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(Link Goes Nowhere)   I'm stuck to my chair. I'm so very scared. Help. (Details In thread)   ( ) divider line 1462
    More: Advice  
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25949 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Apr 2006 at 11:22 PM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

1462 Comments   (+0 »)

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2006-04-17 11:25:13 PM  
Ok, how long until we begin to worry?
2006-04-17 11:25:14 PM  

...just milking it...

Methinks that's what got him into this pickle in the first place.

/try the veal
2006-04-17 11:25:17 PM  
ok if he pries the slats and they brake, hmmm me thinks his nuts are going to be out of commission for a while, or a jagged piece stabs into the sack piercing a nutt, this is just going from bad to worse,
2006-04-17 11:25:25 PM  
Try kicking in the bottom of the chair legs if you can too. It will pull some of the structural stress away from the seat that keeps that square and (heehee) tight.
2006-04-17 11:25:27 PM  
some_random_guy: Update?

Uh oh.
2006-04-17 11:25:30 PM

(seen laughing maliciously)
2006-04-17 11:25:34 PM  
FarkinFarker :

Bingo! We rented that last night...overly immature at first but after that first 15 minutes or so it was pretty good...The manager guy was perfect
2006-04-17 11:25:39 PM  
Noexit: What part of Oklahoma are we talking about? I work for a newspaper in the Northern part of the state. And I can get in touch with the photog real fast if I need to.

Tulsa. Hope you can get there.
2006-04-17 11:25:40 PM  
I think that the reason the slats are closing is because you're lifting your weight off of them when you try to get up. Put your hands on the 2 offending planks and lift yourself up with those hands, thereby keeping your weight on the planks so they don't close.

Good luck buddy.
2006-04-17 11:25:43 PM  
This has been a great moment in Fark history. I will now sell t-shirts "I survived bigz2k scrotumgate 2006!"
2006-04-17 11:25:48 PM  
....did he pass out???
2006-04-17 11:25:50 PM  
2. Ouch.
3. Duuuuuude!!!
4. SCISSORS!? For God's sake man! DON'T DO IT!!
2006-04-17 11:26:04 PM  
Okayokayokay. I found some scissors. This may work


Okay, now I just about drowned.
2006-04-17 11:26:12 PM  
bulldg4life: Don't be dragging me down with your ballsack conundrum.

Dear Baby Jeebus. That's one of the funniest things I've ever read.

2006-04-17 11:26:26 PM  
Now that we know the type of slats involved, hopefully you have a metal pen or some other thin metal object, because you're going to have to very, very, very carefully shove that in the slat and widen it to get out. Or call someone with a Jigsaw.
2006-04-17 11:26:27 PM  
spit will help, then push down a little on the skin to work it in to the ..fold.. between wood and skin. pull and push at the same time..good luck..
2006-04-17 11:26:28 PM  
Congratulations, bigz2k. You've just given the world a new definition of schadenfreude.

Good luck with getting out of there. I'd sit up and watch the thread, but I gotta get up for work tomorrow.
2006-04-17 11:26:30 PM  
Holy Christ.
THIS is the first thing I see when I log on tonight???

Vive Le TFark!!!!
/I have tears running down my face, someone call Fox News
2006-04-17 11:26:30 PM  
Before I thought bigz2k was crazy...

but I can clearly see he's nuts
2006-04-17 11:26:46 PM  
I think he passed out.
2006-04-17 11:26:47 PM
2006-04-17 11:26:50 PM  
If you can get your boxers off, try wedging them between the planks, and twist the fabric. If they're of a decent material, they should be able to take a lot stress, and will expand as you twist it. Easier if you can attach a pencil to either side of the fabric (tie it on or something). You might be able to wedge the planks apart just enough to get it out. Or, you get the boxers stuck too, which will be slightly more entertaining when the firefighters arrive.
2006-04-17 11:26:53 PM  
I suspect that the lack of a quicker reponse means that either ice or bandages are currently in use. I mean, it's not like he's stuck at the computer or anything...
2006-04-17 11:26:55 PM  
He's been gone a while. I'm getting kind of worried.
2006-04-17 11:27:04 PM  
when Bigz2k was a itty bitty boy, his gramama bought him the cutest little toy,
silver bells, hanging on a string, his gramama called it his dingalingaling

his dingaling, his dingaling, he was surfing and playing with his dingaling (his dingaling, his dingaling, he was surfing with his dingaling)

once he was sitting on, got his manhood stuck in a probl'm.
hurt so bad he heard bells ring, but wanted to keep his dingalingaling!

his dingaling, his dingaling, he went to foobieland with a stuck dingaling. his dingaling, his dingaling, he went to foobieland with a stuck dingaling.

now we all give him some nice advice, tellin him he shoulda thought about it twice. sitting there nood wasn't very smart. So now your stuck balls are a work of art!

his dingaling, his dingaling, is showing his stuck dingaling. his dingaling, everybody sing, we all now know u got a STUCK DINGALING!!!!

/sorry chuck
//too much to resist
///hope you enjoyed it!
2006-04-17 11:27:06 PM  
He's in Tulsa. I can be there in 1.5 hours or so. Quicker maybe.
2006-04-17 11:27:08 PM  
SCENE: interior, night. man with scrotum in chair hold scissors

*pry* *pry* *pry* *sliiiiiip* *cry* *cry* *cry*
2006-04-17 11:27:12 PM  
Weasel3322: i can't leave the thread!

Try using spit as a lubricant.
2006-04-17 11:27:19 PM  
caribou: 1. HA HA HA
2. Ouch.
3. Duuuuuude!!!
4. SCISSORS!? For God's sake man! DON'T DO IT!!

2006-04-17 11:27:23 PM  
(nutsack guy) How to stop bleeding from nutsack?
2006-04-17 11:27:24 PM  
holy crap.
2006-04-17 11:27:29 PM  
The Brain!! Oh, the Brain! Pleeeeze. Waiting.

Just like Bigz is doing...

But looking at the pic again, push down hard on the slat that's on the left, near your grapes. Looks like that slat'll bend or warp enough to release the stuck bits -- which is probably how they got stuck in the first place.

Hint -- use your elbow, if possible, or your fist.
2006-04-17 11:27:35 PM  
Oh! Do you have any dimes nearby? They could help hold the slats open!
2006-04-17 11:27:44 PM
2006-04-17 11:27:46 PM
2006-04-17 11:27:47 PM  
Step 1.) Get sack stuck in chair.
Step 2.) Ask internet for help.
Step 3.) Post picture of said sack.
Step 4.) Post about the scissors you have.
Step 5.) ?????
2006-04-17 11:27:47 PM  
bigz2k: I found some scissors. This may work

Just one snip away from a Darwin Award.
2006-04-17 11:27:48 PM  
All I can say about the scissors is start whittling, then slide up to the whittled hole.
2006-04-17 11:27:49 PM  
Has any one posed this question yet... Why the fark are you sitting in a wooden chair without any pants. >.>
2006-04-17 11:27:50 PM  
holy fark dude....just read the whole thread, and laughed my ass off at the comments, but cringed in pain at the pic......that's gotta really suck

/misses TF so much at times like this
cjo [TotalFark]
2006-04-17 11:28:00 PM  
RicosRoughnecks: "I survived bigz2k scrotumgate 2006!"

I like "Ballsack Conundrumgate 2006"
2006-04-17 11:28:06 PM  
fill me in please, I just got here. shenanigans? or is he really stuck?
2006-04-17 11:28:07 PM  
Okay, I've laughed at the whole thread, hubby has laughed at the whole thread, now for seriousness. If you haven't called for help already, do so, before you lose vital parts of yourself, seriously.

/good luck with that
//followups are eagerly awaited
2006-04-17 11:28:07 PM  
Ice the nuts. They get cold and retract. Nature's solution!
2006-04-17 11:28:15 PM  
Attention Everybody. I'd just like to say

Any Farkettes or TFarkettes who would like to help me check the equipment out, my email is in profile. BIE's would be appreciated.

2006-04-17 11:28:22 PM  
You know, I never thought I'd find myself laughing at the picture of another man's nutsack. I just found the picture.

I was wrong.
2006-04-17 11:28:24 PM  
Did I miss it too?
2006-04-17 11:28:25 PM  
Okayokayokay. I found some scissors. This may work.

2006-04-17 11:28:28 PM  
This was all the precursor to him suicidally castrating himself in a GG Allin-esque display of vulgarity - and all of you who chose to spit on your keyboards / be thankful for checking Fark before going to bed are all accessories to his perverted deathwish.

Well done.
2006-04-17 11:28:30 PM  
Noexit: He's in Tulsa. I can be there in 1.5 hours or so. Quicker maybe.

Go go go!

/please let there be media coverage...please?
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