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(Some Guy)   Alabama man mistakes military flares for second coming of Jesus   (thethomasvilletimes.com) divider line 197
    More: Dumbass  
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16589 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2005 at 12:04 PM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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DAR [TotalFark]
2005-08-26 10:24:26 AM  
I can believe it, I used live near a bombing range and every so often a battlefield flare would drift crossed the bay toward my house. Kinda of cool to watch sometimes.

Some of those flares are no joke when it comes to candle output power.
 
2005-08-26 10:52:09 AM  
i'm sure alabamans mistake car backfires for the second coming of Jesus.



Just press the action button and Alabama Man busts her lip open! "Shut up biatch!"
 
2005-08-26 11:07:59 AM  
Jesus must be Tantric. Or does a lot of Kegels.
 
2005-08-26 11:08:18 AM  
Lynyrd Skynyrd is frantically working on a reponse-song thread.

Well I heard mister Young sing about him
Well, I heard ole Neil put him down
Hope Neil Young will remember
Southern Man didn't need that flare-round anyhow!

Sweet home Alabama
With the skies that Jesus flew
Sweet home Alabama
Drink like us you'll see him too.
Yes you do.

(15-minute noodly guitar fest)
 
2005-08-26 11:20:35 AM  
If Jesus was coming back, would he really choose to appear in Alabama?
 
2005-08-26 11:59:08 AM  
Could have been worse - I'm thinking of that Rapture intro to 6 Feet Under where the lady saw the blow-up dolls flying away and walked into traffic...kersplat
 
2005-08-26 12:07:38 PM  
Alabama man fears fire!

no wait, that's caveman lawyer
 
2005-08-26 12:08:22 PM  
Tito

Well, six of one...
 
2005-08-26 12:08:44 PM  
Jesus is coming!

Everybody look busy!
 
2005-08-26 12:09:47 PM  
I hate those freaking rapture bumper stickers that say, "In case of rapture car will be unmaned." so here is a good one.

 
2005-08-26 12:09:58 PM  
Oh, I do that all the time.
 
2005-08-26 12:10:29 PM  
"If Jesus was coming back, would he really choose to appear in Alabama?"

I live in Alabama and yes he would. There's plenty of shiat down here for him to clean up. It'll keep him busy.
 
2005-08-26 12:11:09 PM  
There is more proof of the existance of Bigfoot than Alabama man.
 
2005-08-26 12:14:17 PM  
mar19: "If Jesus was coming back, would he really choose to appear in Alabama?"

I live in Alabama and yes he would. There's plenty of shiat down here for him to clean up. It'll keep him busy.



Are you sure that he wouldn't be like "WTF?!" and just wipe the state clean to start anew?

/envisioning Jesus coming out of the clouds, looking down, and saying "WTF?!"
 
2005-08-26 12:14:20 PM  


Peter North...aka Jesus.
 
2005-08-26 12:14:29 PM  
whatshisname: If Jesus was coming back, would he really choose to appear in Alabama?

Well, you got to figure that He would come back to the worst shiathole on Earth to do His good works ... Wouldn't Alabama make the short list of places to start?
 
2005-08-26 12:14:56 PM  
Sort of a threadjack, but can someone please refer me to where this "pray for Omarion" thing started? I don't understand it's significance.
 
2005-08-26 12:15:05 PM  
GOD created those flares.

If this 'story' ran in a paper outside of Hicksville, USA people would be unemployed by now...
 
2005-08-26 12:15:10 PM  
Cassitys second thought was that it might be a military test. It was really something, he said. but my first thought was, the Lords coming, he laughed.

What's with the "dumbass" tag? The guy was making a litle joke. Don't freak out with the anti-Christian sentiments so quickly!
 
2005-08-26 12:15:14 PM  
Why is it always called "the second coming of Jesus"?

Isn't it just remotely possible that if he came here once, then potentially he returns on occasion without telling anyone?
 
2005-08-26 12:16:55 PM  
Fark Me To Tears
No, that's jersey.
 
2005-08-26 12:18:23 PM  
Lemmiwinks The Gerbil King:

/envisioning Jesus coming out of the clouds, looking down, and saying "WTF?!"


WTFWJD?
 
2005-08-26 12:18:46 PM  
you know a lot of these religious experiences happen in people with brain damage or defects. Desire to interpret something normal as a spiritual event, hearing the voice of god, seeing the vigin marry on pile of dog shiat. Wonder if that flaw is part of intelligent design.

/saw baby jesus on my pop-tart this mornin'.
 
2005-08-26 12:18:47 PM  
Minor quibble with the story - it's the Perseid meteor shower that happens at this time of year. The Leonids are in November.

J. D.
 
2005-08-26 12:19:26 PM  
If I were Jesus, I'd appear in Saudi Arabia. Just to piss off all the fundies in both sides :).
 
2005-08-26 12:20:14 PM  
I see your minor quibble and raise you an ass nibble.
 
2005-08-26 12:20:32 PM  
Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it."

Moses turned towards the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus.

Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it." And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple.

But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink. He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around. Moses grumbled at Jesus' sillyness and parted the water once more. Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water.

When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet."

/straight to hell.
 
2005-08-26 12:22:05 PM  
Sounds like the FSM has been raving with military flares again.
 
2005-08-26 12:22:40 PM  
Confusing something in the sky to the second coming of jesus...

This remind anyone else of that death of the woman in Six Feet Under, with the blow-up sex dolls.
 
2005-08-26 12:22:46 PM  
The guy was obviously joking. His culture is Christian so that's the kind of joke he made. Seems a lot of farkers have sticks up their asses.
 
2005-08-26 12:23:31 PM  
So why did Jesus quit playing Hockey?

Kept getting nailed to the boards.

/can I sit next to you
 
2005-08-26 12:24:46 PM  
The guy was obviously joking. His culture is Christian so that's the kind of joke he made. Seems a lot of farkers have sticks up their asses.

Amen. My point exactly! Any excuse to pounce, I guess...
 
2005-08-26 12:25:51 PM  
Farkers with sticks up their asses? No way!
 
2005-08-26 12:26:04 PM  
Why don't they just close the miltiary bases there? Save the tax dollars and avoid confusing the Southerners.
 
2005-08-26 12:26:14 PM  
peachykeen: Seems a lot of farkers have sticks up their asses.


No stick here but here's some schtick for ya:P

http://www.raptureready.com/rap2.html
 
2005-08-26 12:27:59 PM  
Not to threadjack, but I thought Thomasville GA was the city of roses.

Is every city named Thomasville "The City of Roses"?

(And the answer is yes, I am aware that no one cares but me)
 
2005-08-26 12:29:57 PM  
"Why is it always called "the second coming of Jesus"?

Isn't it just remotely possible that if he came here once, then potentially he returns on occasion without telling anyone?"

Yeah, didn't he show up on a burrito or something not so long ago? I think we are up to the 27,456th coming of Jesus if all of the pancake/wheatbread/wood knot/oil slick/birthmark sighting are to be believed.
 
2005-08-26 12:30:26 PM  
Maxwell-Gunter Air Force Base in Selma does not operate jets

...someone needs to learn up on their geography at the thomasville times, as both Maxwell and Gunter air force bases(except when uncle sam's trying to close em, these are considered two seperate bases) reside firmly in montgomery.

and on another note:
shiat, if not for people like this, i don't think i could take living in this state.

moreover, what the hell was the actual point of this article? is thomasville really so boring that whenever some crazy old coot freaks out, it's news?
 
2005-08-26 12:31:33 PM  
Where's the obvious tag when you need it?
 
2005-08-26 12:31:38 PM  
hotwing Those are just premature ejesusculations. They do not count.
 
2005-08-26 12:31:43 PM  
Isn't it just remotely possible that if he came here once, then potentially he returns on occasion without telling anyone?>/i>

I think it's to not confuse those who don't understand the word "Rapture" for those not intelekual enough.
 
Bo
2005-08-26 12:31:59 PM  
second coming of jesus? indeed, jesus is coming. so open your mouth.

/also hedding to a very warm vacationy spot on the river styx.
 
2005-08-26 12:33:49 PM  


/Nuff Said...if you believe in this kinda thing...







//Touch *MY* noodly apendage
///Slashes Make ChipNASA Hungry....it's Lunchtime!!
////BOW DOWN TO THE FSM....with a side of garlic bread!!
 
2005-08-26 12:34:07 PM  
At least no one thought they were UFO's!

/Jesus drives a Hummer
 
2005-08-26 12:34:10 PM  
/saw baby jesus on my pop-tart this mornin'.

You ate Him, didn't you. I wonder how He feels about that.

/not good, I imagine
 
2005-08-26 12:35:40 PM  
smeegle

If I was to go by that, I'd be surprised that the rapture hasn't happened yet. It's been under 145 once in the past year.

/Doesn't have stats for more than a month or two before that.
//Speaking of the index: has anyone ever seen a category go down to 0? I noticed that the record low is mainly 1s, which would mean that the scale actually starts at 45.
 
2005-08-26 12:35:58 PM  
also hedding to a very warm vacationy spot on the river styx.

Say hello to Charon for me.
 
2005-08-26 12:36:49 PM  
Civil_War2_Time: Who is Peter North and why is he also known as Jesus?
 
2005-08-26 12:36:58 PM  


Hey Jesus, go and get my sammich!!!
 
2005-08-26 12:37:05 PM  
It's terribly easy to mock the deeply-held beliefs of others.


And fun, too!
 
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