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(Independent)   Cheese-eating surrender-monkeys frantic over faux fromage. Here comes the Velveeta   (news.independent.co.uk) divider line 97
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7104 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Apr 2005 at 5:32 AM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2005-04-09 08:59:06 PM  
I like how they blasted "overbearing and unnecessary hygiene rules, imposed by the European Union and interpreted with 'excessive zeal' by the French state."

I personally like hygiene rules to be overbearing and zealous in the food I eat.
 
2005-04-09 09:09:39 PM  
This is one of those cases where the headline would be better without the cliche. "French frantic over faux fromage" has a better ring to it.
 
2005-04-09 09:09:57 PM  
Dear, dear, dear, this is not good. All these artisinal cheeses being lost forever...

My retirement dream is to retire to a small farm and make fine cheeses. If I spoke french I think, I'd just head there now and find some of these old peeps and get their secrets.
 
2005-04-09 09:12:17 PM  
Snarfangel: I personally like hygiene rules to be overbearing and zealous in the food I eat.

Raw milk cheeses are pefectly fine when handled properly by people who know how to make the cheeses. You can also pasteurize in such a way as to not lose those delicate flavors but it's too time consuming for the mass producers.

Raise the milk temp to 140 for 30 minutes or raise it to 160 for 15 seconds. the latter ruins the flavor.
 
2005-04-09 09:12:33 PM  
I like "Cheese-eating surrender...blah, blah" - it's certainly descriptive but overly ornate.

I, on the other hand, prefer something more direct and to the point - i.e. FROG CAPITULATORS.

I think the French are bunch of farkin' pussies and their biatches are stuck up (and don't shave their armpits).

/hate the french - like the croissant!
 
2005-04-09 09:52:24 PM  
Kickzter:

I think the French are bunch of farkin' pussies and their biatches are stuck up (and don't shave their armpits).

/hate the french - like the croissant!


I'm thinking you've never been to France, or probably any place outside Georgia or the USA.
 
2005-04-10 03:09:48 AM  
Man. Most Americans don't hate or love the french. We simply don't care one way or another. Most french are the same way. But still, I guess it's nice to have a headline that appeals to the batshiat insane nutballs that just HAVE to have someone to hate.
 
2005-04-10 05:34:42 AM  
Tradition surrenders?

/screw the EU
 
2005-04-10 05:43:14 AM  
Don't mess with the processed cheesy food.
 
2005-04-10 05:48:09 AM  
In support of the french take on "overbearing and unnecessary hygiene rules, imposed by the European Union", I'd like to point out that it is now impossible to get real prosciutto in the EU outside of Italy, because the traditional air-curing method that makes one of the tastiest forms of dead pig on the planet does not fall within EU guidelines. Again, perfectly safe when done right, but no beaurocracy (which I just spelled wrong) would ever believe that. So everyone plays safe, and no-one gets tasty tasty pig and milk derivatives.

/has suffered nausea induced by 'pasteurized cheese food'. Bleah.
 
2005-04-10 05:51:59 AM  
Irony- Dying cheese named 'Vacherin d'Abondance'
lit. something like Cow-stuff-of-abundance
 
2005-04-10 05:54:43 AM  
 
2005-04-10 05:56:59 AM  
 
2005-04-10 05:57:18 AM  
 
2005-04-10 05:58:58 AM  
You guys don't understand... the French CAN'T STAND these unnecessary foreign hygiene rules. The french have a rich tradition of being unhygenic. We should respect their dirty culture...
 
2005-04-10 06:01:22 AM  
I'd love to sample this French girl, even if she did smell a little gamey.
 
2005-04-10 06:02:45 AM  
I respect their dirty culture as much as I repect head-hunting, canabalism cultures. Interesting to read about, but the face-to-face experience brings me back to reality.

Wash your arse.

Don't eat me.
 
2005-04-10 06:03:23 AM  
 
2005-04-10 06:09:10 AM  
I smell a "surrender-monkey" photoshop contest in the works.

Or, a "Donkey shenanigans" vs. "Surrender-monkey" animal photoshop showdown!
 
2005-04-10 06:10:14 AM  
 
2005-04-10 06:14:22 AM  
Ranger Al: Or, a "Donkey shenanigans" vs. "Surrender-monkey" animal photoshop showdown!


That would be almost as hilarious as a "dead altzheimer's elephant" contest.
 
2005-04-10 06:21:47 AM  
StretchCannon: That would be almost as hilarious as a "dead altzheimer's elephant" contest.

I'm trying to figure out if this is complimentary or a burn.

I, for one, think a "dead altzheimer's elephant" is a great idea. Or perhaps a dead amputee elephant, being teased by a squirrel with nuts (not that squirrel).
 
2005-04-10 06:23:47 AM  
I'm sure the french have far more accurate stereotypes.
 
2005-04-10 06:28:53 AM  
Disdainful: I'm sure the french have far more accurate stereotypes.

Not really. I'd say, if applying those steroetypes on a National level, neither has accurate stereotypes at all.

Everywhere I have been in the world (except Somalia, but perhaps the bullets kept me from really experiencing the true mood of the place) is equally wonderful and loathsome, to include their people groups...all of them.

/Racism is stupid...there are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.
 
2005-04-10 06:37:47 AM  
StretchCannon : I guess it's nice to have a headline that appeals to the batshiat insane nutballs that just HAVE to have someone to hate. .
.
I understand what you are trying to say, but you are aiming it in the wrong direction. The true insane nutballs are the French with their longstanding, mindless, and reflexive anti-americanism. Now some will say that they hate everyone, but that is not true. The are RUDE to everyone, but they hate americans. If you dont believe me then pick up ANY French newspaper, magazine, or go to any French web forum.
 
2005-04-10 06:40:57 AM  
I think the crappy point I'm trying to make is, give the people a break. In every country, you have a whole bunch of fairly normal, and fairly decent people that put their hands on their foreheads in shame every time their governments do stupid shiat that makes them look bad. All I have to do is take a couple of second glance at our foreign policy in the past 4 years and do the same thing. It's ridiculous to think that every single french person is in total agreement of everything their Gov't does just like it's OBVIOUS that at least half of our country really doesn't appreciate how bad we look to the rest of the world. I'd hesitate to guess that a lot of the other half of countries that THINK they know what's up really don't, and are simply treating politics like a sporting event, thereby reducing themselves to pathetic cheerleaders. I've traveled a lot of the world, and most people are genuinely decent. It's a damn shame that some people feel the need to take their nationalist fervor to a racist level and bash other people that for the most part, just want to be left the fark alone to live their lives.
 
2005-04-10 06:47:46 AM  
Impudent Domain:

The true insane nutballs are the French with their longstanding, mindless, and reflexive anti-americanism.

Coming from someone that has actually been outside the country, and been to France on no less than 10 occasions, you are way way off. Parisians have a messed up attitude. It's one of the reasons I can't stand them. If you hit the countryside, you'll find honest, hard working people. It's kind of like the difference between New York City, and Peoria. But once again, it's childish and pathetic to label an entire country "something" if you've:

A) Never been there
B) Don't know much about it
C) Have any amount of respect for others

They are just people. They have the same crap to deal with that we have in our papers and television. Bullshiat ridiculous sterotypes that the idiots believe in, and the smart people ignore.
 
2005-04-10 06:58:26 AM  
I'll play the French guy again ( although I defend you guys when I hear French looneys talking out of their anus about the US).

1
You'd stop giving up your lives in war if you could grasp the beauty of fromages au lait cru.

2 A French guy invented pasteurisation, but lait cru cheeses still rule.

3 My father grew up in the States, complained about the fact he grew up on two types of bread (white or brown) and two types of cheeses (yellow or orange). On another note Malcolm X actually managed to derive some of his theories from the white bread/ brown bread opposition. Americans tend to see things in a very manichean way, and diversity in cheeses is a good way to promote subtlety.

4 Basically this is not about French surrender monkeys capitulating, it's about farmers and consumers who do not want to surrender to silly bureaucratic policies, it's about preserving one's cultural heritage.

5. Whatever happens, wherever I travel, I always end up needing my cheese fix.

Conclusion: surrender monkeys defend their cheeses in the face of looming wusses who are afraid of microbes. And we're ready to raise our arms in the air, 'till you all drop dead from our body odour.


Food lovers are welcome to defend my stance (I'm French so I obviously need some international help in doing so). I'll come back to this thread later to answer all you querries.

/My smelly yet beautiful girlfriend is asking me to leave this silly hread and I feel like twisting her greasy hairy armpits into dreadlocks.

"If you dont believe me then pick up ANY French newspaper, magazine, or go to any French web forum."
You seem very upset, go on these forums and try to argue with them. Write letters to those evil unamerican newspapers and explain your point of view. Tell'em they're wrong. Send them tapes of Fox News to substabtiate your points. I go on fark and read these threads about surrender monkeys where people laugh about white flags and it's really funny to have these cross-cultural insights.

A bientot tout le monde.
 
2005-04-10 07:04:53 AM  
tisack:

Food lovers are welcome to defend my stance (I'm French so I obviously need some international help in doing so). I'll come back to this thread later to answer all you querries.

Been to France and I must admit, my wife and I loved going to the local markets and buying cheeses and breads for our daily lunch. They are truly wonderful.

The best American example I can think of is if the Federal government started lording over Micro-brew beers...although they kinda do. I tell you, that kinda regulation would ruin Germany for me...but back to the U.S.

Ummmm, bar-b-que recipes maybe?

/Thought I had something...fraid not.
 
2005-04-10 07:05:12 AM  
StretchCannon Why do you assume I have never been to France? True I was only in Paris, and true, the average French citizen probably does not share the values of the Journalists and academe. But there is a wave of Anti-american sentiment there. I stand by that, If you have not noticed it they you are not very observant. BTW, My mother was French.
 
2005-04-10 07:05:28 AM  
substabtiate should have really read substantiate

sorry
 
2005-04-10 07:10:45 AM  
tisack: I'll play the French guy again

Tell your Great Great Great Grandfathers we thank them for SAVING OUR ASSES DURING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION. We'd all be British right now if it wasn't for their help.
 
2005-04-10 07:17:34 AM  
Impudent Domain: But there is a wave of Anti-american sentiment there.

Just like there appears to be a wave of anti-french sentiment here. Do you think the 95 percent of the country that busts there ass to get by really hates Americans? Perhaps it's just a media construct like it is here.

Lets take it a step further...

We have demonized the french for doing business with Iraq. What did we do in the 80's? Do you really think for one second that the arms deals we've had with other hostile nations is even being reported on? It's ridiculous to hold the entire populous of an country responsible for the actions of a Gov't that they can't control. Hell, we can't even control our own Gov't.
 
2005-04-10 07:20:18 AM  
While I certainly appreciate the involvement of the French in the American revolution, two things need to be made clear.

1. They didn't help us cause they liked us...They just hated the English.

2. We would not be British...the Atlantic Ocean was a problem that the British could not long handle. (This is along the lines of the "What if the 'South' had won the war argument. I hate when idiot southerners don't realize that slavery would have had to end anyway eventually do to international pressure and loss in economic benefit...but anyway.)

That being said...I love France. Not as much as Germany or Ireland, but the love is there.
 
2005-04-10 07:26:51 AM  
Thank you stretch cannon, I see that Condoleeza's efforts have paid.

I don't think my forefathers did anything though. Some were Ukraine Jews who fled to America (stupid pogroms), others were Irish (stupid famine), and on the French side I don't know what happened, I guess they were all farmers.

Thanks anyway, if I can get any reparations dough for Lafayette's efforts, please let me know.
 
2005-04-10 07:27:34 AM  
StretchCannon: Hell, we can't even control our own Gov't.

I think it goes deeper than just not liking the actions of government. Like I said before, I am willing to concede to you that its not the average Frenchman. But it sure exists among the intellectual class, and it has been going on a long time.
i even get it from my French cousins. Of course it is in the form of playful needeling.
 
2005-04-10 07:31:15 AM  
Ranger Al:

That being said...I love France. Not as much as Germany or Ireland, but the love is there.

Agreed.

I could retire and die in Ireland. But there are things that are happening 100,000 feet over our heads that have nothing to do with us. The same thing holds true with all the modern peoples in the civilized world. There is no reason to hate an entire country full of people because of the actions of their Governments. These fat cats get together once a year at the World Economic Forum and decide how they are going to play things for the next year. You are talking about the wealthiest people in the world playing a shell game with reality. This isn't some crackpot conspiracy theory. It's the reality that we live in. So stop for a moment before you decide to follow whatever line it is that has been put in front of you and seriously question whether or not you believe in the "good versus evil" gambits that they entail. It's really never that simple. In the end, you have countries fighting for relevance coming up with comic book plots to appeal to the majority of their populations that can't grasp a deeper concept. Don't be the person that needs pretty pictures and small words. Read up on the WEF. Understand the high stakes game. Make friends throughout the world, and grow as much as you can. Besides the serious money to be made, it makes you feel better knowing that most of the "real threats" are fake, and most people are really good people.
 
2005-04-10 07:31:27 AM  
tisack:

Thanks anyway, if I can get any reparations dough for Lafayette's efforts, please let me know.

Hey, why dont you come to Lafayette, louisiana April 20-24.
They are having Festival Internationale. It s now the worlds largest outdoor free music festival. Much good music and food.
and culture. Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez!
 
2005-04-10 07:35:19 AM  
Impudent Domain: Hey, why dont you come to Lafayette, louisiana April 20-24.

Funny you should mention that. I try not to miss it.
 
2005-04-10 07:36:54 AM  
StretchCannon: I could retire and die in Ireland.

Last time I was in Ireland, I tried to buy a bed and breakfast. I was serious about staying. (Place near the Ring of Kerry) If my wife had not been expecting our first I would have dropped out of law school to run the place.

Too bad.
 
2005-04-10 07:37:47 AM  
Ranger Al:

If my wife had not been expecting our first I would have dropped out of law school to run the place.


Damn. Half my ancenstry hails from there. I'm very much in love with the place. I'd kill to own a business there.
 
2005-04-10 07:40:30 AM  
Ireland is a place to raise a family (if you can get the money you need to live there). France too...just not Paris. Germany is a place to be single.

Two words. Beer Tour!
 
2005-04-10 07:42:56 AM  
Ranger Al: Two words. Beer Tour!

Two more words:

Lowenbrau tent.

I've never successfully made it out of one at Oktoberfest.
 
2005-04-10 07:45:33 AM  
I remember(sorta) walking from an Oktoberfest tent singing John Denver songs with the crowd (he had just passed away) and going to a Salvidor Dali exhibit. Man, drunken Salvidor Dali will blow your mind.

/Apologizes for turning this into the Ranger Al/Stretch Cannon random thought forum....really.
 
2005-04-10 07:49:27 AM  
Ranger Al:

Apologizes for turning this into the Ranger Al/Stretch Cannon random thought forum....really.


Hhahahahaha.

It's like, almost 7am here and I'm blitzed on three different kinds of beer. We turned a french cheese thread into a european travel retrospective. I think we will be forgiven. Have a free month of Totalfark on me, and good night.
 
2005-04-10 07:52:13 AM  
Ranger Al:

Ireland is a place to raise a family (if you can get the money you need to live there).


Is there a high cost of living in Ireland? I am surprised to hear so.
 
2005-04-10 07:55:45 AM  
I have never been to the real oktoberfest. but I am scheduled next year to take a special four day tour of Scotland, Its great, you get to golf four different courses, and visit eight distilleries. Golf and Scotch! And my wife does something else for four days!
 
2005-04-10 07:58:05 AM  
Impudent Domain: Is there a high cost of living in Ireland? I am surprised to hear so.

The economy is turning around. It was based on farming, but the land ownership there is so fragmented that making a living off of that is hard.

Everyone is moving towards tourism now that things have calmed down there, especially in the south-west, where the land is beautiful.

The economy adopted the Euro...which basically infused 15 years of inflation into one year. But, it isn't all that expensive really. Our problem is, my wife is a pharmacist and I'm a law student...both professions require licensing to practice and we are not likely to get international recognition of our degrees.
 
2005-04-10 08:04:56 AM  
Scotland is about 3 times as expensive as Ireland.

I had originally planned on a Scotland tour to play the "Old Course" which is not that hard to play on during the week.

Scotch...I like, but Irish whiskey smells like burning peat moss (a great smell) and is better to me.

There is a fantastic little course in Doolin, Ireland which is bascially right on the ocean...like pebble beach or something. Best golfing photos I've ever taken. The course costs 5 bucks to play!
 
2005-04-10 08:12:16 AM  
It's a shame that a lot of culinary treasures are dying off, and it's not just in France. About two or three months ago, Food & Wine had an article about how artisan cheeses in Spain were dying off due to European Union regulations and urgings of the Franco government to modernize.

The way things are going, we'd all be eating regrettable food.
 
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