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(Some Guy)   U.S. Students can't get laid in Europe due to our foreign policy   (theonion.com) divider line 262
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45985 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 May 2005 at 2:57 AM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2005-05-01 12:23:57 AM
Yes, that's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.
 
2005-05-01 12:24:30 AM
Damn!
Unless you are in a country where people care about human rights and the inherrint value of life. But submitter is right, if you go to France or Canada none of them would want to sleep with an American. Too bad....No ugly haircuts or hairy armpits?

By teh way, I think it's time we brought out the headline troll!

 
2005-05-01 12:26:34 AM
Tell them you are Canadian. Everyone loves us.
 
2005-05-01 12:30:21 AM
Its true.

Whenever I'm there I tell them that I'm not like most Americans. Gets me a lot further.
 
2005-05-01 12:30:58 AM
C'mon submitter, give them a break - the poor Euros are just tired from constantly getting farked by our government. Their private parts need a rest, you know.
 
2005-05-01 12:31:01 AM
jqfarker: Tell them you are Canadian. Everyone loves us.

Even Quebec?
 
2005-05-01 12:32:32 AM
It's true - when traveling you tend to get better results if you tell people you're Canadian. Sad but true.
 
2005-05-01 12:34:54 AM
jqfarker: Tell them you are Canadian. Everyone loves us.

funniest thing I learned traveling the world in my younger days was that the rest of the world didn't see any differnece between canada and the US.

Y'all were basically the 51st state.

I thought it was cute...
 
2005-05-01 12:35:13 AM
I played the "dumb american" card when I was there and no one messed with me.
 
2005-05-01 12:40:43 AM
I know this is an Onion article, but Europeans have been player hating the USA for a long time.

I spent a good deal of time in Europe in the early to mid 90's and the Canadians were cruising around with maple leaf patches on their backpacks back then to avoid being mistaken for USians.

That being said, most Europeans were still super-cool
 
2005-05-01 12:43:08 AM
What if it's an American female?
 
2005-05-01 12:49:01 AM
Again, you probably didn't get much ass in Reagan's day either. Most Europeans were really against him taking a stance against communism. meh. who cares. People will always disaprove of those who are strong.

/Not saying all of our foreign policies are perfect, just sayin, who gives a fark, its not the first time its happened, wont be the last. If you remember, although most other countries, if given the chance, would have voted for Kerry over Bush (about a ratio of 7 countries to 3), none of those pro Kerry countries would have voted for Kerry over a Eruo socialist or even a liberal. Not like an American is going to pull tail in Amsterdam, no matter who the Pres is.
 
2005-05-01 12:50:53 AM
Anyone else amused by the righteous indignation dispayed over an Onion article?
 
dpr
2005-05-01 01:04:16 AM
Headline is false.


unless you have a southern accent.

/joke
 
2005-05-01 01:14:59 AM
Shut........UP:

funniest thing I learned traveling the world in my younger days was that the rest of the world didn't see any differnece between canada and the US.

Y'all were basically the 51st state.

I thought it was cute...


You have to know how to deal with that. I had an old irishman give me that one. He was reading the paper, and it was right after no one could figure out whether Bush or Gore had won.

I ordered a Guiness, and he said to me "I don't care about your politics, and I don't care much for you!"

I looked over at him and said "Er... you seem to have mistaken me for something I'm not sir. That isn't my politics. I'm Canadian."

He replied "Well, far as I can tell there's not much difference between Americans and Canadians."

I looked back and said "Oh. Okay. In that case, are you an Australian?"

He smiled and said "Point taken. Barman. Get this lad a whiskey to go with his pint!"

... well, I thought it was a cute story anyway...
 
2005-05-01 01:37:01 AM
I'll make my anecdote to the point : Once you go Irish, you can't go...um...well, uh time, grime...shiat, I give up
 
2005-05-01 02:03:16 AM
Unexceptionally: Once you go Irish, you can't go...um...well, uh time, grime...shiat, I give up

Don't that just take the pickle.
 
2005-05-01 02:07:36 AM
My husband was once abused about being an American ...


... while we were standing in the local Borders store.

This amused be greatly.
 
2005-05-01 02:59:19 AM
ya! damn bushiathats WHY I cant get laid!
it's bushes fault!
you bastard
 
2005-05-01 03:00:13 AM
Okay now... greenlighting Onion articles?

wtf is that all about...
 
2005-05-01 03:00:41 AM
The onion rocks whats the deal with you?
 
2005-05-01 03:02:42 AM
yeah, I'm from Madison... I think I'm aware of it =|

my deal is that it's satire... I come here to make fun of real stuff
 
2005-05-01 03:02:49 AM


funny article though
 
2005-05-01 03:03:59 AM
HAha!
/Not bitter...
 
2005-05-01 03:05:39 AM
They're just pissed because their society is dying rapidly.
 
2005-05-01 03:06:32 AM
There is probably a decent chunk of truth behind that article, which makes it even funnier.
 
2005-05-01 03:06:43 AM
What other purpose would all those other countries serve but to satisfy our sexual needs? Get to it! Chop chop mother farkers!

/runs, hides
//just kidding
///wonder how long this'll take to turn into a real flame war?
 
2005-05-01 03:07:15 AM
Shenanigans.

/been to other countries
//never hides the fact that I'm American
///unapologetic supporter of our foreign policy
////always gets laid (over there, at least)
 
2005-05-01 03:08:10 AM
Guess I should move to Europe so I can have an excuse.
 
2005-05-01 03:08:32 AM
jqfarker: Tell them you are Canadian. Everyone loves us.


I've heard that's actually a good strategy for Americans in hostile (or non-friendly) nations.

So, if your backpacking in an arab nation you might sew a nice maple leaf patch to your bag :)
 
2005-05-01 03:09:24 AM
It's like this: Americans are dicks...and Europeons are pussies...
 
2005-05-01 03:11:04 AM
Look, if I had that type of pull with the president, I obviously wouldn't be out trolling for anonymous Dutch pussy.

Well that made my day.
 
2005-05-01 03:12:03 AM
Theres usually some truth in Onion articles. Painful depressing truth sometimes
 
2005-05-01 03:12:42 AM
kinda applies: was at a party in australia (they sooo want to be europe) and was asked at least three times by three different people to talk about/argue against (i guess?) "stupid white men".

/still got laid
 
2005-05-01 03:13:30 AM
Ha!
We can't get foreign bush because of domestic Bush!

*BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*

(Well, *I* thought it was funny...)

/Misses that nice German girl...sigh...
//Yeah, I know it's an Onion article...

Peace!
GB!
 
2005-05-01 03:15:52 AM
Frankly who really cares? If the Euros don't like us so be it, they would all be hailing the Fuhrer if we hadn't saved their asses in WW2. Flame me for that, but really who freaking cares. I am just so tired of the Europeans biatching about America this and America that, didn't they just dig up a giant mass grave from people Hussain had slaughtered, how can they think leaving that guy in power was good. Oh I forgot he owed a couple of the European super powers large sums of money.
 
2005-05-01 03:16:21 AM
Du-uh...
 
2005-05-01 03:19:04 AM
Blimey.

I'm working on my British accent in case I ever get to go to Europe.

It might just save my bollocks from being buggered in a tight situation.
 
2005-05-01 03:19:15 AM
Feh!! If another individual treats me like shiat, looks down on me, disregards or disrespects me for no other reason except that I'm (proudly) an American without getting to know me, then it says a lot about the individual: It says that they are an ignorant biggot.

I don't assume all the French are impolite surrender-eager cowards with smelly pits. I don't assume that Arabs are terrorists waiting to suicide bomb me. I don't assume the Japanese are tentacle-porn-watching-pseudo-pedophiliacs. I don't assume Canadians are beer drinking hockey fanatics who end each sentence with 'Eh'.

People are people: Humanity will be a lot better off when people realize that.

I will, however, make one assumption... if you are an American and you travel to Europe under the guise of the Maple Leaf, then you are a coward. Be proud of being an American. Just because we have a shiatty president/government doesn't mean you should be ashamed or afraid of your birthright or the core ideals for which America standsfor.
 
2005-05-01 03:19:26 AM
Just be the "compassionate, liberal American who is fighting them damn Bushes and his war(s)" and suddenly you're enlightened and farkable.
 
2005-05-01 03:20:26 AM
comeback kid is a kick ass canadian band
 
2005-05-01 03:23:15 AM
jeffcor13:

Unless you are in a country where people care about human rights and the inherrint value of life.

You mean Abu Ghraib, Camp X-ray, all those places are actually being respectful to human life?
 
2005-05-01 03:24:40 AM
Fark Canada! I tried to use a $2 Canadian bill at Taco Bell in Seacrest NJ and the NJ Police beat me and took me to jail. They later apologized and explained that they thought me to be a Canuck. I then killed them all with improvised weaponry I crafted out of items in and around their desks; where they left me alone, for far too long. I feel justified in my actions, but somewhat saddened at the shame which Canada brings upon the Greater Noth American Co-Prosperity Sphere.
 
2005-05-01 03:26:29 AM
Herbert Kornfeld's article was funnier.
 
2005-05-01 03:26:40 AM
I'm going to give those Europeans a piece of my mind.

I mean, if I ever leave my home state.
 
2005-05-01 03:26:54 AM
majorhopper: Greater Noth American Co-Prosperity Sphere.

A sizeable number of Farkers won't get that one.
 
2005-05-01 03:26:58 AM
majorhopper:

Fark Canada! I tried to use a $2 Canadian bill at Taco Bell in Seacrest NJ and the NJ Police beat me and took me to jail. They later apologized and explained that they thought me to be a Canuck. I then killed them all with improvised weaponry I crafted out of items in and around their desks; where they left me alone, for far too long. I feel justified in my actions, but somewhat saddened at the shame which Canada brings upon the Greater Noth American Co-Prosperity Sphere.

Ah, the $2 bill/Taco Bell cliche ... I thank you for bringing back an oldie but a goodie.
 
2005-05-01 03:29:22 AM
I am in Slovania at this very moment. Just came from Slovakia and headed to Bulgaria. I tell you it is like shooting fish in a barrel.
 
2005-05-01 03:29:31 AM
Rachelingua: Theres usually some truth in Onion articles. Painful depressing truth sometimes

All good comedy is truthful.
 
2005-05-01 03:30:59 AM
I never hid my nationality when travelling abroad, and I was treated quite nicely, with the exception of Gare du Nord in Paris. Don't act like an ass and you won't be treated like an ass, simple as that.
 
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