Stick figures aren't safe for work?

I didn't put that in the original description.. :)

I couldn't even be bothered reading that. Too tired.

Funny stuff.

Great site... But that speeding ticket post has been up there for a long time.

Ernie rocks. I think my gf will leave me for him.

bah!

I like how the poster alerted the public that EHOWA wasn't safe site, let alone the link.

Great Site!

blah, blah, respect officers, blah, blah, just doing their job, blah, blah, be nice to officer friendly, blah, blah.

Lets not forget that the police stopped being public servants dedicated to the safety of the general populace about 20 years ago. They have become(regretably) a revenue center for the jurisdiction that employes them.

The article has some pretty decent advice for not getting shot by the police, but I find the "90% of cops are not assholes" laughable.

(And yes, the police will pull you over for as little as four miles over the limit.)

/cranky

(And yes, the police will pull you over for as little as four miles over the limit.)

Ah bullshiat, not on the highway. If some officer radars you for 69 in a 65 there is no way he is pulling you over.

Maybe if you are a dipshiat and get caught in a residential area he might.

If another person bashes police officers, I will be oh so mad. Don't do it. It isn't nice. They deserve better.

Trying to avoid a ticket? Slow down idjit.

Good article; common sense type stuff but that's usually the things people need to be reminded of

Lets not forget that the police stopped being public servants dedicated to the safety of the general populace about 20 years ago.

The funny thing is that this guy throws this out there now, but as soon as something hits the fan he'll be the first one crying for mr. officer to come pull his butt out of the fire.

Now is the part where he relates all his bad cop stories though.

Always apologize for speeding and for putting the officer in danger. Tell them you drive for your boss, errands - package delivery - whatever. Tell them if you get a ticket your job is at risk. Ask for a break. Be polite and thankful.

I love EHOWA (it's how I learned about Fark), but couldn't disagree more with his 'tutorial' on how to avoid a ticket. Maybe it's just the areas I've grown up in (but what a coincidence THAT would be), but there's no way in hell a cop from around here is going to let you off with just a warning. These cops would ticket their own mothers. Hell, some of them (my mother) ticket their own children. Yup. My first speeding ticket was issued by my mother... I've grown up around officers, firefighters, EMT's etc. For the most part, I'd have to say they while decent enough people, most had serious egos all the while trying desperately to mask suffering self-esteems. Mix that up with a healthy dose of "I gradmoated frum High School" and you've got someone who'd love to show you how important he/she is and a $200 ticket.
Bah. Smarter to just go the speed limit than try and weasel out of the consequences of speeding.

(i) Tits. While I can't comment from the female perspective first hand, I can tell you this. If I'm a police officer and I pull over a chick that's got the top few buttons on her blouse undone...and she's showing me a little swell of breast...she gets off with just a warning. (get it?...gets off...gets off with just a warning...get it...get off???). Women may get farked at the used car dealer, but they more then make up for it at the bar, and when pulled over by a cop. Show us some cleavage ladies, look up at us with those big bashful eyes and tell us you're 'soooo sorry', and you're good to go. A little leg won't hurt either, just so long as you're not a big moose. And if you get pulled over by a female cop, well, ladies you're on your own... guys you better have a rolled up tube sock handy.

*laughed up my coffee*

Okay to respect the law, not so okay that speeding is a major cash cow, and state troopers are given monthly quotas to meet. And then of course there's how cops never have tickets stick to them when they're stopped for speeding.

Sorry, speeding tickets without any other cause (genuine recklessness/endangerment, failure to yield if a cruiser approaches, lapsed registration, etc.) are a personal pet peeve. Cops are good folk otherwise.

"If a farking cop pulls you over, there's a farking reason."

Farking wow. This farking guy farking uses the fark word farking every other farking word. I farking can't farking be farking bothered farking reading that farking article for farks sakes.

I've gotten out of a couple tickets by being respectful. One time I was the only one on the highway, going about 85 at night, saw him flip the lights (he was hiding in the center divider bushes) and I pulled over and waited until he got there. Only got a warning. He even thanked me for pulling over and waiting so he wouldn't have to chase me down.

I guess the key to all this is "don't be a dick".

When I saw it was from "Ernie's House of WhoopAss," I was expecting it to be a companion site to "Bert is Evil."

I'm so dissapointed.

I have unwittingly been following this advice for my entire driving career. The score: Three pull-overs, Zero tickets.

Good advice.

(I especially like his take on those farks who think a busy highway is the Indy 500--When one of those a$$holes zips by me it is the only time I ever wish I packed heat in my glove box.)

My office is off a 30MPH road that is routinely camped out on by motorcycle cops. They stand under some trees and radar you as you come over the hump of a bridge, then walk into the road and wave you down. Everyone here at work knows this, and I know I'm careful when driving on that street.

Well one day one of our people got nailed and she was biatching up a storm all day about it. But the funny part is that when the officer came over to her window, the first thing out of her stupid mouth was "Why didn't my radar detector pick you up?"

Ticket City, baby.

I got out of one speeding ticket for doing 70 in a 55 on a state highway. Simply told Mr. Officer that I was running late for a class at the local University, which was the truth, and he let me off with just a warning. Also threw in a tip, "Hold it to around 60 and no one will bother you".

I'm not sure what US laws are down there, but here in Nova Scotia (at at least one other privince I can think of), radar detectors are illegal and carry fines for being caught with them. He sort of hints at this in the article, but a good piece of advice is to not stand out. They always go for the one idiot who passes everyone.

Oh yes, and for all you Albertans who have all that photo radar crap (I was reminded of that fact every time I turned around in Edmonton, the signs are everywhere), I've been told they set them to 14kph (8.75mph) over the limit. If it's a human officer doing the clocking, I wouldn't risk it, but if its a photo in Alberta, that's the setting.

(a) 90% of the cops out there are NOT assholes.

I didn't realize...the ratio was so high.

Ernie's an idiot, and has trouble with spelling and grammar. He also makes blanket statements that do not hold true for every municiapality out there.

Why is it that I get pulled over by that 1% every time.

Whilst kissing the cops ass on the highway is a good idea, if it gets into traffic court, youhad better be damned well prepared to argue semantics and minute details.

I have known several police officers and magistrates and have yet to meet one that didn't view you as 100% guilty unless you could find a technicality where they had to let you out of the ticket.

After all, as one magistrate told me, "Police officers don't write tickets unless there's a reason."

Radar detectors are illegal in two states (last I checked), and worthless in 50.

it's just not fair... the average speed everyone goes on the main highways between baltimore and washington (I-95,295,495, etc) is about 15 miles over the speed limit. if you do 59 in a 55 zone you'd better be in the right lane or else you'll get run over. and then you have to deal with all the annoying right-lane merges.

just not fair...

the nice part is, if you drive at morning-evening rush hour, or around lunch time, traffic is way too dense for speed traps.

except around tolls for some reason

hmmmm... don't farking speed to avoid a speeding ticket? Who'da thunk it?

I couldn't disagree more with his statements that Cops aren't looking for revenue and that they are most concerned with safety.
1. Cops where I live (Cleveland) now set up speed traps in the left burm and tell people to pull over to the left. That way after they write the ticket they put it in reverse and back up to their original spot and do it all over again. This way they don't have to exit and turn around to set up again. What could be more dangerous than driving in reverse on the interstate? They get upset if you pull over to the right- well excuse me if I don't feel comfortable merging into the passing lane in my 4 cylinder Toyota.

2. Cleveland cops are also notorius for citing everyone for nonwaivable offenses. You don't have to worry much about speeding, but they will get you for everything else. Even petty stuff like making a right turn into the center lane instead of the curb lane. They do this b/c you then have to show up in court and they get overtime. You show up there and it's 60 fat cops milling around drinking coffe. Some cops were tripling their salaries with overtime this way.

Now on EHOWA: He's got plenty of pics of ! Now this guy is a .

I love how everyone who gets a ticket or two all of a sudden becomes an expert in how _all_ cops do their jobs. Face it, cops are people, and different people don't always think alike even if they have the same job. Some cops are reasonable and some are fascists, so getting out of a ticket is a crapshoot depending on who pulls you over. Bottom line, if you don't want a ticket, don't break the law.

The truth of the matter is

A) Everyone out there is driving a 4000 pound potential hunk of metal death.

B) Some of us are capable of handling speeds up to 55 (grandmas, etc)

C) Most of us are capable of handling speeds up to 70

D) Some of us are capable of handling speeds up to 90 (but with some degredation of driving quality)

E) Very few of us are capable of handling speeds up to 90 without degredation

So...basically, we all have to share the road, and as long as cars are still controlled by people with varying abilities, there will always be speed limits and therefore, traffic cops. I personally can't wait until my car can drive itself at 100 MPH

I like the advice on avoiding getting pulled over to begin with. Flashy cars do tend to get noticed more often. Here in AZ the dominant color is white (generates less heat) and that is the way to go if you don't want to be noticed. Another thing is to keep all lights in good working order and use those turn signals. Generally I think the main thing other than not speeding is not to provide them a reason to single YOU out from everyone else. Usually, given the choice, they'll go for the red trans am with the loud muffler rather than the white Camry or Taurus even if both are going the same speed. Low key rules.

EHOWA is cool. I like all the vids and shiat.
I found FARK thanx to Ernie. Well you can blame and curse him for that if you want to.
I read that speeding shiat probably a frikin year ago.

"I pulled over and waited until he got there. Only got a warning. He even thanked me for pulling over and waiting so he wouldn't have to chase me down." I've always done this. When I see a cop flip on lights, I check my speed. If I'm the only one or the cars are spread out, I pull over and wait. I've gotten out of more tickets by doing that. As it is I've been basically following this advice for 30 years and almost 2 million miles and only picked up about 5 tickets. Last one pissed me off because I was doing the same as everyone else and the cop said he picked me out of the crowd only because I drove an SUV (that I do use for 4 wheeling). Yeah, I was speeding so I didn't argue but I thought that was a petty reason to pick me out of the 100 others.

I used to use a radar detector before the instant on stuff and got hit one day outside Thurmont MD. Came around a corner doing 73 in a 55 (bright, sunny day, no traffic) and the thing went off even though I didn't see a cop but I pulled over anyway. Sheriff comes blasting out a side road and almost passes me, slamming on his brakes at the last second and pulling in behind me. Turns off his lights as he walks up and asks me why I was pulled over. I pointed at the detector still beeping and told him I was doing 72 when it went off and there no other cars. He laughed and said he'd never had anyone pull over before they saw him and let me go with a verbal warning to slow down. As he was leaving, he turns back and warns me there's a state cop speed trap 5 miles up the road and they were giving tickets for even 4 MPH over and I'd better hold it down.

I have had four tickets in my entire life, none of them were for speeding and three were warning tickets (loud mufflers, and tires beyond wheel wells, that sort of thing.)

(actually officer, my mufflers are not too loud, they fell off three days ago. . .)

I once got verbally warned about going 90 in a 55 zone, that was the CB radio days.

One of the things Ernie touches on, the rabbit trick is pretty good. I used to find one driver in a crowd that I could marginally piss off, then follow for miles at the same speed. Now, of course, that would be risking road rage.

psychologicaly, the best tack may be to request help. This turns the officers job from one of punishing the offender to assisting the public.

As in 'Yes, I know I was speeding, and I am sorry, but I am also lost. . .'

This of course will not usually work in your own state.

I'm going to preset this in four parts.

And then he lists five. Do I want advice from somebody who can't count?

Cop pulls a guy over for speeding, who's defense was, "I was just going with the flow of traffic." Cop's response... "Ever go fishing? -- Yeah -- Ever catch ALL the fish?"

HA!

This article couldn't have come at a better time for me...this week the local precincts have decided to set up "courtesy week" or "we need to make a lot of money really fast" week. Basically, they set up signs along a 15 mile stretch of the highway saying "Police controlled area- be courteous." According to them, they want to cut down on the number of reckless drivers who don't use turn signals and cut people off and tailgait, blah blah blah. If that was really the case, then cool, by all means do it. But, as I'm driving to school yesterday I see *5* cars pulled over by 5 different cops all about 10 feet from each other. Up the road I see 3 more. Cops are parked in the medians, on the side of the road, in parking lots, just radaring people. They also set up those little "your speed is" monitors and then sit next to them as people go by over the speed limit. It's really quite insane. It's such a blatant excuse for revenue and the only people they really do pull over are those who are speeding. I'm driving behind a guy in a pick-up truck with shiat practically falling out behind him--gasoline tank, rakes, shovels, dirt- and the cop pulls over the guy who speeds past him- not the asshole in the pick-up truck. It makes me so mad!!!
Atleast they warned us though, how thoughtful.

/rant

I got pulled over on time by a TX DPS officer. I was going 78 in a 55, he was headed the other direction and had to turn around. By the time he caught up he was really pissed off. When he came up to my truck he yelled at me "WHAT ARE YOU ON" I yelled back " MY WAY HOME".
I had my truck searched, he ran every check he could on me and on top of the speeding ticket he gave me one for failure to signal when I pulled over to the shoulder and no front license plate.
I learned not to smart off or yell at officers. That was about 12 or so years ago.

They're doing the road safety thing here too. The problem is they've decided that failure to signal a lane change, changing lanes too quickly (yeah? who decides "too quickly"?, driving in the left lane when not passing anyone, mirrors not adjusted properly, etc, etc, constitutes road rage and they can/will write you up for it, probably because a RR violation is a much bigger fine than simply speeding.

saturn girl, think of it as a driving test for older people. They want to make sure you didnt FORGET how to drive by the book.

Just be glad I dont have a badge. speeding 10mph over the speed limit is fine, I do it alot. but everthing else like weeving and passing, and changing lanes with no turn signal, really makes me anal. oh yea.. and people who lock up the left lane by doing the same speed as the right. DIE!

JeffMD
I totally agree...I HATE it when people don't use their turn signals...I don't care if there's not a car within 3 miles of me, I use my turn signal. I'm about thisclose to going on a mission where I post signs along the highway saying "The left lane is for passing and driving faster than the speed limit, if you are not doing either, GET OVER!" I must admit to changing lanes frequently, but not dangerously...where I live is so congested with traffic and people, if you don't get around people, you don't move. I also hate it when people come to an almost complete stop to make a turn. But then again, who am I to complain?? I'm not a perfect driver and won't pretend to be...I just think that things like NOT using your turn signal is a much more dangerous thing that should be ticketed instead of speeding when you're in control. They say people who speed (reasonably) are actually more aware and paying more attention than those who drive under the speed limit. I'm sure it has something to do with looking out for cops, but if it makes you more aware, then you're probably also more safe.

one word.... quota
when cops had to find some reason to pull you over just to meet their quota... rather than look for actually criminals small towns suck