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(Monitor)   After marriage, men "metarmophose into beer swilling fart machines who stop doing all the things we did when dating"   (monitor.co.ug) divider line 160
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10844 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Dec 2005 at 9:14 PM (8 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2005-12-02 03:20:15 PM
And women metamorphose into chilly, non-puttin out biatches, so it all works out even.
 
2005-12-02 03:22:39 PM
Listen hon, you keep making good with the blowjobs and I'll continue to hold doors open for you.
 
2005-12-02 03:26:08 PM
and the problem here is?
 
2005-12-02 03:28:01 PM
Actually, that happens as soon as we've slept with you for the first time, it just takes you until marriage to figure it out.

Signed,
Men.
 
2005-12-02 03:29:06 PM
That's just not true! I did all that shiat before I got married too.
 
2005-12-02 03:33:09 PM
No, we're like that before we get married. You just don't really pay attention, girls.
 
2005-12-02 03:34:20 PM
Try real hard and you can change us
 
2005-12-02 03:39:30 PM
djemonk: No, we're like that before we get married. You just don't really pay attention, girls.


You, sir are correct. We just refine the art over the years with the proper motivation from our wives. And it truly is an art reserved for men. Women, try as they may, just can't compete.
 
2005-12-02 03:46:43 PM
Roppy: You, sir are correct. We just refine the art over the years with the proper motivation from our wives. And it truly is an art reserved for men. Women, try as they may, just can't compete.

As someone getting married in 6 months, this is good news.
 
2005-12-02 03:51:25 PM
so if all the attention is on sex, does love really exist, or is it just an elaborate hoax?
 
2005-12-02 03:57:24 PM
ajax6677: all the attention is on sex

If you believe Fark, it is.

I don't believe Fark.
 
2005-12-02 03:58:05 PM
Not all of us. Some of us remain urbane and svelte, so we can take advantage of all the pussy that's bereft because the other guys metarmophose into beer swilling fart machines who stop doing all the things we did when dating.


:) have a nice day.

.
 
2005-12-02 04:00:46 PM
We both turned into beer-swilling fart machines. Now I'm confused. Which one of us gets the blowjob?
 
2005-12-02 04:05:23 PM
That's what I want to do, but my wife won't let me.
 
2005-12-02 04:06:21 PM
I wish I'd thought to take Beer_Swilling_Fart_Machine as my login.
 
2005-12-02 04:06:23 PM
as long as you take out the trash and deal with dead animals, that's fine with me.
 
2005-12-02 05:46:19 PM
May be it is because they spend most of their time trying to misunderstand us and when they are about to, and then come in the feminists and voila!

/head hurts
//hand me a beer
 
2005-12-02 05:47:03 PM
After marriage, men "metarmophose into beer swilling fart machines who stop doing all the things we did when dating"

Hey! I don't drink beer!
 
2005-12-02 05:55:07 PM
After childbirth, the whole goshdarn family become fart machines...except all the beer money gets spent on diapers.

Um, diapers for the kids, that is.
 
2005-12-02 08:56:19 PM
So how exactly is this different than before marriage? It reminds me of an Al Bundy quote, "A man is a man all his life, a woman is only beautiful until you marry her."

From my experience most of the biggest changes after marriage come from the woman. Especially after child birth. The only thing I can think of for men that changes is they continue to get fatter. "All those little things" stop long before marriage. Right around the time the guy realizes he no longer has to do them to get laid.
 
2005-12-02 09:18:59 PM
And their point is?
 
2005-12-02 09:23:02 PM
Swilling?!!
 
2005-12-02 09:23:15 PM
After marriage, men "metarmophose into beer swilling fart machines who stop doing all the things we did when dating"

Yeah, but we're only $12.95!

Just in time for the holidays!
 
2005-12-02 09:23:21 PM
Eh. What I want for the holidays is personal training so I can maintain my svelte self so we can continue to have awesome sex three times a week with no children to bother us. :)
 
2005-12-02 09:23:49 PM
 
2005-12-02 09:24:03 PM
AAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDD
 
2005-12-02 09:24:24 PM

Haha, and what explains the women who fall for the rico-suave type guys who are already like that before marriage, who will never marry them anyways, and who treat them like shait in public ?


Don't get me started on the girlfriend I had who cheated on me with a guy who just used her for sex (and she didn't mind) ...

I'm having some tragic flashbacks now, must go off to my corner to sob quietly ...

 
2005-12-02 09:25:00 PM
That statement might be true, but there is a loophole.

"for better or for worse..."


Keep on drinking and farting boys.
 
2005-12-02 09:26:31 PM
yeah, wait until you've been married for awhile. You'll find out women can actually fart,too.



/out of more orifices than you can,too.
 
2005-12-02 09:28:09 PM
funniest thread in ages.
 
2005-12-02 09:30:16 PM
Unlike a lot of women, I'm not married to a recliner that burps.

My husband doesn't care for sports except maybe basketball once in a while, and he doesn't drink beer.

He works his behind off for some pretty decent pay, and when he's not doing that he's in front of his computer playing games--or putting batteries in our son's toys.
 
2005-12-02 09:31:44 PM
Needs bigger obvious tag
 
2005-12-02 09:31:50 PM
HA! Married people are such sorry bastards.
 
2005-12-02 09:32:22 PM
You should be able to buy an actual "Beer Swilling Fart Machine." I think Black and Decker should build it.
 
2005-12-02 09:32:51 PM
I'm an anomaly, I admit, but I want to get married badly and I'm not one of those guys who lets romance die. I would buy valentine's and give them to my wife at random times during the year.
 
2005-12-02 09:33:36 PM
I'm the same now as I was before I got married. I just drink a little less beer and fart a little more.

I lie.

I still drink the same amount of beer.

But I do fart more.
 
2005-12-02 09:33:39 PM
Hey Mugato I actually like being married. Had our 12th wedding anniversary a few months ago, and our son will be 4 in two weeks.
 
2005-12-02 09:34:09 PM
squishydrew:

... but would you rip a stanky one, and hold her head under the covers ???
 
2005-12-02 09:35:39 PM
He is more fart machine now than man. Bloated and gassy.
 
2005-12-02 09:35:58 PM
"Honey, how come you don't blow me like you used to?"
"'Cause your balls smell like your ass!"
- Andrew Dice Clay (I think...)
 
2005-12-02 09:37:17 PM
...and after marriage the wife stops putting out, and seems to alway have an "headache", guess we're even.
 
2005-12-02 09:37:39 PM
What a shock this article is.
 
2005-12-02 09:38:38 PM
veedeevadeevoodee: ... but would you rip a stanky one, and hold her head under the covers ???

Ah!
The Dutch Oven!
A married couples' classic!
 
2005-12-02 09:38:45 PM
... but would you rip a stanky one, and hold her head under the covers ???

I am not sure how to answer this.
 
2005-12-02 09:39:35 PM
40below1 I wish I'd thought to take Beer_Swilling_Fart_Machine as my login.


You could take Ale_Quaffing_Flatulence_Device.
 
2005-12-02 09:41:29 PM

These two say it all... link opens in new window, SFW.

http://mensnewsdaily.com/archive/t/t-misc/taggart101803.htm





If you're a guy, with a job and a future and you want kids... adopt. Seriously... otherwise when you have kids, most women today are fully aware that You Are Their Property. The courts will rob you of everything and throw you in jail when there is nothing left to steal...

Don't full into that trap.
 
2005-12-02 09:41:36 PM


"Farting," a term used to describe expelling digestive gas, is fun and easy. Just anyone can do it. Simply consume beer, beans, or cabbage; then sit at your computer and wait for your own "farting" experience!
 
2005-12-02 09:44:58 PM
After a string of long-term relationships pretty much since puberty, I decided to just quit the market and be single and dateless. And I discovered... it's *better*.

That's right, I'm a single BSFM. We're here, we fart with beer, get used to it!
 
2005-12-02 09:46:29 PM
And people wonder why I don't want to get married...

jeep44 wrote: You'll find out women can actually fart,too/out of more orifices than you can,too.

The noise coming out of that other orifice is a queef, not a fart!
 
2005-12-02 09:48:12 PM
And women metamorphose into chilly, non-puttin out biatches, so it all works out even.

don't forget the gaining of 100 extra pounds which is a proud tradition in italian, south american, north american and some asian cultures.

/marriage is for chumps, or for very very lucky people.
 
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