Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CTV)   Canada announces plans to invade Mars with weather station acclimatized to freezing temperatures, lack of intelligent life. Station was tested in Winnipeg, so scientists confidently assured it will work   (ctv.ca ) divider line
    More: Amusing  
•       •       •

3685 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Oct 2005 at 9:12 AM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



142 Comments     (+0 »)
 


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2005-10-30 11:05:13 AM  
i'm curious, how is the health care in canada? is it like american HMOs that will only pay for what they think is absolutely necessary? for example, forcing people to just take an anti-depressant instead of seeing a counselor? Some insurance companies will pay for a little bit of psychotherapy, but not nearly enough. so how is it in canada, because i'm actually studying psychology and i'm a bit curious.
 
2005-10-30 11:06:21 AM  
Boucherville'sFinest: I'm a french-canadian, used to be a separatist (not anymore, we need some of alberta's money :P )

LOL

Move here quick before King Ralph spends it on stupid vote buying schemes.(Everyone in Alberta is getting a 400$ cheque and there are rumors of more.)
 
2005-10-30 11:08:24 AM  
This headline was probably submitted by a Canadian.

Because most Americans don't know where Winnipeg is.
 
2005-10-30 11:10:53 AM  
Oldskool

We would get the anti-depressant and get a counselor.
 
2005-10-30 11:16:49 AM  
Yeah, right, Mars.
Look, we know you're really planning to invade Hans Island, so don't try anything funny.
 
2005-10-30 11:17:04 AM  
Unfreakable:

I know it's in Canada!
 
2005-10-30 11:31:12 AM  
What province, ricodued? :P

/If you get it right, you get a cookie
//I'll stick it through my monitor
 
2005-10-30 11:37:38 AM  
Unfreakable: This headline was probably submitted by a Canadian.

Good call.
 
2005-10-30 11:38:16 AM  
Excellent headline.

/Lived in Winnipeg for four miserable years.

//Hated the lazy inbred slobs in Winnipeg more than I hated the two seasons:

///Mosquito (June-Aug) or winter (Sept - May)
 
2005-10-30 11:45:29 AM  
Hey Claudius The God
Stereotypes are fun, eh?

1. We're bigger
Is that why 95% of your population lives in 10% of the land area?

2. We don't have major racism problems, but are still the most multicultural nation on earth
Canada = 13% Minority Total - United States = 20% Minority. Sorry? What?

3. We're known worldwide to be peacekeepers, not warmakers
See how far that gets you without the U.S. to your South. Exactly.

4. We don't all live squished together in teeny little houses in cities where you can't even see the sky because of all the smog
Stereotype much? I live on 50 acres, how about you?

5. We know some things about the U.S., whereas they know nothing about us (ever seen the show "talking to Americans?")
Frankly, we're the big dog on the block, everyone should know more about us. Why should we know crap about a country that has no significance on the world stage.

6. Even our big cities are clean
Perhaps it's because you don't have any minorities? Racist? Yes. True? Probably.

7. Here you can walk down the street and say hi to perfect strangers without getting arrested and thrown into an asylum
Been watching too many movies have we?

8. We don't expect people to like us or respect us, but they do. The U.S. seems to have gotten that backwards
People respect Canada like a retarded brother, it's not something to be proud of.

9. The beaver is a truly proud and noble animal
I agree, they're even better shaved.

10. Canadian beer doesn't taste like polluted water
Samuel Adams makes the stongest beer in the world, made in America. Suck it Trebek.

11. Our nuclear power is safer and cheaper than yours
You got no argument from me, so far, Canada 1 United States 10.

12. We actually have natural resources
Like Mad Cow Beef and Government subsidized lumber?

13. Trees are something that can be found everywhere, not just in certain protected areas
I have 50 acres full of trees that are privately owned, how about you?

14. Our accents don't sound vulgar
No, you're right, it's aboot time we started mispronouncing our words eh?

15. Our system of government doesn't even remotely resemble Naziism
Someone failed American Government, tsk tsk. What was that you were saying about knowing some things about the U.S.? I don't like Socialism, do you?

16. Six feet of snow doesn't slow us down any. Two inches of snow and New York is closed for a week.
Two inches? Really? Are ya sure?

17. Everyone in Canada has at least some rudimentary knowledge of what a farm is
Ummmm, is this a positive?

18. There's been a woman Prime Minister
I'm sorry.

19. Tim Hortons. No matter where you go in Canada, you can always get good food at the local Tim Horton's. In the U.S. the best you can do is the International House of Pancakes, or McDonalds.
We have IHOPS, suck it.

20. Our flag is original. No other country in the world has a leaf on their flag. How many countries do you see with stars and/or stripes on their flags? It's boring and old.
Our flag means something, what does yours mean? Oooohhh, look, it's the leaf of Canada, we better surrender, eh?

21. There are more hot Canadians per hundred than there are hot Americans per thousand. Every year when American guys come to my town in the summer they comment on the high number of hot girls here. When I went to Florida last March I saw maybe 2 hot guys the whole trip.
Oh yes, we all know that personal experiences are indiciative of the truth, so please, continue. Shania Twain is perhaps one of the few great Canadian exports, but she lives in the U.S. now, so HAH!

22. Wildlife in Canada does not consist solely of the rats that raid the garbage at night
Do you guys have alligators or crocodiles? No? Oh, too bad.

23. We don't have to buy our drinking water from other countries
Of course you don't. http://www.evian.com/ca/

24. Acceptance. Canada was the first country in the world to allow homosexual couples to marry, the second to give female equality, and the first to have more than one national language
#1 Keep it. #2 Good for you. #3 Why do you have a national language? Why exclude other nationalities?

25. I live here
Stay there, please.

/It's on now biatch
/Fully expects to be hated for his comments
/Don't care cause the United States r0xx0rs y0ur b0xx0rs!
 
2005-10-30 11:46:05 AM  
I think the Brits should take back the US with the aid of our colonies *which we will also need to retake. The world needs the organisation.
 
2005-10-30 11:56:11 AM  
Our health care system is top notch... if you are seriously ill. If you have a life threatening condition, you will get care fast and effective. You may have to be shipped out of your city to get this, but you will get it (assuming it's properly diagnosed, but isn't that everywhere?).

If you've got a broken bone, or need some stitches, or things of that nature, you will wait in emerg. We have clinics that can take care of those things, but people seem to just go straight to emerg for any problem. Sometimes painfully, but you will eventually get treatment. Sometimes the next day even. Emergency room waits are long for people in these conditions. Sometimes 3-4 hours. Sometimes more. It's worse in cities that are below big city, but above town.. like 250,000-350,000 people.

There's much room for improvement, but since we are not wasting our tax dollars on worthless money pit ventures like Iraq (but our government still wastes money.. just not to the same extent), we do have a lot cash to help in fixing the problems.

Those are the general rules. There are exceptions to every rule, though. Also, don't count on suing for malpractice. It's not going to happen. All in all, I'm happy with it. It's there when I need it, at least in my experience.
 
2005-10-30 12:00:44 PM  
Vonderbach

I get the idea that you have never been here. There are lots of minorities. Ever been to Toronto or Vancouver? I feel way safer in downtown Toronto at 2am than I would if I were in a midsized U.S. city at 2am (but then again I feel safer in downtown toronto at 2am than I do in my hometown at 2am. hometown has 75,000 people)
 
2005-10-30 12:01:33 PM  
Vonderbach: but she lives in the U.S. now, so HAH!

nope. lives in switzerland.
 
2005-10-30 12:01:42 PM  
Vonderbach

Shania Twain is perhaps one of the few great Canadian exports, but she lives in the U.S. now, so HAH!

Actually, she lives in Switzerland.

/makes every other point you made have zero credibility, so HAH!
//hated you already
///would so hit Shania
 
2005-10-30 12:02:54 PM  
"One Great City!" (I Hate Winnipeg) by The Weakerthans

Late afternoon, another day is nearly done
A darker grey is breaking through a lighter one
A thousand sharpened elbows in the underground
That hollow hurried sound of feet on polished floor
And in the dollar store, the clerk is closing up
And counting loonies trying not to say

I hate Winnipeg

The driver checks the mirror seven minutes late
The crowded riders' restlessness enunciates
The Guess Who sucked, the Jets were lousy anyway
The same route everyday
And in the turning lane
Someones stalled again
Hes talking to himself
And hears the price of gas repeat his phrase

I hate Winnipeg

And up above us all
Leaning into sky
Our golden business boy
Will watch the North End die
And sing, I love this town
Then let his arcing wrecking ball proclaim

I
Hate
Winnipeg
 
2005-10-30 12:04:15 PM  
mtbhucker
Your census data doesn't lie. You have 13% total minority population, of which 2% is black. I was only stating this due to the posters insistence that Canada is a bastion of multiculturalism, which is clearly is not.

I agree though, the absence of poverty stricken minorities would likely cause a greater sense of security, so in essence I agree with you, but not for the reasons that you believe.
 
2005-10-30 12:07:04 PM  
pwned by Claudius The God.

Just try and invade us biatches!
 
2005-10-30 12:11:48 PM  
hopefully they send a french weatherman with it,,eh...
 
2005-10-30 12:12:22 PM  
mtbhucker and angryflower

Shania Twin and Mutt Lang did or still do live in the U.S.

St. Regis Falls, $9 million

This 3,000-acre estate, called Loon Echo, belongs to singer Shania Twain and her husband, record producer Robert John "Mutt" Lang. Loon Echo has a 20,000-square-foot residence overlooking a bay, with Cat Mountain as a backdrop. The house has five bedrooms and five bathrooms, plus a recording studio. The property has a tennis court, boathouse and nine-stall horse barn.
 
2005-10-30 12:17:00 PM  
[image from img.photobucket.com too old to be available]

/was born there. It sucks.
 
2005-10-30 12:23:00 PM  
vonderbach

Thought I would comment on your last post, from a British point of view.....


1. We're bigger
Is that why 95% of your population lives in 10% of the land area?

So you are saying they are bigger...ie agreeing, then trying to win another point. Fair enough.


2. We don't have major racism problems, but are still the most multicultural nation on earth
Canada = 13% Minority Total - United States = 20% Minority. Sorry? What?


The fact that you have more minorities in your country doesn't make you less racist, you prove this point a little later.

3. We're known worldwide to be peacekeepers, not warmakers
See how far that gets you without the U.S. to your South. Exactly.


You couldn't stop the 9/11 attacks and you couldn't stop Canada being attacked, noone wants to attack Canada, the fact that a Brit is defending them dispite not knowing a single Canadian or ever been there also says something. You aren't the World Police, you are messing everything up.

4. We don't all live squished together in teeny little houses in cities where you can't even see the sky because of all the smog
Stereotype much? I live on 50 acres, how about you?


I agree stereotyping is a little pointless, but if you do, as you seem no stranger to the concept, then pointing out that you have a large amount of land means nothing. Generally the Americans cramp together.

5. We know some things about the U.S., whereas they know nothing about us (ever seen the show "talking to Americans?")
Frankly, we're the big dog on the block, everyone should know more about us. Why should we know crap about a country that has no significance on the world stage.


That is the attitude that has cost you over 3000 people at 9/11 and 2000 in Iraq, you aren't that special and as you piss more and more people off, you will find this big brother attitude less and less apealing.

6. Even our big cities are clean
Perhaps it's because you don't have any minorities? Racist? Yes. True? Probably.


That is the racism that was pointed out earlier. You are racist. Admitting it doesn't make it better.


7. Here you can walk down the street and say hi to perfect strangers without getting arrested and thrown into an asylum
Been watching too many movies have we?


With the US having some of the highest gun cime and highest murder rates in the world I think it is a good point.

8. We don't expect people to like us or respect us, but they do. The U.S. seems to have gotten that backwards
People respect Canada like a retarded brother, it's not something to be proud of.


I think you are wrong there, I see Canada as a clean fairly well run country, a place with a good future that keeps its nose out of other countried problems, kind of a mix between the Netherlands and Japan. The US comes across as a bunch of stupid fat people.

9. The beaver is a truly proud and noble animal
I agree, they're even better shaved.


Not sure what to say there, a beavers just a big rat, and if you are on about a twat then I like a clean work surface too.

10. Canadian beer doesn't taste like polluted water
Samuel Adams makes the stongest beer in the world, made in America. Suck it Trebek.


I think you find that the strongest beers will be made in Germany, American beers is shiate, never had any Canadian beer, can't be that good or I would have.

11. Our nuclear power is safer and cheaper than yours
You got no argument from me, so far, Canada 1 United States 10.


No need to defend this one.

12. We actually have natural resources
Like Mad Cow Beef and Government subsidized lumber?


Well that and a significant amount of the oil they supply you.

13. Trees are something that can be found everywhere, not just in certain protected areas
I have 50 acres full of trees that are privately owned, how about you?


You can't deny it Canada has more trees, that is the point. Not that you have a big garden and therefore a big penis etc.

14. Our accents don't sound vulgar
No, you're right, it's aboot time we started mispronouncing our words eh?


LOL... you both sound stupid. It is English, I'm English, I'm right.

15. Our system of government doesn't even remotely resemble Naziism
Someone failed American Government, tsk tsk. What was that you were saying about knowing some things about the U.S.? I don't like Socialism, do you?


The point being made was that you have a dire administration, costing you... the taxpayer billions, with a legacy of debt and international problems. Canada doesn't.

16. Six feet of snow doesn't slow us down any. Two inches of snow and New York is closed for a week.
Two inches? Really? Are ya sure?


Not saying that this is everyone but I have seen a few videos of cars crashing in the snow, one guy jumped from his car as it was sliding. Mad.

17. Everyone in Canada has at least some rudimentary knowledge of what a farm is
Ummmm, is this a positive?


He is Canadian, I think he would know.

18. There's been a woman Prime Minister
I'm sorry.


It is a good thing, means that they picked someone regardless of sex that was good for the job, not someone who had been on T.V a good general or someones son.


19. Tim Hortons. No matter where you go in Canada, you can always get good food at the local Tim Horton's. In the U.S. the best you can do is the International House of Pancakes, or McDonalds.
We have IHOPS, suck it.


Never heard of either of them.

20. Our flag is original. No other country in the world has a leaf on their flag. How many countries do you see with stars and/or stripes on their flags? It's boring and old.
Our flag means something, what does yours mean? Oooohhh, look, it's the leaf of Canada, we better surrender, eh?


LMAO... The british one is better *bangs heads together.

21. There are more hot Canadians per hundred than there are hot Americans per thousand. Every year when American guys come to my town in the summer they comment on the high number of hot girls here. When I went to Florida last March I saw maybe 2 hot guys the whole trip.
Oh yes, we all know that personal experiences are indiciative of the truth, so please, continue. Shania Twain is perhaps one of the few great Canadian exports, but she lives in the U.S. now, so HAH!


Swedish women are best.

22. Wildlife in Canada does not consist solely of the rats that raid the garbage at night
Do you guys have alligators or crocodiles? No? Oh, too bad.


Think the US has a more diverse Ecosystem.


23. We don't have to buy our drinking water from other countries
Of course you don't. http://www.evian.com/ca/


They don't HAVE24. Acceptance. Canada was the first country in the world to allow homosexual couples to marry, the second to give female equality, and the first to have more than one national language
#1 Keep it. #2 Good for you. #3 Why do you have a national language? Why exclude other nationalities?

#1 Move on. The US has a national language. English, albeit badly spoken.

25. I live here
Stay there, please.
 
2005-10-30 12:27:12 PM  
Canada = 13% Minority Total - United States = 20% Minority. Sorry? What?

No need to apologize my friend.
You just forgot that the topic at hand was about multiculturalism, not minority size.

You can redo your report but it has to be subtracted 5% for being late....


.......and obnoxious
 
2005-10-30 12:27:41 PM  
Vonderbach


Census data like this?

oh and this is from Shania's website
"Refreshed and ready to rock after a sabbatical at home in Switzerland"
 
2005-10-30 12:28:40 PM  
Oh boy. A yay yay Canada > * vs pointless bashing "Canada is teh sucks" thread.

Its a compromise between the two. The only thing we can ascertain for a fact is that its better than Mexico.
 
2005-10-30 12:32:49 PM  
Vonderbach

Google harder, biatch.
 
2005-10-30 12:33:06 PM  
Claudius The God:
24. Acceptance. Canada was the first country in the world to allow homosexual couples to marry,

No you weren't.
 
2005-10-30 12:34:10 PM  
ptcruiser:

I know no British women with bad teeth.

[image from markarayner.com too old to be available]

/HAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha ... now THAT'S funny !
 
2005-10-30 12:36:51 PM  
knucklebreather :"Americans also have largest penises.
Take that internets!"

Oh yeah? You use Inches, you can't win! HAHAHA
PEMS Metric rocks, Imperial biatches!
 
2005-10-30 12:39:58 PM  
CruzAzul: To all you Americans bashing Canada... remember when your country invaded theirs in the War of 1812? How did that turn out, exactly?

They don't know. Wars they lost are not taught in History class.
 
2005-10-30 12:57:46 PM  
Thanks, megram. Vonderbach is a douche, and I imagine we'll hear from some of his countrymates who agree on this point.
 
2005-10-30 01:04:05 PM  
shadowself

As I said I know little about Canada, only what I see on the news, internet etc... they seem like a nice bunch, leaving doors unlocked no guns etc. The US should look at Canada as an example not "retarded". If I ran Canada I would stop the oil for a bit... scare them.
 
2005-10-30 01:11:24 PM  
Vonderbach

Multiculturalism is not the same as having a large minority. I recommend you go slap your 10th-12th grade social studies teacher for sending you into this world 10 steps behind the rest. Because really, your ignorance is that noticable.

/turn off nascar and open a book
//you know, those things that ya'll call "word boxes"?
 
2005-10-30 01:13:44 PM  
vonderbach

Good job. ever heard the saying "it's better to shut up and look stupid than talking and proving it" (might be phrased diffently, I wouldn't know, I'm just a stupid frenchie, and that is the direct translation from french)

And as a beer fan, I must say that, despite that fact that it's true that Samuel's Adams makes the strongest beer in the world (26% I think), it's also true that the best-selling beer in America is Bud, which is not a real beer, and most people never tasted a black or brown beer. Beer heaven is Belgium, and guess what, they speak french too.

So stay where you are (probably the south) with your racist and blinded thoeries, and don't bother visiting, we won't be welcoming you, as most of the rest of the world. I'm happy for you if your little imaginary universe is all about America, but if you decide to come back to reality, don't be shocked if you realise that 90% of what you think is wrong.
 
2005-10-30 01:14:26 PM  
Philly_gp: Please, don't insult NASCAR fans like that
 
2005-10-30 01:17:46 PM  
oh yeah, and that mad cow, it came from the states, but you surely never heard of it. And for the wood, eat %$/, you lost like 10 times in front of the world trade organization, time to pay back those stolen billions. And try speaking more than one language, that would make you more open-minded maybe.
 
2005-10-30 01:19:37 PM  
Megram,

If I ran Canada I would stop the oil for a bit... scare them

The thought was brought up by a member of the Canadian government as retaliation for screwing our beef and lumber industries. It would be suicidal if this happened, but the thought has been tossed around.

People like Vonderbach like to think of their country as this huge "free market" when really the US government has its hand on the levers moreso than any other westernized nation.
 
2005-10-30 01:28:40 PM  
mtbhucker: Move here quick before King Ralph spends it on stupid vote buying schemes.(Everyone in Alberta is getting a 400$ cheque and there are rumors of more.)

[image from img.photobucket.com too old to be available]

Can we send Ralphie to Mars? Please? And Harper, too?

shadowself: Vonderbach is a douche, and I imagine we'll hear from some of his countrymates who agree on this point.

Yes, he's a douche. But to be fair, he's also from [image from img.fark.com too old to be available], so he can't help it.

/one of the few Americans who isn't an ignorant asshat
//Loserpeg sucks
 
2005-10-30 01:31:31 PM  
I'm sure Canada couldn't just stop selling their oil, but it would make me laugh. I just hope Opec start trading oil in Euros. That will be good.
 
2005-10-30 01:38:02 PM  
Craicbaby:
"on of those few americans who isnt an ignorant asshat"?
yah...well, ya'll seem to be forgetten that we pretty much invented everything...from automobiles, telephones, computers, internet. America was founded as a beacon of freedom and scientific discovery.
\fark off
 
2005-10-30 01:38:33 PM  
The headline was harsh, the Canada/England/US bashing really pointless and self destructive. We've got better targets to hate, like barbarians that behead little girls going to school (you know, the Religion of Peace people in Indonesia)
 
2005-10-30 01:47:30 PM  
awesome headline

/winnipegger
 
2005-10-30 01:49:00 PM  
Yet another "finesse" mission to Mars...

If you really want to get people to Mars in a hurry, send an SUV with a small nuclear reactor on board there. It just sits there until the people show up, then it drives over to give them all the electricity they need. That, by itself, would solve many problems just by being there.

The point is that it wouldn't have to research anything. Its job is to DO. And that has to be the philosophy if you want to get to Mars.

Send robots to dig caves to get people out of the cold, radiation and near vacuum. They can dig for FIVE YEARS before people even show up. Even digging just an inch a day, people would have over 150 feet of cave waiting for them! They could use their own spaceship for doors and reinforcing rods.

Other robots can mine water ice to take back to the cave, to put inside, in a plastic-lined rock cistern. If it had contaminants, they could run it through reverse-osmosis first. Don't need people at all.

Hey! Caterpillar Corporation! This is your department. Get to work and you'll be the first corporation on Mars.
 
2005-10-30 01:54:27 PM  
Jamin Aura: America was founded as a beacon of freedom and scientific discovery.

Canada doesn't have freedom or scientific discoveries? That's news to me.

Anyway, back to Ralphie-bashing for a sec...

[image from img.photobucket.com too old to be available]
 
2005-10-30 01:59:05 PM  
I usually don't get into these rich-spoiled-white-people-accusing-eachother-of-being-rich-spoiled-white-peopl e-arguments but, please, please don't try to act like Canada is the utopian bastion of multiculturalism. Think about the beautiful Canadian term "prairie attractive and successful African-American" and get back to me. And if the swear filter nullified my quote, then I think that gets the point across as well. Of course, I do realize it's time to break out the rulers and start measuring, and then argue about imperial vs metric for a day without accomplishing anything...
 
2005-10-30 02:00:37 PM  
Canada was fighting Germans in 1914. USA sent some troops over in 1917.

Canada was fighting Nazis in 1939. USA declared war on Germany in 1941.

USA sucks.
 
2005-10-30 02:05:28 PM  
Vonderbach

I sure hope you are a troll. If not, you represent all that is wrong with this country, and all that prevents it from being a real member of the world community. If you want the US to be the "big dog" fine, but don't complain in 20 years when the troops are still in Iraq, terrorism is still a huge problem and the divide between rich and poor results in serious class and race conflicts. Why don't you read a bit, travel a bit and find some humility.
 
2005-10-30 02:09:40 PM  
Jamin Aura

FYI, telephone was invented by Graham Bell, a canadian.
also, the car engine was invented by a german, while internet was made by hundreds of people.
 
2005-10-30 02:18:47 PM  
CraicBaby: Can we send Ralphie to Mars? Please? And Harper, too?

Mars is to close. Another solar system would be good.
 
2005-10-30 02:32:13 PM  
Excuse me, Klein bashers, your jealousy is showing.
 
Displayed 50 of 142 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all



This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report