Ah man, that rag is better than The Onion.

For some reason, I like "Sports Illustrated: Satan's Minions Edition" better. Somebody get somebody else on the horn.

Amen.

4. Never seen in public holding a Bible.

Whaddaya know....I'm a tool of Satan.

As long as David Weber keeps churning out Honor Harrington novels, I don't have to worry about my husband spending money on swimsuit issues of anything. Nor would he have room for any minion of Satan in the bathroom there with him. There are libraries with fewer books than my husband keeps in there.

(What IS it with guys and reading in there? Why not finish your business and then go sit somewhere COMFORTABLE to read? somewhere your legs won't go to sleep after twenty pages?)

Weekly World News links must be paid for. Does anyone under 30 find them amusing?

I thought this was why home wireless networks were invented so you could take the notebook into the can, and look at pron to your heart's content.

Eye Warship Satin

"Doesn't anyone knock anymore?!"

Ya gotta love the crap that comes out of the fevered imaginations of the "writers" (and I use that term loosely) of the Weekly World News! One of the cheapest sources for a good laugh on the planet.

did anyone else get this?

Content-language: cs Content-type: text/html; charset=ISO-8859-2 Body:----------cs--
Chyba serveru!

Nastala vnitn chyba a server nebyl schopen dokonit V poadavek.

Chybov zprva

"In return, the models must engage in unspeakable orgiastic rituals involving human sacrifice plus date really unattractive older Satanist priests," the researcher contends.

I love the comics. So funny.

I wondered who i was serving in there.

working now, I guess Satan's Czech web-minions got ahold of their server for a second.

3. Caught by paparazzi engaged in immoral conduct such as raunchy same-sex dancing.



/"ahhh...but I died happy" said the kitten

hpcase

Yes I did the first time.

1. Has a romantic relationship with a rock musician. "It's long been established that rock is the Devil's music," Iggleton points out.

I'm a rock musician, and an Atheist. Therefore I don't believe in either God or Satan. Sorry, it's just good, fun music...

2. Bears the "Devil's Mark." Fashion editors may generously describe a prominent mole or blemish as a "beauty mark," but witch-hunters as far back as medieval times have recognized it as a sign that a person has been marked by Lucifer.

Nope, sorry. Moles aren't either beauty marks or marks of the beast. They're small clusters of cancerous cells. Yay for medical science!

3. Caught by paparazzi engaged in immoral conduct such as raunchy same-sex dancing.

Immoral? I'd say that's pretty effin' hot! There's nothing wrong with dancing with anyone, same sex or not. It's all about having fun and cutting loose.

4. Never seen in public holding a Bible.

Noone in their right mind is going to lug the King James Annotated Study Bible around with them wherever they go. Unless, of course, they're fundie freaks hell-bent on waking you up at 6am and asking "Have you found Jesus?"

5. Causes happily married men to have immoral urges. "If your husband comes out of the bathroom red-faced and clutching the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated, you can be sure one of Satan's minions is having an effect on him," Iggleton points out.

Sorry, wrong again. It's not Satan. It's the joy of being HUMAN, as well as the joy of being male. Sorry, fundies, but chicks make us harder than a +2 adamantium mace. That's just biology.

That, and it's in the friggin' Batboy paper, so you know it's kooky, Christian or not...

>>One of the cheapest sources for a good laugh on the planet.<<

A friend of mine will routinely bring a copy to the bar when we go drinking. People look at us like we're nuts ... but the stories are "better" when enhanced by a few rounds of booze.

Some religious fundie moonbats say shiat like that and mean it.

Specifically, the little minion that grabs his penis and jumps up and down 500 times.

Teh Evil.

"They must also corrupt the youth of the world by promoting materialism,

...

The author refused to name names, saying readers will "have to buy the book"

/hmmmm

Somehow I get the feeling that the article was pulling my leg. The more I read of that publication the more I feel they aren't always serious.

Why do they have a picture of that chick Tracey what's her face? She was never a supermodel. She was a Baywatch girl for about a hot minute and has been on reality television shows. That's it.

//don't remember seeing her on any cover of any magazine
///correct me if I'm wrong
////I don't believe that I am wrong

bughunter

Great gif, but i am curious as to how they fit a wall and a patio door in that microwave...

anyone from (or has lived) in the Orlando area? cool pub called the Copper Rocket in Maitland used the Weekly World News as wallpaper in the bathroom - literally pasted them up on the walls - you could spend hours in there and come out laughing

/even without the drugs

swankywanky: you could spend hours in there and come out laughing

If you come out of the bathroom laughing, no matter what's on the walls, it ain't gonna look good...

If I leave the bathroom with the swimsuit edition under my arm, it simply means that my high speed internet is down.

ignoramus, and a staircase?

Farkshower1972: Whaddaya know....I'm a tool of Satan.


/Hea, hea, he said "tool"...

/#6 (Did you put this carrot on her nose?) Made of wood?

...Burn her, anyway!

me and satan's minions can switch hands and gain a stroke.

Smart Ass: /#6 (Did you put this carrot on her nose?) Made of wood?

How do you knooooooooow she is a witch?

GoSpelunking
Because if you do it our way no one ever asks to borrow your books.

/obvious
//does his homework on the can, it sucks to by my teacher
///if you teach at the U of Mich beware

'The Evil One used his dark powers to remake these 'nobodies' from top to bottom -- taking away their flabby guts, sagging behinds and oversized schnozzes, while endowing them with high cheekbones, long, shapely legs and tight, toned buns."

huh... the The Evil One has photoshop. good for him.

I love the Weekly World News. It is like the flank steak to The Onion's Filet Mignon. Good stuff.

-IR

anyone from (or has lived) in the Orlando area? cool pub called the Copper Rocket in Maitland used the Weekly World News as wallpaper in the bathroom - literally pasted them up on the walls - you could spend hours in there and come out laughing

Been there. Only vaguely recall the bathrooms tho. Might have been slightly intoxicated.

Also for GoSpelunking - In my case at least, the minute I sit down somewhere comfortable, my wife assumes I'm too relaxed and need a job to do. So, the bathroom becomes a fortress of solitude. (i even have a beer fridge in mine. no shiat. no pun.)

CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch!
VILLAGER #1: We have found a witch, might we burn her?
CROWD: Burn her! Burn!
BEDEVERE: How do you know she is a witch?
VILLAGER #2: She looks like one.
BEDEVERE: Bring her forward.
WITCH: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
BEDEVERE: But you are dressed as one.
WITCH: They dressed me up like this.
CROWD: No, we didn't -- no.
WITCH: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.
BEDEVERE: Well?
VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEVERE: The nose?
VILLAGER #1: And the hat -- but she is a witch!
CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her!
BEDEVERE: Did you dress her up like this?
CROWD: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, a bit, a bit.
VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.
BEDEVERE: What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE: A newt?
VILLAGER #3: I got better.
VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!
CROWD: Burn! Burn her!
BEDEVERE: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether
she is a witch.
CROWD: Are there? What are they? Do they hurt?
BEDEVERE: Tell me, what do you do with witches?
VILLAGER #2: Burn!
CROWD: Burn, burn them up!
BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #1: More witches!
VILLAGER #2: Wood!
BEDEVERE: So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?
BEDEVERE: Good!
CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah...
BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she, is made, of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.
BEDEVERE: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No, no.
VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD: The pond!
BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Great gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Churches -- churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead -- lead!
ARTHUR: A duck.
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEVERE: Exactly! So, logically...,
VILLAGER #1: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of
wood.
BEDEVERE: And therefore--?
VILLAGER #1: A witch!
CROWD: A witch! A duck! A duck!
BEDEVERE: We shall use my largest scales!
[yelling]
BEDEVERE: Right, remove the supports!
[whop]
[creak]
CROWD: A witch! A witch!
WITCH: It's a fair cop.
CROWD: Burn her! Burn!

//I mis-quote'd earlier..

My apologies for the size of these images but many kittens were sacrificed thanks to the SI Swimsuit Issue and the holy trinity of Kathy, Elle, and Rachel.

Excuse me I'm going to the bathroom!

Gotta support the Evil Ones...

*You wouldn't think She would want all the competition*

So, basically what the guy is alluding to, is that for a woman to be anything other than a Satanist she has to be dog ugly.