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(Some Guy)   Katie Holmes's baby will not receive a Catholic baptism. That holy water would probably have just burned it, anyway   (cnn.com ) divider line
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8093 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Apr 2006 at 10:09 AM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2006-04-14 09:40:16 AM  
I can't explain why I find these Cruise/Scientology stories so completely fascinating. Normally I couldn't give two hoots about celebrity gossip, but this public display of high profile brainwashing is simply amazing.
 
2006-04-14 09:48:01 AM  
BURN, BABY, BURN!
 
2006-04-14 09:52:15 AM  
My mom insisted I take communion with her at my godson's confirmation a few months ago.

I argued "Mom, it'll burn my tongue!"

Got a laugh, and it didn't.

Why is the flesh of Jesus so bland-tasting? It just dissolves in your mouth. You'd think he'd be worthy of some spicy queso or at least a cheap salsa.
 
2006-04-14 09:56:12 AM  
Implanting engrams is never a good idea.
 
2006-04-14 09:56:23 AM  
Um, Cruise is lying out of his teeth. You can't a Catholic (or Christian, or Jewish, or Muslim) and a Scientologist, since Scientyology teaches that all that stuff about "God" (and most of what we think of history) is fake memories implanted by Xenu (or the Thetans, I really can't remember which).
 
2006-04-14 10:09:56 AM  
Confabulat:

The Communion host is made of unleavened bread, which is required. The Last Supper, from which the sacrament of the Holy Eucharist is derived, was in fact a Seder dinner to mark Passover, and the bread served, and that which Christ passed around to the Apostles, was unleavened bread in keeping with Jewish tradition. That's right - the body of Christ was matzo.
 
2006-04-14 10:11:24 AM  
I like to put ketchup on my Christ.
 
2006-04-14 10:11:48 AM  
Free Katie!

/or is it too late?
 
2006-04-14 10:12:50 AM  
HOT WATER BURN BABY!
HOT WATER BURN BABY!
 
2006-04-14 10:13:59 AM  
Isn't Katie going over to CBS to anchor the evening news?
 
2006-04-14 10:16:04 AM  
I went to Catholic school, and they stored the unblessed hosts (bread for you heathens) in the school foods lab. We broke those out one day, and found they were EXCELLENT with peanut butter. Just like Ritz crackers :)

We got caught, but argued that since these were unblessed there should really be no special worth placed on them. It would be like we stole....well....crackers from the foods lab.

they didn't see the humor.
 
2006-04-14 10:16:58 AM  
F this thread.

/wrists
 
2006-04-14 10:17:10 AM  
2006-04-14 09:40:16 AM kevlar51

I can't explain why I find these Cruise/Scientology stories so completely fascinating. Normally I couldn't give two hoots about celebrity gossip, but this public display of high profile brainwashing is simply amazing.


I used to live in Toledo, and my folks still do. In fact, our house was just a couple of miles from the Holmes' house. And from what the local gossip is, the Holmes family are being kept away from Katie by her handlers. Her family are very active members of the Catholic church and are getting angry with Tom (pre-marital sex, Scientology, etc.). Her brother (who still lives in Toledo) tried to go out there and talk to her but was asked not to come.

/age difference between me and her
//different HS too - her: Catholic girls school, me: public
 
2006-04-14 10:18:13 AM  
Japhy,

Apparently, 75 million years ago, the evil galactic overlord Xenu rounded up a bunch of aliens on overcrowded planets, flew them to Earth in rocket ships that suspiciously resembled DC-8s, and stuffed them in volcanos. Then Xenu, through the judicious application of hydrogen bombs, caused all the volcanos to explode at once. Then apparently the souls of all the dead aliens were caught on celestial strings and were implanted with false memories and ideologies, and then released to find their way into the world and possess unsuspecting humans. As near as I can figure it, the space-ghosts are called Thetans and they are responsible for most of our personal problems.

I think what kills me about Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard is that it's not even *good* science fiction.

/Heinlein could have written a better religion.
//Ditto for Philip K. Dick and Samuel R. Delaney
///Xenu is my co-pilot.
 
2006-04-14 10:18:50 AM  
Can they use that holy water to bless my golf clubs?
 
2006-04-14 10:19:51 AM  
Jesus wafers have as much flavor as cardboard.
 
2006-04-14 10:19:53 AM  
Every Xmas Eve we have hosts with honey and garlic at my 'rents house. Actually tastes pretty damn yummy.
 
2006-04-14 10:20:18 AM  
kevlar51: I can't explain why I find these Cruise/Scientology stories so completely fascinating. Normally I couldn't give two hoots about celebrity gossip, but this public display of high profile brainwashing is simply amazing.

Kinda like watching a train wreck, right?
 
2006-04-14 10:21:53 AM  
Nabb1: That's right - the body of Christ was matzo.

So when you eat matzo ball soup, you're...

/ bleagh
 
2006-04-14 10:22:10 AM  
Nice headline. "Water burn the baby! Qantas never crashed! 173 toothpicks! Aaagghh!!!"
 
2006-04-14 10:22:50 AM  
What happened to the hot teacher thread?
 
2006-04-14 10:23:11 AM  
"If she needs medicine, she needs medicine."

Yeah, ten bucks says that if she does ask for it, he'll say "Honey, stop being glib. Just push through the pain."
 
2006-04-14 10:24:20 AM  
Wow - sounds like it ranks up there with the FSM. When do they start teaching that crap in Kansas?

This has all just gotta stop. I mean, c'mon. Space aliens blasting out of volcanoes?? WTF? Send 'em all to Jonestown and be done with it already.
 
2006-04-14 10:24:31 AM  
When is the Spawn of Satan bursting through Katie Holmes stomach?

/hasnt she been pregnant for at least a year now?
 
2006-04-14 10:25:10 AM  
neoconspiracy
Heinlein could have written a better religion.

He did. Check out Doublestar and Methusaleh's Children.

/I loves me some Heinlein.
 
2006-04-14 10:25:36 AM  
Are you kidding?!? That kid will never even own a cat.
 
2006-04-14 10:25:47 AM  
RedVogue24

"If she needs medicine, she needs medicine."

Yeah, ten bucks says that if she does ask for it, he'll say "Honey, stop being glib. Just push through the pain."


And then he'll give her some vitamins
 
2006-04-14 10:25:52 AM  
Bonus_Eruptus: So when you eat matzo ball soup, you're...

Oh, my. Well, I guess that explains why Christianity went ixnay on the Kosher food thing.
 
2006-04-14 10:26:08 AM  
MindHead unavailable for comment.
 
2006-04-14 10:26:21 AM  
neoconspiracy

/Heinlein could have written a better religion.

I don't know about a religion, but a system of government, yes.
 
2006-04-14 10:26:32 AM  
What is it with you Catholics and the whole cannibal thing? Creepy. Anyway, neoconspiracy's right. I can understand a sci-fi writer making up a religion to grab some cash but the story sucks, that's the worst part. I'd much rather get behind a religion based on The Force. Lucas really dropped the ball by not making his own religion.
 
2006-04-14 10:26:36 AM  
neoconspiracy:

Phillip K. Dick could have started a better religion, but the ending would have sucked.

My vote would have been on Frank Herbet for writing a sci-fi religion.
 
2006-04-14 10:26:46 AM  
Does this mean the baby's never going to get into heaven?
 
2006-04-14 10:26:49 AM  
Scientologists vs. Mormons vs. Jehovas Witnesses LIVE on Pay per View!

Mmmm
 
2006-04-14 10:28:33 AM  
After reviewing some ancient documents and consulting some of the Roman Catholic theologians, I have come to the conclusion that this baby is the Anti-Christ. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!!! Armageddon is comming. ( Don't look them in their eyes!!)
 
2006-04-14 10:30:37 AM  
bobbooty: This has all just gotta stop. I mean, c'mon. Space aliens blasting out of volcanoes?? WTF? Send 'em all to Jonestown and be done with it already

Yeah. Of course, to gain access to the Xenu information, you have to have shelled out somewhere around $350,000.00 to the Church of Scientology. Operation Clambake is a great resource, though admittedly biased.

/is also admittedly biased against Scientology
//mainly because it doesn't make any farkin' sense
 
2006-04-14 10:31:29 AM  
Runs_With_Scissors_
Isn't Katie going over to CBS to anchor the evening news?

I thought the same thing at first, honestly.
 
2006-04-14 10:33:37 AM  
I love Heinlein, but I adore and worship Philip K. Dick.

I wonder if I could start a cult in his honor, and make William Gibson the Great Satan.

/plotting
//mad with power
 
2006-04-14 10:33:38 AM  
You don't know the history of communion. I do.


/nobody posted that yet???
 
2006-04-14 10:35:30 AM  
hey everyone let's crash a DC-10 into a volcano and start a pyramid scheme religion!

oops too late someone already did that
 
2006-04-14 10:36:02 AM  
Katie is really making Toledo look bad, and that's saying a lot.
 
2006-04-14 10:37:41 AM  
I wish they'd stop plastering Tom Cruises face everywhere. I really can't stand him anymore (not that I ever thought he was a good actor, but he seemed likeable enough). He is nothing but a pompous jerk.

And after seeing snippets of how his father was abusive, I guess it was inherited. Bully father, bully son.
 
2006-04-14 10:38:25 AM  
Come on this story posted on the same day when IMDB has a story about Tom Cruise caiming a "Spectacular" sex life.
 
2006-04-14 10:38:27 AM  
cs.forwardtechnology.net
 
2006-04-14 10:39:42 AM  
syberpud, her parents marketed her ass all throughout highschool. They didn't give a shiat about grades because they were always pulling her out of school for auditions. They sunk plenty of time and money into making her little butt into a celebrity, and now that it's blown up in their faces, I have no sympathy for them whatsoever.
I live in Toledo, as I have my whole life. I was in the same class as Katie, albeit at Central Catholic, not Notre Dame. My husband went to St. John's, and was in the school musicals with her. She was, and I'm sure still is, the most godawful stuck up biatch you've ever met in your life.

Is this what you were aiming for, Katie, when you were working so hard to be famous? To be turned into a sperm receptacle and brainwashed laughingstock?
/no bloody sympathy whatsoever
//rant off
 
2006-04-14 10:40:26 AM  
Keep the bimbo out of limbo, baptise the damn kid....
 
2006-04-14 10:41:44 AM  
Mugato: I'd much rather get behind a religion based on The Force. Lucas really dropped the ball by not making his own religion.

In some countries on their official census you can select Jedi as your religion.
 
2006-04-14 10:42:02 AM  
Soo... the baby's Irken?

/WHY DOES IT HURT?!?
 
2006-04-14 10:42:14 AM  
Confabulat You'd think he'd be worthy of some spicy queso or at least a cheap salsa.


Salsa cookies? They'll give you gonorrhea.
 
2006-04-14 10:42:40 AM  
Jesus Christ had dreads, so shake 'em...
 
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