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(St. Petersburg Times)   If your lawyer describes his testicles in closing arguments to jury, you just might get a new trial   (stpetetimes.com) divider line 84
    More: Florida  
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18990 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Dec 2005 at 2:15 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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dahmers love zombie [TotalFark]
2005-12-13 12:37:29 PM
It's OK -- He was wearing his Bad Idea Jeans.
 
krelborne
2005-12-13 01:01:22 PM
This thread is useless without ballsy quote.
 
ChickenGeorgeVII
2005-12-13 01:30:44 PM
 
TommyymmoT [TotalFark]
2005-12-13 01:57:04 PM
I could see describing my testicles to a bank teller, or when delivering a eulogy, but not in court.

Court requires photographic evidence.
 
LewDux
2005-12-13 02:18:43 PM

It'a a boy!
 
medius
2005-12-13 02:20:24 PM
He had the balls to get disbarred for his client.
 
DirtyDeadGhostofEbenezerCooke
2005-12-13 02:20:36 PM
'Hairy and wrinkled' is grounds for a mistrial?
 
Solid State Vittles
2005-12-13 02:21:17 PM
Sounds like the judge got a bit teste.
 
Dasboot
2005-12-13 02:21:27 PM
it takes me half the time to describe my testicles as it used to.

/ball-cancer survivor
 
Theonceovertwice
2005-12-13 02:21:45 PM
I want to see the transcript of that closing argument. How the heck do you incorporate THAT into a court case??
The Smoking Gun is there??
 
the_gospel_of_thomas
2005-12-13 02:21:56 PM
ChickenGeorgeVII

no.

Just ... no.
 
Capt. Happy Hour
2005-12-13 02:22:48 PM
See that court transcript? I want to dip my balls in it!!!
 
realmojo
2005-12-13 02:23:35 PM
Dude, 9 year olds.
 
IHateYourFaceYo
2005-12-13 02:24:16 PM
They're real and they're spectacular!
 
ignoramus
2005-12-13 02:25:15 PM

I approve this headline.
 
CrazyZone
2005-12-13 02:25:21 PM
Another good use of the Florida tag.
 
Uzzah
2005-12-13 02:25:33 PM

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury: Check these suckers out!"
 
Runs_With_Scissors_ [TotalFark]
2005-12-13 02:25:34 PM
I'm visualizing Buck Henry when the cop said, "I was just trying to give them a wedgie."

Gah
 
UberShmoo
2005-12-13 02:26:00 PM
Brilliant legal manouvering....?

/sobbing quietly in the corner
 
Pam EL
2005-12-13 02:26:54 PM
Analysis: total cluster fark.
 
jay-dub
2005-12-13 02:27:05 PM
DirtyDeadGhostofEbenezerCooke
'Hairy and wrinkled' is grounds for a mistrial?
I think they were more 'Dark...and pendulous'.

/not obscure
 
StopArrestingMe
2005-12-13 02:27:08 PM
I also need to see this transcript. Defendant sounds like a retard btw.

Also I'm picturing the lawyer as that rooster from futurama
 
the_alphabetman
2005-12-13 02:28:06 PM
At one point, he marched into the audience and clutched Hedges' family members, hoping to show they supported him. Allan looked at the prosecutors, who seemed about to object. But one prosecutor touched the other's arm, as if to say, No, don't stop him.

Bwahahahaha! God that's hilarious.
 
neonoodle
2005-12-13 02:29:25 PM
The Chewbacca defense?
 
mercator_psi
2005-12-13 02:29:58 PM
Talking about testicles and semen is one thing, but Socrates? What a perv!

Seriously, though, this guy deserves to be disbarred, but alas, about the only thing that can get someone disbarred is accepting sex as payment for legal fees.

Hey, maybe that happened here too. Maybe they should check into it.
 
mekkab
2005-12-13 02:30:27 PM
This is one of the few times on Fark where the RTFA leads to a more bizarre reality that you never knew existed; this is why FLORIDA has its own tag, and you don't.


/I need transcripts, STAT!
 
neven
2005-12-13 02:30:47 PM
I have a feeling that that man over there needs to go right to farking jail.

/you're out of order
 
Gbuphallow
2005-12-13 02:30:54 PM

"Are those balls, because the last time I was here, they were balls"
 
Shepherd
2005-12-13 02:30:56 PM
It's not the Chewbacca defense unless the lawyer was describing Wookie testicles.
 
BlueDog
2005-12-13 02:31:13 PM
I WANNA DIP MY BALLS IN IT!!
 
omelete
2005-12-13 02:31:36 PM
So his first lawyer's strategy was to hope the witnesses would decide not to testify? Kind of the "maybe this will just go away" defense? You can be damn sure if my ass is ever on trial with the possibility of jail time I won't be getting a trafic ticket lawyer to defend me.
 
techmaniac
2005-12-13 02:32:17 PM
If I'da known it was going to be that kinda trial, I'd stick my dick in the mashed potatoes!
 
I_C_Weener [TotalFark]
2005-12-13 02:32:42 PM
The Chewbacca defense?

No. The Chewbacca nut defense.

"See Chewbacca is a boy wookie. He has boy wookie balls. Why am I talking about a wookies' balls? It doesn't make sense."
 
SuperCrackMonkey
2005-12-13 02:34:24 PM
"Drunken hicks of the jury..."
 
Runs_With_Scissors_ [TotalFark]
2005-12-13 02:35:51 PM
Look at the monkey!!!
 
crackwhore
2005-12-13 02:36:33 PM
oh this thread has made me happy
 
Nobody You Know
2005-12-13 02:37:33 PM
Oh my god, I shaved my nards! Therefore, please find the defendant not guilty.
 
ScottScarsdale
2005-12-13 02:37:37 PM
Heavy, black, and pendulous.
 
Dialectic
2005-12-13 02:37:38 PM
Charles Rose, a professor at Stetson University College of Law, said it's rare for a judge to order a new trial based on an argument of ineffective assistance of counsel.

"It's very uncommon," he said. "You have to have an error that was harmful."


Man, that shiat is farked up. I pity the the children who had suffer the alleged abuse from an adult but that's something out a bad comedic performance.
 
neven
2005-12-13 02:38:27 PM


I move for a bad court thingy.
 
conniemac
2005-12-13 02:39:03 PM
Louis Tully: I think you guys are making a big mistake. I do mostly tax law and probate stuff occasionally. I got my law degree at night school.
Ray: Well, that's fine, Louis. We got arrested at night
 
ReverendMediocre
2005-12-13 02:39:36 PM
Dammit! Too late to make the first Arrested Development reference.

/come on HBO, pick it up for the love of GOD!
 
Zyklon B. Goode
2005-12-13 02:40:28 PM
 
whyamibleeding
2005-12-13 02:41:02 PM
jay-dub
I think they were more 'Dark...and pendulous'.

I declare a mis-trial, those are obviously Tina Turners tits!

/Also not obscure
 
So_it_goes
2005-12-13 02:42:06 PM


Lawyer man has a...how you say....very large hram?! Is good!
 
baldwookie
2005-12-13 02:43:32 PM
If it was that bad, I wonder why the judge didn't throw the lawyer in jail for contempt of court.
 
r0cj07p
2005-12-13 02:43:37 PM
"Mr. Simpson, I've argued in front of every judge in this district, often as an attorney."
 
GodsTumor
2005-12-13 02:44:55 PM

Was this the lawyer in question?
 
conniemac
2005-12-13 02:46:13 PM
I'd suggest Denny Crane, but he knee-capped the last client he was court-ordered to defend.
 
r0cj07p
2005-12-13 02:46:14 PM
Your honor, I motion to invoke the writ of "boys will be boys." Motion granted!
 
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