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(Some Guy)   Congress plans ban on TP, check your racing stripes   (weeklyworldnews.com) divider line 50
    More: Amusing  
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8375 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Apr 2002 at 2:07 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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Livewire
2002-04-27 02:09:08 PM
Holy Crap!
 
Hannahman
2002-04-27 02:11:04 PM
Fark has been seeing way too many fake news sources lately. Seriously, doesn't enough farked up stuff happen in real life that we don't need to resort to posting pointless crap? Not that the usual crap has a point either, but still... ya know?
 
bison
2002-04-27 02:11:32 PM
I'm gettin me one of them fancy new Japanese toilets toot sweet!
 
SchlingFo
2002-04-27 02:12:04 PM
If this wasn't the Weekly World News, I'd be grabbing a shotgun, a case of Charmin, and heading to the hills.
 
Testicleus
2002-04-27 02:12:18 PM
I get enough on my hands anyway...

who here actually uses one individual square to wipe their ass with?
 
koldcuts
2002-04-27 02:12:35 PM
articles from the weekly world news should carry a satire tag.
 
xenotionar
2002-04-27 02:13:13 PM
Johnny Carson did something like this back when he was around... he told everybody that there was a shortage of toilet paper and it created a country-wide demand for more and more of it.

He appologized the next day...
 
SchlingFo
2002-04-27 02:15:26 PM
Xeno,

I can see how it could work. Until I got to the part about the government officials confiscating it and decided to look and see exactly what website this was, I was sweating.

I couldn't imagine not having toilet paper. I think it's like in the Constitution or something ;)
 
nuvox
2002-04-27 02:15:59 PM
if it was true wonder what they would do to you if you didnt give up your tp jail time
 
cheshire_cat_sf
2002-04-27 02:16:44 PM

I only read the Weekly World News for Ed Anger. This week's column "COLLEGE PANTY RAIDS ARE BACK - GOD BLESS AMERICA!"


http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/anger.cfm
 
theotherrob
2002-04-27 02:20:18 PM
Come on now Eds and Admins - give credit where credit is due. This isn't just a story by "some guy," it's in the Weekly World News. It's like a really, really great guy.
 
Apparent Nuisance
2002-04-27 02:21:53 PM
*Knock knock* "Open up, it's the FBI" (Kicks in door)

Man shot dead sitting on toilet smoking a joint and wiping his ass.

(Fade out)
 
pj6100
2002-04-27 02:22:27 PM
Anyone got change for a 5 ? Anyone?
 
sec
2002-04-27 02:25:05 PM
just use your hand...hey its good enough for arab trash.
 
riceowl03
2002-04-27 02:27:06 PM
So what, if they ban toilet paper I'll just start using double-quilted extra soft paper towels.
 
pj6100
2002-04-27 02:28:25 PM
I'll use extra soft quilty copies of the WWN
 
sec
2002-04-27 02:31:05 PM
Riceowl03: every single paper towel i've wiped my ass with, regardless of how soft it feels, leaves a really uncomfortable asshole burn. probably not too good for the septic tank either.

if i'm an expert at anything, its wiping my ass with paper towels because i don't want to go to the store just for TP.
 
zilborn
2002-04-27 02:31:36 PM
It's ok, I have my three shells.

-Me
 
sec
2002-04-27 02:35:23 PM
zilborn: that movie was the shiat. get it? HAHAHAH!

ok i'm done with this thread i promise.
 
LawnJockey
2002-04-27 02:36:43 PM
Koldcuts: Dead on.
 
scraping-fetus-off-the-wheel
2002-04-27 02:36:43 PM
I bet Hannahman doesn't "get" batboy either.
 
Herron23
2002-04-27 02:37:08 PM
And what, praytell, would we be using if we weren't using toilet paper? Rags? That new Japanese contraption would have to be pretty powerful to spray all the farking poo off your booty!!
 
Smasher/Devourer
2002-04-27 02:40:34 PM
I KNEW IT! Hah! Luckily I've been stocking up on TP for years!...too bad I used it all up yesterday after my trip to Taco Bell. Damn burritos.
 
mrdark
2002-04-27 02:40:48 PM

(Subliminal Post)
Personally, I think

Midget Pictures!

that the government should

Midget Pictures!


stay out of my bathroom! My bathroom...

Midget Pictures!

my choice.

Midget Pictures!


(/Subliminal Post)
 
TellarHK
2002-04-27 02:46:03 PM
... Would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?
 
canthony
2002-04-27 02:57:01 PM
Hell, I'm a bachelor living in a dorm room. Half the time I have to use paper towels anyway.
 
deathtoll
2002-04-27 02:59:49 PM
thanks SATIRE for SATIRE the SATIRE amusing SATIRE tag SATIRE SATIRE SATIRE wankers.
 
Apparent Nuisance
2002-04-27 03:00:48 PM
I suppose you people are too good to drag your ass across the carpet like the dog?

Well, la-di-da, Your Highness.
 
Beppo
2002-04-27 03:01:20 PM
Maybe we should send this guy in to straighten out the TP situation:
 
sagacity
2002-04-27 03:05:47 PM
What's the big deal? One can always use a hundred dollar bill.
 
FarkingIceHole
2002-04-27 03:12:23 PM
Psssssst, Hey Buddy, I got yer quilted right here.....ya, 2 ply, good wipe....
 
Hytes Xian
2002-04-27 03:24:49 PM
Charmin Plus with Aloe for me. It's a little weird at first, but it cleans you up good.
 
bongoman
2002-04-27 03:26:18 PM
Why do you think it's rude to serve food with your left hand in certain countries?
 
SilentObserver
2002-04-27 03:28:36 PM
Midgets are scary
 
stevarooni [TotalFark]
2002-04-27 03:42:02 PM
Hell's Bells, Bongoman, it's rude to do anything that involves other people with your left hand in some countries. That's part of the insult of the Islamic law that demands a thief's right hand be removed.
 
AHOLE
2002-04-27 03:49:36 PM
hmmmm, guess I will be saving my leaves this fall
 
Fork
2002-04-27 04:50:24 PM
I need TP for my bunghole!



Are you treathening my bunghole?
 
jimmypop
2002-04-27 04:52:29 PM
'"We are flushing our nation's most precious natural resource -- our trees -- down the toilet," warns Mandy Thybolt'


thank god she clarified. if poop was our most precious natural resource, i dont know what id do.
 
CappyGoat
2002-04-27 05:20:39 PM
Beppo: Great tie-in!
 
destructicon
2002-04-27 06:10:37 PM
Beppo who the fark is that
 
geophraq
2002-04-27 06:42:46 PM
Boobies hehe
 
geophraq
2002-04-27 06:43:02 PM
test
 
lodin
2002-04-27 08:10:11 PM
Seems we all are gonna have to start buying ourselves som bides soon! Or do those use to much water?
 
Burkethead
2002-04-27 08:10:41 PM
I thought coal was more precious. I guess modern politics has prostletized me.
 
bookman
2002-04-27 08:16:07 PM
Hey! When TP's outlawed, only outlaws will have TP. They can have my toilet paper when they pry it from my cold, dead, soiled fingers....
 
meta
2002-04-27 09:39:24 PM
Black text on dark blue?

Worst. Web design. Ever.
 
Asmor
2002-04-27 10:35:30 PM
No toilet paper?!?

Looks like we're gonna learn how to use sea shells...

Geek points to whoever gets that.
 
Fuzzybeard
2002-04-28 12:19:15 AM
3 shelld reference = Demolition Man!
Also, try poopreport.com
 
Fuzzybeard
2002-04-28 12:24:30 AM
I just got dome reading the Memorable Quotes section for Demolition Man, they're a riot! Click HERE to go directly there.
 
nix
2002-04-28 02:09:49 AM
We could start recycling the TP. Think of all the trees we could save. I wonder how must you'd have to pay the person to collect the used TP?
 
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