I simultaneously laughed and threw up a little in my mouth upon reading that headline.

OMFG... classic headline.

[image from tinypic.com too old to be available]

God, I wish headline voting worked. This is the headline of the year.

I sincerely hope that some Monster Truck announcer does the radio ads for this.

Lightening bolt!

will it help me run like a girl?

i just bought some
i feel it in my veins now, it says some mild burning is expected its burning through my flesh, oh god call a doctor... oh no its tooo lat......

Anyone with photoshop feel like making up a graphic for the forthcoming energy drink, "Chuck Norris's COCKPUNCH"?

Freakin rock!!! Great headline...

Steven Seagal now can add Energy Drink formulator to a list of talents that already includes veteran actor, singer/songwriter, guitarist, and Aikido black belt.

Lightning Bolt Energy Drink is the result of Seagals travels in Asia in search of the ingredients believed to keep many locals disease-free for life.

"I have traveled the world creating this drink; there is none better," says Seagal.

Why do I have this image in my head of Segal bounding up narrow Tibetian mountain paths, fighting entire villages of people for their secret herbs?

Heh, found this other site hawking it, too:

Are you stuck drifting through life in a state of existential confusion wandering aimlessly through the multitudes of energy products not knowing which one is the right one for you? Then look no further for the true meaning of life then Master Sensei Seagals Lightning Bolt Energy Drink!

Will it give me 1,000 years of power?

man, that stephen segal. why can't out-of-work-actors just stay that way?

Your 15 minutes are over, segal, now please kindly GO AWAY!

lighting bolt! lighting bolt!

tdpatriots12: Will it give me 1,000 years of power?


No, but it may give you explosive diareah.

Does that can on the right actually say "Asian Experience"?! Man, this stuff writes itself!

specialbuss

I totally got that referrence.

/sleep!

STEVEN SEAGAL - Energy Drink Formulator

Steven Seagal now can add Energy Drink formulator to a list of talents that already includes veteran actor, singer/songwriter, guitarist, and Aikido black belt. Maintaining an unrelenting schedule that would tire younger entrepreneurs, the 54-year-old Seagal has just completed two movies, Into the Sun and Submerged. His album, Songs from the Crystal Cave, released earlier this year, has already hit the pop charts in Europe.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Direct quote from Seagal:

"You can take away the money and the fame. I don't look at myself as any of those things."

THEN WHY THE FRACK ARE YOU HAWKING A DRINK WITH YOUR FRIGGIN' FACE ON IT?

/hypocrite...
//too funny...
///best. headline. evar.
////I've got lightning in my pants, wanna see it?

Segal and that Belgian asshat (I forget his name) should get married.

Their kid would be Tony Little.

From the site...

the Chi Symbol
"When Steven Seagal travled to Asia searching for the ingredients for Lightning Bolt, he wanted a universal Asian character to summarize it's energy and power. The character known as "CHI" stands for power, and energy in many Asian languages and cultures.
The Name "LIGHTNING BOLT"

The name Lightning Bolt was an inevitable afterthought. When Steven Seagal finished creating a drink that holds untold natural power, there was only one equivalent in nature- The Lightning Bolt. Both mysterious and powerful, it is a symbol of the untold energy the earth has to offer- Such is Steven Seagals Lighting Bolt energy drink.

Amazing headline submitter.

I can feel the power and all, but why does it have to taste like pee?

[image from us.movies1.yimg.com too old to be available]

I prefer to feel the soft warmth of Wilford Brimley seeping through my colon.

More like "the fat of Steven Segal"

Pretty awful link. I can only hope it will give me the ability to protect myself from things that Steven Seagal fought, such as pirates, submarine commanders, baby seals, and robots.

/only suffered through five minutes of one SS movie, then could not bear to watch any more ever again

If only cowbell could be somehow put into a drinkable form...

Will Sasso does the best Steven Seagal impression. In fact, now Steven Seagal is just as fat as Will Sasso.

From the other website:

"Features:

* 100% Pure Steven Seagal Juice"

..ewww. I mean.... augh! ewwwww!!!!

"What's your superpower?"
"Ten thousand volts of energy... In my pants"

Supposedly, his agent went over to his place one day and was made to wait in one room for about 45 minutes. Finally, Seagal enters the room and says, "I just read the best script ever written." The agent goes, "Really? Who wrote it?" Seagal replies, "I did."
-


IC.OJ

sumrandumgai
[image from i5.photobucket.com too old to be available]

"Well, you know how it is when the power goes out in your house? It would be like that... only in your pants!"

PLEASE STOP ASSOCIATING STEVEN SEGAL WITH ASIA. We have nothing to do with him.

I dunno....will it give me the power of constant squinting?

[image from fantasfilm.com too old to be available]

ph34r teh squint!

DHICKENGEORGE>>> you are farking hillarious

Yeah, the 3rd party site that is selling it lists one of the features as "100% pure Steven Segal juice".


*shudder*

I'm gonna be laughing to myself about this all day.

These are great for golfing! I'll keep a couple in my Six Demon Bag.

I just discovered the power of the vodka-redbull-soda. Man that is the drink of champions!

Lightning Bolt? (with click poppy goodness)

More like...

[image from rainbowdepot.com too old to be available]

/kidding
//cue "Tarzan Boy"
///loves me some strict-filtered GIS when searching for things like this

Remember when Steve Didn't have to wear those long black coats, or when he could kick higher than kneecaps,
or when he didn't have to use his hand/arm position to hide his midsection? Man those were the days. He has now entered into Barnaby Jones territory!