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(News Leader)   Bad news: man gets three years for sitting on a woman's lap. Good news: The judge lets him head to the bar for a few going away drinks before sending him to prison. Justice like it is 1899   (newsleader.com) divider line 44
    More: Weird  
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17846 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Apr 2005 at 12:37 PM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



44 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2005-04-09 07:00:22 AM
Yeah, forget the kidnapping charges..
 
2005-04-09 07:14:40 AM
The horrified girl burst into wracking sobs, begging him "to remember his own sisters" and to please let her go. Todd quickly consented and removed himself from her lap.

The beast!
 
2005-04-09 07:41:43 AM
You need a few good drinks before being sent away to one of those Sit-On-Your-Lap prisons.
 
2005-04-09 08:13:40 AM
I always found it weird talking to my great grandfather who was born in the 1890's...

/he's dead now of course
 
2005-04-09 08:23:52 AM
A Victorian lapdance? Did she wear a corset?
/drtfa
 
2005-04-09 10:02:54 AM
Given what we know about sexual repression from that age, the reason why such a stiff sentence was handed down was because every member of the jury was glad it wasn't them.
 
2005-04-09 12:42:36 PM
The thing was, when he sat on her lap, he was able to catch a glimpse of her ankle.

She was never able to marry

/lucky biatch
 
2005-04-09 12:43:06 PM
Zero Tolerpwnz?
 
2005-04-09 12:45:20 PM
I first read that as, "Man gets three years for sitting on womans laptop."

Was terribly confused.
 
2005-04-09 12:47:45 PM
Disdainful:

Zero Tolerpwnz?

The fact that I can read this makes me want to sell my computer.
 
2005-04-09 12:50:55 PM
He's a WITCH! BURRRNNN THE WITCH!!!! Oh, wait...he WHAT? Sat on her lap?...hmmmm...so, how much time would you pull for, say, ACTUALLY COMMITTING CRIMES????!!!!

/damn capslock key...sooo close to 'A'....soooo tempting
 
2005-04-09 12:55:10 PM
Does this require an obligatory comment about how behind Fark is on news, or does that only occur with the News Flash tag?

On another note, why is this news? News on news?
 
2005-04-09 12:58:35 PM
Don't you miss the good, old days?

Keep voting Republican, and you'll see them again soon.
 
2005-04-09 01:00:22 PM
HellFace

He must not have been much of a conversationalist...
 
2005-04-09 01:01:24 PM
This is Bush's fault.
 
2005-04-09 01:04:33 PM
I'm curious to know how the woman felt about sentence, if she thought it was fair... or perhaps maybe they over did it slightly...

NormanTheConqueror
On another note, why is this news? News on news?

Perhaps you haven't read the disclaimer at the top of this site:
 
2005-04-09 01:06:54 PM
bmihura: This is Bush's fault.



William McKinley.
 
2005-04-09 01:09:00 PM
Go to jail, Sully, it's where you belong.
 
2005-04-09 01:10:22 PM
 
2005-04-09 01:45:36 PM
Repeat. This was on Fark like 106 years ago.
 
2005-04-09 01:48:27 PM
The horrified girl burst into wracking sobs, begging him "to remember his own sisters"

Wow, this guy had not one, but multiple sisters at home who's lap he could sit upon? And STILL he needed to find some strange lap?? No wonder he went to jail. Being such a lapblocker for everyone else.
 
2005-04-09 01:50:23 PM
I'm gonna party like it's 1889
 
2005-04-09 01:58:28 PM
If he was over 250 lbs. well, that sadistic bastard should burn.

"I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!!"

/out of good taste they neglected to tell when he asked her to "pull my finger"
/criminal!
 
2005-04-09 01:58:50 PM
She should have tasered the dirty son of a biatch.
 
2005-04-09 02:03:54 PM
falling a little behind the times, aren't we fark? what's next the

[spiffy] berlin wall falls

or

[ sad ] episode one lamer than FDR's legs. too soon? too soon?
 
2005-04-09 02:04:24 PM
The brute should have known better and hired a whore.

/1899 logic
 
2005-04-09 02:14:08 PM
Welcome to what Bush's America will be like after Oil.
 
2005-04-09 02:29:26 PM
Maybe he was really really fat so they considered it attempted murder.
 
2005-04-09 02:49:10 PM
I'm surprised no one mentioned the fact that the word "sat" might be some sort of turn of the century slang for.. well. something worse.
 
2005-04-09 03:40:51 PM
Masher!
 
2005-04-09 04:02:33 PM
He lies to a girl to get her to come up to his room (saying that his sick sister is there). Then when she gets there, he physically forces himself on her, sitting on her so that she can't get away. She sobs, and he releases her.

3 years doesn't sound insane.
 
2005-04-09 05:25:15 PM


the No Bail Jail was very popular for lab sitters...
 
2005-04-09 05:26:45 PM
p.s: lab=lap
 
2005-04-09 07:09:34 PM
Into our little country town there came one summer's day
A handsome city stranger, fresh from New York's Great White Way
With winning smiles and city wiles he took us unaware
Yet we might have known that he was a cur from the way that he combed his hair
Our little Nell drove into town that fatal day, little knowing that day would end her happiness
That brute, he looked at her, he spoke, she blushed, and just like that our Nell had made a date
He said that he would meet her at the drug store on the square
He said he'd buy her some sody pop, that's how he lured her there
Our little Nell put on her nice new gingham dress and some co-loney water, hmm how she did smell!
She waited in vain and ne'er saw him again
The City Chap Who Double-Crossed Our Nell
 
2005-04-09 07:21:27 PM
Maybe the jury were United Metodists

 
2005-04-09 07:22:00 PM
SkunkDuster
She should have tasered the dirty son of a biatch.

Just wind the old Van Der Graaf generator for half an hour and away you go...

/Goes away to play old Van Der Graaf Generator albums
 
2005-04-09 07:22:54 PM
Slow news century?
 
2005-04-09 07:55:29 PM
Thras:

He lies to a girl to get her to come up to his room (saying that his sick sister is there). Then when she gets there, he physically forces himself on her, sitting on her so that she can't get away. She sobs, and he releases her.

3 years doesn't sound insane.


Considering that nowadays some asshead can *rape* a girl and get a suspended one-year sentence because she didn't say "no" loud enough for him to hear, yes, this does sound insane.
 
2005-04-09 08:11:34 PM
GorgeousOrifice

Considering that nowadays some asshead can *rape* a girl and get a suspended one-year sentence because she didn't say "no" loud enough for him to hear, yes, this does sound insane.

If a woman is having sex with a deaf man and she changes her mind during the act and he doesn't hear her saying "no" and "stop", is it still rape? Technically.
 
2005-04-09 09:05:19 PM
At least he wasn't a turkey-slapper
 
2005-04-09 10:41:17 PM
Kobe not impressed.
 
2005-04-10 12:46:20 AM
Let this be a lesson to all of us
 
2005-04-10 09:20:27 AM
falkone32:

He must not have been much of a conversationalist...

I assumed that my comment implied I talked to him before he was dead :P
 
2005-04-10 12:14:45 PM
WTF This article is stupid. Who gives a shiat what happened 100+ years ago. I thought it was fark-worthy because it just happened.
 
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