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(The Smoking Gun)   Military releases documents explaining why Jimi Hendrix was kicked out of the military, including being "apprehended masturbating" in the latrine, being suspected of "taking dope." The Smoking Gun, she is there   (thesmokinggun.com) divider line 137
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17276 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Aug 2005 at 7:35 PM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2005-08-03 12:41:50 PM
Hell, I do that shiat every weekend.

"...apprehended masturbating"

Now honestly, would you aprehend someone who was in mid-fap?

... wait till they're done first.
 
2005-08-03 12:50:32 PM
Jimi Hendrix smoke dope? That's unpossible!

And another thing: You can be kicked out for fapping?
 
2005-08-03 12:55:23 PM
Ok, you're in the army, miles away from any woman (back in Jimmy's day). You are not allowed to be gay and not allowed to fap. They are trying to kill all the soldiers with DSB (deadly sperm backup). Just not a good idea.
 
2005-08-03 12:56:44 PM
When "apprehended" masturbating Jimi got irate and began filling the latrine with purple heys!
 
2005-08-03 12:56:50 PM
icelander

Private Cowboy: Tough break for Hand Job. He was all set to get shipped out on a medical.

Private Joker: What was the matter with him?

Private Cowboy: He was jerkin' off ten times a day.

Private Eightball: No shiat. At least ten times a day.

Private Cowboy: Last week he was sent down to Da Nang to see the Navy head shrinker, and the crazy farker starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for his papers to clear division.
 
2005-08-03 12:57:54 PM
I'll remember to masturbate furiously during my physical when I get drafted.

/no, I don't think I'm going to be drafted
 
2005-08-03 12:58:02 PM
Private Joker: What was the matter with him?
Private Cowboy: He was jerkin' off ten times a day.
Private Eightball: No shiat. At least ten times a day.
Private Cowboy: Last week he was sent down to Da Nang to see the Navy head shrinker, and the crazy farker starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for his papers to clear division.
 
2005-08-03 01:01:00 PM
Priceless.

He should be an inspiration to all our young soldiers!

Fuq War, gimme my guitar!
 
2005-08-03 01:01:56 PM
Damn you broadcastdave!

It was either that or post the pic from Platoon with them toking through a shotgun barrel.
 
2005-08-03 01:08:32 PM
"apprehended masturbating" in the latrine

Masturbating is a crime?

being suspected of "taking dope".

Ok, that's where I draw the line. Anybody capable of stealing someone else's dope is the ultimate scumbag. I figured Hedrix was better than this.
 
2005-08-03 01:08:59 PM
I knew a private named Jimi
I guess you could say he was a sex friend
Met him in a army latrine
Masturbating with a magazine
He said "how'd u like 2 take some dope?"
And I could not resist when I saw
Little Jimi grind
 
2005-08-03 01:40:14 PM
including being "apprehended masturbating" in the latrine,

Where then are you supposed to fap then? I would not imagine in your bunk surronded by all of the other troops. People in the military give us insight. Is this a BS trumped up charge or are you not ever supposed to masterbate in the military?
 
2005-08-03 01:44:25 PM
he played a musical instrument while off duty? this definetly happened after he chose the can of pepsi. i wonder what he was thinking about while killing his kittens.
 
2005-08-03 01:44:40 PM
Corvus: Where then are you supposed to fap then?

In the commander's tent, aiming at his helmet maybe?
 
2005-08-03 01:51:27 PM
I wonder if he turned it upside down and re-strung it first?

I have no idea what that means
 
2005-08-03 03:49:27 PM
I like the part where he was 'suspected' of taking dope, but was declared 'clean' by a medical check. Poor guy didn't need dope to be stoned!
 
2005-08-03 07:39:15 PM
Hey, Joe--whatcha doin' with that 'gun' in your hand...
 
2005-08-03 07:39:56 PM
A military guy masturbating? Teh hell you say?
 
2005-08-03 07:39:57 PM
But no stuff about claiming to be gay?
 
2005-08-03 07:40:26 PM
farking awesome...rock and roll, man

Legend has it around here that he was kicked out of Garfield highschool for farking some broad in the hallway during class
 
2005-08-03 07:43:16 PM
He left his DNA all along the watchtower

/obvious
 
2005-08-03 07:44:58 PM
And the wind cries obvious.
 
2005-08-03 07:45:11 PM
Um, so you all know. In Army boot camp you are not allowed to masturbate. It's in the rules.
 
2005-08-03 07:45:38 PM
Was he caught masturbating over his burning rifle with a can of lighter fluid?
 
2005-08-03 07:47:26 PM
Marty: Doc! What day is it? The news- it's old!

Doc Brown: Marty, it's still the present. The news is old! It's FARK!

Marty: Is it too late to buy Microsoft at 14 and kill Hitler?

End scene.
 
2005-08-03 07:48:18 PM
Sussman
I came was scrolling down to post nearly exactly that...
Hmm...
I'll settle with, A night bird flying caught him thinking about a foxey lady.
/also obvious
 
2005-08-03 07:48:23 PM
wasn't there something just last week about how he was supposedly kicked out for saying he was in love with a guy?
 
2005-08-03 07:48:54 PM
booo, i submitted with

New book claims Jimi Hendrix lied about being a pillow biter to get out of the army
 
2005-08-03 07:50:29 PM
playing a skin flute?
 
2005-08-03 07:50:40 PM
Apprehended masturbating? That sounds painful.
 
2005-08-03 07:51:51 PM
"...Hendrix was a "habitual offender" when it came to missing midnight bed checks..."

I don't know if I'm just a sick bastard or it's that small typewriter font they're using, but I first read that as "kissing midnight bed cheeks".

Now excuse me while I kiss this guy...
 
2005-08-03 07:55:54 PM
Klinger should've taken notes
 
2005-08-03 07:57:29 PM
I think the Smoking Gun is pretty pathetic; they always try to make everything sound so scandalous, and yet, I would guess everyone that works at that tabloid has skeletons in their closet that they wouldnt want all over the goddamn internet. In this case, I would expect nothing less from Hendrix, and Im sure if he were alive he would be proud of his military record; obviously, the guy wasnt meant to be a soldier.
 
2005-08-03 07:58:00 PM
I bet Hendrix was the kinda guy that would fark a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach around.
 
2005-08-03 08:00:11 PM
Um, so you all know. In Army boot camp you are not allowed to masturbate. It's in the rules.

What's the policy on nocturnal emissions?
 
2005-08-03 08:00:52 PM
I like on pg 3 where he makes the word "no" three inches tall just to fill the whole box. I wonder what a handwriting analyst would have to say about that one.
 
2005-08-03 08:03:31 PM
Trigger the flamers and the Hendrix can't play stuff. Congrats for not falling into a flam war...yet....
 
2005-08-03 08:07:28 PM
Flam war?

 
j z
2005-08-03 08:08:31 PM
ManicBomber:

Um, so you all know. In Army boot camp you are not allowed to masturbate. It's in the rules.

Post the regulation number please.
 
2005-08-03 08:08:42 PM
heights and jb being classic examples, hate to even mention them, but don't fall for it. Most good musicians are missfits in some way. The stones and Arrowsmith must have sat in a basement ant thought...."we better get a dang good band togeather, or we will never get laaa...dees"
 
2005-08-03 08:09:55 PM
Maybe manic depression captured his soul.
 
2005-08-03 08:10:37 PM
captain FLAM ? wtf? that's sweet!
 
2005-08-03 08:10:44 PM
You are not allowed to be gay

Bullcrap, you were allowed to be gay back then. Didn't Jimi write a song about kissing a guy?
 
2005-08-03 08:11:40 PM
like on pg 3 where he makes the word "no" three inches tall just to fill the whole box.

I noticed that too! It made me chuckle.

I loved this astute assessment of him too:
Poor character. No known good characteristics.

Nice to see the military wouldn't know good if it jerked off in their latrine.

I wonder what happened to all the guys who did better than him in the marksman test. I wonder how many of them became international rock legends.

I'm guessing less than the number of them who ended up dying in 'Nam.
 
2005-08-03 08:11:48 PM
This kind of blows it for that guy who just released his book about the "real" Hendrix story. The one that says he pretended to be gay. Ha Ha, nice research.
 
2005-08-03 08:12:31 PM
awesome. so, so awesome.
 
2005-08-03 08:12:45 PM
Funny that he did what who knows how many others did, but because it's Jimi Hendrix it gets attention. Oh well, still the best rock guitar player ever. And nothing like having the middle name Marshall and being one of the first guitar players to use a Marshall amplifier. Sigh, if only he'd lived, was scheduled to make an album with Miles Davis a few weeks after he died. Now that would've been something.
 
2005-08-03 08:14:37 PM
With a record like that he could get elected / appointed president.
 
2005-08-03 08:14:59 PM
whoflungpoop

That reminded me of what I read about Billy Joe Armstrong from Green Day when he was in high school. His guidance counselor wrote that unless he made some major changes in his life he'd never amount to anything. Good thing he didn't listen. Some people basically mark down anyone who doesn't want to sit at a desk as a lost cause.
 
2005-08-03 08:16:13 PM
Am I the only to notice that Jimi and Elvis just barely missed each other by a couple years in their Army service?

Imagine how different the world might have been if they had been bunkmates.
 
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