FARK.com: (1823807) Pennsylvania Christmas tree dealer including free surprise possum with purchase. "The eyes were, like, glowing," says one customer. "I was thinking, 'Oh my God' And I screamed."

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		Pennsylvania Christmas tree dealer including free surprise possum with purchase. "The eyes were, like, glowing," says one customer. "I was thinking, 'Oh my God' And I screamed." (abcnews.go.com)		65
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Jaegermeister_Mann		2005-12-22 05:53:50 PM

/Obligatory

cunning_linguist_dc		2005-12-22 05:57:13 PM

they went out to get a tree and came home with dinner too ...

PembrokeRiseisPeople		2005-12-22 06:01:04 PM

Oh, "Holy Jeez" the possum eyes are shining!

flubby		2005-12-22 06:06:31 PM

I want to hear what Eat More Possum has to say about this.

ArizonaBay		2005-12-22 06:08:59 PM

/I know... I should be shot.

ThisIsGina		2005-12-22 06:13:35 PM

Gotta tell my possum story: When my oldest son was 3 years old I showed him a possum hanging in a tree and he said, "That's no possum. Possums are flat."

chakalakasp		2005-12-22 06:16:16 PM

ArizonaBay		2005-12-22 06:17:58 PM

ThisIsGina

Hah! Did he ever elaborate on why he thought that

/Cute kid, BTW

the_gospel_of_thomas		2005-12-22 06:18:56 PM

/that was AWESOME, chakalakasp. *Not Worthy*

brap		2005-12-22 06:19:45 PM

I once mistook an Opossum on my darkened front porch for my cat Clyde and tried to pet him. Much Satanic-hissing and pants-crapping ensued.

/sorry only opossum story I got

clueyee		2005-12-22 06:22:56 PM

I agree ....YEAH what does EMP think about this?

and chak...that made me spill soda all over my keyboard.

where can i send you the bill?

ThisIsGina		2005-12-22 06:24:24 PM

ArizonaBay

The only possums he'd ever seen up until that day were smashed flat in the road.

:)

ArizonaBay		2005-12-22 06:31:44 PM

ThisIsGina

Oh... oh yes...

/They do get squished a lot.

Valacirca		2005-12-22 06:37:46 PM

whaleburger		2005-12-22 07:05:36 PM

cunning_linguist_dc: they went out to get a tree and came home with dinner too ...

Some people have all the luck!

soupnyc807		2005-12-22 07:08:48 PM

VideoVader		2005-12-22 07:08:56 PM

jcblack		2005-12-22 07:09:26 PM

likely more common than anyone could ever imagine.

reverendfitty		2005-12-22 07:09:30 PM

family guy in 3...2...oh

-3...-2....-1....

Fark Me To Tears		2005-12-22 07:10:40 PM

Hmmm...

Apparently, you can take the tree out of the possum, but you can't take--

What? Why are you looing at me like that?

jayday		2005-12-22 07:10:40 PM

Not a oppossum story but......

Uncle when he was a kid use to trap rabbits in box traps.
He would take the box trap back home and open them in the basement to kill the rabbit.
One day after bringing the box-trap how the rabbit inside started growling.

It seems Bobcats can fit in Box traps.

Vox Sciurorum		2005-12-22 07:12:05 PM

She didn't need to scream. Opossums are more scared of you than you are of them. One came up to my window to eat some birdseed which had been feeding birds and squirrels in the daytime. I said "hi 'possum" and it ran away.

Ever since I read the headline I have Jack Hadney's voice going through my head over and over saying, "because, hey, free possum."

IdgieS		2005-12-22 07:12:44 PM

How do you miss the smell of Possums!??!

I came across a possum once and I will NEVER forget that musty, horrific smell for as long as I live.

/And no, it was not roadkill...
//Slashy Festivus

Iczer		2005-12-22 07:13:58 PM

Potential accomplice?

safeinsane		2005-12-22 07:16:56 PM

I chase one of those fuzzy farkers out of my backyard at least once a week. Also see plenty flattened ones on the road.

They're none too bright, I presume. But it is kinda funny seeing one with its babies clinging to its back as it waddles across the street.

Superjoe		2005-12-22 07:22:12 PM

I call the big one Bitey.

castufari		2005-12-22 07:27:04 PM

Lawsuit in 3...2...

I had one in my house once. On the 2nd floor, I had removed the storm windows and left the window open a bit to vent the room (I was painting). Went upstairs and one was sitting on the sill. I looked at it...thought "damn, that is one ugly sob". It looked at me and probably said the same thing. It hissed then wandered off. It still hangs out in the back at the compost bin. They'll eat anything.

Some guy here as 'em for pets, if they're on a good diet their coat is soft.

missmez		2005-12-22 07:28:21 PM

You know, there was a time when this would have been an amusing anecdote to tell at Christmas dinner, not a goddamned news article.

kryptin420		2005-12-22 07:32:53 PM

Ant		2005-12-22 07:33:42 PM

You couldn't hear a dumptruck driving through a nitro-glycerine plant

conniemac		2005-12-22 07:35:51 PM

Some possum recipes for the lucky family

Recipes

Ant		2005-12-22 07:35:53 PM

Opossums look like miniature ROUSes from Princess Bride

grizzlyjohnson		2005-12-22 07:36:03 PM

OMGWTFBRBPOSSUM!!1!

Scorpinock		2005-12-22 07:36:39 PM

Doggie McNugget		2005-12-22 08:02:45 PM

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To prove to the possum that it could be done!

/rimshot

vossiewulf		2005-12-22 08:03:52 PM

Freshman year at Duke long time ago, me and two friends are getting stoned as monkeys out back of Trent- it was real early in the school year and we were still pretty paranoid. By the second semester people were offering each other bong hits as they walked down the hall, not to mention beer from one of the endless kegs.

Anyway, we're sitting on the ground in this little section of trees, and we were very very stoned, gabbering and giggling away. Suddenly there was the snap of a branch breaking on one side of us, and we spun and found ourselves face to face with the biggest goddamned oppossum I've ever seen.

The three stoned people and the giant opposum sat in a frozen tableau of mutual terror for about three seconds, after which it was like flushing quail, everybody exploded in different directions, screaming like banshees.

I will never forget the image of one of my friends, who's now a banker, running back and forth throught the Trent parking lot, shrieking that he'd almost been eaten by a giant killer oppossum, while maniacally rubbing a scarf all over his head, for no apparent reason other than he was monstrously stoned and freaking out.

Yep kids, those are your parents. We just get pretty good at faking the responsible adult thing.

Mr. Mojo Risin		2005-12-22 08:09:10 PM

Aw shucks, they were just trying to have a Woodland Critter Christmas!

Mumbling Skull		2005-12-22 08:26:10 PM

Do you still get free dung when you subscribe to the Book of the Month club?

RaoulDuke		2005-12-22 08:30:51 PM

that would actually make a great band name "Christmas Tree Possums"....

/good night

brap		2005-12-22 08:35:48 PM

2005-12-22 08:03:52 PM vossiewulf

Great story, but something about it sucks.

emobus		2005-12-22 08:36:26 PM

vossiewulf

I have a similar possum-encounter-while-high-on-drugs story, but it involves getting followed for about a mile and a half down the train tracks in pitch darkness by what at the time was a perpetually squeaking mystery animal. My friend and I were tripping acid and had no idea what this animal could be, since it was shrouded in darkness. We were kind of terrified because we couldn't tell what kind of animal could be cat-sized with glowing eyes and a ratlike tail. At the time we were positive that it was staking us out and was eventually going to kill and eat both of us.

We were pretty damn high, though.

MtLebanonBalogna		2005-12-22 08:50:07 PM

Actually, it probably wasn't a possum, more likely a PA State legislator. Whoops, my bad, that would have been a rat.

/I can't WAIT for the election next year

the_peddler		2005-12-22 10:08:41 PM

ant

Rodents of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.

I always said possums were nature's mistake. Hate those farkers. Used to kill a bunch of 'em in the chicken coop eating my birds when I was a kid.

/farm boy

LetsGo		2005-12-22 10:12:58 PM

That's nothing.
My parent's tree had a bat in it. It didn't come out until they got it home, and then it hissed at my Mom.

LetsGo		2005-12-22 10:15:56 PM

Or "parents'", if you prefer.

/sometimes grammar nazi

bbsjpg		2005-12-22 10:30:02 PM

abdul		2005-12-22 11:00:05 PM

Pussies. I had a possum (an opossum) sneak into my basement one time. I went down there to smoke and he comes out from behind my speaker, hissing like a little bastard. So I grabbed a spare shower curtain rod (it IS a basement, after all) and knocked him out, dragged his ass outside and threw him in the neighbor's garbage can. Please note: I didn't kill him. He was breathing when I threw him in there, and it was at least 4 days until garbage pick up. That's what he gets for surprising me.

Another time, I was checking out a new house in the evening (the sun was just going down), and we found a derelict pool table slate leaning against the wall in the side yard. My potential roommate (we didn't pick that house), pulls it away from the fence to check it out, and out comes this nasty, ragged, possibly rabid possum. He darted out and latched on to my friend's leg, trying to bite him, so he stabbed it in the neck with his pocket knife... and we threw it in the neighbor's garbage can, at my suggestion. It was pretty damn funny at the time.

/Never did find out whether the first one made it out of the trash can alive. I bet he did. He was a fighter.

Pyrosx		2005-12-22 11:12:06 PM

missmez
You know, there was a time when this would have been an amusing anecdote to tell at Christmas dinner, not a goddamned news article.

You know, i've heard of this website.... Fark.com. They post links to funny and weird news from all around the world, not goddamned boring 'person A shot and killed person B' news articles.

Lighten up, moran.

Tricky Dick		2005-12-22 11:15:31 PM

This guy lived at my grandma's house for a few months. I got this picture of him when I was housesitting for her. I spent an hour trying to lure him out so I could get a decent picture. My camera didn't focus properly and the flash scared him off.

quailhunter		2005-12-22 11:18:44 PM

Possums are ugly, and unlike racoons, taste terrible.

BulletTooth_Toeknee		2005-12-22 11:22:22 PM

OK there was this opossum in my kitchen last week. I screamed like a biatch and poked at him with my broom. He did see me as any kind of threat. He eventually left through the cat door. I had to take a xanny.

BulletTooth_Toeknee		2005-12-22 11:23:23 PM

*"didn't"

R3		2005-12-22 11:37:57 PM

So...possum....what family is it?
Rodent?
Marsupial?

Looks like little bit of both.

missmez		2005-12-22 11:39:53 PM

2005-12-22 11:12:06 PM Pyrosx

missmez
You know, there was a time when this would have been an amusing anecdote to tell at Christmas dinner, not a goddamned news article.

You know, i've heard of this website.... Fark.com. They post links to funny and weird news from all around the world, not goddamned boring 'person A shot and killed person B' news articles.

Lighten up, moran.

`Cept its not all that funny and its not all that wierd.

Blow me

conniemac		2005-12-22 11:58:52 PM

R3...here's an informative link for you.
Possumfacts

tamarah		2005-12-23 01:07:11 AM

I used to hate them, but they would frequent my patio so darned often, and eat all the snails from my garden, that I have learned to love the bomb. I mean the oppossum. So, they eat snails and bugs. Already like them. They aren't rats. Even better (hate rats). They're marsupials, so they have cute little pouches...so cute! And they don't bother me during the day. And they're cute..call me crazy, but they're cuter than rats. I hate rats.

Anyway, on our old patio, my husband would be out there reading/smoking/studying away silently for long periods of time, and the oppossums would never see him. So, they'd just walk right in front of him like he was a chair. He'd just watch them slowly meander through and go on their merry, blind way. There was one time that he moved, though, and the oppossum was freaked out beyond compare...and it was trying its best to crawl under the fence, but it just kept ramming its head into the posts until it finally found its way out. Poor guy.

Atharaenea		2005-12-23 01:36:12 AM

My grandpa used to catch raccoons (for the fun of it, I guess, he never killed them), and one time he caught a possum. He opened the trap to let it out, and it wouldn't come out, so he turned it upside down and shook it out. It just stood there on the ground, looking at him, so my grandpa kicked it. It walked off a few feet, turned around, hissed at him, then went up a tree.

alienofamerica		2005-12-23 02:00:41 AM

R3

So...possum....what family is it?
Rodent?
Marsupial?

Looks like little bit of both.

Dinner man

Deep Hurting		2005-12-23 02:01:38 AM

Quando omni flunkus moritati

Fap Fapperson		2005-12-23 02:19:38 AM

possum ... the "other" other white meat

waterrockets		2005-12-23 09:12:32 AM

abdul: Pussies. I had a possum (an opossum) sneak into my basement one time. I went down there to smoke and he comes out from behind my speaker, hissing like a little bastard. So I grabbed a spare shower curtain rod (it IS a basement, after all) and knocked him out, dragged his ass outside and threw him in the neighbor's garbage can. Please note: I didn't kill him. He was breathing when I threw him in there, and it was at least 4 days until garbage pick up. That's what he gets for surprising me.

Another time, I was checking out a new house in the evening (the sun was just going down), and we found a derelict pool table slate leaning against the wall in the side yard. My potential roommate (we didn't pick that house), pulls it away from the fence to check it out, and out comes this nasty, ragged, possibly rabid possum. He darted out and latched on to my friend's leg, trying to bite him, so he stabbed it in the neck with his pocket knife... and we threw it in the neighbor's garbage can, at my suggestion. It was pretty damn funny at the time.

/Never did find out whether the first one made it out of the trash can alive. I bet he did. He was a fighter.

Pfft. My dogs got an opposum in our back yard. They had been barking at them every night as they would walk on the fences. Bugs the sh*t out of me and the dogs. Anyway, this oppossum is playing "possum" in the middle of the yard now, and the dogs don't know what to do with him.

So, I go to my wood shop and grab a 6'foot 3/4" pipe clamp and beat him to death with it.

Oh wait, no, umm, I just threw him in the neighbor's trash can. I didn't kill him. Nope.

/Felt like I was in a movie washing the blood off my pipe clamp
//My dogs think I'm hard core
///We have a frisbee-combo-trick to get squirrels to jump out of trees into their mouths too.
////But of course the dogs don't kill them, they just toss them into the neighbor's garbage can.
/////The slashy man can

Epossumondas		2005-12-23 10:18:33 AM

I love possum stories. Any cute animal story can be improved by changing the animal to a possum. Try it.

Teutonic_Knight		2005-12-23 10:35:51 AM

I saw my parents Tomcat fight a possum. Wow, it was a fight. The possum was almost 2x bigger than the Tomcat, but the cat ended up jumping on its back and biting its neck until it died. Cat needes a stitch near its eye, but otherwise unhurt.

Cats have +3 to rodents

Were_Outta_Bort_License_Plates		2005-12-23 11:24:37 AM

A friend of mine and some other folks were camping and were approached by a pretty largish possum carrying her brood on her back. I guess they might have been a bit wasted, and it came out of the woods, and in the gloaming light, until someone put a flashlight on it anyway, they said the thing was indescribable, this muttering, furry, low-to-the-ground thing with all these pink tentacles and a dozen or more gleaming eyes. They absolutely didn't know what to make of it until they got a light on it and saw that the "tentacles" were the tails of the babies. Funny as shiate story.

Rick-mind-if-I-call-you-Dick		2005-12-23 12:34:55 PM

So they called the cops to get rid of a possum (an opossum??)? So is nobody capable of dealing with the real world anymore without calling in the national guard?

Couple years ago in a Maryland 'burb a doe crawled out of the woods into a suburban back yard and croaked. The woman of the house called every police dept, animal control outfit, county councilperson, vetrinarian, and paperboy she could think of, to have someone "deal with it." They all told her the same thing-- You live in the woods. There are animals there. Sometimes they die. It's not anybody's job to deal with that.

Woman complained to all the local papers, she was really pissed. Eventually the problem "resolved itself," i.e. something ate the thing.

Yum, aged venision...

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