The abductor looks like hes in his mid 20s. Someone should tell him to shave off the pubescent hair from his lip

so..judging by the picture.. he was accosted by Shrek's Down Syndrome-having white brother?

Well done lad! Get his farking eye next time.

/Hopes there is no next time.
//But if there is, THE EYE!

Damn right, exercising his second amendment rights.

Wait, he didn't need a gun.

Suck it, pro-gunners.

Hey! A kid with a deadly weapon! Why hasnt he been expelled?!?!?! Zero tolerance rules requires it!!

Bravo Kid, Bravo!

he looks like a white gary coleman

Nice job kiddo.

Kids are doing pretty well defending themselves considering they're all obese.

Boy to attacker: "Mess with me and I'll fill you full of lead!"

/Yes, lame...

Must have been a Bourne Identity fan.

SCOTT MCCLELLAN?!?!?

I guess the attacker did a "Number Two".

He looks like Jack Osbourne!

"...we are going to hit it like it's real..."

Are these cops farkers?

ekdikeo4

Glad I'm not the only one that thought of that.

I had this happen to me on a trail I was running with my dog... no pencil, dog gnawed half his arm off though

In the last week two reported cases of attempted abductions have been deemed hoaxes. Police in Midvale are aware of those but they say they will investigate this case diligently.

At least they're doing some due diligence before slapping the hero tag on...

Is the 13 year old the one who wrote this grossly anti-grammatical article?

Bravo for the kid.

Attacker's mom should have stabbed him with a pencil a long time ago. Like when he was still in the womb.

"The nail comes out next week!"

All the jokes I was going to cover are already done. Good jorb.

Sigmund

Boy to attacker: "Mess with me and I'll fill you full of lead!"

/Yes, lame...

I laughed.

/I'm probably lame for it though

"We get a report of an abduction or attempted adduction we are going to hit it like it's real were going to investigate it till there are no more leads," says Detective John Salazar of the Midvale Police Department.

good thing this rising star came accross this case on his speedy ascent. we're going to need all the brainpower midvale PD can come up with to find the 250 lb, bright green clad stripped (sic?) of shirt perp who looks like a dead cross between Fat Spock and Timmy the Turtle.

35 years later: Man coughs up pencil from his lung that was jammed in to his face 35 years ago, needed sharpening

He was attacked by Wo Fat from Hawaii 5-0!

man, how tall was this guy? 510 inches tall? 510 feet?

this is vitally important to the case.

He looks like a Conan O'Brien "If They Mated" outcome. Compare to the version with Lindsey Lohan and Jared Leto:

A pencil was used to foil a crime? Wasn't that a McGyver episode?

Troll Doll wanted for questioning.

Unavailable for comment

"We get a report of an abduction or attempted adduction we are going to hit it like it's real were going to investigate it till there are no more leads," says Detective John Salazar of the Midvale Police Department.

They are going to hit it?

/was almost abducted by a couple in a black firebird when I was a kid
//Was actually offered candy and a ride home if I got in their car
///Ran home and never looked back, cause I didn't have a pencil... Smart kid

GungFu

exactly

The scariest part of this story was that he fled to car where an accomplice was waiting. These pervs run in packs now? WTFark?

Obviously this story is crap, because you can only defend yourself with guns.

And next thing you know, they'll be banning pencils on airplanes...

iamklaatu: The scariest part of this story was that he fled to car where an accomplice was waiting. These pervs run in packs now? WTFark?

"Zed, spider caught a fly"

Nicely done. Considering that the man had been following the kid for several blocks, he's lucky the kid probably wasn't carrying a pocket knife.
(And the kid might be lucky about that too, depending on how the local authorities would react...)

When pencils are outlawed, only outlaws will have pencils.

Great going kid! Next time, break the pencil off in his crotch.

I can just hear the ER conversation now...."Honest Doc, it was that way when I woke up this morning. I don't know how it happened."

That is the weirdest composit sketch I have ever seen. That guy cannot hide.

burber-

"Zed, spider caught a fly"


You owe me a new Keyboard