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(Tampa Bay Online)   Florida expected to catch fire and burn up shortly. Hopefully hurricanes will then arrive to put it out   ( divider line
    More: Florida  
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6671 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Mar 2006 at 10:16 AM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2006-03-16 08:36:31 AM  
This sucks. I have been down here for 10 years. about 5-6 years ago we had 2 years where there were fires all summer and fall. something like 1/3 of the state burned. there was smoke everywhere all the time.

I have been through both, and i would take a hurricane over mass fires anyday.
2006-03-16 10:19:14 AM  
"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy
2006-03-16 10:19:59 AM  
Come on baby light my fire!
2006-03-16 10:24:03 AM  
I dunno why but the headline really made me giggle. Poor Florida, the wang of America.
2006-03-16 10:25:05 AM  
Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshiats.

/Learn to swim?
2006-03-16 10:28:36 AM  
Frootcake: "..."about 5-6 years ago we had 2 years where there were fires all summer and fall. something like 1/3 of the state burned. there was smoke everywhere all the time."

Bleh, I was here too. Hopefully it won't get as bad. Air has been pretty clear here so far. Except for all the damned pollen, thanks to Florida's "instaSpring".
2006-03-16 10:28:57 AM  
You're all more than wecome to come to Arizona this fire season. It's rained once in the last 5 months.
2006-03-16 10:29:49 AM  
Are we being nice to gay people again? Pat said that's why we had the fires the last time.
2006-03-16 10:30:23 AM  
I'm burnin', I'm burnin', I'm burnin' for you ....

2006-03-16 10:30:39 AM  
They said on NBC News the other night 2% of the land in Texas has now been scorched by the wildfires and if you include the fires in the surrounding states an area the size of Delaware has been burned. For some reason I'm rooting for the fire to head towards Bush's ranch. I don't know why.
2006-03-16 10:35:05 AM  
For a period of 3 days, there was literally only one escape route out of south Brevard County in the Fires of 1998. In the central part of the county, there was a fire that closed SR 528 (east-west), I-95 (north-south), and U.S. 1 (north-south). (You might think A1A(north-south), but A1A turns into SR 528 south of Kennedy Space Center). At the extreme south was a fire that closed U.S. 1 and I-95. The only way to get out was to go U.S. 192 (east-west). The vegetation was so dry, that if you threw out a cigarette it would catch fire.

In fact, there was an emergency order I believe that made it a FELONY to throw a lit cigerette out of a vehicle. Plenty of brush fires started by cigarettes into medians.
2006-03-16 10:40:07 AM  
Florida expected to catch fire and burn up shortly. Hopefully hurricanes will then arrive to put it out

Mother Nature thinks of everything.
2006-03-16 10:43:34 AM  
We should dig a big trench across the top so it floats away to ensure domestic security for the rest of us.

/bye bye florida
2006-03-16 10:44:10 AM  

"It's Better Than Where You Yive"
2006-03-16 10:45:20 AM  
Maybe god is punishing Florida for being so completely stupid.
2006-03-16 10:45:57 AM  
Walker, with all that brush W's cleared off his ranch over the past few years, I can't imagine there's anything flammable left.
2006-03-16 10:46:33 AM  
Diogenes: Pollen bad where you're at,too? It's like snow here in some parts of Tampa.
2006-03-16 10:48:30 AM  
During the fires a town near where I lived was evacuated because the fires were very close and there was no electricity because a lot of the power lines in the area had burned down. This was late summer in Florida during a drought and it was pretty hot out. The town survived but it was evacuated for the better part of a week.

I knew a guy who was an assistant manager at the local Publix (a pretty nice grocery store chain mostly in Florida). After the fires they sent him to help clean the store in that town as the refrigeration had been out for days and it had been very hot out.

The smell was truly awful and they threw out the meat, dairy, and produce departments along with anything that had picked up the funk.
2006-03-16 10:50:41 AM  
Forsythe P. Jones: Spring usually doesn't hit me this hard. This year, I want to scratch out my eyes with a fork.

Add the soot from the fires like we had the last time? Black booger time!
2006-03-16 10:52:09 AM  
...a pretty nice grocery store chain mostly in Florida)

Impossible. Something nice in Florida? Unbelievable.
2006-03-16 10:53:22 AM  
milk_plus: Sometimes I really admire Publix. They are voluntarily installing generators in their stores this year for the hurricane season.

The gas stations had to be told by the state to do the same.
2006-03-16 10:54:10 AM  
About damn time..
2006-03-16 10:55:37 AM  
Bush running Florida. Bush used to run Texas. Obviously, this is Bush's fault.
2006-03-16 10:59:21 AM  
Sometimes I really admire Publix.

Me too. Great store. Great employer.
2006-03-16 11:01:04 AM  
I love Publix. They got the best looking cashiers.

Now, Winn-Dixie, how the hell have they been in business at all over the last twenty years?
2006-03-16 11:01:54 AM  
Sometimes I really admire Publix.

Publix is big up here around Atlanta. It's where I do all my grocery shopping. So much cleaner and better food than Kroger or ChinaMart.

/Not quite up to Harry's level yet tho.
2006-03-16 11:04:10 AM  
Worst in five years!!!!

I remember back in aught-one...
2006-03-16 11:04:18 AM  
I love Publix. They got the best looking cashiers.


My publix is all rich MILFs buying groceries from FSU co-ed cashiers. All my fantasies in one place. Nice.
2006-03-16 11:05:31 AM  
Now, Winn-Dixie, how the hell have they been in business at all over the last twenty years?

They're bankrupt. But it didn't stop them from giving their CEO a million dollar bonus.
2006-03-16 11:06:02 AM  
Dubya's_Coke_Dealer: Now, Winn-Dixie, how the hell have they been in business at all over the last twenty years?

Beats the hell out of me. That place stinks outside! Last time I went to one, my checkout girl was some white-trash Britney wannabe named.....*drum roll*...."Starleen". No joke.
2006-03-16 11:06:09 AM  

I'm about 15 miles from USF, so I have nothing but jailbait running the registers at Publix. It's a sad state of affairs.
2006-03-16 11:08:44 AM  
I'm about 15 miles from USF, so I have nothing but jailbait running the registers at Publix. It's a sad state of affairs.

I went to USF for a spell. A VERY nice campus in a VERY neat part of Tampa. But hey, there's NOTHING good about Florida, right?
2006-03-16 11:28:34 AM  
5 years ago I made this pic without ever leaving home.
[image from too old to be available]
I prefer Hurricanes
2006-03-16 11:30:48 AM  

Are talking about Club Publix?
2006-03-16 11:31:26 AM  
Look ye, upon the Ocala Hooters and despair! It ain't all pretty young college girls around.

I grew up in Florida I think a lot of Florida's bad reputation comes from the interesting people who migrate there. We do have our own bunch of nuts but we also tend to take in a few from elsewhere. I'm not talking about the decent people who come there to work and play in a fairly nice climate. Good folks come from all over and they don't tend to make for interesting episodes of COPS in Miami/Jacksonville/Tampa/Key West/Daytona/Orlando. The retirees don't tend to cause trouble either unless you're behind a giant Caddy on the interstate doing 50 or in line behind an old woman complaining about a tomato to a grocery store clerk for 5 minutes.

I'm talking about the people who are fresh out of jail for sex crimes/murder/arson/robbery/kiddy porn in some other state. There are a shiat load of these people and they are drawn to Florida by the thousands.
2006-03-16 11:36:35 AM  
Are talking about Club Publix?

Actually Club Publix (or the Pick-up Publix) is on Ocala near Campus. And I must say, magnifique! Aisle after aisle of nubile, tiny co-eds away from home for the firt time. Yum-Yummy!

MY Publix is in Killearn where the MILFs roam free like squirrels in the park.
2006-03-16 11:38:11 AM  
Look ye, upon the Ocala Hooters and despair!

Ocala? Who goes to Ocala? Isn't that the home of some end-time cult or something?
2006-03-16 11:42:08 AM  
*kicks back in rocking chair, lights pipe*

I remember the fires of '98. I was there. Yessir.

Living in Ormond Beach at the time. We was trapped. I-95 was closed in both directions, and SR40 was closed west of I-95. No one could get in, and no one could get out.

[image from too old to be available]


*looks off into distance, chokes back tears*
2006-03-16 11:51:06 AM  
Well.. People of florida just gotta have Faethe. That will cure your problems.
2006-03-16 11:51:24 AM  
"People don't understand if it's green, it will still burn," Sutphen said.

The potheads know this well.

Also, isn't Florida one big peat bog? I mean, that would be nasty if the peat somehow combusted.
2006-03-16 11:52:57 AM  
damn florida sucks
2006-03-16 11:56:38 AM  
Caught an olderster and his wife driving down the wrong side of the road last night on the way home. It was nifty.

Two lanes going each way, median with trees and stuff in the middle. Residential. Guy next to me slows down for some reason, and I notice that the back of the car in front of me looks really strange. In fact it is the front of a car. Guy next to be motors on, and the oldster keeps driving slowly towards me. I am stopped. And I'm on the horn. Not really in agitation, I just wanted to get his attention. So one short blast isn't goign to cut it.

I stay on the horn as he creeps forward towards my car, and I'm stopped in the middle of the road. He raises his hands as if to say 'What are you doing?!. I raise my hand and point to the other side of the road. They don't look over. There is another car coming down the other road, so I point at it and look straight at it and point my head at it.

It finally dawns on them, so he pulls around me and I make my turn, but I pause and watch him slip into the correct lane through a break in the median.
2006-03-16 11:58:00 AM  
The Ocala Hooters isn't a destination it is a sad little oasis in the middle of some of the finest and most boring horse breeding areas in the US.
2006-03-16 11:59:17 AM  
...wait, Floriduh being incinerated is a bad thing?
2006-03-16 12:12:19 PM  
mrshadow: In the central part of the county, there was a fire that closed SR 528 (east-west), I-95 (north-south), and U.S. 1 (north-south). (

Next time try Babcock all the way down to Fellsmere.

/Palm Bay
//off of Babcock
2006-03-16 12:17:32 PM  
If you've ever had to smell nothing but burning wood for over a month every time you stepped outside, or watched huge pieces of ash fall on your property, or listened to reports that the fires 1/2 mile from your house were out of control, you wouldn't think this is so funny.

Now you punks get off my lawn before I call the cops.
2006-03-16 12:39:28 PM  

I was one of many of the unlucky folks living west of I-95 on SR 40 that year. The fire had suddenly changed direction and started burning right up to SR 40. We had about an hour to pack up whatever we could and get the hell out. Scary as hell. In order to get into Daytona with family, we actually had to go west on 40, get on 17 south through DeLand, and then get on 92 to head east into Daytona ..

No one lost their houses out there when all was said and done. The firefighters were absolutely amazing. Kudos given to this day.
2006-03-16 12:49:19 PM  
The firefighters were great. They came from all over the world to help out, and they worked their arses off. They saved a lot of homes and many lives.
2006-03-16 12:50:04 PM  
It was a good headline. Man, living in Florida just sucks, huh. Thank God for Texas. At least the yankees have some place to go when the lights go out, the Louisiana folks have some place to go when the rains set in, and the Floridians have Jeb Bush so they don't need anything else.

2006-03-16 12:52:09 PM  
dont live in usa but have been to florida on holiday several times

on the second time i went, around 2001 (i think), i could see a fire the other side of the I-4 from my hotel balcony (orlando) and burning leaves were landing on the car park along with huge ash clouds hanging aroud the area
was scary as f*ck, definiteley not a situation id like my home/ busines to be near

/florida rules
//yes im a farking tourist
///love the cheap pc games though
////Slashie to the power of 4
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