the thing that really irks me is when it says she was partially buried.

Is this is a case of gross stupidity or complete and utter laziness.

Did they cut her toe off?

You want a toe? I can get you a toe. With nail polish.

Geez, this is really f'd up. During broad daylight this happened?

And, this disturbs me:
"He said he returned home shortly after noon Wednesday when police called to tell him his wife had been kidnapped."

How did the police know his wife had been kidnapped before he did? Who called the police to tell them that someone had been kidnapped?

What a trainwreck of a headline.

submitter that headline is not hangover friendly. I don't like you right now.

This headline definitely call for..."/>

Worst... headline... evar.

Greenlit. Ugh.

Ice messes you up.
HAHAH just kidding thanks.

Half bury where alive?

WTF tag needed for Submitter's English language skills.

My Eyes!

The grammar goggles, they do nothing!!!!!!

I spent more time reading the headline than I did the article.

Without a hostage ther is no ransom. Those are the farking rules.

I didn't submit this with a better headline. Though perhaps I should have.

the headline doesn't mention that she was already rescued when the husband refused to pay the ransom. I read the article thinking he was a dick.

God, that headline hurt me. Submitter, go flog yourself.

That headline reads like an excerpt from Naked Lunch or something.

And that's not a compliment.

My eyes are bleeding. Help.

oh wait
nevermind
(too farking early)

/but the headline still sucks

Ow. That headline hurt my bwain. I mean, brain.

/my bwain huwts

Didn't RTFA. Headline explains it so well. See, several women were kidnapped from a home and buried here. Here, obviously is the submitter's backyard. They escaped and called the submitter's husband demanding a ransom for utter stupidity. Of course, he ain't paying it because he would just have to deal with submitter. So the submitter was like, "O RLY, WTF."

i suppose the submitter likes to shiat on the coats at parties.

tonesskin

Brilliant summarization!

submitter wins best headline of the year!!

HAHAH just kidding thanks.

How in the heck did that headline get greenlighted??? WTF tag for WTF does all that mean?? ROFLOL!!

/teasing

Routine Big Lebowski quote check. Everything looks good here, proceed.

/farking amateur

They kidnapped more than one woman, bound and gagged a place, and then half-buried it. What?

Didn't RTFA.

Sounds like a Lifetime movie with Melissa Gilbert and Tim Matheson.

could Perp = Submitter????

My hovercraft is full of eels.

WTF tag sought for that stupid-ass headline.

//offense meant, and I hope it was taken.
//Seriously...we're talking 4th grade English.

"He said her personal trainer had just left the house"


Nothing suspicious there...

I hope he at least got to slap her tities around a bit.

HAHAH just kidding thanks.

Half buried and gagged?

Motel Hell anyone?

Who greenlighted this grammatical gobbledygook?

/seeks bonus points for aliteration.

Towona

What are the other rules?

He then called me a jerk, but he didn't use the word "jerk" if you know what I mean.

Oh yah.

End of story.

"For as to kidnapping ransom sought he not did get from angry husband not who payed for unsevered toes but half-buried."

There, cleaned it up a little for ya.

Submitter, you are a farktard.

"Denied the opportunity to use their talents in the service of their country, they began to operate what they called 'The Operation'... They would select a victim and then threaten to beat him up if he paid the so-called protection money."

My eyes... my eyes...


/glad she's ok.

May I mambo dogface to the banana patch? Long time of reading and squinting make weakly more and more and break down at last...

(Makes as much sense as the submitter)

Didn't I just see this on CSI...

NJ is like the Florida of the north. Except with much uglier people..

I think the submitter meant to say "... then half bury whore alive ..."

"/Mr. Show more appropriate than Big Lebowski in these circumstances"

I concur. It's like a re-enactment of that skit.

/"There are days, then there are days....alright, $20 for my toe."

Stop submitting articles until learning proper grammar, you must.

"hey son? son? did the bad man cut off your toe?"

"no, daddy."

"yeah, he's not missing a toe."

"yeah, i heard him. you wouldn't believe the day i'm having. ok, $5,000.00 if you ever want to see MY toe again."

"you're insane!"

"you want to know what's insane? i'm about to let this baby go for $20.00"

I submitted this with a less coherent headline.

Men kidnap women from home.

1. Women? Article mentions one *woman*.

Then half bury here alive bound and gagged.

2. Most sentences have subjects. This one does not.
3. Here? How to you bury a "here" alive? I didn't know know "here" was alive.

Then call husband from her cell phone demanding ransom after she had been found and returned.

4. See point 2.
5. I like how you can "return" a person. "No, I'm sorry, sir, we don't allow returns for refunds. You can only exchange it for an item of equal or lesser value."

Needless to say he ain't paying it.

6. This sentence is mostly okay, though it could use a comma.
7. Ain't ain't a word.

WTF tag sought for questioning

8. Only because I'm criticizing the rest of this headline will I mention the lack of a period, especially when the submitter used a plethora of periods in the rest of the headline when he probably should have used commas or semi-colons.

... and on a final note: How the heck does this headline get greenlighted when I submit much more clever headlines about funnier stories that never see the light of day? I mean, come on!! He didn't even proofread it!

Momma dogface in the banana patch

I think the submitter is trying to tell you guys to kidnap women from home and bury them in his yard.

/Bury women in your own yard!

oh, HotWingConspiracy has a far more accurate memory for sketches apparently.

/i submit....to the LASER BEAM OF LOVE!

Great ... know know ...

... and I freakin' proofread it too ...

Just put me in line behind the submitter for signing up for English lessons.

I just found the submitter's bio. Here it is.

Dang ol' Boomhauer, man, tell you 'bout myself woowee turn ons ladies and back seats man sunsets fast cars man, yup love that CK1 like catnip, turn-offs uhuh women golfers man love that Bob Dylan like a rolling stone what'd he say, brief man myself yup dang ol' internet man. Go www.click click click naked chicks yup that's all me uhuh on the next biography man.

Is hour kids lerning? The hedline sayz no!!

GREAT HEADLI--no, not really.

Nice headline/complete story!

3Horn

Sometimes Im glad I moved from New Jersey.
Most of the time I cry cause I moved to Ohio.


/gun please.

Sorry for the dupe Steve Martin reference, davoodooudo

2005-12-01 12:31:29 PM mofomisfit

Nah man, I think you are dead on. Hats off to you.

The submitter was half buried in brandy.

Is there still time to submit this with a better headline?

/would've changed "needless" to "needles"
//you know, for fun
///nothing

Could there be any more misspellings in the headline?

HAHAH just kidding thanks.

new cliche? could someone explain?

A blonde needs money so she decides to kidnap a kid and collect the ransom. She heads down to the schoolyard, grabs a kid, and pins a note to his shirt that says "Leave $10,000 in a brown paper bag under the old oak tree behind the schoolyard or you'll never see your child again." Then she sends him home. The next day she goes out behind the schoolyard and sure enough, there's a brown paper bag under the old oak tree! Inside the bag is $10,000 and a note that reads "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

well, "there are days, and then there are days" is definitely accurate, i can hear bob saying it now that i've seen it.

but what's more important is that there's another thread to fill with mr. show quotes.

"dude, show me your weenis"

tonesskin =w1nn4r!

Heh, just like the Mr Show skit

"but what's more important is that there's another thread to fill with mr. show quotes."

Indeed.

"We can't take him on tour, man! He looks like a wet cigar!"

clambam

How did the mother know that the kidnapper was blonde?

bad headline. Maybe the mods will go on a stealth deleting spree like they did last time people were complaining about a terrible headline.

Hey, lay off of submitter. I mean, any retard with a computer can submit stupid shiat.

But it takes a special kind of retard to greenlight it.

/yeah, fark you too.

HEADLINE SUCKS

/reiterating

Are the mods on strike or something? Some LAME shiat has been greenlit as of late.

LOOK AT ME, I MUST BE THE KING CUZ I'M WEARING THE KING HAT!

I'M THE QUEEN! I'M GONNA RUN AROUND AND YELL!

LOOK AT ME YOUR MAJESTY, I'M A CLOWN OR SOMETHING. I'VE GOTTA PUT MAKEUP ON AND DO TRICKS BECAUSE MY MOM AND DAD DIDN'T LOVE ME!

/and i'm off to a late lunch.

rp.

Certian farkers are trying to make "HAHAH just kidding thanks" happen (as a new cliche'). In the meantime other farkers are trying to kill this trend in it's infancy.

I am not in either camp. However, I would like to submit the following as possible new cliche's

"I'm registered at the Piggly Wiggly."
"I wonder how he/she/that tastes."
"The internet is for fahgs."

so the DUMBASS tag is actually referring to submitter

/ha-ha!

If I could, I would bust some html skillz back up in all your asses, to wit:

I would snag a screenshot from PCU from where the woman asks him to show her where the campus is and write "Could you blow me where the pampers is?" on teh bottom of it.

/goddam right I would.
//if I could.

Maybe it's because I already heard this news story on the radio this morning... But that headline made sense. That is, the news story read very similar to that headline. So, the meaning of it made it through to my brain despite the lack of proper English grammer.

//Maybe it's because I'm from NJ.
//And, I was listening to 101.5 on the way to work.
//Howard Stern was on a commercial break that lasts for 20 minutes.

"Mr. [Submitter], what you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent [headline]were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this [thread] is now dumber for having [read] it. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul."

Submitter here....

ha ha.. not really.

Get back to work grammer nazis

/or get laid
/i'm guessing the 1st option is more likely for most of you
///flame on

JBrooks,

The kid told her.

Are you blond?

I thought I read someone say in an earlier thread that headline voting was back, but clearly not.

Paulie Walnuts and Chrissy were seen heading towards the pine barrens.

headlines should be witty, descriptve and short. Not a summary of the story.

So they kidnap a man's wife and then they expect him to be like 'Oh please please give her back! I will give anything!"? I am guessing these guys have never been married.

Welcome to New Jersey.

DAMN!

This shiat happened less than 5 miles from my house!
Not as funny to me as it seems to be for other folks. And her house is MILES from a major highway, too. It's not the usual case of get-off-the-highway-and-grab-the-first-thing-you-see. Hopefully they just got lost, which makes sense considering their obvious lack of kidnapping skillz.

It looks like an effort was made to clean this monstorsity up....how about now changing the 'women' to 'woman'...as in 'whooooooa, Man!'

/Mike Myers fan
//"So I Married an Axe Murderer" = one of the best comedies in the '90s

Northernexposed

Awesome. I immediatly heard those first few notes...

I suck at spelling too.

/moving out of my glass house
//putting down the rocks too

You know, I just woke up, and what's scary is that the first time I read the headline, it made perfect sense and described the article well. Apparently my brain autocorrected the mistakes.

Now I look at it again and I have no idea what the fark the submitter is trying to say.

"Television. Television is the explanation for this - you see this in bad television."

I only hope that if she was buried at the beach she didn't come away with deadly condition, "sand in the vagina".

asmodeus224
So they kidnap a man's wife and then they expect him to be like 'Oh please please give her back! I will give anything!"? I am guessing these guys have never been married.

Word. I'd be all like "you keep her for a while, I could use a break".

I thought the headline was pretty decent. My gramer ain't so god so I empathis wth submater.

She Got away??

Submitter could have just referenced FARGO with a clever quote but in his/her haste....well, WTF... the husband did it.

I just had to add this one

"I was listening to Titannica's Try Suicide when I tried Suicide.

Diogenes -

I'm from Basking Ridge. I'm pretty sure the victim lives on the same road as my boss's brother, too.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

I submitted this with a less coherent headline.

that would be unpossible

T, we got a problem.

Paulie, dont ruin those peppered eggs I just ate, thats all Im sayin

...

...

Da fuk. (Sigh) What is it?

It was the Mafucci thing. We fukked up.

There goes my peppered eggs. shiat, what happened?

quella femmina stup-

She got away, Ton.

She Wat?

Me an Fur' thought we ad her buried, but that dumb c*nt got away and ran to the police.

muuuthhhafuuk, Paulie. How bad is this?

My guy on the inside says the cops got those mooleys we outsourced on the phone. Muddafukkers pretty much bent down and pointed to der ass wit the information they gave, dos coksukkas.

...

He gave the names, dates, everythin-

Names?

Ton, we shoulda neva gone to these muli-

HOW THE FUK COULD THEY HAVE FUKKED THIS U-

Ton, I-

NAW, FUK THAT! This muthafukkin Manucci thing was a fukkinside venture er some small-time sh*t! Now you tell me we could get heat cause some fukkin-patriot-american landscaper didn pay his collections?


...

That strunz personal trainer she has on the side, he left the garage open?

Yeah, Ton, he did his part.

Muddafukker. A botched kidnapping, and I still have to pay his spandex-ass.

I hear ya, T. On all a dis. I realize I fukked up, but whatever you want me to do, lemme know, Im all ears.

Alright.alright, I want you to take care of this. You hear me?

T-

Enuff with that T sh*t. You did the same thing with that friggin Russian, wherever the fuk. This goes down, or not, depends on you. Got it? Get off your ass, take care of that crew, Paulie. Whatever. You. Need. To. Do. ear me?

sure thing T.

See what happens when you outsource? Now, if we have to do it right, we have to do it ourselves. But if we do that, the fukkin Fed is there to pick da bones. Fuk this.

oh my god

This is ridiculous. Charles Dickens could have written a more concise headline than the submitter.

DO NOT WANT

Was Marge involved?

wazzamatta wif yaz en d' headline-i gaht it!


yugoslavia!

/ You can't have a kidnapping without a hostage.