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(Independent)   Cheese-eating surrender-monkeys frantic over faux fromage. Here comes the Velveeta   ( divider line
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7116 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Apr 2005 at 5:32 AM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2005-04-10 08:13:42 AM  
I'll some other random thoughts to the thread, I never felt so compelled to participate. Cheese has that kind of power on a frog.

Ranger Al is so right about the French hating the Brits so much (pre entente cordiale) they waged any war to stifle their colonial expansion (for Rugby fans, this rivalry and hatred is still alive). But then again Ben Franklin's visit to Versailles also played a role in the French intervention. The fact is, for the intellectual figures of the Enlightenment, Ben Franklin was like family. The theoretical foundations of the US led the French to consider the US as a good experimental area for democracy ( a burgeonning concept at the time), for the better and the worse (the burning down of indian villages was emulated by the French to control Algeria - thanks to Tocqueville's research). The balance of power changed over the centuries, and the French are now more humble, maybe wiser, than they used to be, and the US is behaving like an alpha male on the political scene. It's always fun to see Bush and Chirac trying to act friendly, what with all the mutual misunderstandings and shiat.

/ what am I still doing here...

I think both French and Americans are weird.
The French tend to hate war nowadays, having learned a few lessons, and beings leftists and idealists at heart.

Americans do not have the same form of idealism, and think of themselves as realists, and want to trust a strong political leader once they've elected him.

Will elaborate further another time.
Those who want to find out more about Franco-US intercultural studies can check

Back to the topic, don't talk about cheese policies in France if you haven't seized the concept of 'terroir'.

/just refreshed the thread.
Thanks for the Cajun invitation, but I'm penniless in Marseille. I'd like to go back to Ireland too, although being used to better climes, I couldn't actually move there full time. Have a nice day, people.
2005-04-10 08:19:50 AM  

I'd kill to own a business there.

Alright Ranger Al, it looks like a good thing that you didn't buy that B&B because you would have been killed by good old StretchCannon there. :)

Not that you'd let some dirty nasty leg kill you of course though, right?
2005-04-10 08:22:00 AM  
Well, the last time I looked at some REAL cheese in something other than Cheddar, Swiss or Parmesan, I discovered that a small wedge cost as much as a whole brick of Velveeta. I can buy a pound of processed, sliced, wrapped American cheese in packets for the same price that would get me 5 slices of REAL American cheese.

I'd love to buy some good, real cheese, but when the prices go past that of a chunk of sirloin steak, it's the fake stuff for me.

I picked up this tiny wedge of some cheese in Publix the other day, which probably weighed in at about 4 ounces and noticed that it was $4.95!!

I put it back down.
2005-04-10 08:25:01 AM  
Wow, it's amazing how many people took a Simpsons reference so seriously.
2005-04-10 08:25:32 AM  
Oh, and it isn't that I truly hate the French but I strongly dislike what I see as their wishy washy attitude. The issue that started it for me was after the Berlin nightclub bombing when the French government wouldn't allow our government to have flyover rights in order to try to kill Moamar Kadhafi (pick your version of how his first name is spelled) in retaliation. It pissed me off on a very personal level that our supposed ally wouldn't even permit us to do a flyover in retaliation for a terrorist bombing because they were scared of incurring Libya's wrath even thought if the circumstances had been reversed we would have been chomping at the bit to help them out.
2005-04-10 08:28:58 AM  
A dirty, nasty leg would never find me.

/A wink is as good as a nod to a blind bat.
2005-04-10 08:30:57 AM  
I once had a cheese which sounded like Havarti, but it wasnt Havarti, it was something else that sounded like that, and I have never been able to find it again.
Does anyone have a clue?
2005-04-10 08:46:26 AM  
What it all boils down too, is that nothin beats a Simpson quoted headline.

/Good old Willie...
2005-04-10 08:56:47 AM  
Amazing how xenophobic some people can be.

This story is about cheese, people, not some historical hangover provoked by a group of monkey-tribalist politicos who prefer to throw feces at old friends (yes, France is one of America's oldest and bestest pals) than to tell their own public the truth.

It's about cheese. If you are descended from cow people, which is a lot of us on the planet, cheese is sacred.

I bought a Camenbert yesterday, "lait cru". When I buy cheese it's always a tough choice - do I go with the cheap bland-but-edible ones, or do I go the luxury option. For instance, the cheapest Camenbert costs EUR0.65, while the most expensive one (the one made with raw milk) costs EUR1.85, three times as much.

If I'm in a hurry, I go for the essentials. If I have more time, like yesterday, I go for the luxuries.

Now, let me tell you, my kitchen is filled with the smell of this cheese. Literally, it stinks incredibly, even through its packaging.

Cutting the cheese - no pun intended - is a near-mystical experience. The cheese is smooth, not pasty like pasturised cheeses. It has a rich, sour taste, and a crust that you could use as a basis for soup.

It's definitely worth the extra money. The problem is that the "lait cru" Camenbert inevitably sends us down to the cellar to get a matching bottle of red wine... and before we know where we are, we're getting drunk, happy to be in a country where people still know how to enjoy life.


/me wonders if there's any left from last night.
2005-04-10 08:57:50 AM  
Homer: Mmmmm... 64 slices of American cheese. 64 (munch munch munch)... 63 (munch munch munch) (cut to much later)
Homer: 2... (munch munch munch) ... 1 (munch munch munch)
Marge: Homer, have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: I think I'm blind.
2005-04-10 09:26:43 AM  
I am in Japan. I miss cheese.
/has nothing to contribute to the conversation.
//Misses his havarti with dill...
2005-04-10 09:28:42 AM  

If you are descended from cow people, which is a lot of us on the planet, cheese is sacred.

I think you mean "If you worship cheese, cheese is sacred."
2005-04-10 09:46:07 AM  
I say the more cheeses the better. I'd love to be in France right now. French food rules.
2005-04-10 09:51:39 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
Viva la France!!!
2005-04-10 10:04:09 AM  
Cyklon: Why is the "Official Magazine of the French Military" written in English?

/sad to see cheese dying.
2005-04-10 10:27:52 AM  
"How can you be expected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheese?"
- Charles De Gaulle (1890 - 1970)

How can you be expected to argue with logic like that?
2005-04-10 10:31:19 AM  
Just call them attractive and successful African-Americans, you know you want to. Racial epithets are all the same. "attractive and successful African-Americans upset because their f*cking attractive and successful African-American cheese is being copied"

2005-04-10 10:31:33 AM  
I live 45 min from France, 15 min from Luxembourg.
I personally think French wine tastes like ass, I mean I would rather drink Boone's Farm, but French cheese is awesome, an orgasm for the taste buds. Since this thread began I went out and bought some Le` Pe`re Andre` Camembert. (sorry I don't know how to do the ` thingies) They were out of my favorite. I don't remember the name but I know the red wrapper when I see it. So smooth, so creamy, a bit runny, but I like it runny.
2005-04-10 11:07:00 AM  
i eat as much good cheese as possible. as a matter of fact, Im going to be having a hard spanish whole-milk goat cheese for lunch (with some bread, honey and coffee).

eating some factory-produced block of crap is silly... go ahead, explore some fine cheese, you'll love it.

artisinally produced foods are a delight. the finest of the worlds foods are made by small producers.

it would be a shame if the french lost there cheese hertiage. cheese is some damn fine food.
2005-04-10 11:12:15 AM  
<sarcasm>The cheese is actually probably disappearing due to Bill O'Reilly's boycott. The Paris Business Review agrees!</sarcasm>

I'm glad to see some reasoned voices in this thread. And let's face it, good food is good food. Whether you like the people making it or not is another story.

I personally have nothing against the French though my favorite stereotype involves their workforce going on strike once a month.
2005-04-10 11:38:56 AM  
Herbes de Provence Sublimity from Oregon Gourmet Cheeses...mmmmm. An ungodly $16.00 a pound. You can buy it online, but they've got a $100.00 minimum order, so I buy it a tiny slice at a time at the farmer's market in the Park Blocks.

Heaven on the tongue--not so much a flavor of lavender as an aura of it.
2005-04-10 11:43:16 AM  
I wonder what else we be lost if all of French Cheese has to be made with pasturized milk? (Besides lysteria, that is). There's been a lot of study lately on the "French Diet" that includes red wine and fatty cheeses. They seem to be fitter and thinner than a lot of Boone's Farm-swillin' Velveeta-eaters.

/just sayin'
2005-04-10 11:53:32 AM  
Americans hate the French because they would not support an illegal, immoral war.
. ** I feel better now....
2005-04-10 12:33:48 PM  
Despite the Food Network, American tastes still continue to be pedestrian and pathetic (though it is somewhat better than a few years ago). Then we make fun of other countries who resist our tasty "food". No wonder people hate us.

American Cheese is processed, nasty crap. French and Italian cheeses are incredible. The flow should not come from us and go to them; it should be the other way around.

There are some very good American artesianal cheeses. Too bad the people eating it are already mostly enlightened (and would likely agree with the French whole-heartedly).

Salt and pepper are not spices.
Spaghetti O's are not Italian Food.
Neither is Olive Garden.
Margarine does NOT taste like butter. And is just as bad for you.
Most American beers are piss nasty.
2005-04-10 12:36:54 PM  
"Cheese-eating surrender-monkey" remarks about France = lame and dull
2005-04-10 12:49:14 PM  

I wonder what else we be lost if all of French Cheese has to be made with pasturized milk? (Besides lysteria, that is). There's been a lot of study lately on the "French Diet" that includes red wine and fatty cheeses. They seem to be fitter and thinner than a lot of Boone's Farm-swillin' Velveeta-eaters.

Even though they are eating fatty cheeses, it is safe to assume that they do not contain any trans-fats like the vast majority of our higly processed foods do. Eating foods that contain fat is not all that bad, so long as you keep away from anything containing hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils.

I think this is why you see skinny French people eating fatty diets without becomming super sized.

/or something.
2005-04-10 01:06:47 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2005-04-10 01:26:18 PM  
2005-04-10 08:13:42 AM tisack

Any mention in those links about the French Spoliation Claims, or their plans to invade New Orleans by way of Haiti?

2005-04-10 08:22:00 AM Rik01

Good cheese is usually worth the price, bad cheese is not worth any price. I have some Kraft Crapper Barrel Baby Swiss in the refrigerator that is about a year old now, and no mold has yet deigned to bloom on it. It tastes about how it smells, which is to say, like the blandest thing you have ever put into your mouth only blander. Try Whole Foods if there's one near you -- they'll let you taste samples, and you can buy small pieces. A little goes a long way.

I've been all over frogtown, er, France. People in Paris, though sometimes surly, are no more so than, say, New Yorkers, and people outside Paris are like people almost everywhere, all mixed up. Just like fark.

/Wish I could make it to Lafayette for the festival. :-(
2005-04-10 01:37:54 PM  
I never understood the American tendency to label the French as militarily "wussies".

Fact is, the French Foreign Legionnaires were the baddest of the badasses - they made the American Green Berets look like Girl Scouts.

The French finally lost their taste for war after the gruesome and bloody war for Algerian Independence. Hundreds of thousands of people died in that war. Of course, now the French are getting their karmic pay-back for that by the fact that they have six million disgruntled and largely unemployed Muslims living in France, few of whom would eat any of the yummy-but-stinky local cheese since it's not Halal.
2005-04-10 02:21:29 PM  
No one has answerd my query about the "H' cheese, oh well, I hope you people dont think that Americans have poor taste because of the existence of processed foods. You do know that we can get literally every type of food in the world here?
I eat all kinds of cheeses, and wines and beers, However, I dislike a lot of Euro beers due to being too bitter.
We can get anything, but some things are a taste we do not wish to aquire. Like Haggis, or that buried rotten cabbage thing.
2005-04-10 02:40:33 PM  
Outsourced Jedi I thought that the reason for skinny French women (not people, just the women) was that they had soup for lunch and dinner several times a week. And French soup is like a religious experience. Temporarily filling and totally guilt-free.

I am not going to get into the Fance/America thing because I think most Americans would be honored to meet a member of La Resistance. I think most French people like warm, friendly, open-minded Americans who could pass for Canadians. I also think that chick dancing up the thread has neither a waist nor an ass and is therefore not that hot. I would love to try an unpasturized cheese. This thread is making me hungry.
2005-04-10 02:44:45 PM  
*sigh* I love farm cheeses. Farmer's markets are a dream, jalapeno havarti with *chunks* of jalapeno, no wussy tiny-shredded peppers.

Smoked gouda that's been triple smoked... or applewood cheddar cheese, which may very well be the finest cheddar on the planet.

Or Bulgarian Sheep's Milk Feta, the love child between cream cheese and feta cheese, superior to most any cheddar, and sublime when crumbled and used in burritos or atop pasta.

I could go on for hours. Cheese = win.
2005-04-10 02:45:50 PM  
Dr. Honeydew: This thread is making me hungry.

I think we need a new fark cliche, preferably with images.
2005-04-10 02:57:29 PM  
I had a French girlfriend once, but the smoking got to me, plus she put mayonaise on EVERYTHING! But, she was skinny.
2005-04-10 02:59:39 PM  
Bahumat I used to have a Chipotle screensaver at work and I had to get rid of it because I was going to lunch early almost every day.

mmmmm smoked gouda.
2005-04-10 03:21:08 PM Enjoy.

Also, French assistance in the American Revolution was minimal at best. They armed us, and their navy helped at the very end of the war.

its not like they sent thousands of troops to help us.
2005-04-10 03:25:38 PM  
As long as stupid Americans can talk shiat about a great country, they have problably never been to, they are happy. Fark you and the farking US.
2005-04-10 03:44:22 PM  
Damn those "overbearing and unnecessary hygiene rules"!!!
2005-04-10 04:04:14 PM  
When I saw Cheese-eating surrender-monkeys in the headline, I just assumed this was a well-seasoned Farker writing a humorous headline ... When I actually read the phrase in the article, my first reaction was holy crap!

Is John Lichfield, by any chance, a Farker?
2005-04-10 07:07:21 PM  
My 2 Cents:

As long as stupid Americans can talk shiat about a great country, they have problably never been to, they are happy.

You mean France? I've been there. It's not a great country, unless you mean "a country of greatly disturbing odours."
2005-04-10 09:02:41 PM  
I'd like to try some French long as the Frenchman selling it to me does not ridicule me for liking Vermont extra-sharp cheddar as well.

/likes trying new foods
//hates food snobbery
///half French-Canadian
2005-04-10 10:14:15 PM  
Some cultures can't accept that their days are long gone.
2005-04-10 11:57:47 PM  
2005-04-10 10:14:15 PM RockIsDead

Some cultures can't accept that their days are long gone.

Amen to that, and in the spirit of neo-Conservatism, I welcome you to the Third World.
2005-04-11 02:04:44 AM  
I haven't read this entire thread, but here are my comments on the French based upon spending two consecutive weekends in Paris walking the entire city and talking to lots of people.

French people speak excellent English. On one of my train rides to Paris the train broke down due to a "probleme electronique." I helped explain the situation to a visitor who spoke English but couldn't speak French. As the situation developed, I learned that virtually everyone there understood English and could switch back and forth with ease (which I'm still working on.) Of course the passengers were middle class and higher for the most part. French people are deservedly proud of their culture and I see no reason why you shouldn't at least attempt to speak French when visiting their country.

French women are not hairy nor do they smell. I didn't notice one single hairy underarm nor any individual with body odor. Since Parisians actually walk sometimes instead of drive everywhere, they are mostly thin. And to me, being thin and healthy is a great starting point for attractiveness.

French food is excellent. No matter where you go to eat, whether it's McDonalds, a $10/meal restaurant, or somewhere expensive, every meal has a finish that's missing in the US and Canada and even parts of Europe. Everything is damned tasty there even for a picky eater like me. Needless to say, the wine is spectacular. I didn't try much if any cheese, but I like to eat a French cheese called Port Salut which you can get here in North America.

French people drive mostly domestically produced cars you don't see anywhere else in Europe, like Citroens, Peugeots, and a few others. Can't say one way or the other whether these cars are any good. I saw the occasional Audi A3 and wealthier people would drive something like an A4.

I already talked about food, but I have to mention that French desserts are to die for. When you eat a $1 apple or strawberry tart or whatever kind of dessert you are into you will think you've died and gone to heaven. I honestly think French people wouldn't sell you food they wouldn't personally eat themselves, most likely due to pride.
2005-04-11 08:20:49 AM  
tourist: you're probably new here. The average farker hates the french, probably like some other people hate the jew, the muslims, the black or the [insert minority name here].
And then they try to find arguments to justify their hate.
It's just hopeless.
2005-04-11 10:34:54 AM  
I try to let my personal experience dictate how I feel about a Nation of people.

From what I can tell after living here (Texas) 10 years, The US lets Rupert Murdoch dictate how they feel about anything. It's hard not to be embarrassed by my US passport when I travel abroad. Every Frenchmen that gives a damn about US foreign policy can at least give you a couple of coherant reasons that don't date back further than the Bush Administration, and are actually based on fact, not 'bad intelligence' or Fox"News".

Example: US Invades Iraq = Fact.

France does loads of business with Iraq = Conjecture.

Anti-French sentimentality is like a huge red flag over someone's head : "I am Stupid, I believe what I'm told by FoxNews"
2005-04-11 06:32:40 PM  

Could you please give an example of where farkers have made fun of other countries (but in particular France) for not assimilating American food? Most french bashing threads always admit that french food is great. I for one will not eat snails or frogs but thats me, but have never felt the need to "MAKE THE WORLD EAT OUR FOOD"
Trying not to be a flame, I am just curious where this came from.
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