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(KIRO)   Men rescue bear. Feed it pizza, Dr. Pepper, give it a hair dryer. Police say, "Everything they done here was unlegal"   (kirotv.com) divider line 109
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19293 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Nov 2005 at 2:40 PM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2005-11-01 11:25:45 AM  
poor hicks. i say let the bear kill them when it gets big.. at least those darned lovable toothless humanoids will have the daughter God never intended for them until then.
 
2005-11-01 11:26:13 AM  
That article just kept getting better and better.
 
2005-11-01 11:26:49 AM  
Actually, the police didn't say that, one of the bear-rescuers did, commenting on how the police acted. Touching story.
 
2005-11-01 11:31:24 AM  
Dr. Pepper, Police, Mountain Hicks!
It just gets better and better!
 
2005-11-01 11:35:41 AM  
Unpossible!
 
2005-11-01 11:42:19 AM  
This story is farking GOLD!

there was trouble a-bruin.

worst pun ever.

"Everything they done here was unlegal," Rocky Perkett says. "Since it's all unlegal, I hope they will bring her back."

ha!

"We're hicks. We're mountain men," Perkett says.

admire the honesty folks.
 
2005-11-01 11:44:31 AM  
The bear slept in Jonathan Perkett's bed....

But that kind of love is illegal in Oregon



Not to mention unsanitary.
 
2005-11-01 11:44:56 AM  
The real loser here is the poor bear. No more Dr. Pepper. :(
 
2005-11-01 11:47:03 AM  
The bear's likely future is at an accredited zoo or a permanent holding facility, Anglin says. None has yet been found, he says.


Oh, and for what it's worth, I think the bear is probably better off left where it was than locked up in a zoo. Unless they were actually having sex with it, in which case, eeeeeww!
 
2005-11-01 11:51:32 AM  
Gentle Ben would have been a better name.
 
2005-11-01 11:57:25 AM  
geez. you'd think it was illegal to have more than one sentence in a paragraph, the way that article was written.
 
2005-11-01 12:05:03 PM  
binnster: Oh, and for what it's worth, I think the bear is probably better off left where it was than locked up in a zoo. Unless they were actually having sex with it, in which case, eeeeeww!

Bears learn how to forage and hunt from adult bears when they are cubs, and this one missed its opportunity. It is now used to humans and would likely starve and/or become a nuisance if left in the wild. I think a zoo is the only reasonable option at this point.
 
2005-11-01 12:16:28 PM  
[image from img494.imageshack.us too old to be available]

This article sponsored by the cool, refreshing taste of Dr Pepper. Try one today!
 
2005-11-01 12:18:51 PM  
This is just how I like my human interest stories, just like I like my women, cute AND deadly.

Like the protaganist in "Naked Killer" except for the man-hating lesbian assassin part.
 
2005-11-01 12:39:42 PM  
The only good reason to own a bear is to teach it how to answer the door when Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons stop by.
 
2005-11-01 12:49:19 PM  
2005-11-01 11:44:31 AM binnster

But that kind of love is illegal in Oregon

It's frowned upon in Vermont.

[image from thecia.com.au too old to be available]
 
2005-11-01 12:50:43 PM  
untrustworthy:

It is now used to humans and would likely starve and/or become a nuisance if left in the wild. I think a zoo is the only reasonable option at this point.


Erm, yeah, when I said "left where it was" I meant with the hicks, not just dump it back in the woods.
 
2005-11-01 12:58:32 PM  
binnster: Erm, yeah, when I said "left where it was" I meant with the hicks, not just dump it back in the woods.

Ah, It all becomes clear now. how em-bear-assing.
 
2005-11-01 02:45:17 PM  
Everything they done here was unlegal

Me fail english? That's unpossible.
[image from simpsonovi.comics.cz too old to be available]
 
2005-11-01 02:49:17 PM  
I see two turtles!?
[image from i4.photobucket.com too old to be available]
 
2005-11-01 02:50:05 PM  
"We're hicks. We're mountain men," Perkett says. "We took her because she was dying and we loved her.

"The only thing we did wrong was love one another," he says.

Man on bear love. Oh my.
 
2005-11-01 02:50:20 PM  
Another article ready to just cut and paste into The Onion.
 
2005-11-01 02:51:18 PM  
there was trouble a-bruin.
it's good to know I am too qualified to be a journalist.
oh and submitter..."Men Rescue Bear." = Crappy sentence.
 
2005-11-01 02:51:30 PM  
You, There, Bear Farker... Do you require assistance?

/jealous that i never had a bear when i was little.
//I would have given him pepsi and a perm.
 
2005-11-01 02:51:48 PM  
by the way, this story was ibelievable, farking classic.
 
2005-11-01 02:52:23 PM  
Grizzly Adams surrenders
 
2005-11-01 02:53:09 PM  
I can't bear any more stories as sad as this one....


/sorry
 
2005-11-01 02:53:50 PM  
"Doesn't she have rights as a bear?"

You have the right to become a throw rug, you have the right to become jerky. You have the right to maul and maime in the name of nature..
 
2005-11-01 02:53:54 PM  
Funniest story all year. Absolutely priceless.
 
2005-11-01 02:54:06 PM  
Drop a tree on it? I'm far from a card-carrying member of PETA (after all, they kill more animals in a day than i have my entire life), but seriously, is that how its taken care of? Whatever happened to the days of yore, when we took notes from Old Yeller?
 
2005-11-01 02:56:00 PM  
I'm pretty sure they were being metaphorical, like just leaving it there to die.
 
2005-11-01 02:56:26 PM  
"But that kind of love is illegal in Oregon..."

If I had a buck everytime the judge told me that.
 
2005-11-01 02:58:03 PM  
Funny thing is that the authorities took away the semi-wild bear on claims that the men were holding her from the wild and promptly put her in a holding pen so that she can live out the rest of her life in a zoo or some other facility.

The irony, it burns!
 
2005-11-01 02:58:04 PM  
"Lemme have a diablo sandwich and a Dr. Pepper to go. And make it fast, I'm in a god-damn hurry!"

/Buford T. Justice
 
2005-11-01 02:59:02 PM  
Not to ruin the fun or anything...but I've known mountain men and women. They aren't stupid, they're just far removed from what we'd call "modern society" and they kinda live by their own rules. I think they are some of they coolest people you can meet.
 
2005-11-01 03:00:05 PM  
Um...maybe I learned grammer from them too...
 
2005-11-01 03:02:30 PM  
That kind of love is not illegal in Washington, however.

With bear or horse.
 
2005-11-01 03:04:11 PM  
"But that kind of love is illegal in Oregon."

I believe they meant to say "unlegal"
 
2005-11-01 03:06:59 PM  
"But that kind of love is illegal in Oregon"
Aside from the Kansas jokes, is there any location where you can keep a bear as a pet? I know FL has odd laws about that crap. I think you can keep tigers as pets as long as the cage meets specs.
damn that has a good flow.

/me fail english, thats unpossible
 
2005-11-01 03:07:02 PM  
Ahhhh, the eternal struggle of the letter over the spirit of the law.

In our current era of 'zero-tolerance', the spirit is rarely considered.
 
2005-11-01 03:07:59 PM  
Maui Haui

""But that kind of love is illegal in Oregon..."

If I had a buck everytime the judge told me that."



you'd have a lot of doe?
 
2005-11-01 03:09:00 PM  

Hmmm..... Dr. Pepper or beer???


[image from i22.photobucket.com too old to be available]


 
2005-11-01 03:10:05 PM  
North
American
Man
Bear
Love
Association
 
2005-11-01 03:10:41 PM  
[image from simpsoncrazy.com too old to be available]
 
2005-11-01 03:11:05 PM  
They deserve [image from img.fark.com too old to be available]
 
2005-11-01 03:17:33 PM  
I would have assumed that mountain men could be fined for not having a friendly bear on premises.

Mountain men are always free, unlike bears, apparently.
 
2005-11-01 03:20:19 PM  
Don't they have the right to bear arms!

/step away from the comment box...
/too late
 
2005-11-01 03:20:36 PM  
JohnnyMacadamia: That kind of love is not illegal in Washington, however.

With bear or horse.



Yeah, but once you start down that road with a dog, you're screwed.
 
2005-11-01 03:24:01 PM  
Two quotes taken out of context, but, well, here you go:

"The only thing we did wrong was love one another," he says. But that kind of love is illegal in Oregon, and last week police raided their home and took Windfall.
 
2005-11-01 03:27:00 PM  
I bet they even trimmed the dingle berries off of her.
 
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