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(   Things not to say to a hooker when she has your stuff in her mouth: "I have no money." *CHOMP*   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass  
•       •       •

26869 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Apr 2006 at 1:46 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

96 Comments     (+0 »)

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2006-04-03 12:48:29 PM  
Yup that headline made me cross my legs and wince, congrats submitter
2006-04-03 12:51:45 PM  
This is why I always wear a steel condom.
2006-04-03 12:53:32 PM  
what about

"My dog gives better head"

2006-04-03 01:09:25 PM  
I've generally found that it's unwise to stick your willy into someone that you haven't had at least one nights conversation with.

Which is why hookers were always out for me.
2006-04-03 01:19:25 PM  
Whoa, nice choice of ads that come up with that article. Boobies!
2006-04-03 01:21:12 PM  
"I am from the future. You are now infected with a virus that will genetically modify your DNA. You are now SuperWhore. Use your powers wisely."
2006-04-03 01:42:53 PM  
You want some sauce with your tubesteak?
2006-04-03 01:49:11 PM  
Didn't this article show up a while ago?

2006-04-03 01:50:17 PM  
2006-04-03 01:50:21 PM  
Mr McNiff said there was a lot of blood while Mr O'Leary screamed and then ran to call emergency 999.

Must be a Stonecutter.
2006-04-03 01:50:31 PM  
Already farked.
2006-04-03 01:50:47 PM  
"I have aids."
2006-04-03 01:51:50 PM  
Coincidentally, I can't get the article up.
2006-04-03 01:51:55 PM  
What hooker doesn't take the $$$ before services are rendered anyway? What a tool.
2006-04-03 01:52:03 PM  
lesson learned... never stiff a hooker.
2006-04-03 01:52:24 PM  
Must be a Stonecutter.

That's 912.
2006-04-03 01:53:07 PM  

Coincidentally, I can't get the article up.

Don't worry about it. It happens to every article on Fark...
2006-04-03 01:53:09 PM  
minidoxigirli: Didn't this article show up a while ago?

Even if it's the same story, it's a good excuse for some biting satire.
2006-04-03 01:53:42 PM  
"At least I left her a tip..."

/Bactene, please.
2006-04-03 01:53:59 PM  
"Will you take a post dated check?" OR

"your check is in the mail"
2006-04-03 01:54:25 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Illegal use of teeth.
15-yard penatly.
Loss of down.
2006-04-03 01:54:30 PM  
It's slow. Here's a cut/paste:

'John' Needs Operation After Hoooker Bites Penis For Non-Payment
by Mitch Marconi
Apr 3, 2006

A hooker who bit her client's penis reportedly so hard that he required an operation has denied grievous bodily harm with intent, according to a report from the UK.

Prosecutor Matthew McNiff told the jury Louise Jowett carried out the attack because Brett O'Leary told her he had no additional money to dispense after already paying her for sex, reports the Cambridge News.

It was alleged that afterwards she asked O'Leary for more cash, becoming more aggressive as her requests continued. While performing a sex act on O'Leary he told her he did not have any more cash.

McNiff said she grabbed his penis and took it in her mouth and gripped it between her teeth. He said: "She bit hard. She bit very hard. This caused what Mr O'Leary described as indescribable pain."

According to McNiff, O'Leary tried to pry open Jowett's mouth with his hands while she made sounds like an animal. He pleaded with her to let go while hitting her to try to get her off.

Mr McNiff said there was a lot of blood while Mr O'Leary screamed and then ran to call emergency 999.

-- Compiled from wire reports
2006-04-03 01:54:32 PM  
2006-04-03 01:54:39 PM  
don't play if you can't pay
2006-04-03 01:54:46 PM  
hm i know i've read this before

funny thing is i dont think it was on fark

maybe it was

no slashies

/ok 1 slashy

//i can't stop myself

///three, oh, three, it's a magic number
2006-04-03 01:54:54 PM  
"This caused what Mr O'Leary described as indescribable pain."

2006-04-03 01:55:37 PM  
Follow-up? Repeat? This was all over fark like 2 months ago. It went to court. She changed her story and said he forced her to perform oral. So she bit him...
2006-04-03 01:57:40 PM  
Whatch the scab honey
2006-04-03 02:01:16 PM  
This caused what Mr O'Leary described as indescribable pain.

2006-04-03 02:02:07 PM  
2006-04-03 02:02:59 PM  
Still cheaper than being married!
2006-04-03 02:03:36 PM  
That's why I only go to hookers with no teeth.
2006-04-03 02:04:09 PM  
First the Chicago fire, now this.

The O'Leary family is cursed.
2006-04-03 02:05:12 PM  
You don't pay hookers to fark, you pay them to leave.
2006-04-03 02:07:19 PM  
Anyone notice that one of the ad links in the header reads "Pull My Feed"?
2006-04-03 02:07:22 PM  
Try and sue the whore. I hear they're trying to sue their pimps.
2006-04-03 02:07:36 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Oh nooeees!
2006-04-03 02:08:09 PM  
"Hey Beecher...Beecher suck my dick. Come on."

2006-04-03 02:08:54 PM  
"This caused what Mr O'Leary described as indescribable pain."

that quote needs the Ric Romero picture

...while hitting her to try to get her off.

yeah, i know. that usually doesn't work for me, either, without a ping-pong paddle.
2006-04-03 02:09:13 PM  
How many people re-clicked on the story after reading flaEsq comment?

/Got me
2006-04-03 02:10:16 PM  
See, what you do there is, you start ripping out her hair by the handfuls and scream at her to "LET GO!!"

Repeat until she does.

Then break her jaw so she can't do it again.

/ yes, seriously
// biting it is a no-no
/// I wouldn't chew on the man in the canoe, and I expect the same courtesy
2006-04-03 02:10:31 PM  
the link SUCKS!!

\no pun intended
2006-04-03 02:11:37 PM  
2006-04-03 02:12:18 PM  
submitter: she has your stuff in her mouth

Food? Gum? Toothbrush? Dentures? Breath strips? Crest Whitening Strips?
2006-04-03 02:13:07 PM  
It was a joke. He didn't stick around to hear her say just pretend it happened.

[image from too old to be available]
2006-04-03 02:14:22 PM  
Maybe he was trying to invite her out for a bite afterwards & she just misunderstood?
2006-04-03 02:16:24 PM  
What the hell is a Hoooker? Is that an extra wide Hooker?
2006-04-03 02:17:09 PM  
StarshipPooper I loved that movie... it's sad, but I thought it was realy clasic
2006-04-03 02:17:25 PM  
Jeezus, talk about taking a bite out of crime.
2006-04-03 02:18:53 PM  
Well, that really puts the puppy in the bucket.
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