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(CourtTV)   Retired judge headed for trial again on bench use of penis pump. In other news, he shaved his pubic area during closing arguments in high-profile murder case   ( divider line
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12946 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Jan 2006 at 2:46 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

86 Comments     (+0 »)

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2006-01-04 12:57:39 PM  
Here comes the judge.
2006-01-04 01:06:03 PM  
Is he using the penis pump in the file photo they've got there?
2006-01-04 01:07:14 PM  
This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
2006-01-04 01:11:16 PM  
Now THAT'S a guy with a steady hand.

/and a see-thru robe
2006-01-04 01:14:10 PM  
submitter: n other news, he shaved his pubic area during closing arguments in high-profile murder case

You know, those closing arguments are far more boring than on Law and Order.

I have wished I could shave my nads instead of listened to them too.
2006-01-04 01:33:20 PM  
Now I understand why justice is blind.
2006-01-04 01:44:30 PM  
WTF? Possible jail sentence of up to 41 years?
2006-01-04 01:52:01 PM  
WTF? Possible jail sentence of up to 41 years?

That's reasonable. Unless, of course, he was dreaming about this lady... [image from too old to be available]

Look at the size of those knockers.
2006-01-04 02:39:54 PM  
They take their masturbation seriously in Oklahoma, Some Bass Playing Guy.
2006-01-04 02:49:23 PM  
How in the hell do you masturbate with air?
2006-01-04 02:49:31 PM  
Liberal activist judge!!!1!
2006-01-04 02:50:20 PM  
Panelists from two criminal trials and one civil trial told police they heard whooshing noises from the bench, which they likened to the sound of "a hemorrhoid donut" or a blood-pressure cuff.

What the hell is a hemorrhoid donut?
2006-01-04 02:50:41 PM  
Judge not, lest ye be judged
2006-01-04 02:51:00 PM  
This story is absolutely hilarious.

/for real!
2006-01-04 02:52:13 PM  
Man, I'd hate to be the guy that's now sitting in his old chair. And the underside of the desk/bench thing. *shudder*
2006-01-04 02:52:49 PM  
Quartermaster Clerk: One Swedish-made penis enlarger.

Austin Powers: [to Vanessa] That's not mine.

Quartermaster Clerk: One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers.

Austin Powers: I'm telling ya baby, that's not mine.

Quartermaster Clerk: One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.

Austin Powers: I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.

Quartermaster Clerk: One book, "Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby", by Austin Powers.
2006-01-04 02:55:15 PM  
mmmm hemorrhoid donut.
2006-01-04 02:56:01 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Part of the Chimp clan?

[image from too old to be available]
2006-01-04 02:59:06 PM  
When is the world going to realize that the only thing humans want to do is copulate, eat and sleep? Not even a judge, who is supposed to keep his mind on his work dispensing justice, can escape the sensual siren song of a penis pump. Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft...
2006-01-04 02:59:18 PM  
Yet another example of how the best fiction doesn't hold a candle to the weirdness that occurs in the real world.
2006-01-04 03:00:21 PM  
that guy looks like William Devane.

[image from too old to be available]
2006-01-04 03:01:55 PM  
I thought the shaving part of the headline was a made-up punchline until I RTFA.

2006-01-04 03:04:41 PM  
Look, you gotta groom yourself sometime. It's called multitasking!!!
2006-01-04 03:05:26 PM  
Maybe its just me, but the most disturbing phrase in that article was "hemorrhoid donut".

/is there anything they can't do?
2006-01-04 03:06:48 PM  
"Judge James Bland"? I'm sure that guy's a thrill to hang out with.

"The name's Bland. James Bland."
2006-01-04 03:07:28 PM  
I was thinking more of a Fred Dryer look.
2006-01-04 03:08:45 PM  
Could you say he's hard-on crime?
2006-01-04 03:08:55 PM  
Like we all haven't whistfully whiled away a few hours listening to lawyers drone on and on, while shaving our Johnstons. I mean really, haven't we?
2006-01-04 03:09:00 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2006-01-04 03:09:36 PM  
fiddle-dee-dee: sensual siren song? \thats classic \\this jam session brought to you by the letter S.
2006-01-04 03:10:05 PM  
fap fap fap fap fap fap fap
2006-01-04 03:10:07 PM  
How many times did this nutsack bacteria sit up there on his bench in judgement of 'lesser men' while secretly guilty of the same thing for which he sent people to jail? I think any judge that gets caught like this asshole did, deserves to be sentenced to the same amount of time he passed out, in the general population of the same prison he filled...

I've seen some 'eccentric' judges in my time, even stood before one or two, thinking, "Who are YOU to judge?".

This buttmunch takes the cake, though.
2006-01-04 03:11:10 PM  
Do any of us really need to know what some judge is doing behind his bench?
2006-01-04 03:11:12 PM  
Daylight Donut clerk: May I help you?

Customer: Yes. I would like a dozen hemorrhoid donuts. With sprinkles.
2006-01-04 03:12:52 PM  
mmm... butt sprinkles...

2006-01-04 03:13:26 PM  
that guy looks like William Devane.

"Don't shiat where you eat. Or, I mean, where you live. That's it. Don't shiat where you live."
2006-01-04 03:14:56 PM  
I have never laughed so much!! Between TFA and this thread!! Good thing I set my soda down ahead of time, I don't think this monitor could take another hit!
2006-01-04 03:15:00 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

2006-01-04 03:15:05 PM  
hemorhoid donut
leather cheerio
puckered starfish

Yup... every word associated with someone's butthole makes me giggle.
2006-01-04 03:15:13 PM  
Explicit photos of HIMSELF?!?!
2006-01-04 03:16:59 PM  
Wow, this guy is an master freak.

Makes us mediocre freaks look bad.
2006-01-04 03:18:13 PM  
maybe it was a case of a few strippers and they were explaining (in detail) what they were caught doin????
2006-01-04 03:19:18 PM  
In his defense, it was a pubic trial...
2006-01-04 03:19:46 PM  
kelcam: Now I understand why justice is blind.

2 points for you.
2006-01-04 03:20:50 PM  
fark, i thought the part about shaving himself was made up by submitter.


that's funny though.
2006-01-04 03:22:06 PM  
Perhaps the masturbation was a silent form of protest-- many lawyers' closing arguments don't amount to much more than masturbation.

(Except my own of course. Perhaps the key is that I fap enough outside of court.)
2006-01-04 03:22:10 PM  
I wondered if the part about shaving was real, but was too scared to read the article to find out.
2006-01-04 03:22:48 PM  
A well placed tap with his gavel would've stopped that nonsense a long time ago.
2006-01-04 03:24:40 PM  
Man, I'd hate to be the guy that's now sitting in his old chair.

You mean THIS chair?

[image from too old to be available]
2006-01-04 03:24:48 PM  
A "hemorrhoid donut" is a tire-shaped inflatable pillow used for sitting, which is given to people who have had hemorrhoid surgery. They also are used for people with broken tailbones or similar injuries.

All you creative farkers: please feel free to use this to caption the Ric Romero photo; it just looks like a Romero caption now that I see it in print.

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