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(fftimes.com)   Bear storms out of bushes and attacks man. Man opens can of martial-arts whoopass on grizzly bear, lives to tell about it   (fftimes.com ) divider line
    More: Scary  
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49941 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 May 2005 at 7:29 AM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



249 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2005-05-31 08:47:26 AM  
I know Karate, Kung Fu, Tae Kwon Do, and many other foreign words....
 
2005-05-31 08:49:06 AM  
mr_a:

Still not as good as the guy (ex-Marine, I think) who went into the surf after a shark that bit his nephew. He dragged it out of the water and killed it on the beach. That is TOUGH.

Maybe this is the story you're talking about:

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - An Icelandic fishing captain, known as "the Iceman" for his tough character, grabbed a 660-pound shark with his bare hands as it swam in shallow water toward his crew, a witness said Thursday.

The skipper of the trawler "Erik the Red" was on a beach in Kuummiit, east Greenland, watching his crew processing a catch when he saw the shark swimming toward the fish blood and guts -- and his men.

Captain Sigurdur Petursson, known to locals as "the Iceman," ran into the shallow water and grabbed the shark by its tail. He dragged it off to dry land and killed it with his knife.

"He caught it just with his hands. There was a lot of blood in the sea and the shark came in and he thought it was dangerous," Frede Kilime, a hunter and fisherman who watched from the beach, told Reuters by phone from Greenland.

Icelandic author and journalist Reynir Traustason, who knows the trawler captain, said the act was typical of the man.

"He's called 'the Iceman' because he isn't scared of anything," he said. "I know the people in that part of the world. They are really tough."


/funny how the icelandic fisherman became an ex-US marine if this is indeed the same story
//wouldn't be surprised
 
2005-05-31 08:49:14 AM  
"Hey Canada. Can you guys have handguns?

We did but the bears ate them after we tried shooting multiple rounds at them.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2005-05-31 08:49:28 AM  
You do realize that bears can climb trees.

The way I heard it:

When confronted with a bear, climb a tree. If it climbs the tree after you and eats you, it's a black bear. If it knocks the tree down and eats you, it's a grizzly.
 
2005-05-31 08:49:40 AM  
MayoBoy: "Gyrate, gyrate, gyrate motion!".
Has anybody seen "Project Grizzly"?
 
2005-05-31 08:49:43 AM  
Don't try to outrun one of Dominaria's grizzlies; it'll catch you, knock you down, and eat you. Of course, you could run up a tree. In that case you'll get a nice view before it knocks the tree down and eats you.

Yeah.. Magic The Gathering. Leave me alone, I was young and confused.
 
2005-05-31 08:49:47 AM  
I don't know if that means the bear killed them exactly, sounds like she "tore" as in "tore them a new one."

Bible Scholars?


This is OTG we're talking about, right? I don't think he was known for giving warning shots, and probably that's '...tore limb from limb...'
 
2005-05-31 08:51:09 AM  
Once again proving the old adage, "A bear in the bush can be beaten with Judo."

/nothin'
 
2005-05-31 08:53:50 AM  
I motion that "Karate vs Bear" becomes the new "Pirate vs Ninja".

Do I have a second?
 
2005-05-31 08:54:12 AM  
whorehopper

A Teen Titans reference merits ninja tokens.

+10 ninja tokens for you good sir.


/I'm still trying to figure out HOW the guy kicked the bear in the face.
 
2005-05-31 08:58:21 AM  
My dear ol mother used to live in Montana several years ago. She was home alone in the cabin one day, knitting or something, when she felt something someone watching her. She looked over to her right, and less than 6 inches from her face was a large black bear staring at her, steaming up the window with his breath. She carefully put down her knitting, slowly stood up, and was so nervous she didn't even realize there was a 12-guage shotgun on the wall across from her. Instead she walked all the way across the cabin to grab my stepfather's .44 magnum. She loaded and cocked the gun, but when she got back to the window, the bear was gone. She cautiously walked out the front door, and saw the bear going around the corner of the house. The bear heard her come outside, and it turned to face her. She squared herself to the bear, and with hands shaking took aim and fired the huge gun. She missed the bear, which was no more than 12 feet away, but hit the ground a few inches from where the bear was standing. The bear calmly looked at my mom, looked at the big hole in the ground made by the bullet, looked back at my mom, then turned and walked away.

I didn't quite believe her story until she showed me the bear's noseprint which was still on the window.
 
2005-05-31 08:59:03 AM  
Bet those kids in Ezekiel wish they had THOSE illegal ninja moves!

I don't care if he kicked the bear in a beautiful crescent kick or in a crap your pants while on your back in the woods style kick, dude is still a badass. He has beaten this level boss but good.
 
2005-05-31 08:59:33 AM  
Nothin' like that Mortal Kombat. ^_^
 
2005-05-31 08:59:43 AM  
Zylon:

I motion that "Karate vs Bear" becomes the new "Pirate vs Ninja".

Do I have a second?


Not sure. Is it a storm trooper bear?
 
2005-05-31 09:04:28 AM  
One kick to the head is not karate.

Now, if the guy had gone Bruce Lee on its ass . . .
 
2005-05-31 09:04:28 AM  
Zylon

I second this motion of yours.

/Karate > Bear
 
2005-05-31 09:04:50 AM  
whorehopper

Ten bucks says this guy can't beat a large, blind snake in a dark cave using Kung-fu though...

/cartoon junkie
//why yes, I am 26...
 
2005-05-31 09:07:38 AM  
dukefluke:

Guns are why humans remain at the top of the food chain. It's also why we can "walk through the valley of the shadow of death" and fear no MF'n wild animal.
 
2005-05-31 09:09:56 AM  
geniusiknowit

"My dear ol mother used to live in Montana several years ago. She was home alone in the cabin one day, knitting or something, when she felt something someone watching her. She looked over to her right, and less than 6 inches from her face was a large black bear staring at her, steaming up the window with his breath. She carefully put down her knitting, slowly stood up, and was so nervous she didn't even realize there was a 12-guage shotgun on the wall across from her. Instead she walked all the way across the cabin to grab my stepfather's .44 magnum. She loaded and cocked the gun, but when she got back to the window, the bear was gone. She cautiously walked out the front door, and saw the bear going around the corner of the house. The bear heard her come outside, and it turned to face her. She squared herself to the bear, and with hands shaking took aim and fired the huge gun. She missed the bear, which was no more than 12 feet away, but hit the ground a few inches from where the bear was standing. The bear calmly looked at my mom, looked at the big hole in the ground made by the bullet, looked back at my mom, then turned and walked away.

Sir there was a glaring omission in your post. I have corrected same and now re=post your original post, with said correction included: (without italics)

My dear ol mother used to live in Montana several years ago. She was home alone in the cabin one day, knitting or something, when she felt something someone watching her. She looked over to her right, and less than 6 inches from her face was a large black bear staring at her, steaming up the window with his breath. She carefully put down her knitting, slowly stood up, and was so nervous she didn't even realize there was a 12-guage shotgun on the wall across from her. Instead she walked all the way across the cabin to grab my stepfather's .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. She loaded and cocked the gun, but when she got back to the window, the bear was gone. She cautiously walked out the front door, and saw the bear going around the corner of the house. The bear heard her come outside, and it turned to face her. She squared herself to the bear, and with hands shaking took aim and fired the huge gun. She missed the bear, which was no more than 12 feet away, but hit the ground a few inches from where the bear was standing. The bear calmly looked at my mom, looked at the big hole in the ground made by the bullet, looked back at my mom, then turned and walked away.
 
2005-05-31 09:12:16 AM  
Benny Hill did a karate vs bear scene too (the bear was kung fu fighting too)
 
2005-05-31 09:13:44 AM  
but who won?!
 
2005-05-31 09:14:35 AM  
CanSomeonePleaseKilltheChristmasShoes

I'm so sloppy, how could I miss that?


/LMAO
 
2005-05-31 09:17:39 AM  
Simpson, eh?
 
2005-05-31 09:19:04 AM  
BuzzBoy : Guns are why humans remain at the top of the food chain

Riiiiggghhhhhttttttt. Because we were just another wild animal fighting for survival in the jungle before the invention of the handgun. Nice way to reject everything except the last 300 years of human history. You're really demonstrating your critical thinking skills, kiddo.

Our highly evolved brains are why humans have been at the top of the food chain for 10,000 years. Although in your case, I'm willing to believe there might be certain exceptions...
 
2005-05-31 09:21:11 AM  
Simpsons did it!
 
2005-05-31 09:21:30 AM  
Fragzav: Captain Sigurdur Petursson

[image from seth.echelon.homelinux.org too old to be available]
 
2005-05-31 09:21:37 AM  
Why did the bear try to rip off his shorts?
 
2005-05-31 09:21:43 AM  
Fragzav:
/funny how the icelandic fisherman became an ex-US marine if this is indeed the same story
//wouldn't be surprised

great story, but sorry not the same...does anyone else remember the story about the ex-marine? if my memory serves me correctly, the nephew was either brutally injured or killed. I've searched, but can't seem to find it. Anyone else have any luck?
 
2005-05-31 09:23:37 AM  
Capoeira is the gayest-looking thing a human being can do.
 
2005-05-31 09:24:31 AM  
Buzzboy

http://www.compfused.com/thumbs/lionfightsback.jpg

Shaddap.

/last comment, I swear.
 
2005-05-31 09:27:42 AM  
Come on it's a metaphor guys.

Those she-bears in the bible story.

Two pissed jewish moms. And I've seen em tore up more than 42 neighborhood boys. trust me.
 
2005-05-31 09:27:42 AM  
Boring
 
2005-05-31 09:28:19 AM  
Just God interfering. Not because he wants to save this geezer's arse, but you just can't buy marketing like that.

The .44 hasn't been the most powerful handgun in the world in years.
 
2005-05-31 09:28:52 AM  
The story about the ex marine happened in Florida I believe. His nephew was in about 1-2 feet of water, and had his arm bitten off by the shark. The uncle and the father dragged the shark to shore, and killed it, and recovered the boy's arm. I know the doctors tried to reattach it, but I don't think it worked. This story happened about 2 years ago, if I remember correctly.
 
2005-05-31 09:29:46 AM  
See what happens when you don't pay the bear tax?
 
2005-05-31 09:31:22 AM  
Maui Haui -

"My shorts look like theyve been cut with scissors., he said.

My shorts would look like they were full of pudding".

Thank you...now I have to call Bombay to get support for my wet monitor...
 
2005-05-31 09:31:36 AM  
gwowen

"BuzzBoy : Guns are why humans remain at the top of the food chain

Our highly evolved brains are why humans have been at the top of the food chain for 10,000 years.
"

I would like to put foreward the theory that in bear country we are not at teh top of the food chain. Unarmed persons in bear country are food pure and simple, though I guess is fair to say bears mostly avoid or don't harm/kill people, but when they go bad, it's pretty easy to kill humans for them. There are many cases of armed hunters being killed by bears. So even with a hunting rifle, in bear country you're not automatically above teh bear, and you might end up food.
/Bears/guns be glad this post isn't a thousand pages
 
2005-05-31 09:32:09 AM  
Has no one here heard of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu? You know, they learn to fight on their backs.

Google "Gracie" for crying out loud.
 
2005-05-31 09:33:33 AM  
[image from members.aol.com too old to be available]
Hey booboo!
I was just tryin' to swipe a pic-a-nic basket
and this guy goes an' kicks me in the face!
 
2005-05-31 09:35:45 AM  
Martial arts = A kick in the face?
 
2005-05-31 09:38:55 AM  
It is recommended that campers wear small bells when out in bear country. One way to tell a black bear from a grizzly, the grizzly will have small bells in its scat.
 
2005-05-31 09:39:08 AM  
CanSomeonePleaseKilltheChristmasShoes : I would like to put foreward the theory that in bear country we are not at teh top of the food chain

Fair point. But bears don't tend to eat hunters, even when they kill them. So we're still top of the food chain, but not top of the badass-chain.
 
2005-05-31 09:41:00 AM  
[image from fight.hu too old to be available]
A pre-fight shot of the hiker and the bear
/hiker won by tap-out BTW
 
2005-05-31 09:41:27 AM  
The ripped shorts remind me of this:

Don was so excited to be going bear hunting. He spotted a small Brown Bear in the woods and shot it. Then there was a tap on his shoulder, he turned around to see a big Black Bear. The Black Bear said, 'Don, you've got two choices, either I maul you to death or we have sex.' Don decided to bend over.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks Don soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the Black Bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge Grizzly Bear was standing right next to him. The Grizzly said, 'That was a huge mistake Don. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have rough sex.' Again, Don thought it was better to comply.
Although he survived, it took several months before Don finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the Grizzly and shot it. He felt the sweet taste of revenge. But then there was a tap on his shoulder. Don turned round to find a giant Polar Bear standing there.

The Polar Bear said, 'Admit it Don, you don't really come here for the hunting, do you?'
 
2005-05-31 09:42:04 AM  
My ship used to pull into Kodiak Island for fuel/food. The Kodiak Grizzly is the second largest bear in the world behind the Polar bear I believe. The locals will tell you that if you take a handgun with you for protection from the bears on a hike you should file the front site off of the end of the barrel of the gun. They suggest this so that when the bear shoves your gun up your hind quarters it won't hurt as bad.

UGIA
 
2005-05-31 09:43:17 AM  
For all of you farkers that are confused about the different types of bears, there are some important distinctions:

Black bear: Unlikely to fark with you unless you fark with it or get near its cubs. Usually scared off by waving arms and clapping. Less scary in the wild than a big stray dog.

Grizzly bear: Extremely dangerous. Not afraid of you. Will stomp you into little pieces. Your little candy-ass sidearm will probably just irritate it. If one is mad at you, you are probably going to die.

/Has encountered black bears in the wild in Western Ontario.
//Nearly shiat self first time I saw one up close.
 
2005-05-31 09:44:30 AM  
Old joke:

Guy wants to join an Indian tribe. Chief says he has to wrestle a grizzly and make love to an Indian woman. Guy comes back scratched and bloody, says "OK. Where's that woman I'm supposed to wrestle?"
 
2005-05-31 09:45:45 AM  
Found this about the guy who killed the shark that bit his nephew.

Funny thing is, the urban legend is the fact that this story is not true, like some bizarre kind of reverse hoax.
 
2005-05-31 09:45:49 AM  
Grizzly Adams wants to have a word with this Lyle Simpson guy.
He doesnt take kindly to strangers kicking his pet bears arse!
 
2005-05-31 09:47:00 AM  
Well, this ruins bear ninja cowboy for everyone now. I mean, it doesn't work if ninja beats both cowboy and bear.
 
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