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(Some Guy)   Man injects himself with battery acid before leading police on a high-speed chase. Somehow, Darwinism did not ensue   (heraldextra.com) divider line 62
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14157 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 May 2006 at 11:59 AM (8 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2006-05-03 10:31:15 AM
Blah blah blah, but the story two below that is far more interesting...

Sometime over the weekend a 15-foot inflatable missionary went missing. ... featured a blow-up missionary wearing a white shirt, black pants, a tie and a small backpack.

There is some kinky people out there in Utah.
 
2006-05-03 10:41:00 AM
And don't forget this gem of a story...

A Pleasant Grove parent phoned police Tuesday morning to report that a topless woman was waiving at school children.
 
2006-05-03 10:43:21 AM
IsoTropt

I miss walking to school.
 
2006-05-03 10:56:45 AM
Andrew, a fertility specialist in Springville, is charged with 21 counts of forcible sex

Fertility specialist indeed.

That newspaper is comedy gold, man.
 
2006-05-03 11:35:54 AM
TOPLESS WOMAN -- A Pleasant Grove parent phoned police Tuesday morning to report that a topless woman was waiving at school children. The incident happened around 9 a.m. at 936 N. 1020 East in Pleasant Grove. No one else reported the incident and police were unable to locate the woman.

Maybe it was man boobies?
 
2006-05-03 12:03:48 PM
15 ft tall blow up missionary?

Oh, Utah, got it
 
2006-05-03 12:03:55 PM
Maybe the parent is an attention whore?
 
2006-05-03 12:04:24 PM
The trial for a Springville man who is accused of kidnapping and repeatedly raping a woman he met on an LDS-oriented Internet dating site has been postponed.

Where else would you meet respectable gentlemen?
 
2006-05-03 12:05:07 PM
I gather he was charged...
 
2006-05-03 12:05:43 PM
Holy crap. That newspaper section alone is enough to replace the Florida tag with a Utah tag.
 
2006-05-03 12:06:03 PM
so what is he being charged with?


/sorry
 
2006-05-03 12:06:41 PM
god damn it .. it's impossible to say anything first around here!
 
2006-05-03 12:07:49 PM
NEVER get medical treatment in Utah. He was probably headed toward the state lines trying to get to a real hospital.

/been fighting bogus Utah hospital charges for 2 years.
 
2006-05-03 12:08:59 PM
Paul Bunyan's inflatible sex toy?
 
2006-05-03 12:09:22 PM
That police log makes Utah sound fun. Utah is not fun. Something is wrong here.
 
2006-05-03 12:11:03 PM
Oh, those crazy mormons! He was probably on his way home to be with his wives.
 
2006-05-03 12:11:22 PM
I'm proud to be a Utahn, and originally from Springville no less.
 
2006-05-03 12:11:28 PM
Injected battery acid? Kidnapped and raped a woman he met on a religous web site? Jesus.......GLASS PARKING LOT the whole farking planet.......PLEASE!!! People are too stupid to live......somebody just turn the keys and push the buttons and let's hope something better comes out of the next batch of primordial ooze.....



/I'm really in a pissy mood today
//think I'm gonna go find some news stories about puppies and ducklings
 
2006-05-03 12:11:44 PM
Wow. "Inflatable missionary" got no GIS hits.

Then again, I was keeping safe search on.

I really do want to see a pic of that monstrosity.

/Oh, the Mormanity!
 
2006-05-03 12:17:37 PM
I've recently wondered how quickly death would follow if someone was injected in the carotid artery with Drano. Any fark medical professionals have an answer for this?
 
2006-05-03 12:20:26 PM
what's the matter with utah?
 
2006-05-03 12:20:54 PM
Vin Diesel

Careful asking stuff like that in public!

That said, I my experience, a person injected with Drano will live for about...

hold, someone's at the door.
 
2006-05-03 12:23:20 PM
I inject myself with battery acid whenever I'm basically feeling run down.
 
2006-05-03 12:25:45 PM
you guys should cut back on your "ensue" usage. As for darwinism...are you saying he didn't evolve?
 
2006-05-03 12:25:52 PM
mercator_psi....

ok, the mormanity line made me have a shiat-eatin' grin. I, too, want a picture of the inflatible missionary.

In fact, I want my own inflatible missionary. Two of them actually. Then I could put them in the missionary position. Of course, I would breed them. Create little inflatibles....

The Utah crime report is muy entertaining.....
 
2006-05-03 12:26:48 PM
control: I inject myself with battery acid whenever I'm basically feeling run down.

I took a page out of the Cops playbook--anytime I'm struggling and need to relax, I give myself a face full of pepper spray. Presto, I'm relaxed.
 
2006-05-03 12:28:20 PM
Mad Scientist: That said, I my experience, a person injected with Drano will live for about...

hold, someone's at the door.


See, I'm thinking, it would dissolve the artery and make it rupture, but first, maybe some of the Drano would get into the neurons and cause all sorts of reality-changing havoc, and, I dunno, it just seemed like an interesting experiment to perform on someone I didn't really need around anyway.
 
2006-05-03 12:29:49 PM
He was positive doing so would help him out.
 
2006-05-03 12:29:49 PM
Sorry about my friend. He took too much LDS during the 60s.
 
2006-05-03 12:32:17 PM
mercator_psi

GIS with safe search off fares little better. Just a link to a chasey lane blowup doll.
 
2006-05-03 12:32:50 PM
highwaywarrior
you guys should cut back on your "ensue" usage. As for darwinism...are you saying he didn't evolve?

Part of Darwin's theory is survival of the fittest. Those who are unfit, perish. This promotes a strong genepool and weeds out bad evolutionary traits.

Go Google "Darwin Awards"
 
2006-05-03 12:34:12 PM
Miller said he believes it was battery acid because of visible damage to Holliday.

How, was he glowing?
 
2006-05-03 12:37:56 PM
TOPLESS WOMAN -- A Pleasant Grove parent phoned police Tuesday morning to report that a topless woman was waiving at school children. The incident happened around 9 a.m. at 936 N. 1020 East in Pleasant Grove. No one else reported the incident and police were unable to locate the woman.

Goddamnit. Mom is drinking again.
 
2006-05-03 12:39:52 PM
Flux Capacitor: Where else would you meet respectable gentlemen?

I don't know. I thought all highly religous people were respectable.

What's the world coming to?

mercator_psi: /Oh, the Mormanity!

Why can't I come up with shiat like that? *pout*

It made me laugh so much my co-workers now think I'm a crazed lunatic. I am, but until now they had no idea.
 
2006-05-03 12:40:45 PM
Sometime over the weekend a 15-foot inflatable missionary went missing. ... featured a blow-up missionary wearing a white shirt, black pants, a tie and a small backpack.

img404.imageshack.us

Wanted for questioning
 
2006-05-03 12:43:16 PM
"the inflatable figure is worth $4,500"

WTF? I could buy those 12' inflatable Grinchs and Santas for $100.
Repaint them with the special mormon underwear.
Profit.
 
2006-05-03 12:43:42 PM
submitter: Somehow, Darwinism did not ensue

Don't worry, he still has potential.
 
2006-05-03 12:45:25 PM
Inflatable LDS missionary (pops) With a photo goodness.
 
2006-05-03 12:51:48 PM
sidewinder,
I'm well aware of the Darwin Awards. They elect those who do away with themselves by accident. This guy was suicidal.
 
2006-05-03 12:55:42 PM
Vin Diesel: I've recently wondered how quickly death would follow if someone was injected in the carotid artery with Drano. Any fark medical professionals have an answer for this?
I read somewhere the Jeff Dahmer drilled a hole in one of his victims head and then poured drano in the hole. i bet if you did a google search you could find more info..or find out it wasnt true in the first place..either way good luck
 
2006-05-03 12:55:56 PM
"a woman he met on an LDS-oriented Internet dating site"

I read that as an "LSD-oriented" dating site.

/slaps forehead
 
2006-05-03 12:56:05 PM
Flux Capacitor "The trial for a Springville man who is accused of kidnapping and repeatedly raping a woman he met on an LDS-oriented Internet dating site has been postponed."

Where else would you meet respectable gentlemen?


I had classes with this guy in high school. He had a crush on my best friend too. It's a darn good thing she agreed not to go on any more dates with him.
 
2006-05-03 12:57:02 PM
Utah sounds totally Florida. I especially loved the inflatable missionary. I want an inflatable missionary so I can fly him on a wire during a lightening storm. Where do buy inflatable missionaries?
 
2006-05-03 01:04:37 PM
highwaywarrior: That's still good for removing genes from our society!

/you're supposed to laugh
//Don't take Fark seriously
///srsly
////Ya RLY
/////SLASHIES!
 
2006-05-03 01:13:10 PM
Some sort of arity, however, did ensue (in this case jailarity). And that's what makes me happy.
 
2006-05-03 01:19:11 PM
What? No "He's got the Gay" Family Guy references for having acid for blood?!??!?
 
2006-05-03 01:29:10 PM
Did they look for that missionary in this inflatable church?

ship-of-fools.com
 
2006-05-03 01:30:43 PM
Thanks for that one PersonTwo.

"Now You know what to look for. If you see a twenty foot tall missionary, call the police."
 
2006-05-03 01:35:11 PM
...And he kept going and going and going
 
2006-05-03 01:43:50 PM
www.unc.edu?
 
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