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(Daily Californian)   The Boss threatens to kill audience members whose cell phones ring with a chainsaw   ( divider line 96
    More: Hero  
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24486 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 May 2005 at 11:11 PM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

96 Comments   (+0 »)

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2005-05-12 05:49:46 PM  
I'd get a new cell phone if the ringer involved a chainsaw. That just seems like a poor design.
2005-05-12 05:49:50 PM  
How does a cell phone ring with a chainsaw?
2005-05-12 05:49:56 PM  
I saw him in Phoenix a few weeks ago, and I'm not a Bruce guy at all, but that was a farking amazing show. A maelstrom of sound, all coming from one guy.
2005-05-12 05:52:13 PM  
Wasserspeier: How does a cell phone ring with a chainsaw?


I guess they're Jackyl fans.

Submitter: Best.Dangling.Modifier.EVAR!!
2005-05-12 05:54:32 PM  
I figure the chainsaw attached to the cell phone will do 'em in before the boss does.
2005-05-12 05:54:36 PM  
whidbey: I guess they're Jackyl fans.

I'm a lumberjack, now babay.

Hey.. it was the 80s. Or early 90s. Whatever.
2005-05-12 06:06:04 PM  
Worst. Sentence structure. Ever.
2005-05-12 06:17:45 PM  
Can you get one of them chainsaw cellphones at Starbucks?
2005-05-12 06:43:14 PM  
You know, I always said only stupid people (i.e. the rest of you) got cellphones, but now I am thinking of getting one just so I can have a chainsaw ringtone.
2005-05-12 07:49:46 PM  
The headline alone is worth the front page
2005-05-12 08:26:25 PM  
I have a chainsaw ringtone on mine. It's hilarious when it goes off in the men's room at work.
2005-05-12 08:35:51 PM  
RTLee: Worst. Sentence structure. Ever.

I've been trying to create one that worse, but it's impossible. Submitter has maximized structure suckitude.

"With a chainsaw, ringing cellphones of audience members, by Bruce Springsteen, threatened, are.
"Bruce "Chainsaw" Springsteen dismembers of the audience happy lucky ringtone is. Hello!"
2005-05-12 08:47:23 PM  
Jeff The headline alone is worth the front page

Gonna start rewriting any of those headlines I find with a chainsaw.
2005-05-12 09:23:24 PM  

"With a chainsaw, ringing cellphones of audience members, by Bruce Springsteen, threatened, are."

2005-05-12 09:42:55 PM  
I think I know why the ban handguns in some public places: so we won't shoot those with cellphones.

RayneStorme: I'm a lumberjack, now babay.

Are you okay?
2005-05-12 10:04:15 PM  
2005-05-12 10:10:40 PM  
Chainsaws make Bruce Springsteen something something.
2005-05-12 11:14:23 PM  
I've been kind of down on him lately, but if he actually followed through on the threat, I'd be tempted to buy his latest album.
2005-05-12 11:15:38 PM  
Bob the Angry Flower is about to have a coronary.
2005-05-12 11:16:33 PM  
I have my cellphone set to ring with a wood chipper.
2005-05-12 11:17:25 PM  
Annoying Cell phones make baby jesus cry.
2005-05-12 11:17:58 PM  
He's going to get sued. I'll bet anyone $10.
2005-05-12 11:18:29 PM  
Did he have his chainsaw in "Reno"?
2005-05-12 11:19:20 PM  
Shogun! the best. Call and a haircut, two blips.

How could the Boss hear a stinkin' cell phone anyway? Is he playing a kazoo now?

//downloading AC/DC ringtone
////just got a new phone that can do this
2005-05-12 11:19:58 PM  
Ohhh I thought you meant the other The Daily Californian, later known as The Californian, later known again as the Daily California, later known as the East County California....

I can't believe a real newspaper lost a trademark suit to a Berkeley student rag...
2005-05-12 11:23:49 PM  
Usually when I go to concerts, I couldn't hear a cellphone ring if I wanted to. And since when are the Boss's concerts any quieter than other concerts? Of course, if the phone were ringing with a chainsaw that might make it a little more noticeable. But then I think the phone would do all of the killing, thus leaving ol' Springsteen's threats quite pointless.
2005-05-12 11:26:30 PM  

Nextel has a chainsaw download. It doesn't sound like Jackyl, but it's ok.

They also have a rather sick sounding '666' download. Hmm.

I want to record my own ringtone. How do you do it?
2005-05-12 11:27:02 PM  
"2005-05-12 06:43:14 PM eddyatwork [TotalFark]

You know, I always said only stupid people (i.e. the rest of you) got cellphones, but now I am thinking of getting one just so I can have a chainsaw ringtone."

Only stupid people own 3 chainsaws when they live in a 1 bedroom apartment.
//Recent marital unpleasantness, I got custody of my Stihls. Late at night, I get drunk. open the closet door and fondle them.//
2005-05-12 11:28:55 PM  

"Hey Bruce, it's Courtney Cox on the cell. She says your stage dancin' sucks."

2005-05-12 11:30:02 PM  
That's how we do things in Jersey, baby. It don't matter to Jesus!

/The guy who played Carlton stole The Carlton Dance from Courtney Cox's weirdo dancing in the "Dancing in the Dark" video, he just sped it up
2005-05-12 11:34:04 PM  
Submitter, your participle is dangling. Might want to tuck it in, there.
2005-05-12 11:39:00 PM  
Okay, even if you can get a cellphone to ring with a chainsaw ... how the hell do you hear the party on the other end with all that noise?
2005-05-12 11:39:58 PM  
Suomi: And since when are the Boss's concerts any quieter than other concerts?

IIRC, he's on a solo acoustic tour in support of Dust & Devils.
2005-05-12 11:40:38 PM  
my wife hasn't heard the lumberjack song...and I couldn't find it online anywhere. Oh well.
2005-05-12 11:41:10 PM  
How do these things get greenlighted?
2005-05-12 11:42:36 PM  
Okay Bruce, but if you want anal chainsawing, that'll be $200.
2005-05-12 11:52:43 PM  
Start this may a fad amongst submitters fark for worst submission. Lame article funny atleast comments.
2005-05-13 12:03:52 AM  
pretentious NJ fark with weird fake accent
2005-05-13 12:04:36 AM  
Sometimes it's like someone took a chainsaw baby, edgy and dull
And cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my cell
2005-05-13 12:08:56 AM  
Worst. Structure. Ever. Sentence.

English professors everywhere are in agonizing pain right now.
2005-05-13 12:14:08 AM  

I don't believe I would put the phone up to my ear if it rang with a chainsaw.

...Unless maybe if I wanted to be like Van Gogh.
2005-05-13 12:14:39 AM  
I sniff a new Fark cliche.

"Demi Moore says Ashton Kutcher pulls the trigger a little too quickly with a chainsaw."

"Harley Earl drunk again with a chainsaw."

2005-05-13 12:14:45 AM  

FARK really is the trailer park of the internet.
2005-05-13 12:14:48 AM  
Bruce threatens to kill with a chainsaw audience members whose cellphones ring.
2005-05-13 12:15:54 AM  
English surrenders.
2005-05-13 12:17:25 AM  

Who's the boss?

Tune in tonight at 8 to find out!
2005-05-13 12:22:59 AM  
Schoolhouse Rock was a failure.
2005-05-13 12:31:52 AM  
Using those exact words, how should it have been re-written?

The Boss threatens to kill audience members with a chainsaw whose cell phones ring ... doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.
2005-05-13 12:32:30 AM  

/comment for unavailable
2005-05-13 12:33:45 AM  

That's more like it! I feel much better now.
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