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(Weekly World News)   Stuffing four quarters in a stripper's garter belt is a major insult. This and 9 more strip joint etiquette tips that you should know. (SFW)   ( divider line
    More: PSA  
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22090 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jul 2005 at 11:33 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

111 Comments     (+0 »)

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2005-07-16 01:39:26 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2005-07-16 01:42:16 PM  
I saw a young guy (18-ish) in a strip club go through about $50 tipping a particular dancer one night. When he ran out of bills, he dropped about two bucks worth of change on the runway. She yelled at him, kicked him in the forehead and he was immediately ejected. It upset her so much she quit dancing for the evening. I thought it was pretty hilarious in a double schadenfreude sort of way.
2005-07-16 01:49:18 PM  
What if it's at one of those places where they do tricks with coins?

I hear some girls can stack 'em.

Never been to a strip club. I don't see the point in paying a woman to pretend she wants me to see her naked body. It actually sounds really depressing.
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2005-07-16 02:17:07 PM  
Is this an accurate story from WWN???
2005-07-16 06:27:22 PM  

1. AVOID asking a dancer, "Do you date?" Strippers will be insulted because they translate that as, "Can we have sex?" Exotic dancers take great pride in their profession and are mortified when customers suggest they might be hookers.

Hah! The author clearly hasn't been in some of the more entertaining establishments I've been to.

I'd steer clear of the ones offering to give you a "date," though. Condoms can't protect against everything.

That said, take my hard-won advice. Stay FAR away from the fancy strip clubs. "High Class" places are almost always boring, the drinks overpriced, and the ladies (often) stuck-up biatches.

Instead, go with the skanky dive strip club if you can handle all the cig smoke. Yeah, many of the ladies aren't quite as good looking, but much more "normal" in that they're fun to be around, talk to, and sometimes (gasp!) even go out with.

/there was a time in my life when I dated a few strippers-- without paying, even! Yay me. Made for some interesting (though farked-up) situations.

//But I never dated a stripper I would want to take home to meet Mom, though.
2005-07-16 10:31:04 PM  
Stuffing four quarters in a stripper's garter belt is a major insult
Of course it is,everyone knows that quarters go in the coin slot.
2005-07-16 11:35:12 PM  
Best of Christopher Walken on SNL?
2005-07-16 11:37:48 PM  
What about loonies and toonies for us Canucks?
2005-07-16 11:39:32 PM  
Winner: Godamnlimey!
2005-07-16 11:40:02 PM  
Do you think they take rolls of pennies?
2005-07-16 11:40:17 PM  
more cowbell on now
2005-07-16 11:41:27 PM  
I'm not sure which is a stripper coins, or that weekly world news is devoting time and space to strip-club ettiquette.

What if your giving silver dollars?
2005-07-16 11:41:27 PM  
What about a whole roll of quarters.... in her cooter instead?
2005-07-16 11:41:31 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

...has got it going on
2005-07-16 11:44:02 PM  
Duh. Save those quarters for the condom machines in the men's room.

(The egg salad sandwiches they also dispense are great!)
2005-07-16 11:44:09 PM  
How do Canadians tip strippers? You can't be giving them fives all night.
2005-07-16 11:44:16 PM  
this is not my story, I think I may have read it on fark, but it is funny - if its your story, please take credit. Some guy and his friend are at a club somewhere where you tip with roles of quarters. They guys friend goes through a few roles of quarters and they are having a good time. It turns out the dancers pick up the quarters with their "coin slots" and leave the stage. So this guys buddy says watch this, and takes a lighter to one of the quarters and when it is good and hot slides it into a stack and places it on the bar. The girl picks up her tip and starts to walk off stage. Moments later all hell breaks loose as the sensation works it way through those tired folds. The quarters come spilling out like Vegas and the dancer has to run off stage.

2005-07-16 11:45:24 PM  
If the club has a champagne room, you can most likely get a stripper to 'date' you.
2005-07-16 11:49:04 PM  
Bullshiat on Mr E.

Tipping with change isn't exactly classy or extravagant, but I'll guarantee you no stripper is going to take *that* much offense at it. Jesus, they make their living being nice to guys, frequently dumb ones. Strippers who have been in the business of stripping more than their first week have seen it all. Of all the insulting things you can say or do to a stripper in a club, the correct quantity but wrong denomination of TIPPING is not high on the list.
2005-07-16 11:50:16 PM  
Why won't they take quarters, don't strippers need to launder their G-strings sometime ?
2005-07-16 11:51:20 PM  
No way!! It's advice like this no-coins garbage that makes it impossible for me to get change back from my dollar when I only want to tip them fifty cents!

But seriously, you idiot macho jerks moron guys out there (yes, probably you), that's all good advice in that column! Read it! Figure it out! They're people too. They have feelings like everyone else in the world (except maybe Dianne Feinstein and Nancy Pelosi - they have no feelings).
2005-07-16 11:53:07 PM  
I was kicked out of Runway 66 for yelling 'put it back on' a few times. Seems that was bad form, but didn't make the list.

good times, good times.
2005-07-16 11:55:40 PM  
if its your story, please take credit.

they're probably dead by now. that story has been around for at least 20 years.

/remembers hearing it in 1982....
2005-07-16 11:56:30 PM  
at a local strip club one night, my friend (who was 19 at the time) yelled to one of the strippers, as he sat on perv row,


The stripper stopped, turned to him and laughed at him.. everyone else in the whole place then laughed at him. It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen in a strip club.
2005-07-16 11:56:49 PM  

Weekly World News has run stories about Jesus on Mars seen by the Mars Rover...this is the closest thing theyve ever gotten to credible news (this or the whole Saddam-Bat Boy pregnancy scandal)
2005-07-16 11:56:51 PM  
Asa Phelps

Never been to a strip club. I don't see the point in paying a woman to pretend she wants me to see her naked body. It actually sounds really depressing.

No, see, the thing is you get to see her tits.
2005-07-16 11:58:40 PM  

Moments later all hell breaks loose as the sensation works it way through those tired folds.

That is the greatest sentence I've read today.
2005-07-16 11:59:35 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2005-07-17 12:01:25 AM  
11. Don't leer at them with a creepy daydreaming sex face. Smile instead.

/busted for this
2005-07-17 12:03:40 AM g
2005-07-17 12:05:30 AM  
laszlo fark

Real people? No. Real women don't drop trou and rub their nude or nearly nude asses on your crotch for 20 bucks. While they're working, they're playing a fantasy role. Their work encourages increasing levels of drunken horniness as they can get more tips out of their customers in that state. I'm not gonna cry any tears for them having to deal with the obnoxiousness that comes with that. They're very well compensated.

/rarely goes to strip clubs because I don't care to spend the money
//Recently found out you're supposed to tip on a lap dance. WTF?! I thought the 20 bucks WAS the tip.
///never wants to see a stripper pick up a role of quarters with her vagina
2005-07-17 12:11:12 AM  
Duh. Save those quarters for the condom machines in the men's room.

(The egg salad sandwiches they also dispense are great!)

Futurama quote=bonus points
2005-07-17 12:15:11 AM  

Ok, fair enough, I still find it funny. I was 3 in 1982 so I'll take your word for it.


2005-07-17 12:16:51 AM  
When in Toronto, use American one dollar bills. The exchange rate is better and the peelers will pay more attention to you.
2005-07-17 12:19:03 AM  
My eval of the advice:

1. AVOID asking a dancer, "Do you date?"

This ones sorta right. Spend money, tip well and be amusing and nice and they might offer a number. If not don't ask anything like this unless they've come back to your table at least once after dancing and sat to talk again. This means they've at least found you semi-interesting and not offensive. a good rule is don't even think about asking till they've told you about their kids. (props to daywin on the pic

2. DON'T sit up front taking in the up-close-and-personal view of the rump-shaking performers if you don't plan to tip.

True enough, if your not ready to drop some bills sit at a table.

3. DRESS to impress.

up to you unless the place has a dress code but strippers look for tippers and well dressed guys look like tippers.

4. KEEP "witty" negative comments to yourself.

Every strip club I've been in has been to loud to hear even someone screaming in your ear but I know my sister says the same "suprised what you can hear" thing about being a teacher listening to kids at their desks. Maybe it's an accoustical thing.

5. TIP the bartenders and waitresses -- not just the strippers.

true enough, better service for a start and who spends money is noted in these places by all(and if money is an object then stay home and jerk off, strip club visits aren't supposed to be cheap)

6. NEVER spank a dancer's derriere to get her attention

true as far as it goes, you do it Wout her knowing it's coming and your getting a beatdown from the bouncers. Playful spanks during a lapdance should only be given with encouragement from the girl.

7. DON'T talk dirty.

if your wanting digits then this is right. If you just want to do your thing then keep the cash flowing and talk as dirty as you like.

8. NEVER tip a stripper with coins. Stuffing four quarters in a dancer's garter belt is a major insult. Politely ask the bartender to convert your coins to $1 bills.

Never tried it but it would make you look pretty smalltime.

9. THINK twice before dragging along your mate.

Depends on your mate, if shes at all the jealous type then skip it.

10. NEVER hang around outside after closing hoping to meet a girl.

Definitely true. If you couldn't close the deal inside you'll scare her in the parking lot.
2005-07-17 12:21:50 AM  
"The reason they're called gentlemen's clubs is that patrons are expected to act like gentlemen,"

While the employees are expected to act like extreme sl*ts!
2005-07-17 12:23:21 AM  
Saw the stacked coin trick in Okinawa whilst in the navy. The lady (and I use the term loosely)comes out on the stage and all the drunk marines and sailors throw coins on the stage. She stacks them up, squats, and walks off stage with the coinage. Later the same woman took a whole unpeeled banana and puts it in an uses her "area" to drop chunks of banana into a willing participant's mouth. ...ewwww...just...ewwww
2005-07-17 12:26:05 AM  
Nothing like a Bangkok go-go bar and a $5 blowjob.
2005-07-17 12:30:03 AM  
Also, never go with a female friend, as they will assume that she's your girlfriend and avoid you a bit more than you may wish.

/Just learned that tonight
//First strip club experience, woo!
2005-07-17 12:31:32 AM  
hit add before writing the summary so here goes:

It's not a bad list but it forgets the mathematical law of strip clubs:

The neccesity of following these rules is inversely proportional to the amount of money you spend in the club.

It also seems geared towards dating strippers, not just going to the strip club. All except 6 and 10 (and possibly 8, but like I said I've never seen it)can be safely skipped if you are unconcerned about the impression you leave, just don't expect to be paid alot of attention.
2005-07-17 12:33:58 AM  

Also, never go with a female friend, as they will assume that she's your girlfriend and avoid you a bit more than you may wish.

Depends on the girl. Give her a dollar and send her to the stage and you get one hell of a show. The strippers usually get really raunchy W women who come up to tip.
2005-07-17 12:49:08 AM  
Good 'ol Bat Boy greenlit eh? heh.

Gawd bless Weekly World News and it's famous signature.

Bat Boy of course. Damn, why do I know this?
2005-07-17 12:51:04 AM  
First time I went to a strip club, the females that we had brought along, actually got on the catwalk, went topless, and were invited to dance with the stripper on stage at the time.

/loves his friends
//loved their boobies even more.
2005-07-17 01:01:07 AM  
Alright, one unanswered bit of etiquette: when getting a lap dance, should you try to keep the wood down, or let it go and possibly poke the lady?
2005-07-17 01:04:53 AM  
IMO, strip clubs are a waste of money. If you are that hard up, just get a rub n' tug.

What the fark is this bullshiat? (I know it is the WWN)

When I go to a strip club, you are there to dance for my amusement.

I am not there to hear about your kids, what powdered drug you enjoy most, or whatever the fark you want to try to "chat me up" with.

If I choose to get a lap dance, you will be paid the price of the lap dance + $5. You will then get then leave.(Kinda like a hooker, eh?) Do not ask me if I want to go again. Its a lap dance, not Space Mountain.

You have no respect for the customers. We know this. We are here to see you shake your jiggly bits. We don't really respect you either. At least our jobs don't require sliding ourselves down a pole then wiping it off, unless we are firemen.

Chances are we are here because we are bored, it is one of our buddies birthday's, or some girl we know wanted to go to the club and didnt have enough guts to go alone.


All men in strip clubs
2005-07-17 01:06:52 AM  
Oh, that's what I've been doing wrong.
2005-07-17 01:20:39 AM  
Remember - no matter what a stripper tells you, there is no sex in the champagne room. None.

/chris rock
2005-07-17 01:29:06 AM  
Rule #11. Don't be that guy who thinks that b/c a stripper is paying attention to you that she likes you. Her job is to entertain and glad-hand (figuratively speaking) the tippers or those who look like they may tip...she's done this to hundreds of other guys before you, its just that they're smart enough to know that she's not interested in them, per se
2005-07-17 01:31:32 AM  

Also, never go with a female friend, as they will assume that she's your girlfriend and avoid you a bit more than you may wish.

Not here, she may get more attentin from the dancers than you

/The man hateing take about 3 years on the job
2005-07-17 01:35:53 AM  
God bless strippers.

Always a double show - watching the chicks and watching the suckers. And whores. Used to bring beer and party with the chicks at Nellie's Place, in Natchez, Mississippi. Funky old sofas and mannquin legs sticking through the wall.

*cranks up Dylan's "House of the Rising Sun"*
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