and can't find someone, what do you do? You guessed it. She called 911. I just stood there. It was like watching a car wreck. You know you can prevent it if you just reach over and grab the wheel, but something stops you. I heard her entire side of the conversation as she explained her predicament, getting more and more frantic. At one point the person at the other end of the line must have attempted to chastise her by saying something like, "Ma'am, 911 is for Emergencies ONLY..." to which the mother of the bride screamed, "This IS an emergency! I have 250 people here and NO BEER!!!!"

God, I love telling that story.
2006-05-08 10:44:35 AM  
Help! I'm in Scotland.
2006-05-08 10:47:38 AM  
Having worked in a 911 call center, I can say that it is very true. My favorites:

I'm lost! (on a cell phone)
My neighbor's grass is too long.
I missed my court date today and do not want to get arrested.
Do I have any warrants? (I'm unable to give that information out over the phone, ma'am, but would you like a deputy to stop by and tell you?)
2006-05-08 10:49:39 AM  
this is the problem with scotland over other european lands.

if you go to germany and someone talks to you in their native language, you can always ask if they speak english.

if you go to scotland and someone talks to you in their native tongue, you can't exactly ask them to MUMBLE in English.
2006-05-08 10:50:43 AM  
Someone in Scotland makes an emergency call every 32 seconds.

And that person is in BIG trouble when they find out who he is!
2006-05-08 10:54:02 AM  
HOOT mon, where's me head...!?!?

/ obscure?
2006-05-08 10:54:39 AM  
does anyone else laugh a little too hard at the word "budgie"?
2006-05-08 10:55:57 AM  
Well-known as cheapskates frugal, the Scots see 999 as sort of a free handyman service.
2006-05-08 11:04:17 AM  
Someone in Scotland makes an emergency call every 32 seconds.

They haven't caught the guy yet?
2006-05-08 11:11:58 AM  
TheSignPost: HOOT mon, where's me head...!?!?

Nope not obscure, Blackadder II, Shorty Greasy Spot Spot's Mary Queen of Scots impression.

/I shall wreak my rewengy!
2006-05-08 11:16:10 AM  
people who need help getting their budgie back in its cage, or their dictionary off the roof of their house

Lord knows a dictionary ain't coming back down on its own!
2006-05-08 11:19:29 AM  
Sounds like the way things have been in DC. People call 911 all the time to ask for tips on treating small cuts, headaches, etc.
2006-05-08 11:21:04 AM  
...that's because for real emergencies, Scots use this:

[image from too old to be available]
2006-05-08 11:29:57 AM  
Last thursday I was at a rail crossing, and the bars were down and the lights were flashing; like if a train was comming.

After sitting there for 2 minutes, I realised... there was no train comming. I looked left and right, and there wasn't a train on the tracks, so I weaved my way through it, hoping I wasn't going to darwin myself (actually I'm super depressed and 50% suicidal, so I really wouldn't have minded anyways, but that's besides the point).

After I got through, I considered calling 911 to tell them that the crossing is malfunctioning and that someone is going to get hurt if a train actually does come soon (There were at least 4 other cars that weaved through it that I saw).

I eventually decided not to, because it wasn't an emergency and you're not supposed to call 911 unless it's an emergency. I made a mental note to look up the local police departments phone number when I got home and tell them, but since I have the attention span of a retarded fruit fly, I forgot all about it until this thread popped up.

I wonder if I should have called 911?

//at least nobody was hurt
/// ^ obscure reference?
////Ernest Goes to Camp.
2006-05-08 11:51:50 AM  
I'm ashamed, noone's posted about that one family that keeps getting their cell phones confiscated for calling 911?
2006-05-08 12:12:39 PM  
That what happens when everyone in the country is drunk...

/heee brrreek oopin n'nuthairrr buttil o dat wheskey!
2006-05-08 12:27:46 PM  
And here I always thought that Scots were tough.
2006-05-08 12:28:41 PM  
cazz: Help! I'm in Scotland.

That's probably the most common one. I bet you're right.
2006-05-08 12:39:17 PM  
MithrandirBooga: attention span of a retarded fruit fly

Heh, I'll have to work that one into conversation somehow.
2006-05-08 12:49:29 PM  
Awww, this reminds me of the cutest little story. When I lived in Edinburgh, my ground level flat was right across the street from some kind of youth centre, and kids were always outside playing. One little boy in particular was always very chatty and sweet whenever he'd spot us. One day my ex and I were walking up to our front door when this little boy stopped us and showed us that his coloring book and box of crayons were on the roof of the building. I stood on top of my ex's shoulders and was able to scramble onto the roof and retrieve his stuff. From that day on, he was always giving us pages from his colouring book, all coloured and signed by him, as well as drawings of us on our motorcycle waving to him, just the cutest sweetest stuff ever. Warm soft fuzzy feelings all around.

/he didn't make any emergency calls, just looked at us with his pleading eyes and that cherub face
//this was 10 years ago
///hope he didn't grow up to be a hooligan
////oh, I'd hate to be a dustbin tonight
2006-05-08 12:57:01 PM  
Are they all the same person?
2006-05-08 01:00:07 PM  
P.S. To any Edinburgh Farkers out there, I give you this shout out. Polwarth in the house!
2006-05-08 01:12:54 PM  
I don't see what the big deal is about calling the emergency line to get your dictionary off the roof. I mean, he could really hurt himself up there and there's no telling when he'll jump.
2006-05-08 01:31:52 PM  
Ms Premis:How do they put budgies down?
Ms Confusion:Oh it's funny yo should ask that Ive been reading a great big book on how to put your budgie down. Evidently you can ether hit them with the book, or shoot them there, just above the beak.
Ms Premis:Ms Essence flushed hers down the lew.
Ms Confusion: Oh, that's dangerous, because they breed in the sewers, and eventually you get huge flocks of soild budgies flying out of peoples lavratorys infringing on there personal freedom.
2006-05-08 01:37:26 PM  
That's what happens when you make the guy push the button every 108 minutes.

/Desmond FTW
2006-05-08 01:40:25 PM  
I use Vonage, so my damn dictionary is still stuck on the roof.
2006-05-08 01:42:35 PM  
People in Scotland have dictionaries? Learn something new everyday.

/ Angus Pagornee what doooo ya mean?
2006-05-08 02:48:34 PM  
In some parts of the United States, you can get in serious trouble for calling 911 for frivolous reasons, up to an including being fined for the pro-rated cost of the emergency response (thousands of dollars usually).
2006-05-08 03:17:08 PM  

it's not a matter of them having dictionaries, it's a matter of them actually spending money to buy dictionaries
2006-05-08 03:31:49 PM  
I made a mental note to look up the local police departments phone number when I got home and tell them, but since I have the attention span of a retarded fruit fly, I forgot all about it until this thread popped up.

Oddly enough I too have the look! something shiney!!
2006-05-08 04:53:50 PM  

This sounds like my inlaws!

/God love Central New York
2006-05-08 05:20:58 PM  
This thread could use the guy with his 'head stuck in his bottom' picture.
2006-05-08 05:42:54 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

"Ullo? 911? Sanders puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly!"
2006-05-08 06:16:51 PM  
Speaking as a former 911 operator, I can say that this is not only a Scotland problem. I would say at least 50% of my calls were non-emergencies.

From the Drunk people who thought they should be arreseted for breaking their Jose Conseco picture to the guy who found the map to hell and wanted to get the X-Files to come out to the people trying to call India to the people who can't control their 3 year old and want officers to come out and be the parent.

Its a big problem but it keeps the job fun.

/I gotta try and get some of my tapes converted to MP3
2006-05-08 06:20:34 PM  
I doubt that figures for Scotland are dramatically different from elsewhere.
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