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(Chicago Sun-Times)   If you're being kidnapped and the hostage takers ask "Who here is an American?", don't raise your hand   (suntimes.com) divider line 118
    More: PSA  
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28909 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Oct 2005 at 4:36 PM (8 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2005-10-03 09:41:13 AM
On an airliner, the best place to sit is a window seat in the back, where one is most removed from hijackers, he said.

And you *never* hear of an aircraft *backing into* a skyscraper.
 
2005-10-03 10:03:57 AM
peeing in your pants, however, is still ok.

/On a side note, If you poop your pants, the kidnappers will leave you alone
 
2005-10-03 10:08:17 AM
That's why I always carry bacon in my wallet.

/"I have swine flesh... and I'm not afraid to use it."
 
2005-10-03 10:23:44 AM
This is why my wallet is made of pop tarts. I can eat all the incriminating documents in under 30 seconds. Everyone should do this.

/where do I come up with this stuff??
 
2005-10-03 10:37:23 AM
This calls for the Maple Leaf Masquerade!!
The "Go Canadian" Package
 
2005-10-03 10:45:13 AM
I love the USA and am proud to be an American.

BUT, if asked by terrorists I am fully prepared to claim Canadian citzenship.

/Stands up in seat and screams at the top of his lungs

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
 
2005-10-03 10:57:24 AM
4 tips for staying safe abroad:

1. Do not go to Mexico City
2. Do not go to Colombia
3. Do not go to Africa
4. Do not go to the Middle East
 
2005-10-03 12:18:40 PM




"Ray, when someone asks if you're a God, YOU SAY YES! "
 
2005-10-03 12:33:48 PM
Although I can't ing all of O' Canada, I do have a hockey puck in my backpack. Think that will be enough to fake it?
 
2005-10-03 12:34:09 PM
I'm Swiss!

/Bill Maher
 
2005-10-03 02:25:16 PM
"Carry a second wallet, with expired credit cards and other documents and a small amount of cash, that you can hand over if mugged."

I always do this when I travel. Passport, cash and credit cards in a sling inside my shirt. A few bills and my old credit card in the wallet.
 
2005-10-03 03:15:42 PM
I've met quite a few people who have been through survival training at Fairchild near Spokane. The USAF requires that all pilots take the training.

From what I understand, It's broken down into 3 parts.

The first part is training. They teach you what kind of crap you can eat, what bugs have the most protein, how to build a proper shelter, how to evade capture, etc. Then they let you go into the wilderness for a period of time. After a couple of days. I forget exactly how long. Then they start hunting you. When you are caught, the POW camp starts. They're not allowed to permanently harm you, but you get a taste for what you'd really be in for in a real situation.

That's some hard-core crap.
 
2005-10-03 04:41:08 PM
I'm going to Paris on the 14th.
If asked i'm Canadian.

Less likely to have French spit in my food.
 
2005-10-03 04:44:22 PM
Riche

Excellent, first thing to pop into my head too...

Don't cross the streams.
 
2005-10-03 04:46:32 PM
To those claiming Canadian citizenship to save themselves (at least save themselves some trouble): I vacationed in Mont Tremblant this summer and I would not be able to understand how someone could fail to tell the difference between an American accent and a Canadian accent. It's HUUUUUUGGGE. Eh.
 
2005-10-03 04:50:06 PM
If I were in such a spot, and they asked "Who is an American?" I would proudly stand and raise my hand, and point out someone else. Anyone else, though I would be more inclined to point out someone whose looks I didn't like, or who had bad taste in clothes, or who had inflicted too much perfume on me previously.

(Not serious, so please don't rant about how awful it is that I would rat out someone just to save my own skin. Not that I wouldn't, but I don't want to be reminded about how awful it would be.)
 
2005-10-03 04:50:23 PM
GodsTumor: Less likely to have French spit in my food.

My Wisconsin buddy and I spent 3 weeks travelling France and had no issues at all - in Normandy they love the Yanks (still!) and in the rest of France it's just "meh - you're an American, whatever"
 
2005-10-03 04:50:57 PM
FishyFred

coming from "Joisy" I see how you could find that to be true. Kidding. Anyway, there are plently of Candains that sound like Yanks, Jim Carrey, Mike Meyers....
 
2005-10-03 04:52:30 PM
zappadog: If someone says "Joisy" then that person is not from "Joisy." You're probably from New York and you're trying to make fun of New Jerseyans.
 
2005-10-03 04:53:21 PM
scooby111: They're not allowed to permanently harm you, but you get a taste for what you'd really be in for in a real situation.

Had a SEAL buddy way back in the day that used to work with the airlines to train flight attendants in handling hostage situations.

He said that his favorite part was the fact that part of his script is to slap the whatnot out of whomever speaks first. It's inevitably some tall hot blond chick, "You can't tell us what to do! And we know you can't hurt us!"

*WHAP!* "You *WILL* do as I say, *AND*," *WHAP!* "I *really* like slapping you. Are you married?"
 
2005-10-03 04:53:37 PM
If asked, I'm a New Zealander. It's not a part of the "evil" west, I wouldn't think. It's too far east. I don't have an accent because I was abducted as a child by the "infidels" and escaped after 15 years.

/another tip, don't say you're Israeli or Jewish
 
2005-10-03 04:53:39 PM
You're all a bunch of wusses. When I travel through the Middle East and Columbia, I dress like this:



And sing (or more scream) at the top of my lungs:

They're coming to America
They're coming to America
They're coming to America
They're coming to America
TODAY
 
2005-10-03 04:55:53 PM
The only French people I ever saw that seemed to hate Americans were the ones in Paris. Many love Americans, generally those in Normandy though they aren't exactly fond of our government even there. The vast majority don't care if you are american or not. Not sure why the ones in Paris seems to have a hatred of Americans but don't paint all the French with the same brush.
 
2005-10-03 04:56:57 PM
No one from New Jersey says "Joisey." Bah.

/idiot
 
2005-10-03 04:57:32 PM
prowler8: My Wisconsin buddy and I spent 3 weeks travelling France and had no issues at all - in Normandy they love the Yanks (still!) and in the rest of France it's just "meh - you're an American, whatever"

Just don't go into a restaurant and order "CRAYpes". That seems to be their pet peeve over there.
 
2005-10-03 04:58:14 PM
One could always claim to be from a non-English speaking country since they learn English with whatever accent that their teacher has.
 
2005-10-03 04:58:55 PM
I guess that's so. New York has it's share of bad accents too. But if you're going to compare accents to accents, that's what you do, you're from New Jersey so that's what I used in a Humerous way. That's what people do on Fark, they make fun of other people and places and stereotypes. Like it or not dude.
 
2005-10-03 04:59:42 PM
GodsTumor Most people from other countries do not hate Americans individually. They may not agree with the positions the leaders of the country take, but they won't immediately assume that you have the same beliefs or hold you responsible for their actions. There is no need to hide your citizenship while traveling.

vernonFL Some parts of Africa are very nice places to visit. I was just there 2 years ago visiting Tanzania, Zambia and South Africa and didn't have any trouble.
 
2005-10-03 05:01:04 PM
airline passengers should aggressively fight hijackers,

yea, uh huh.

people SAW a fighter jet that day, and i guess people believe that a 4 ton engine can roll uphill. for 8 miles. after impact. and be intact.
 
2005-10-03 05:01:22 PM
robsul82


No one from New Jersey says "Joisey." Bah.


OK so I guess the people I've heard talk that way were from PA, huh? There is NO ONE in NJ who talks that way, Not ONE person? And I guess there are no people who say Longuyland either? FACE it, they exist and you're an ass.
 
2005-10-03 05:06:45 PM
Great how even Americans admit to be known as one is pretty much an insult, wherever you go in the world...

Even here in friendly NZ, if you're an American, people are naturally suspicious.
 
2005-10-03 05:07:26 PM
*Blend in with locals by wearing appropriate clothes, and avoid wearing clothes that advertise one is an American.



/Just kidding lads
//got asbestos pants anyhow!
 
2005-10-03 05:09:07 PM
FishyFred
Actually properly educated people from northeast Ohio (Cleveland) do sound like Canadians. Or so I've been told by some Canadians.
 
2005-10-03 05:10:39 PM
Even here in friendly NZ, if you're an American, people are naturally suspicious.

Even here in friendly America, if you're an American, people are naturally suspicious.
 
2005-10-03 05:10:55 PM
"Even here in friendly NZ, if you're an American, people are naturally suspicious."

Sounds like the good people of New Zealand are a bunch of asses if they would be "naturally suspicious" based on a person's country of origin.

More likely it's you with the issues, not the whole country.

/more likely yet, you aren't really that way in real life, but think it's pretty awesome to America-bash online
 
2005-10-03 05:10:57 PM
deklund:

Just don't go into a restaurant and order "CRAYpes". That seems to be their pet peeve over there.

jeez, I'm glad I'm not the only person who pronounces it as krepps

/french-S. American heritage
//but mostly fench
\\\ <-rebel slashes
 
2005-10-03 05:11:09 PM
Once upon a time, when I lived in Not-America I used the half-time break of a basketball game to grab a pop. I was friendly with the man who ran the store, and he asked me what I was up to.
"Watching sports."
"Hockey number one!" he enthused.
"No, no... Basketball." I mocked hoops.
He spat at the floor. "American sport."
"Hey, I'm American," I protested.
"No way."
"Yes!"
"Why do you leave? No one wants to leave America. America will not let me in. You should go back."
Eventually, I did.
 
2005-10-03 05:14:55 PM
Rodrigo Hernandez

best way is to show you're uncut (if your not)
 
2005-10-03 05:17:41 PM
Would you Americans please stop pretending to be Canadians when you travel. You are starting to give us real Canadians a bad reputation.
 
2005-10-03 05:17:53 PM
When walking, face oncoming traffic, stay to the inside of the sidewalk and try to notice if a person or vehicle is shadowing you. That will make you a ''hard'' target rather than a ''soft'' one, and might scare off criminals looking for someone to mug, he said.

Why the hell does the article suddenly conclude with this?
 
2005-10-03 05:19:44 PM
everybody loved america once........

what happened america?



leaders and their egos farked us.
 
2005-10-03 05:26:52 PM
I went to Florence, Italy recently. Two Italian girls approached me. We made small talk. They asked me where I was from. I told them I was from the United States of America. They found it very appealing that I was American and invited me to share the evening with them. I respectfully declined, only because I am married... but otherwise, I would've been all over those two Italian hotties.
 
2005-10-03 05:27:26 PM
everybody loved america once........

Naw...don't worry. They still love our money and crap ass pop culture.
 
2005-10-03 05:30:05 PM
vernonFL: 4 tips for staying safe abroad:

1. Do not go to Mexico City
2. Do not go to Colombia
3. Do not go to Africa
4. Do not go to the Middle East


Back in the day, this was true of Colombia. I'm actually IN Colombia now and it's nowhere near as dangerous as people think. At least not in the capital, Bogota.
Go out to the "bad parts" though and it's a whole different story but even then I'd rather go there than, say, downtown Detroit.
Just my $.02
 
2005-10-03 05:30:31 PM
how does the obvious tag not get used here?
 
2005-10-03 05:31:18 PM
I say I'm amish.

/when I'm flying on a plane
//Pulled by several hundred oxen
 
2005-10-03 05:31:28 PM
crappetite - Hasselhof is the proof of that.

/still get shudders...
 
2005-10-03 05:35:24 PM
prowler8: My Wisconsin buddy and I spent 3 weeks travelling France and had no issues at all - in Normandy they love the Yanks (still!) and in the rest of France it's just "meh - you're an American, whatever"

But the news tells me the whole world hates me.
 
2005-10-03 05:37:17 PM
SumoJeb: Would you Americans please stop pretending to be Canadians when you travel. You are starting to give us real Canadians a bad reputation.

It's only a few Americans doing this. Just as there are a few Canadians trying to pretend to be American.

Trust me, the last nationality I'd want to pretend to be is Canadian.
 
2005-10-03 05:38:22 PM
*Blend in with locals by wearing appropriate clothes, and avoid wearing clothes that advertise one is an American.


I think this would be a waste of time given most Americans are twice the size of non-Americans.

They might stand a chance if they were in a Sumo arena, though.


/if my plane was hijacked, obviously, I'm gonna tell them I'm Muslim, Salem Aleekem!
 
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