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(Some Guy)   Farker needs advice. How do you cut off your kids when they move out?   (google.com) divider line 691
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13968 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Sep 2005 at 12:05 AM (8 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2005-09-27 08:55:27 AM
I don't know. I'm 19 and a college student myself. I visit my parents for about three weeks a year (from school term to work term twice, and then christmas) and I pay everything. My parents treat me as a houseguest when I'm here. I'd suggest weaning them by not renewing any contracts for cell phones and such and telling them about it now. They can either work more, pay less rent, or take out loans. Like the rest of us, actually. The 22 year-old at least, but the 18 year old could make it too, perhaps without the latest in bluetooth-enabled, high resolution picture phones, but I'll bet they survive.
 
2005-09-27 08:56:03 AM
DaShredda,

Where do you go to school? Harvard? Yale? Princeton?

My sons dorm is 1,700.00 per semester, annually, that is 3,400.00 for "Rent" in the dorm. Were he to rent an apartment, he would be paying between 650.00 - 900.00 per month, based on an 8 month school year, that is 5,200.00 - 7,200.00 for rent. Add to that that many apartments now ask tenents to pay some or all utilities.

How is YOUR statement even remotely accurate?
 
2005-09-27 08:56:38 AM
bv2112

Same here, but my family's from Argentina. Must be a cultural thing - my dad helped me out a lot but I'm damn frugal. He paid my tuition through school 'cause he didn't want me taking loans, and didn't expect me to handle the rest (rent, books, living) but I made it a point of doing so anyways whenever possible.

No cellphone or car 'till my last year of university, and I took 5 years because I was in a co-op program that meant working in engineering-related jobs every summer and for 2 normally-school semesters.
 
2005-09-27 08:57:31 AM
cowsspinach

Oh yeah by the way, the silly age rants, arent you one of those people who believe that once you are 18 you are an adult? Yeah, right...why dont we tell that to the cashier who checks the ID at the local gas station.


wtf are you on.. remember world != USA

18 in the uk you can do wtf you like
 
2005-09-27 08:58:46 AM
PresidentPutz

I think DaShredda was referring to the typical situation where apartments are not rented by a single student. Through grad school, I was renting a townhouse along with two roomies, rent came out to less than $300 per month. Factoring in the utilities as well, it was still less expensive than a dorm room would have been/was at my school. (Of course, this is setting aside the fact that grad students weren't allowed to stay in the dorms at my school.)
 
2005-09-27 08:59:05 AM
PresidentPutz

Dunno about you, but around here only upper-year kids and trust-fundies get apartments. Normal students rent a house with their friends and live in any room that could feasibly be converted into a bedroom. $400CAN per person tops. Residence costs substantially more, but you don't have to pay it in the summer.
 
2005-09-27 09:00:30 AM
joe90 (re: cowsspinach)

The funny thing is, his little rant wasn't even accurate for the USA. That's why I called him on it.
 
2005-09-27 09:00:40 AM
No_47: "If you ever ask me for money I expect you to move back in."

DANGER, DANGER, Wil Robinson!
 
2005-09-27 09:00:42 AM
With your wife on their side, you're screwed. Convince her otherwise or prepare yourself for divorce.... Seriously. That or put up, shut up, and prepare for 20 more years of handouts.

Really, just say no!
 
2005-09-27 09:00:49 AM
Why do people buy stuff their kids should be paying for? I bought and paid for my own cars, my own rent, my own meals, and my own college tuition. When I lived in the house my parents took care of me, when I moved out I was on my own. Easy, clean break. We also had a rule that if you still live at home on your 21st birthday, you have to start paying rent and providing your own meals.
 
2005-09-27 09:01:15 AM
joe90

Well, in the states you can too - you can get shot in a war, be executed by the state for your crimes, own firearms, drive cars etc. You just can't drink.

/depressingly imagines some poor kid coming back from Iraq and not being able to go to the bar with his family to celebrate.
//Canuck, where it's 19 instead - still a year too long to make sense.
 
2005-09-27 09:01:35 AM
2005-09-26 07:42:54 PM redmachined

Don't be such a stingy old bastard and sleep in the bed you made. Welcome to being old, bitter, and a parent, Just_One_More.


Wow. You sound like you feel awfully entitled. You also sound like an ungrateful bastard who needs to have his own cord cut.
 
2005-09-27 09:02:04 AM
It's all been said already but I will say this - I hope you do follow through and print this out and give it to them. Give them the farking link too so they can read it for days and days.

Hey kids, your dad is not obligated to pay your way for life. You need to suck it up and start taking responsibility for your financial future. Worse comes to worst, if you have a good relationship with your parents, and things don't go well for you, you will always be able to count on them for support. But don't expect money just because you're fresh out of college and everything seems so haaaaard.

I agree also with the post that you're probably spending too much money on weed / booze / partying.

Best thing you can do is realize that there are *many* *many* people in this world who have it far worse than you, and most decent people know this and adopt some level of humility as a result.

Stop being a whining child, stop leaning on your mother for leverage against your father, and stop treating dad like the bad guy. He brought you into this world and by gum, he can take you out of it.

/ cliche
// get offa m' lawn
/// Good luck to you, Just_One_More, you sound like a decent guy. I'm sure your wife and kids are good people too, but everyone's lives get a little complicated from time to time. Not to worry, chin up, and all that.
 
2005-09-27 09:02:52 AM
Reading this thread made me laugh. Welcome to the genearation of lazy kids. Some of the problem is the parents because life was good when those kids were born. Everyone was "fat and happy" and they got used to it. But the parent is certainly within his/her rights to stop the subsidizing and live the life that they've earned.

As a parent myself, I want to give my kids the things that I didn't have as a kid. I think it's a natural reaction. I also make it known those things can be taken away at any time for any reason if taken for granted. Kids these days feel they're "entitled" and expect it to be given to them rather than earned.

I know this because I hire newly graduated college kids. I've sat around with other colleagues discussing how much different they are than those hired just 10 years ago. Nobody wants to work.

Good luck. My suggestion. Give them a hard date as to when the subsidizing is going to stop and stick by it. They may hate you now, but they'll thank you later.
 
2005-09-27 09:03:53 AM
When it was time for me to make the choice for college or university here in Ontario Canada, if you didn't qualify for a scholarship because of a) your grades or b) you didn't win a radio contest or something, if your parents are within a certain tax bracket, you won't get any federally-assisted financial help with extra-curricular schooling.

The system is built so that if there is money in the immediate family, there should be some support through the blood-line.

I don't know if the things have changed since 95, but I can't see why it would have.

HOWEVER, my best friend Scott went to college and he didn't have a loan or a hand-out. He went with money he saved up while he was going through high-school, and between college course semesters, he went and worked some more. He has big ambitions, and he is self-sufficient. He didn't get a hand-out from his family or from his family-in-law, and he now owns his house, owns 2 new vehicles, and bought new furniture and appliances for his new home, all within 3 years after graduation.

That's the kind of attitude I want my children to have, if and when my wife and I have some.

I think it's called tough love, or tactful firmness.
 
2005-09-27 09:05:20 AM
Airhed13 & Pxtl, had DeShredder bothered to actually read and retain anything in my post, he would have noted the fact that I repeated "Share a residence". Based on Just_one_more's post, I assumed his kids were either each renting an apartment alone or maybe just the two of them sharing an apartment.


The point is still the same, if they are living near home, they can't afford the "On Their Own" lifestyle, they should be living AT home. Doesn't sound like Just_one_more kicked em to the curb so that is probably an option.

Life is about weighing what you can afford and what you can't and responding appropriatly. I

I would like to drive a Hummer, the real one, not that H# crap, but that is 110,000.00 and I can't afford it so I drive a used Ford Expedition SUV which I can afford.

I would like to live on a horse farm with 30 acres and 5 or 6 horses but I can't afford it so I live in a split level, 3 bedroom on 1/3rd acre and take my kids to an occassional horse riding outting, which I can afford. See how that works?
 
2005-09-27 09:05:39 AM
Christ - When I got a job and moved out I was damned proud to be standing on my own two feet. The value of money, and earning ability was instilled in me at a young age.

I fear it's too late. You've sadly raised two sponging brats, and have to live with that mistake.
 
2005-09-27 09:07:19 AM
Couldn't you just link them to this thread and show them what you are debating on doing to them?

...NF...
 
2005-09-27 09:08:31 AM
PresidentPutz

Ah, gotcha'. And I'm with you on the hummer, though I'm afraid my own compromise ended up with me in a Taurus. Ah, well, maybe the next car will be better. :)
 
2005-09-27 09:09:39 AM
Cut them off.
Tuition=tell them GI BILL.

Phone=buy them some stamps, paper, pencils, and envelopes.

$=teach them "Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order"

Insurance=ask them if they ever seen a Gecko do the robot.

Clothes=St. Vincent DePaul, and the uniform from work.

Food=McDonalds has employee discounts.

Serious note= Make them grow up ASAP. "It's a rough world out there. You always got to look out for number one but don't step in number two."

/RIP Rodney
//believe me, I'm a trustfund baby who's earned everything to date.
///has 2 broke sisters though, dumb biatches and parents
 
2005-09-27 09:09:56 AM
joe90

18 in the uk you can do wtf you like

Apart from enter a 21+ bar / pub?
 
2005-09-27 09:10:12 AM
mrjared

Young, independent people actually qualify for very nice grants and exceptional loans. I know, because starting next year my college experience is being picked up by good ol' Uncle Sam. Granted, I don't make a lot of money (only working 6 months out of the year helps) but I still have enough to pay of interest on the loans I've already taken out, my new car, insurance, food, rent, etc, etc.

The key to qualifying for grants and loans is to be able to file independently and qualify on your own. To do that, you basically have to have no contact with your parents and they can have no interest in you. You need to talk with your financial aid office to get them to change your status, but for you to get the breaks, your parents take a significant tax hit when they lose you (plus you lose all insurance and such so your job needs to take care of that).
 
2005-09-27 09:11:32 AM
mrjared: Well...for those of us with a huge looming debt because their parents didn't plan for the eventuality that their children might some day want to attend a college...don't be a dick. They don't need you to pay for every little thing, but you want to cut your children off so you can go on a vacation? I think, perhaps, you should re-examine your priorities a bit and think about the type of life your kids will be living while your off visiting foreign lands. Most people can't handle just being "cut off" and will end up either in very deep debt with farked credit, or they will end up back in your empty nest. Or both.


Welcome to this little thing called LIFE. Your parents raised you for 18 years. That was their duty. Anything else is gravy. My parents helped me get through college and I am grateful for it. They also allowed my wife and I to stay for a brief time when I was between jobs and in the process of relocating. They didn't OWE me any of that. I think that as a family you should be willing to help out any other family members, or even friends, but to feel that you are entitled to it, or that someone is a bad parent because they left their childeren to fend for themselves is just foolish. I doubt you will find any really successfull people who were spoon fed by their parents so late in life. As some have mentioned before, only by allowing your children to get out there and figure out things for themselves can they really learn to shine. If the first thing that they do is buy new cars, cell phones, high rent apartments/houses, big screen plasma TV's, etc... just because they want to keep the quality of life that you have given them, then you probably failed to teach them the facts of life when they were growing up. By the time your kids are ready to leave, they should be prepared to go out on their own and not make the big mistakes. The smaller mistakes are what help them learn.
 
2005-09-27 09:11:41 AM
PS, just for clarification, I grew up on welfare, in the projects in LA and moved out when I was 18. I didn't go to college because I couldn't afford it and didn't have the grades to get scholarships (I worked a night job most of my high school career to help Mom pay the bills that weren't covered by state aid and if really hammered my grades).

I am now reasonably successful, have given my children all I can but refuse to allow them to become entitlement brats who expect everything to be handed to them. Growing up on welfare had a positive effect on me in that I learned that handouts are second class and breed weakness and perpetual poverty. That same philosophy goes for spoiled rich kids. If you keep giving them everything, they learn the value of nothing and never understand that hard wordk, dedication, frugality and reason have their rewards and benefits and make you a more sound and mature person.
 
2005-09-27 09:12:15 AM
Wow this hits home for me. I can't read all the comments, but I would suggest taking a great 2-week vacation by yourself, using credit. You and your wife probably won't agree on a plan for weaning the kids, so have fun without her! You can ask her to come, but phrase it like this: "I'm going. It would be great if you go, but nevertheless I'm going." She can live the poor life if that's what she wants. You'll probably die first, so your wife and kids can pay your debt off. Have fun while you can. You've already done much more for them than most parents, anyway. They "insisted" on moving out, on YOUR dollar? I would have laughed my ass off if they were my kids.
 
2005-09-27 09:13:11 AM
theweirdneighbor

The problem is that such an approach is incompatible with getting a good education. You might be able to get a business degree or an arts degree while working full time, but you can't do engineering, architecture, a hard science program, etc. under those circumstances. Plus, your loans will pile up super-fast, particularly if your program requires grad work to be taken seriously (anything but engineering).

Help them out with tuition at least - it's in your own interest, unless you want them waiting tables 'till they're 50 or moving back home once they graduate so they can pay their loans.
 
2005-09-27 09:13:16 AM
I'm 25. I had my dad's gas card until I graduated last year. Just for emergencies. Bought cartons of smokes and sold them for cash for a bit ( thank you Reality Bites...)That was when I was 19. Since then though, I guess I am too proud to ask for money- my mother actually slipped 500 in my purse two days ago and refuses to take it back. All she said to me is that we all could use help sometimes, and she's thankful she can be the one to do so. I cried. I WILL pay her back. Somehow.
 
2005-09-27 09:13:41 AM
Cut the kids off - whatever you've been giving them, cut in half next time, and that's it.

At that age, even in college, they can get a job and support themselves, ESPECIALLY if you're paying tuition. I did (2 years ago) - at one point I had 3 jobs (Freelance programmer, employed to some faculty, Administrator to the C.S. department, and *sob* Microsoft Student Ambassador... I really hated the last one. Also worked occasionally as a fill in at Panera) as well as 15 credit hours. Sure I was busy, but I still got great grades (U.M. Rolla - tough school for engineering) AND had time to go do other stuff... like woo my then-fiancee-now-wife.

You can't keep paying for them to party... I never got a talk from my 'rents, but I didn't want to cost them any more money than I already was, thus the jobs.

Tell 'em no more!
 
2005-09-27 09:14:24 AM
CtrlAltDelete

DAD?!
 
2005-09-27 09:18:26 AM
1. Have kids
2. ?
3. Change the locks, rent room to college girls, make webpage daddygoestocollege.com (profit)

/yeah yeah I know
 
2005-09-27 09:21:41 AM
Tough one to call.
I sort of freeloaded off my parents until I was 23 and finished college. I paid my own rent and bills, but I was always needing a $100 here or there every couple months.
When you're a young adult, its nice to have a safety net, but it is completely irresponsible not to learn to pay for things yourself and not to be grown up enough to realize that your parents are adults who like to do things for themselves -- vacations, new clothes, better cars, etc.
If you don't tell them to act like grown ups and assume some responsibility and consideration for their parents, they'll be freeloading off you until they're 30.
Ideally, think about how much you can afford (per year) for each kid. Probably allow a little extra for the 18yr old since he's in college. Tell them you can only have $100(or whatever) from us per month. If you can't live within your means, I suggest you eat ramen and learn to slum it for a while. You'll appreciate that fat paycheck after college all the more.
 
2005-09-27 09:22:37 AM
Well...for those of us with a huge looming debt because their parents didn't plan for the eventuality that their children might some day want to attend a college...don't be a dick. They don't need you to pay for every little thing, but you want to cut your children off so you can go on a vacation? I think, perhaps, you should re-examine your priorities a bit and think about the type of life your kids will be living while your off visiting foreign lands. Most people can't handle just being "cut off" and will end up either in very deep debt with farked credit, or they will end up back in your empty nest. Or both.

I hope this was a joke. If not, this is defenitely part of what's wrong with this country.
I have a brother-in-law who lives w/his uncle(rent free)& has Mom pay for everything. If someone says no, he rants, throw a tantrum, and think whatever he asked for should be rightly his. It's pathetic, he is 28. He is also no longer allowed in my house.
School loans, who doesn't have them
credit card debt, don't buy if you can't afford it
Learn to cook you're self instead of ordering pizza and hitting the bars everynight.
oh yeah, WORK.
 
2005-09-27 09:22:40 AM
My deal was this:

My parents laid down exactly how much $ they were willing to contribute to school, to the PENNY, 2 years before it came time to enroll. Books were negotiable, but everything else was my responsibility.

At 16 it was made clear that any car beyond a hand-me-down, which they did provide, would be my responsibility (plus gas, repair, and insurance for it)

When it came time to move out, I was very forcefully made to understand that no money beyond tuition would be forthcoming, and that I had damned well better be sure I could make it because I might not be allowed to move back in.

It sounds cold, and I have to truly wonder if they'd have turned me away, but it instilled in me a very useful sense of responsibility that none of my friends seemed to have. And they did lay heaping piles of food on me every time I saw them.

In turn, the profound respect I garnered from them when I NEVER asked them for so much as a penny, and never came back to beg shelter, really improved our relationship (which wasn't that good to begin with, as you might notice).

Personally, I think you're screwed. It's too late, your kids have missed the opportunity to feel responsible for their own affairs, and any attempt to make them so now will look and feel like disowning them.
 
2005-09-27 09:22:59 AM
Understand that you did get them into this situation. Offer to pay any contract fees (ie you got and paid for their cellphone, they shouldn't have to pay the contract cancelation fee if they can now not pay it). Same as with the car, maybe help them move into a cheaper rent place. Then make them start to pay the bills one by one.
 
2005-09-27 09:24:26 AM
Move.
 
2005-09-27 09:27:13 AM
I think you've gotten a lot of really good advice here.

Have you talked with them about their finances? How much are they spending per month on cell phones? Cars? Groceries? There are a lot of ways to cut back those expenses.

Can they (he/she) take in another roommate? Shop at Aldi? Get a cheaper car? Get a better cell phone plan and dump the landline? Dump the cell phone and get Vonage? Use coupons? (Don't laugh about the coupons, I save an average of 60% a week on groceries--email me for details if you'd like help there.)

If you're helping pay for basic necessities, don't be afraid to ask for an accounting of what they are spending. Make them bring receipts. If they *really* can't make ends meet, help them out (with a little money and a lot of groceries). If they spent $100 in cell phone overages, boo-freakin-hoo.

I lived on my own, working 2 jobs, making minimum wage. It wasn't easy, but it was all me. I even managed to take some classes, and paid for them. I didn't heave a cell phone, and I wore onions on my belt.

Make sure they know how to be financially responsible. Give them the tools to make better decisions. Help them make a manageable budget. They'll thank you for it later.
 
2005-09-27 09:30:14 AM
Grow a pair!
 
2005-09-27 09:30:23 AM
Wow, I don't know what redmachined's problem is. He must really resent independence. Anyway, I was on my own at 18. Hard adjustment but as you can see it didn't kill me. My parents helped me out from time to time but then, get this, I paid them back. That's what adults do. That umbilical cord is a hard piece of gristle but you can hack through it. They should be able to live on their own and only use you as a backup if something happens. Good luck!
 
2005-09-27 09:30:30 AM
Tell your kids to tough it out and suck it up.

How spoiled are they?

It sounds like their lives are far easier than the lives of the majority of people on this planet, so they're already ahead in the game. And it's not particularly fair to you for them to eat up all the money YOU work for.
 
2005-09-27 09:30:37 AM
Reminds me of a true story here.

For years my Aunt worked as a hairstylist until the salon she worked for was sold to a new owner that my Aunt didn't like so she took her business "underground" so to speak. She took with her a few of her favourite clients and would drive to their house and style their hair there. The only catch was she would charge them the same rate she would charge them at the salon, so it was win-win for all parties invovled.

Now some of her clientelle was old, I'm talking little old retired ladies here that still felt it was necessary to get thier hair styled from time to time. One of them, don't know her name but we'll call her Agnes after the old lady on the Simpsons, had a son who still lived with her. And in keeping with the theme, we'll call him Seymour.

So Seymour, who was practically 40, would walk in every night and yell out, "when's dinner?". Now on those rare occasions that my Mum was there, he wouldn't get too beligerant if dinner wasn't ready. But he would if nobody else was there. After several months of this my Aunt finally convinced Agnes that he needed to be kicked out. She called the cops, and had him dragged from the house, literally kicking, screaming and crying like the baby he was.

His mother had done everything for him and had let him stay there for all his life never once letting him take responsibility for his actions. While he was there, he didn't need to worry about anything because he would guilt trip her into taking care of things. It took a stranger to get Agnes to do what was necessary.

These kids need to learn responsibility and they can't learn it when they're still getting handouts from their parents.
 
2005-09-27 09:38:27 AM
While I'm probably not adding much to what hasn't already been said, here's my sob story.

I'm 23 now, in grad school (paying for just about everything on my own). In college, my parents took care of tuition and my insurance. (I was in Houston, 350 miles north and east of them). I paid my own gas, my cell, and any other luxuries (like non-dorm food) that I wanted. They'd help me out in a pinch, if I gave them a few weeks' notice (note the catch-22). But our agreement was that they'd pay for my undergrad years, so I could get out of college debt-free (or close to), but everything beyond that is on me.

I've since moved to NY (still trying to figure out why), getting a master's degree (taking almost double the avg. grad student credits per semester) and working 20-30 hours/week. It's hell, but I'm paying for everything (except for my health insurance, which is through my mother's work at the hospital...getting decent insurance up here is a pain in the tuches and a half, so why push that one until I have to?).

Granted, while I took on many of these responsibilities on my own, it's because my folks laid the guidelines out clear and simple from the outset that I was able to make plans for myself for my own future. Even now, they are willing to help me out if I get into a bind, but generally speaking, as long as I give them a call every week or so to say that I've survived another week in Harlem, then they're happy.

/15 miles in the snow barefoot, uphill both ways
//not really, we didn't get any snow in my days in Texas
///slashwhore
 
2005-09-27 09:39:53 AM
Just_One_More
I think a lot of parents are in the same boat you are.

Putting blame aside, your goal is to help your kids, right? Right now, the best thing you can do for them is take away the supports completely and forever. Tuition is one thing, but if they are going to ever survive on their own, they need to be doing now while they are on a small budget. Teach them the value of money and work.

As an example, my parents could never afford to give me all that you have given. No tuition, no cars, no insurance. Nada. As such, I had to work and live on my own. I learned how to manage my money and I learned a great work ethic. I put myself through school (2-3 jobs). Now I am financially independant with a bright financial future ahead of me - far better than my parents. I even have some left over to help my parents sometimes. I think that's the way it should be, kids should *contribute* to the family, not leach off of it.

So as many others in this thread have suggested, and what you yourself are already thinking: cut them off

/Let us know how this turns out.
//NDSU, Class of 2000
 
2005-09-27 09:40:10 AM
Well...for those of us with a huge looming debt because their parents didn't plan for the eventuality that their children might some day want to attend a college...don't be a dick. They don't need you to pay for every little thing, but you want to cut your children off so you can go on a vacation?

This is getting some really negative reactions that I think it may not deserve. It wasn't my post, but... Here's the way my parents explained it to me: "We are going to pay for you to get a good education, so that you can get a good job. Then, when we are old and might need some help financially, you will be there for us."

Sounded fair to me... I think that many parents who can afford to send their kids to college view it as an investment, and party of their own safety net.
 
2005-09-27 09:40:26 AM
There's a story I've heard that's related to this:

Once upon a time, a college kid got a package from his parents. He opened it up, and it was a large, leather-bound bible. Kid tossed the bible up on a high shelf in disgust.

Later, he contacted his parents and asked for money. Parents said "Go read Psalms number blah-blah-blah son."

Kid got disgusted, and got a job.

For the entire year, the kid kept asking for money, and the parents would gently tell him to read yet another bible verse. Kid kept complaining that he was reading it, but it didn't help.

Finally at the end of the school year, the kid came home for summer. He proceeded to tear into the parents for constantly telling him to read the bible when he needed money!

Of course, they told him to read a bible they had at home. ;)

Kid went off in a huff, complaining.

Later, just for the heck of it, he went to that passage in the bible just so he could say he did it, and keep some peace.

There, tucked in the pages the parents specifed, was a 50 dollar bill.

How much $ was tucked in that bible on the high shelf at school is to be left to your imagination. ;)
 
2005-09-27 09:42:22 AM
Pxtl

The problem is that such an approach is incompatible with getting a good education. You might be able to get a business degree or an arts degree while working full time, but you can't do engineering, architecture, a hard science program, etc. under those circumstances. Plus, your loans will pile up super-fast, particularly if your program requires grad work to be taken seriously (anything but engineering).


This is wrong. Not only can it be done, it is done, a lot where I go to school. About half of my school has their education paid for in some way. The other half did what I had to do, take loans, wait out for a well-paying job, shop at aldi, shop at goodwill (walmart is too expensive), drive/push/pull a beater that you've assembled from junked cars (hey automotive engineering school, it's normal), and generally be poor.

We are all engineering students who work in the engineering field. You name it, someone in our school does it. If you enter an engineering, architecture, or hard-science program with an attitude that you can't do it, you might as well pick liberal arts at a CC because you likely won't last long in your program.

Before someone gives me shiat about waiting for a well-paying job, there are circumstances with my school (it's a co-op) that make switching jobs difficult and unrewarding, and for most people, jobs are difficult to get (at least not at my school).

Help them out with tuition at least - it's in your own interest, unless you want them waiting tables 'till they're 50 or moving back home once they graduate so they can pay their loans.


I disagree here with your assessment, but any help you can give them with your tuition will help them and eventually you. Loan repayment will be a big part of my budget when I graduate (just as it is now so interest doesn't rape me). That said, nobody I know had to move back in with their parents due to overwhelming loans, minus a few jackasses whose parents paid their tuition and they took out personal loans to party with.

/voting, because...

 
2005-09-27 09:45:12 AM
Don't cut them off. I'm 25 years old, and I got into a situation that if my parents had not allowed me to stay with them, I'd be homeless.

You child is your responsibility for the rest of YOUR life
 
2005-09-27 09:47:07 AM
Have you instilled in them any work ethic? You know, by example? How about showing them by example that handouts aren't okay, and that they should do everything they can to strive to be financially independent.

I'm 24 years old. I moved out to go to college at 17. My parents gave me a cheap car, paid the insurance, and $300 a month in grocery and gas money - in exchange, I was expected to make the 4-hour trip home every two weeks. College was paid for by a mix of scholarships, my grandfather distributing some of my inheritance early, and student loans, both federal and private.

These days I have a master's degree and I work my ass off for a small consulting firm and as a part-time college instructor. I do pretty well for myself. But I've been getting $400+ power bills of late due to some major problems with our AC system, which easily eats up all my discretionary income AND my grocery money.

So what did my dad do - tell me to get a third job? No. He and my mom came out to visit this last weekend, fixed the electrical problems in the house, fixed the AC, bought me some groceries, and took me and my husband out to dinner. Oh, when he was fixing all those things, he taught my husband how to do it, too.

Why are you so desperate to be completely rid of your kids? Maybe both you and your wife still have living parents. Trust me, once they're gone, you'll wish that you spent more time with them - and you'll definitely want to spend more time with your kids.

College students will ALWAYS have to ask for lunch money. Just because they're legally adults isn't an excuse to completely abdicate your role as a parent. Just remember, if you're going to cut them off financially, you very well might end up cutting them off completely.

If you're so gung-ho about taking a vacation, take them with you. Value what time you have with your kids.

But if you still feel the absolute need to cut them off (and most likely out of their lives), at least help them fill out their FAFSAs every year, let them get student loans each semester (oh, it'll be unsubsidized since you make 'good' money), and teach them how to budget their money to where that lump sum payment will last a whole semester.

/appreciating how much my parents love me more and more every day.
 
2005-09-27 09:51:08 AM
Don't worry too much about what will happen to them. At 20 my mom decided that since i didn't want to be mormon like her i was cut off and kicked out. With $60 in my pocket and a $10/hr part time job i figured it out. 3 years later i own a house, have a good job, a nice car and am living very comfortably. If they are smart they can take care of themselves, and if not, they need to learn.

By contrast, my older brother is 31, and lives in my parents basement. He has never had a girlfriend and has no friends/social life. He lived with my aunt throughout college and has never even done his own laundry. He talks occasionally about buying a house, but since he makes less than I do and lives in an expensive area, it's all talk. This is what happends when you don't cut them off.

It's the same situation too, my mom doesn't want him to have to pay or move out and my father just seethes and lets him stay. You need to make it clear that freeloading is unacceptable and really, cutting them off is for their own good. just don't be a dick about it.
 
2005-09-27 09:51:14 AM
For the most part, I agree with the comments along the lines of "stop enabling." But, to all of the older farkers who are proclaiming their virtuousness because they paid their tuition themselves and/or went out on their own:

1. Tuition has grown way, way faster than inflation (and it's going to keep getting worse).

2. You can't get anything but sh*t jobs without a college degree. This was not the case 20 years ago.

3. Parents are expected to pay their kids' college tuition, so if you make decent money, your kids can't even take out a loan.
 
2005-09-27 09:53:38 AM
To the kids:

GROW UP AND SUPPORT YOURSELF!

I'm 29, have $500+ student loans. I have a job, I have an apartment, and I have a car. Yeah, my social life may not be the greatest but the key to it all is this:


It's my life, my responsiblity, and my choices. I depend on no one else. You better start getting the hang on living on your own, for all you know, you're wonderful parents could die in a horrible car crash tomorrow.
 
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