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(Tampa Bay Online)   Concerned Mormon friends erect billboard with photos and biographical info of their 31-year-old bachelor Mormon friend in attempt to find him a bride -- because he's "approaching a status as the male-equivalent of an Old Maid"   (hosted.ap.org) divider line 133
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16483 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Jul 2005 at 3:27 AM (8 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2005-07-23 11:32:07 PM
Yeah, THAT'll make her feel like she's getting a winner!
 
2005-07-23 11:38:10 PM
Man, wait till he tells them he's gay.
 
2005-07-24 01:06:58 AM
Here's his website. If I had the photoshop skillz I'd try turning him into the next Quaker Guy; no doubt something like that will happen anyway with the wide exposure he's getting now
 
2005-07-24 01:13:06 AM
Wow thats got to be embarrasing to be a mormon and not even have one wife while all your friends have 4 or 5.
 
2005-07-24 01:13:52 AM
mr. bucket was a Mormon for a few weeks in '96. that was the worst month of my life.
 
2005-07-24 01:39:09 AM



And my Homies all say I really look good in black, FOOL!
 
2005-07-24 01:40:55 AM
Okay Amish are not Morman but its really late and I was desperate to use that picture.

[slinks away into the shadows]

/Agnostic.
//They're all the same to me.
 
2005-07-24 01:58:10 AM
He needs to troll the 30-year old, got-married-in-the-temple-at-19-so-they-could-get-laid-but-are-now-divorced crowd. There are lots here in Utah.
 
2005-07-24 03:01:34 AM


I've got way too much time on my hands
 
2005-07-24 03:04:29 AM
I'm too scared to look at more of this website. Like, this scares me. Badly.
 
2005-07-24 03:05:04 AM
BearToy: Okay Amish are not Morman but its really late and I was desperate to use that picture.

I haven't seen that in forever. Beautiful!
 
2005-07-24 03:15:41 AM
Wow, he has very large teeth. And I'm going to guess that he is very very gay.
 
2005-07-24 03:25:31 AM
Yeah, I think Lance likes to take it in the ance
 
2005-07-24 03:29:36 AM
Shouldn't there have been multiple billboards?

/dum dum dum dum
 
2005-07-24 03:33:11 AM
church of latter day saints is awash in young brainwashed women, i'm amazed this idiot hasn't bagged one yet.
 
2005-07-24 03:33:13 AM
 
2005-07-24 03:40:05 AM
Why is there a question mark next to "sense of humor"? Nobody knows whether or not he has one??

Heh. From his "friends" at LogoWorks.
 
2005-07-24 03:40:06 AM
I'm just gonna go ahead and step in for Maxx here.

There once was a Mormon named Lance,
Who wouldn't ask ladies to dance,
So his "friends" took the mission,
And set about fishin',
For gals who like Magic Underpants.

Yeah.

/Maxx IS the limerick guy, right?
 
2005-07-24 03:40:21 AM


Can't find a pic of Jim Varney on the Billboard, but it's from this movie. Kinda thought someone else would've posted it, too.
 
2005-07-24 03:40:54 AM
Well, we know what his first viral marketing idea as director of marketing for Logo Works was. Their logo is nicely plastered all over the billboard and website, along with ample calls for resumes, and nice words from their super duper CEO.

Looks like it worked...
 
2005-07-24 03:45:20 AM
like #2 said, they are gonna have to put a "nevermind, guess he's gay" over that billboard in a few weeks.
 
2005-07-24 03:45:21 AM

You're in luck, Lance. At least 4 of these chicks are single now.
 
2005-07-24 03:46:00 AM
He saw the trailer for '40 year old virgin'.

A true friend indeed.
 
2005-07-24 03:52:49 AM
He's not getting any Brigham Younger.
 
2005-07-24 03:58:44 AM
<b>sussman:</b> nice.

it'll be a latter day before this all pans out.

also: most women don't look forward to a wedding where everybody awkwardly huddles around the punchbowl. Take a tip.
 
2005-07-24 04:01:49 AM
Dunno about this guy, but I'd be mad as hell that my co-workers of all people felt it was OK to go delving into my personal life and whatnot just because they thought a 31 year old single guy was a bad thing.
 
2005-07-24 04:03:48 AM
Mormons have to wear special underpants. Go ahead ask one about "the garment."
 
2005-07-24 04:04:44 AM


My first blank.
 
2005-07-24 04:06:33 AM
 
2005-07-24 04:13:24 AM
TheXerox:

Dunno about this guy, but I'd be mad as hell that my co-workers of all people felt it was OK to go delving into my personal life and whatnot just because they thought a 31 year old single guy was a bad thing.


I'm with you. I'd be furious with my 'friends' and co-workers who chose to take my life into their own hands. I'm generally a very friendly guy if you know me and can get past the sardonic and dark humor that people who don't know me mistake for generally being a cruel jackass, but I also have a very, very bad temper that, if invoked, is damaging to both myself and those at whom I've aimed it. As petty and childish as I admit it is, my reaction would probably be to not speak to those people for a very, very, very long time until I cooled down, and even then I'd still have a hard time maintaining my civility with them. I admit that that my temper is something I need to work on, and that no doubt they'd mean well in their actions, but I'd still be full of rage when I saw the billboard. Excuse grammatical errors, it's 3:00 AM and I haven't been able to sleep very much this week. If my post makes no sense, that's my excuse too. Apologies in advance.
 
2005-07-24 04:16:18 AM
I'd be annoyed at such a billboard as well. Besides, it doesn't make sense to discourage divorce on one hand, yet push marriage ASAP on the other.
 
2005-07-24 04:20:31 AM
DUM, DU-DUM DUM DUM!


/Somebody please get the ref.
 
2005-07-24 04:26:48 AM
I swear that I've seen this before somewhere.
 
2005-07-24 04:29:40 AM
I feel sorry for the guy. The church screws up a lot of guys (and gals) to the point to where they cannot have a normal relationship. (Been there. Done that. Amazed I lived through it.)

Getting him married off will not fix the underlying problems. It will just make him even more disfunctional, but with witnesses.

Getting out of Utah would be a good start.
 
2005-07-24 04:43:28 AM
With those teefs/mouth, he reminds me of The Joker from the first Batman movie.
 
2005-07-24 04:44:07 AM
Syder: DUM, DU-DUM DUM DUM!

/Somebody please get the ref.


Either South Park or the Rockford Files...
 
2005-07-24 04:45:23 AM
And why the everloving hell is my name blue?
 
2005-07-24 04:52:25 AM
Mara See Mara Do
And why the everloving hell is my name blue?

Visited links turn colors.
 
2005-07-24 04:53:09 AM
"He's also a returned missionary for the Mormon church."

Why? Didn't they want him any more?
 
2005-07-24 05:06:00 AM
Between this guy, Orrin Hatch, and Ken Jennings... I've farking had enough.

Go away, LDS tards.
 
2005-07-24 05:07:48 AM
Clarke Miyasaki, co-worker and vice president of business development

I share a cubicle with Lance


Lance shares a cubicle?
 
2005-07-24 05:14:18 AM
Gals just don't want guys who aren't in into the missionary position anymore...
 
2005-07-24 05:28:52 AM
I've been having the same problem as this guy. I think it's the Mormon thing.

OK, look...screw Mormons! I'm converting to Promiskeepers! That's where the real action's at! Ohyeah!
 
2005-07-24 05:32:39 AM
I wonder what he is doing with all the ones he is throwing back?
 
2005-07-24 05:33:44 AM
There are quite a few LDS here in Arizona, both practising and jack (jack Mormon = lapsed Catholic). My experience and observation is that ANY Mormon over the age of 28 who hasn't been married at least once is definitely gay, and either struggling to come out of the closet or suppress his/her sexuality to the point where it's nonexistent. Either way, the result is one twisted fark.

If by some miracle this Lance guy isn't gay, he must have one hell of a kink -- foul temper, violent tendencies, secret raging alcohol/drug addiction, whatever -- to keep him single into his 30s. Not exactly what brings a girl running, even LDS chicks looking for combination meal tickets/babymakers.
 
2005-07-24 05:35:48 AM
I wonder what he is doing with all the ones he is throwing back?


"Och! Back to the loch with ye, Nessie!"
 
??
2005-07-24 05:53:42 AM
aliendave
You're in luck, Lance. At least 4 of these chicks are single now.

Yeah, and they all live down the street from me now

[/not joking]
 
2005-07-24 05:59:07 AM
Hmmm...must be something about the name Lance that keeps them single for so long. The one I've been involved with for 3 years still won't date me, or anyone.

/no I'm not bitter
//but if he picks someone over me, I will be.
///ass.
////anyways!!
 
2005-07-24 06:17:58 AM
gawd, mormons are creepy.
 
2005-07-24 06:41:30 AM
blondietrix
Hmmm...must be something about the name Lance that keeps them single for so long. The one I've been involved with for 3 years still won't date me, or anyone.

Thats not "involved". You're hot, date someone else!
 
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