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(BBC)   Group hugs double companies profits. Pin hopes of Microsoft takeover on introduction of group sex scheme.   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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3765 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Apr 2002 at 12:29 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

30 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-04-05 12:33:41 PM  
We have a group fist-fight in the canteen. It rocks.
2002-04-05 12:36:21 PM  
Early morning office orgies work best for us.
2002-04-05 12:36:35 PM  
Yes, I'm sure it was all the group hugging that "improved morale," and not the neat stuff like time off and/or bonuses for good work. Hell, I'D work harder at a company like that!
2002-04-05 12:40:21 PM  
We have a circle-jerk.
2002-04-05 12:40:58 PM  
Group drunken orgies with massage oil and whip cream are known to triple productivity.
2002-04-05 12:44:43 PM  
My boss would be just crazy enough to try this... today is supposed to be "Nickname Day" (a day when we are only to refer to each other by the nicknames he gave us... I'm "J-Lo-Fi.")

Needless to say, I'm spending the day hiding under headphones.
2002-04-05 12:45:29 PM  
Do I get to choose who I hug ? Don't want to hug that smelly loner from accounting.


"We have a group fist-fight in the canteen. It rocks. "

At first glance , thought you said Fist-Fark. Oh well.
2002-04-05 12:46:25 PM  
The good thing about companies like this is they keep the Dilbert strip and Drew Carey Show full of fresh material.
2002-04-05 12:49:07 PM  
A group fist-fark. Ouch.
2002-04-05 12:52:51 PM  
CandyPink is a cutie. Seriously though.
2002-04-05 12:53:48 PM  
People carry machine guns where I work. Attempting to hug them is liable to get one shot.

On second thought, the loss of a few key personnel would indeed increase our productivity. :)
2002-04-05 12:56:43 PM  
Sounds like a sexual harassment case waiting to happen
2002-04-05 01:02:31 PM  
CandyPink - just a question. Where did they come up with J-lo-fi?
2002-04-05 01:07:52 PM  
Staff morale

group hugs, indeed!
2002-04-05 01:10:12 PM  
Just_Dan: J is my first initial... I went to a concert a few weeks ago and no one in my office had heard of the band. My boss asked what kind of music it was. Off the top of my head, I said "Um, sort of low-fi indie rock." Pretty soon, every time I was listening to a CD someone asked "Is that low-fi indie rock?" So that's where the Lo-Fi comes from... I kinda like it, actually. But a "Nickname Day" is silly.
2002-04-05 01:11:28 PM  
Only under government regulated socialism does it make sense to constantly give days off to the best workers. Maybe with all their time off, they can design hats for cops in England.
2002-04-05 01:14:52 PM  
Did I mention I work 7 days per week, and have had one vacation in two years? Maybe I do need a group hug.
2002-04-05 01:17:13 PM  
I would just quit right away.... The last thing I want to do is hug the stanky people that I work with.

Also sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen if you ask me. Phil lingering on his hug with the hottie marketing exec.....
2002-04-05 01:18:44 PM  
Not only will this report have to contend with the now classic 'Unhappy Workers Shown to Be More Productive' study and the ancient wisdom that 'it is better to be feared than loved.'

BUT... what of the arguments concerning SEXUAL HARASSMENT??? We live in an age that someone will file suit over a 'You have a lovely smile.' comment, much less a bunch of middle age pervos hugging all over their secretaries every morning...

AND... I work with a bunch of guy Linux programmers, AND THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL OR ON EARTH THAT... awww... you get the picture.
2002-04-05 01:19:41 PM  
One more reason why we need a "Gay" tag.

(Not that there is anything wrong with that)
2002-04-05 01:21:55 PM  
A handshake or pat sounds ok, my boss does that anyway, even after I told her I feel like I am in a hostile environment.

A hug would be worse, she might feel me up.

Don't hate me because I am beautiful.
#2 [TotalFark]
2002-04-05 01:24:38 PM  
So, them 'tree huggers' really had somethin' going on, both profit and survival!!!
[image from too old to be available]
2002-04-05 01:36:36 PM  
If I were the boss I would insist on a "group hug" before I made the bizatches get the fark out of bed and make my damn breakfast! *gazes out the window dreamily*
2002-04-05 01:51:48 PM  
Todays is Firday, so it's "Skip outa work early to get shiatfaced" day...
2002-04-05 01:51:55 PM  
Lunatic Fringe should read his own link. The guy says that hugging is okay. Duh. However, swapping spit, not so okay. Go figure.
2002-04-05 01:58:27 PM  
from the Drew's Almamater naked soccer link,
but strangley suitable here:

... The following incidents have been recorded during [corporate group hugs]:

-One torn MCL (leg injury)

-Two minor injuries (broken bone, cut requiring stitches)

-Three reported cases of sexual abuse

-Four cases of serious alcohol abuse

-A case of physical altercation between one female and two male students

-Fire alarms in Brandt Hall

-Many fights involving students

-Harassment and abuse directed at staff and security

-Several incidents of nude students in campus buildings and residence halls

-Fireworks set off into the crowd

-Two incidents of groups of men 30 to 40 years of age watching

-Many complaints of noise in residence halls

-Theft of property during [corporate group hugs]

-Many alcohol incidents involving students and minors
2002-04-05 02:06:05 PM  
At least this explains the Windows message I got the other day...

[image from too old to be available]
2002-04-05 02:11:40 PM  
I could just see my boss hugging me every morning at work. First his hands would be at my mid back, but I know that they would make their way to my ass.....EWWWWW.
2002-04-05 03:08:35 PM  
CandyPink - yeah, I see your point about it being silly to be an actual day!
2002-04-05 10:13:20 PM  
Hummm, a community keg would improve my disposition at work... I'm dropping that in our suggestion box now.
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