This crazy act of his is a cry for help. His contract with Satan is almost up and there's no re-negotiating with the Prince of Darkness.

I swear he looks more nervous than a one-eyed gopher in a cactus patch.

ghey

any ideas on what the kid's gonna be named? hrmmm, perhaps a Fark Survey's in order...

Thetans, Xenu... I don't know what to make of this. It all seems like BS to me...
I just feel so sad that a simple virgin was claimed by scientology.

Dr. Cruise - STOP! please and thank you...

Bah, that Cruise-boy got nuttin on me.
I am much better lookin', AND
I can dance

He's just overcompensating for being teh ghey.

Ok- look, I've seen many family members pregnant. I know how it works... but does Katie Holmes look MASSIVE to anyone else?

lbthepdd

any ideas on what the kid's gonna be named? hrmmm, perhaps a Fark Survey's in order...

L. Ron Cruise. Not sure what the L. stands for, as I couldn't be bothered to find out.

Dude is a freak. Is there anything more that needs to be said?

The FEW people who believe that Tom Cruise could stop the WAR OF THE WORLDS are on a MISSION IMPOSSIBLE! The COLLATERAL damage that this man has done to pop culture could not be undone by the LAST SAMURAI, the FIRM report on this

Do they mean "Yahoo!"?

Tom is not a good poster boy for Scientology, if they want to enhance their PR. He's farking wack. I hope Katie runs ASAP after the baby is born. She's what, 28? Get a grip.

JohnBigBootay
Ok- look, I've seen many family members pregnant. I know how it works... but does Katie Holmes look MASSIVE to anyone else?

OK, it's kind of late and I'm a little loopy from cold medicine, but am I the only one that read this and thought JohnBigBootay had personally impregnated several family members?

sirmishra
A+. Nice work.

Katie Holmes isn't large-- Tom Cruise is really really small.

His "impromptu arm wrestling match" is clear evidence that his mentallity hasn't advanced past that of a hormonal 8th grade boy.

The fact that this thread has, like, 15 posts, attests to the fact that nobody gives a shiat about Cruise...

And the child shall be called Proofimstraightgoddamit Cruise.

Don't like him, don't watch his movies, and STFU. I am sure he isn't gonna be weeping over losing your $10.00.

People need to get a grip.

This guy is an actor. Yes a rich actor. But he is an actor.

Quit obsessing over his ability to contribute to the gene pool. Have you done your fair share?

hmmmm this is Fark. Maybe not ....

So, I have a question-

Since Tom Cruise was born with a tail, what are the odds of his child having one too? Is that perhaps why Tom and Nicole chose only to adopt? Fear of a human tail regressive gene?

The fact that humans are born with tails is astonishing. Should they be considered a legitimate minority? Are they traditionally oppressed? Almost certainly I'd guess. Perhaps they deserve suspect class status?

I hope if Tom's kid does have a tail that he will embrace it and not have it lopped off in some secret ceremony. You should be proud of who you are.

You only get one you.

Since the baby will be a hybrid we will not have to worry about it breeding.

I care *stands up*

Tom Cruise has become a nutcase.
/Is it due to Scientology? Or is he drawn to Scientology because he's always been nuts?
//Either way, fark him.

spyyder: Don't like him, don't watch his movies, and STFU. I am sure he isn't gonna be weeping over losing your $10.00.

Wow, you've really changed my way of thinking. Before I found it entertaining to make well-deserved mean-spirited comments about a man who repeatedly makes a public farking spectacle of himself. And I enjoyed reading others comments. But your pronouncement that I should STFU really got to me. I mean, why shouldn't I STFU? Then again, why should I STFU? Then again, why don't you STFU.

When I was three years old, I jumped on my parents' couch when they weren't in the room.

I would be embarrassed if, despite all my previous life and career achievements, I would still be associated with jumping on the couch.

/I'm so much more mature now- I call it a sofa ;)
//Sshhh... don't tell my fiance I jump on it when he's gone

Tom Cruise is NOT gay. At least that is what he said to me when he was busy inserting that
------er in his --- last night.

Tom Cruise is lame.

I hate his stupid face.

I hope he drinks draino and his head explodes.

cause thats the part where his face is and its lame.

Cruise reminds me of that over-excitable kid in high school who was really into Commando comics and completely overdid every joke and milked every mildly humorous situation and while everybody laughed politely as they waited for him to finish, what he didn't notice was that they were all slowly backing away and looking for a way out.

Or is that just me?

Tom Cruise jumped the shark a l-o-n-g time ago.

/Couch?
//Never mind.

Tom Cruise is an everyman - a genuine hero. Without his on-screen superfluous performances and influence on how to live my life WITH LOVE, said life would not be complete. I can not believe some of you people talk dirty about him! He cares for humanity, Xenu is real, and the reproduction of life is special! Stop making fun of this nation's last superhero. Without Tom Cruise our lives would be incomplete!

He also saved my marriage and got me to stop feeding my son Ritalin!

So bash-on, bashers. Fred Phelps will be at your funeral when Xenu returns for your soul.

farking do your nervous breakdown in private ffs. Drink urine, talk to your cats. Plot your revenge, whatever. Just do it quietly and try not to defenestrate yourself.

Threads like these always end up the same:

Person A: Who gives a shiat about Cruise ... christ.

Person B: Obviously you do, you else you wouldn't have posted something.

Person C: Cruise is so stupid.

Person D:

Person E: This thread is lame.

Person F: Screw you, Person E.

and on and on and on ...

If I were Katie Holmes parents, I would pay someone to 86 Cruise. With a father like that, the poor child is doomed before it is born.

How in the hell can anyone ever seriously consider Scientology to be remotely close to a religion? A dead science fiction writer as your demi-god? I mean I could see maybe the Douglas Adams association being a cool religion ... but this?

Wake up and smell the Magnolia, A Few Good Men are Far and Away. This Outsider is Losin' It and it's Risky Business for this Top gun Legend with All the Right Moves. His Endless Love for The Color of Money and Cocktails Taps out.
With Eyes Wide Shut its an Impossible Mission to make out the Space Station in the Vanilla Sky. Through Interviews with the Vampire, Jerry Maguire's Firm Reigns, Man. Although Born on the Fourth of July, its a Minority Report in this War of the Worlds, Days of Thunder are ahead for this Last Samurai Young Gun.

The megastar was the guest of honor at Yahoo's quarterly "Influential Speakers"...

I guess Lil' Jon was not available.

Okay, who here has a tail? Be honest.

I'll go first, I DO NOT have a tail. Your turn.

/this is important research

shoot the farker--end all our misery--give his roles to someone who can act

Free Katie!

Okay, whatever one's profession is, and however successful one is at it, freaking out in public and being an attention-ho is just annoying and sad.

Yahoo's quarterly "Influential Speakers" event

They are Yahoos, he's a Yahoo. It all makes some kind of weird sense.

The kid should be named L. Ron Butterfly.