This is simple. If a bunch of damn kids try to take your pizzas, tell them the toppings are hot peppers, anchovies and green olives. They won't want any part of them.

Cincinnati? Was it Snappy Tomato Pizza?

Or, better yet..Snappy Cicada Pizza?

a $2 what?

a $2 round-house kick to the face

Yes, Richard D. James is God.

My ex lived in Ireland for a few years and used to tell me stories about the gangs of 12 - 16 yr old girls there. She was on a bus one time when a few of them came on and noticed an arabic/persian gentleman sitting down in the front. Supposedly, after a few minutes of yelling profanity at him, they rushed him and beat him up until the bus driver intervened.

My point: IRA could knock Islamic terrorists the fcuk out. Joking, point is I guess they can get pretty rough in Ireland b/c she was deftly afraid of them.

I can believe the pizza delivery guy. Teenage girls, and increasingly pre-teens, can be very violent. As any Canadian who followed the Reena Virk story can tell you.

"a pack of girls".....
Is this what they're called collectively? Isn't that dogs? Have I just answered my own question?

Cincinnati, huh?

If they catch those girls before the weekend, there's only one thing to do. Put 'em in place of the Bengal defense against the Steelers.

I was attacked by 5 11-14 year old girls once, and no way did they come anywhere close to knocking me to the ground. They simply don't even have the upper body strength, even when there's 5 of them.

Maybe it was a bunch of Jonny-No-Stars from McDonalds....these fast food chains will pull out all the stops in a flame grill/oven war.

/cut mine into 8
//and the pizza

macdaddy357
This is simple. If a bunch of damn kids try to take your pizzas, tell them the toppings are hot peppers, anchovies and green olives. They won't want any part of them.

Heh, do pizzerias even offer anchovies any more? I've never seen anybody actually order them.

superdude72

"I was attacked by 5 11-14 year old girls once, and no way did they come anywhere close to knocking me to the ground. They simply don't even have the upper body strength, even when there's 5 of them."

Hence the name 'superdude'

This would be a fantastic "delivery or digiorno" commercial. Would 11-14 year old girls be able to tell the difference?

If you're that afraid of 12 year olds, just start rapping at them like you're trying to fit in. They'll be knocking each other over to get away from you...

"I said-a Hip, Hop... a hippee to the yippee to the don't stop a knockin, to the bang-bus your mother, to the rip-rock-rippiddee doo!"

And to think, if he'd have fought back, he'd be in jail for assaulting defenseless 11-year-old angels. Sick.

This story is pretty sad, but it reminds me of a funny story.

I took my little daughter grocery shopping a few weeks ago and when we got home I noticed that she had grabbed a pack of gum from the check-out line and had taken it home. She basically shop-lifted it! I wouldn't describe her as "wild and crazed" but I still beat her little behind until she knew how wrong it was to steal! Girls will do anything.

Sidenote: Her mother got mad at me for hitting her, but her mother's the biggest biatch I know, so what does she know? I wish I could sick these wild dog-girls on her ungrateful ass.

pizzown3d

tricycleracer:


I'm still laughing......that was great!

more like OBVIOUS!

Do you people live in Mayberry? 5-7yr old girls are RUTHLESS! Not only do they tease you and steal your stuff, they kick hard enough to leave sole-shaped bruises and rip the lights off your bike.

/the horra

Yeah, I'll take a Slim Jim, that newest issue of Boobies Magazine, and uh... how 'bout a six-pack of Girl Scouts?

/been done yet?
//been done poorly yet?

/raped from fashiontravesty.com

... ohhh the power of suggestion... just ordered pizza online for dinner from pizza hut ;)

I'll do a GIS for 'pack of girls' to help the po-po with their enquiries for suspects.

/no officer, my hard drive is full of suspects from previous cases of bikini related crime too.
//sorry

NCg8r to the bang-bus your mother

Wow. Just...wow.

tricycleracer

I'd hit it too, but only if tickets came out of the little slot.

Look, don't take your hang-ups out on me! Talk to the Sugar Hill Gang if you don't like their lyrics...

/WTF? didnt show pic?
//fixed
///hopefully

We had a case here several years ago where four teenage girls, 15 to 17, robbed a Domino's, except they were armed with guns...

They were apprehended within about an hour and it turned out they did it to impress their boyfriends who had been robbing convenience stores in the previous weeks.

The kicker is that their boyfriends had thus far gotten away with it but when the girls got caught they spilled their guts and the cops arrested their boyfriends for the earlier crimes...

Mind you, I'm not a sexist or anything. I think women are just as capable of pulling off a robbery as a guy, it's just these girls were idiots....

They needed money to pay for their Victoria Secrets purchases...

Girls are evil. And have cooties.

I thought I was the only one who had the little girl and pizza dream

I worked at a resaurant during high school that included a "Pizza Hut Express" as a side-business. I didn't normally have anything to do with the pizza operations, but one night I answered the phone and took an order. Because of my unfamiliarity with the pizza operations, all I did was take the order and the address (not the phone number or name).

When the delivery guy got to the house, some kids were out front. They came and took the pizzas and said their Dad was around back to pay. Of course, there was no Dad around back and it turns out that no one lived at that house at the time.

The police questioned me for about 20 minutes. They thought I must have something to do with the fake order, because I hadn't taken a name/number, et cetera.

Once when i was a pizza delivery guy, i randomly would attack groups of 11-14 year old girls. ahhh, those were the days.

If the driver had gotten the pizza to the girls in less than 30 minutes, nothing would have happened.

Wait...I saw this porno...

It's easy to get knocked over by a pack of young girls when you're not allowed to full-on closed-fist punch them in the face and stomp them when they fall.

Unless he had an erection the whole time, which happens to me when I'm surrounded by 14-year-old girls. That also makes it difficult to fight back.

Little girls are evil. Beware, Pizza Man, your days are numbered. The next time you are out on the street, just look over your shoulder; you will see a little girl smiling. She wants you dead. Consider this a warning.

Wow...I just had the most amusing image in my head after reading the title.


/pictured gangs of kids roaming the street randomly attacking pizza men

Amanda Wenk and her hottie underage friends wanted for questioning.

Obviously you've never taught middle school. 11-14 year old girls are vicious amoral pack hunters, much like velociraptors . They just usually accomplish their violence verbally or out of sight of authority figures. Parents are much less willing to accept the truth with their girls, too. I remember trying to convince one set of parents that on the field trip we had to talk to security at Epcott Center because yes, their sweet little upper middle class Caucasian 12 year old daughter really had ran up to Goofy, repeatedly stomped on his foot and called him a f*cker." The literally refused to believe me. You've never seen a more smug look on a 12 year old.

silly fools......its not delivery, its Digiorno

Did any of them look like that girl from FEAR 'cus she's scary!

Don't be comin up in here wif dat extra cheese unless you wanna cap in yo azz pizza Boy !!
/ Farker brought a salad..Kick his azzzzz...

One of my friends was attacked and mugged by a pack of ten or fifteen young kids (both genders, 13 and under). . . for her Halloween candy. In front of our college.
Remember what it was like to be fearless?

Impossible to defend yourself against young girls and they know it.

What are you going to do, fight back and have them scream rape and spend the rest of your life getting your house torched because you're on the sex offender registry?

naveline: One of my friends was attacked and mugged by a pack of ten or fifteen young kids (both genders, 13 and under). . . for her Halloween candy. In front of our college.

Did your friend fight back at all, or get a kick/punch in? (I don't mean to be all "Well... if was ME..." I can understand how something like that could just take you a second to realize what was going on.)

I'm thinking that if a pack of preteenish girls/boys tries to assault me, provided that the weight ratio of the encounter was in my favor and whether or not I would be better off running, I'd be punting some girls and knocking some teeth loose. It seems like it would be easier to knock a 13-year old out than someone my own size/age.

But then again, I really loved the Family Guy episode where they were punching all the midget mobsters that looked just like elementary school kids in a classroom. Or something to that effect.

What are you going to do, fight back and have them scream rape and spend the rest of your life getting your house torched because you're on the sex offender registry?

If you just kill them do you still have to register as a sex offender?