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(CNN)   Five ways to tell if you're rich and retarded   (money.cnn.com) divider line 107
    More: Dumbass  
•       •       •

43425 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jan 2006 at 8:19 PM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



107 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2006-01-17 08:40:31 PM  
Is anyone else amused by Paris' grammatically incorrect shirt?
 
2006-01-17 08:42:28 PM  
25. four words: diamond encrusted vagina de-sander
 
2006-01-17 08:42:56 PM  
47. You have a Batman Tim-Burton-yellow-oval t-shirt.

/no, seriously, this is how we used to know who to bug at my school fair at high school.
 
2006-01-17 08:42:57 PM  
25. You hate black people.
 
2006-01-17 08:43:59 PM  
Instead of breast implants, you opt for transplants.
 
2006-01-17 08:45:24 PM  
I was in an airplane one time and found a magazine someone had left called something like "Upscale: The magazine for the affluent lifestyle". It was basically a bunch of different articles about ways to spend humungous amounts of money. But rather than being from the perspective of "Polo/Airplanes/Boats are interesting, here's how expensive they are" it was like "Polo/Airplanes/Boats are expensive, here's how interesting they are." It was a weird magazine.
 
2006-01-17 08:45:36 PM  
56. You try to keep a numbered list going a greenlit fark thread.
 
2006-01-17 08:45:54 PM  
If you think anyone reading Fark.com is rich...

www.autothing.com

And with that said:

6. You can get into the White House, side-stepping the intelligence requirement
 
2006-01-17 08:46:19 PM  
30. You regularly use valet parking

/yes think shirt grammer is hilarious
//would love to point it out to her
///and woo her with my grammer skillz
////double slashy
 
2006-01-17 08:47:48 PM  
omg george bush is teh stoopid!!1!!

josh3736 Of course we noticed, this is fark.
 
2006-01-17 08:48:58 PM  
www.pbs.org obvious
 
2006-01-17 08:49:03 PM  
You got in on your last name, only to embarrass it.

Matt Drudge, Matt Taibbi, Pat Robertson, Esther Dyson, James Dyson, George W. Bush, Peter Benchley, Mariel Hemingway, Paris Hilton, Osama bin Laden, Jakob Dylan, Pauly Shore...
 
2006-01-17 08:49:27 PM  
you buy a pony with gold-plated hoofs as a pet for your Arabian steed.
 
2006-01-17 08:52:54 PM  
Sinto: you buy a pony with gold-plated hoofs as a pet for your Arabian steed.

Don't you make fun of Buttons. Buttons is a good little pony, and he loves his daddy. You're FIRED.
 
2006-01-17 08:56:18 PM  
Nelson laugh at Mr_Ectomy.
 
2006-01-17 08:56:28 PM  
63. Your name is Robert Kennedy Jr. the great environmentalist and you block an alternative energy windfarm project because it'll spoil your view of Cape Cod.
 
2006-01-17 08:56:55 PM  
31. You size your custom-built yacht to the max slip size at your marina(s) of choice, and biatch when you cannot berth your mega-boat.

"Many places that we go to, you can't get in the marina because our draft is too deep," said Mr. Kaufman, 77, a senior managing director at Mesirow Financial."

http://travel2.nytimes.com/2006/01/13/travel/escapes/13yacht.html

/Yes, registration required.
 
2006-01-17 09:00:51 PM  
n-1. You have participated in the Upper Class Twit of the Year contest.
 
2006-01-17 09:02:03 PM  
I refuse to read all the way down, has anyone offered "You spend all your work days reading and posting in Fark?"

/why yes, those other fingers Are pointing back at me.
 
2006-01-17 09:02:24 PM  
Every once in a while I day dream about opening a diner that has a 75 dollar hamburger. Everything else on the menu is regular price and there is a regular priced hamburger but then there is also one that cost 75 dollars.

yeah, I bet someone would rather blow 70 bucks to show off in a diner rather than, say, give it to a what-cha-call-it, charity.
 
2006-01-17 09:03:34 PM  
Your name is not Chevy Chase
 
2006-01-17 09:03:39 PM  
47. You sponsor me for total fark
 
2006-01-17 09:03:44 PM  
you vote democrat.

/libertarian
 
2006-01-17 09:04:12 PM  
...you win the lottery, and blow half the money in an attempt to win they lottery again.
 
2006-01-17 09:06:11 PM  
win *the* lottery.

Apparently I'm retarded, but not rich.
 
2006-01-17 09:07:29 PM  
156. You spend all your work days reading and posting in Fark.

/puts head down
 
2006-01-17 09:13:12 PM  
radioberlin:

Some city guide had the following as treats you can get in NYC:

$1,000 Sundae, Serendipity 3
$1,000 Omelette, Norma's
$419 Caviar Service, Petrossian
$320 Truffle Menu, Alain Ducasse
$300 Chef Menu, Masa
$100 Cheesesteak, Barclay Prime
$100 Veggie Menu, Charlie Trotter's
$95 Steak, Old Homestead
$49 Lobster Pot Pie, Aqua
$29 Cheeseburger, db bistro moderne

So, there you go...
 
2006-01-17 09:13:48 PM  
I don't know why rich people are so retarded. I think that money should go to smart people. Then should you ever slide into stupid then it will be taken from you.

/That's doesn't make any sense.
 
2006-01-17 09:14:37 PM  
Every once in a while I day dream about opening a diner that has a 75 dollar hamburger. Everything else on the menu is regular price and there is a regular priced hamburger but then there is also one that cost 75 dollars.

yeah, I bet someone would rather blow 70 bucks to show off in a diner rather than, say, give it to a what-cha-call-it, charity.


Ha! This is great. You could have baloons and music and everything ready to play when some jerk orders it. And don't try to pump it up... just tell them it's a regular burger for $74.99. Then when they buy it, drop the baloons, have the music start, and a big sign that comes down which should read "You've just won the jerk of the year award". Then you can boot him out of the place (use security) and give everyone in line a free meal.

I'm pumped.

If you need an invester let me know, I've got lots of cash to blo... oh. Never mind.

/crap
//mmm Muskoka, the topical pain reliever for the brain
 
2006-01-17 09:17:53 PM  
undefined

Hopefully, you would have them pay before you kick them out.
 
2006-01-17 09:20:00 PM  
Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car.
 
2006-01-17 09:20:53 PM  
The rich and retarded often look lost.
img.photobucket.com
 
2006-01-17 09:23:07 PM  
That column was much less about money and much more about gossip. I hate to see people freaking out because rich people waste money in more extravagant ways than normal people. So what if a family decides to fly their dog back from vacation on their private jet? If they're rich enough to own a private jet in the first place, they're sure as hell rich enough to use it for something like that without worrying about the consequences.

To me, it's worse to see a person struggling paycheck-to-paycheck rack up a $500 credit card bill on unnecessary junk than seeing someone with money coming out of his ass blow a small fortune on a new car for his dog.

$38 water is pretty damn silly, but so is $4 water... I'm just annoyed with society's infatuation with the rich and famous in this country.
 
2006-01-17 09:26:14 PM  
pummisher

Crap.

mmm... Muskoka topical pain reliever, for the brain.
 
2006-01-17 09:30:37 PM  
65. You have several Guiness bar towels.
 
2006-01-17 09:33:33 PM  
33. You lie your country into a war and then lose the war and can't pull out.

Very rich and very retarded.
 
2006-01-17 09:33:45 PM  
They hang around people who work with their hands (and actually work for a short period to feel like Jesus) to negate the "silver spoon" complex.

//That should be #1.
 
2006-01-17 09:42:15 PM  
34. You follow a religion thought up by a science fiction writer.
 
2006-01-17 09:45:16 PM  
I just attended a lecture about that the rich are frustrated because it has become difficult to show everybody that they are rich since everyone has bling and louis vuitton nowadays. The point was that the rich now want ways to show that they are rich in a way that ordinary people can't replicate. If you belong to that group of people you might have mental issues...
 
2006-01-17 09:58:08 PM  
"What reward do people have to work hard and become rich, when they can only afford two Lear Jets and a mansion per year, and don't even have the pleasure of watching the poor get rickets?"
 
2006-01-17 10:05:53 PM  
6. You voted for Bush AND actually got a tax break.
 
2006-01-17 10:07:42 PM  
That column was much less about money and much more about gossip. I hate to see people freaking out because rich people waste money in more extravagant ways than normal people.
A) if it was about gossip, he would be name dropping. B) he lists dollar amounts.

So what if a family decides to fly their dog back from vacation on their private jet? If they're rich enough to own a private jet in the first place, they're sure as hell rich enough to use it for something like that without worrying about the consequences.

in some of those cases the consequences fall on their employees. you've obviously never been laid off from a company so the CEO can keep getting his ridiculously high paychecks, even though the reason the company is doing so badly is entirely his fault.

To me, it's worse to see a person struggling paycheck-to-paycheck rack up a $500 credit card bill on unnecessary junk than seeing someone with money coming out of his ass blow a small fortune on a new car for his dog.

that's all situational, the idiot that screws himself is not nearly as bad as the asshole that screws others to maintain his lifestyle.

but i agree that the infatuation with the rich and famous is retarded :)
 
2006-01-17 10:08:22 PM  
autothing: If you think anyone reading Fark.com is rich...

Robbie Rakete is rich in spirit and he reads Fark.

/no, really
 
2006-01-17 11:01:19 PM  
101. You are wearing a "MR F" bracelet.
 
2006-01-17 11:20:28 PM  
n. You ride the new Cadillac Autobus Cort -- or even its main domestic competitor, the Lincoln Short Bus.

n+1 Or on a similar special education transportation theme, if the E350 that comes to pick up you and the other "slow" folks every morning is a Mercedes-Benz, not a Ford, you're probably a rich retard.


/"Town Car" is English for "Sedan de Ville"
//E350 is both a mid-duty van and a luxury car. I find that funny.
 
2006-01-17 11:23:55 PM  
You become a dem senator from Mass
 
2006-01-17 11:29:50 PM  
either one
 
2006-01-17 11:34:43 PM  
www.bustedtees.com
 
2006-01-17 11:54:29 PM  
#102 - Your last name is Federline and you're going to release a hip-hop album.
 
2006-01-18 12:25:53 AM  
If I was rich (not necesarily retarded) I wouldn't give a shiat what others tought about me.

I would wear 5 dollar t-shirts or $50k suit whenever I felt like it.

I would adopt a mutt and then buy a BMW just to take it to the vet.

Then I would go to the trendiest restaurant and order rice, beans and fried chicken. And if they wouldn't let me in, I would buy the place and sack the Maitre d'

In short, I would either waste or invest my money as I pleased. But since I'm poor (and retarded) I have to spend my money the way my creditors want me to.

Oh, well. At least I can adopt a mutt.
 
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