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(Some Guy)   Top 10 legal tips for your office Xmas party. Tip No. 11: Don't invite the lawyers   (out-law.com) divider line 82
    More: Amusing  
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27120 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Dec 2005 at 6:22 PM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2005-12-08 03:39:37 PM  
Good headline submitter
 
2005-12-08 03:51:40 PM  
If telling people to bring a Secret Santa gift, ask that all gifts are inoffensive. Some gifts notably underwear and sex toys have sparked complaints in the past.

Well, hell. I guess I'm not going now.
 
2005-12-08 03:54:51 PM  
Tip #12: When sued by lawyers for not inviting them, hold alternate, lame, party for the next set of lawyers you'll have to hire to defend yourself from the first.
 
2005-12-08 05:14:55 PM  
Tip #13: Forget to invite people from HR
 
2005-12-08 06:26:58 PM  
Hey! Don't kick us out!

/lawyer
//our holiday party only has lawyers (and paralegals)
///not the most exciting party
 
2005-12-08 06:27:43 PM  
18 to drink? Nice. Wish I lived in the UK back in the day.
 
2005-12-08 06:28:34 PM  
I worked at a car dealership for 4 years while I was a youngster.
At every single Christmas party during this time, at least one person got fired.
free booze and cheap carsalesmen are a dangerous combination.

/good times
 
2005-12-08 06:28:46 PM  
Tip #14: Try not to dance.

[image from movieprop.com too old to be available]
 
2005-12-08 06:29:04 PM  
Tip #14: If you actualy find yourself thinking about going to your work xmas party, realize you are a pathetic lame farker.
 
2005-12-08 06:29:56 PM  
What if your office is a law firm?
 
2005-12-08 06:30:41 PM  
Tip #14: If you actualy find yourself thinking about going to your work xmas party, realize you are a pathetic lame farker.

Or are made to feel that it is not mandatory, but strongly suggested...
 
2005-12-08 06:31:31 PM  
If telling people to bring a Secret Santa gift, ask that all gifts are inoffensive. Some gifts notably underwear and sex toys have sparked complaints in the past.

WTF? Are people really that stupid? That's like straight out of The Office.

Dancing on desks is likely to cause damage to property and people. It amounts to misuse of company property as does the photocopying of body parts and other leisure activities on such surfaces.

O RLY?
 
2005-12-08 06:34:36 PM  
Manfred Richthofen: ///not the most exciting party

The last time I ever had a 'company' xmas party was when I worked for a law firm. All rather boring except for the 'blind' santa gifts people brought in. Watching the look on someone's face as they get a Yani CD is quite good.

/Got See's candy myself in it
//Best gift of the evening.
///Fired a few months later
////Good riddance
/////SLASHIES!!!!
 
2005-12-08 06:35:01 PM  
Once again, lawyers suck the fun out of another tradition.
 
2005-12-08 06:35:11 PM  
I work at a law firm, and our party's tomorrow night. I'm going to a friend's party instead. I'll probably bone a 25-year-old non-co-worker too.
 
2005-12-08 06:36:23 PM  
[image from cowd.net too old to be available]

I agree with the no buck wild dancing part. Cheers, Garrettio!
 
2005-12-08 06:36:53 PM  
secure the photocopiers
*or* heh heh
hide a webcam with "continuous save function" in photocopy room
 
2005-12-08 06:38:37 PM  
CtrlAtlDelete
18 to drink? Nice. Wish I lived in the UK back in the day.
It's only 14 if you don't mind standing on the street corner drinking dry cider or alcopops.

/Is in the UK
//Is 22
///Is a barman
////Is a tight arse when it comes to age and ID
/////Is using one too many slashies!
 
2005-12-08 06:41:13 PM  
Tip No. 11: Don't invite the lawyers barristers.

/It's the UK, after all.
//Or should that be "solicitors"?
 
2005-12-08 06:45:40 PM  
7. Misguided by mistletoe
This is one reason why mistletoe is dangerous. A survey reported by ContractorUK found that, while 80% of women would laugh off a pass made by a male co-worker, boss or client, 13% would lodge a complaint.


So remember, one out of every seven female co-workers is an uptight biatch!

/Just kidding, Happy Holidays
//Running away before someone hunts me down and kills me in my sleep...just in case.
 
2005-12-08 06:46:04 PM  
Tip #14: If you actualy find yourself thinking about going to your work xmas party, realize you are a pathetic lame farker.

Actually my company throws a great party. The bosses are actually getting us hotel rooms so we don't have to drive home. And pretty much not planning to do anything the next day.
 
2005-12-08 06:47:10 PM  
"three emplyees of the Whitbread Beer Company got drunk and had a fight after a seminar on improving behavioural skills."

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
 
2005-12-08 06:47:13 PM  
In one case, three emplyees of the Whitbread Beer Company got drunk and had a fight after a seminar on improving behavioural skills.

Oh come on...they made that up.
 
2005-12-08 06:47:55 PM  
[image from nbc.com too old to be available]
 
2005-12-08 06:50:35 PM  
one company that i worked for took everybody out to the fanciest restaurant in town, thus boozing and sexings were kept to the minimums. i had a bison steak, it was good. never had bison before that, probably can never afford it again.
 
2005-12-08 06:51:10 PM  
I work at a law firm, and our party's tomorrow night. I'm going to a friend's party instead. I'll probably bone a 25-year-old non-co-worker too.

I am sure he will enjoy it.
 
2005-12-08 06:52:00 PM  
I like my company party.
I'm the only employee so I just toss a small one, I provide for all the employees a bag of weed a bottle of booze a half case of beer and then I decide that's way too much for just one person and call up some friends and have a good time instead of being pathetic.
 
2005-12-08 06:52:32 PM  
Wow! Sounds like they have some wild ass Xmas parties over in GB. All I've ever experienced is the usual, pull someone's name out of a hat to give a small gift to kind of thing.

Getting soused! Desk dancing! Wild gifts! Christmas tree knocking over! Drugs in the loo! Photocopying of arses! Now THAT's an office party!!!!
 
2005-12-08 06:52:57 PM  
"7. Misguided by mistletoe
This is one reason why mistletoe is dangerous. A survey reported by ContractorUK found that, while 80% of women would laugh off a pass made by a male co-worker, boss or client, 13% would lodge a complaint."

.....the remaining 7% of female coworkers had their ankles behind their ears on their manager's desk
 
2005-12-08 06:53:13 PM  
Aj611661: Tip #13: Forget to invite people from HR


HELL NO!!!

In my experience, the women from HR are the easiest to get naked.
 
2005-12-08 06:53:36 PM  
Oh come on...they made that up.

They wouldn't have held a seminar on improving behavioural skills if their employees didn't need it.
 
2005-12-08 06:54:06 PM  
AuralArgument: I'm the only employee so I just toss a small one


And blame shrinkage?
 
2005-12-08 06:54:41 PM  
If the party isn't at the office and you're not on the clock, how does any of this apply?

/Office party is on a cruise ship this year. Bad ass.
 
2005-12-08 06:55:16 PM  
therecksays:
Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
/Joking.


AuralArgument:
Can I be your friend?
//not joking.
 
2005-12-08 06:55:37 PM  
YANKEE SWAP!!!!
 
2005-12-08 06:55:46 PM  
Tip # 15: don't give out hot cocoa sampler boxes.

/sorry
//had to be said
///slashies!
 
2005-12-08 06:57:16 PM  
tricycleracer: /Office party is on a cruise ship this year. Bad ass.


I don't know about that. If it really starts to suck, you can't bail.
 
2005-12-08 06:58:54 PM  
I work at a law firm. The lawyers are too good to mingle with regular staff and throw their own, separate party which is nice. I'm not sure why I agreed to go, seeing as how everybody I work with is at least twice my age.. most about triple.
 
2005-12-08 07:11:00 PM  
SaintAwesome: Tip #14: If you actualy find yourself thinking about going to your work xmas party, realize you are a pathetic lame farker.

Sorry to hear you work with assholes. My coworkers are pretty cool, and we get free booze at our "holiday" party. Can't beat free booze.
 
2005-12-08 07:11:21 PM  
19 in 20 who have a complaint, won't, for fear of being labelled uptight.
 
2005-12-08 07:11:50 PM  
Yo submitter... It's CHRISTmas ... not Xmas.
 
2005-12-08 07:12:27 PM  
Tip #14: If you actualy find yourself thinking about going to your work xmas party, realize you are a pathetic lame farker.


I realize the entertainment industry operates on a different set of standards than most industries, but when I worked for a large firm we had legendary office parties -- one in the summer at a lodge in Whistler, and the other the office Christmas do at a classy restaurant.

Booze, booze, drugs, booze, great food, more drugs, more food, more booze and hilarity ensued until 4am.

Those parties are the only thing I miss about working for that company.
 
2005-12-08 07:13:06 PM  
Tip #16: the price limit for Secret Santa is $20

/oven mitts?
 
2005-12-08 07:15:16 PM  
Due to threatened litigation and physical violence, participating in our annual office Christmas party white elephant gift exchange requires everyone to first sign off on a full page of rules.

\mostly lawyers.
\\we drink.
\\\many have control issues.
\\\\ slashes make me all tingly inside.
 
2005-12-08 07:19:38 PM  
Don't knock the law firm holiday party. Some of the best action I ever had involved two young paralegals in my office following a few too many cocktails at the firm party.

/ ahhh. the holiday mammories...er memories.
 
2005-12-08 07:23:24 PM  
palexc

Did you see the Xmas episode of The Office? Great stuff. Anyone else who saw it, I about fell out of my chair during the show's last scene (before going to the bar).
 
2005-12-08 07:34:20 PM  
star_topology
While I thoroughly enjoy the show, I've never found it to be laugh-out-loud funny.
That said, that scene was absolutely GREAT...
 
2005-12-08 07:37:20 PM  
I'll take the oven mitt

\no wait
\\damn reverse psychology
 
2005-12-08 07:41:13 PM  
2005-12-08 07:12:27 PM Bill_Wick's_Friend


Tip #14: If you actualy find yourself thinking about going to your work xmas party, realize you are a pathetic lame farker.


I realize the entertainment industry operates on a different set of standards than most industries, but when I worked for a large firm we had legendary office parties -- one in the summer at a lodge in Whistler, and the other the office Christmas do at a classy restaurant.

Booze, booze, drugs, booze, great food, more drugs, more food, more booze and hilarity ensued until 4am.

Those parties are the only thing I miss about working for that company.


I don't know, several of my co-workers got puking drunk at my employer's party. Of course, we're all college students (and so are the people who can fire us), so it's all good...
 
2005-12-08 07:57:30 PM  
At an Ardyne Scaffolding Christmas lunch in the early 1990s, a worker returned a few hours late to work after drinking too much. It was the day before the Christmas holiday was due to begin. Ardyne Scaffolding saw this as gross misconduct but decided to tell the employee after he had sobered up which meant waiting until after the Christmas holiday. The worker learned of the dismissal through gossip during the holiday and claimed unfair dismissal.

Jesus Christ that's an uptight office! Who doesn't tie one on the last day of work before the holidays? As long as no deadlines are missed, and no clients need to be dealt with, it's pretty a reasonable thing to do in my workplace.
 
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