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(stuff.co.nz)   Bush met with New Zealand's Prime Minister today. Anyone hear about this stateside? Nope   (stuff.co.nz) divider line 36
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1887 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Mar 2002 at 10:50 PM (12 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2002-03-26 10:52:55 PM
Bush proposes opening ANWR to sheep shaggers.
 
2002-03-26 10:54:23 PM
Woo hoo. sheep shagging.
 
2002-03-26 11:02:12 PM
No man can eat 50 Kiwis...
 
2002-03-26 11:03:53 PM
The reason we haven't heard about it is because New Zealand is in another time zone. They are in tomorrow. So it hasn't happened yet to us. Wednesday we will have heard about it.
 
2002-03-26 11:06:00 PM
Good point Bigpeeler, for this is the time when tomorrow becomes today.. or something like that
 
2002-03-26 11:07:02 PM
Russell Crowe's Guinness-inflicted rage attack following his Oscar snub has blocked the transmissions out of Oceania.
 
2002-03-26 11:08:07 PM
FARK.com... your portal into tomorrow.
 
2002-03-26 11:09:14 PM
I wonder if there are hot chicks in New Zealand?

On a interesting side note... When I search for Bush Zealand, I get the following..



Interesting.....
 
2002-03-26 11:09:37 PM
SLAYERSWINE - Nice "CHL" reference.
 
2002-03-26 11:10:53 PM
Being a no-nuke country is a no-brainer when you got no-money.
 
2002-03-26 11:13:59 PM
Being a no-nuke country is a no-brainer when you got no-money.

Besides, no one wants to make the trip all the way down there to nuke them. Just a handful of people and some sheep, right?

(With love to all our New Zealand Farkers. All both of them.)
 
2002-03-26 11:19:11 PM
Back in the 80's when we left ANZUS (or we got kicked out because of our anti-nuke policy), they had to change the name to ANUS...
 
2002-03-26 11:22:47 PM
Back in the 80's when we left ANZUS (or we got kicked out because of our anti-nuke policy), they had to change the name to ANUS...

Nice.

Kinda makes you hope George gets kicked out of the Black Angus restaurant chain.
 
2002-03-26 11:23:18 PM
Mr Powell said although New Zealand was not an ally it was a very, very, very close friend...

...and then Mr. Powell put his hand on New Zealands thigh and licked his lips seductively, making New Zealand very, very uncomfortable.
 
2002-03-26 11:24:52 PM
NZ is a farkin awesome place to be... it is fantastic. the women there.. holy shiat HOT! those ones in that pic there are shiat. i spent a month there and all i can say is that i really really wanna go back.
 
2002-03-26 11:30:08 PM
Hahahahaha!! Sheep jokes!, about NZ Hahaah!! damn you guys are soooo witty.
 
2002-03-26 11:31:57 PM

Dear New Zealand-

Thank you for contacting us. We have examined our maps closely and managed to find you. We have determined that your north island is roughly equal in size to a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier, although not nearly as fast or maneuverable. In case you were wondering, an aircraft carrier is a big boat that airplanes can land on. Some of them even carry weapons!

We find this comparison to be deliciously ironic, when we consider that New Zealand's idea of a front line strike/fighter aircraft is the A-4 Skyhawk. Here's a suggestion: contact the Taiwanese and see about purchasing some of their surplus 1950s-era F-105 Thunderchiefs. We just replaced all of theirs with shiny new F-16s. The Thuds would make excellent replacements for your A-4s and probably can be had at bargain prices. Better hurry. We understand that Cambodia and Sudan are also interested.

Sorry the ANZUS thing didn't work out. Have fun learning to speak Chinese!

Love,

The United States

 
2002-03-26 11:47:06 PM
Dear United States,

Thanks very much for spending the time learning to read a map to work out where we are situated. I'm sure this took many years of research. You are correct our North Island is not that big, and is quite stationary as you identified in your post.

Unfortunatley I must advise you that we no long have a combat air wing as the skyhawks were scrapped earlier this year, and currently we have two operational costal defense force helicopters.

Actaully all things considered, bowing out of ANZUS was a smart decision (though apparently we are still members, just not active members). Had we stayed within it's boundaries we would all now be speaking americaneese instead of English, which would have cost millions of our governments money in re-education (works out to couple of hundred thousand of your green money). Oh not to mention we'd have to lock up all our immigrants in a camp in the middle of the desert just like the Australians.

We are currently educating our population in Chineese as we speak becuase we know that China will be the dominating economic force in the next 20 years. Plus it makes more sense than american spelling.

Many regards,

New Zealand

(This is a satirical post, anyone who takes any sorta offense should immediatley take their chill pill and go to bed).
 
2002-03-27 12:18:19 AM
Peaceboy: "(With love to all our New Zealand Farkers. All both of them.)"

Cheers :P~
 
2002-03-27 12:22:54 AM
And speaking of NZ and nukes... this bizarre story popped up down under.

Lange reveals assassination threat - according to a former NZ prime minister, Dan "You spell it potato, I spell it potatoe" Quayle apparently threatened to "liquidate" the PM, along with some Navy hacks.

Considering that the story involves Quayle, it should come as no surprise that no one took the threat seriously (assuming it actually happened - and remembering Dan, it wouldn't surprise me if he really did say something that stupid).
 
2002-03-27 12:35:39 AM
*acting like an average American* New Zealand? Where's that? I never heard of it! Is that, like, um... around Canada? I heard that there's an English-speaking nation near Canada!
 
2002-03-27 12:38:30 AM
"I enquired of our security sources and was told I shouldn't regard it as a credible threat because the vice president wasn't regarded as credible."

HAHA, how true.
 
2002-03-27 12:52:00 AM
Young_Fart
Being a no-nuke country is a no-brainer when you got no-money.


Yet you'd have us believe that the Taliban was building them?

As for this.. it's a red herring. I don't have anything against nuclear power, but it seems that most people (or at least a very vocal minority) do.. and as NZ is a democracy, that's our policy, and it won't change until the people do.

NZ troops are in Afghanistan, and there aren't many countries who made that kind of commitment. It's even more significant when you consider that we have far more limited means here than the American government, so sending ANYTHING is a big deal.

I love America.. but NZ owns me. Seriously, come down sometime and see for yourselves :P
 
2002-03-27 01:00:08 AM
Or just watch the Oscars and wonder about what we have that you don't to get an Oscar per 750,000 population...

On the strength of just one movie...
 
2002-03-27 01:23:45 AM
Oh my, which is more devastating to the environment: oil drilling or sheep ranching?

Seems all the native new zealand wildlife has been destroyed by the "Evil Sheep Corporation Executives". Yes the same evil people who dump rat poison into the ocean to kill dolphins. Rats in new zealand, yet another example of the destruction of a once pristine eco-system.

If only they added just a 10% cotton blend to their wool, they could return new zealand back to its original habitat....... (/obvious CAFE joke)
 
2002-03-27 01:30:36 AM
I love America.. but NZ owns me. Seriously, come down sometime and see for yourselves :P

New Zeeland tops my list of countries to defect to when the US finally decides to come and kill me. Where do I apply for refugee status?
 
2002-03-27 01:38:18 AM
I believe the cargo ship Tampa is a good place to start :)
 
2002-03-27 05:58:55 AM
what does a boat named after Female Sanitary Products have to do with anything?
 
2002-03-27 07:50:31 AM
I wonder what the Kiwis thought about Dumbya the Boy-King?
 
2002-03-27 09:16:49 AM
This is how our Shadow Government operates. They don't tell the American public anything.
 
2002-03-27 10:55:10 AM
Unmenschlich (10:43:55 AM): what country is that in?
Sicamore(10:44:02 AM): nz?
Sicamore(10:44:06 AM): it's in australia
Sicamore(10:44:12 AM): which is in cananda
Sicamore(10:44:16 AM): which is part of the US
Unmenschlich (10:44:28 AM): I thought is was the alpine skiing place
Unmenschlich (10:44:48 AM): oh well.....not America proper ergo who cares
Sicamore(10:44:57 AM): rightly so
Unmenschlich (10:45:10 AM): just the outlying reaches of the colonies
Sicamore(10:45:26 AM): yup
Unmenschlich (10:45:52 AM): I hear the people there are brutish bores and rather uneducated.....shame, really much potential there
Sicamore(10:46:05 AM): well that is true
Sicamore(10:46:11 AM): but america has nukes
Unmenschlich (10:46:22 AM): just get rid of the riff raff and we would have additional lebensraum
Unmenschlich (10:46:31 AM): ups
Sicamore(10:46:35 AM): there would be no problem I'm sure to just let off a couple of neutron bombs to remove the people
Sicamore(10:46:48 AM): then, america could use it as a spring break resort
Unmenschlich (10:46:54 AM): brillian daring....I will vote for you
Sicamore(10:47:17 AM): and besides, if anybody did care, who the fark cares, what the hell are the going to do?
Sicamore(10:48:03 AM): besides, it's probably in the best interests of freedom and democracy, and they are all terrorists there anyway
Unmenschlich (10:48:07 AM): Nothing of any consequece that could not be dealt with in a stern parental manner.....after all they are like children
Sicamore(10:48:15 AM): yes
Sicamore(10:48:21 AM): bomb them back to the stone age
Sicamore(10:48:36 AM): they don't have 600 tv channels so they must not be civilised
Unmenschlich (10:48:48 AM): Oh, they had progreed that far
Unmenschlich (10:48:57 AM): oh dear
Sicamore(10:49:00 AM): I know
Sicamore(10:49:04 AM): It's for the best
Sicamore(10:49:12 AM): we doing that to save them from themselves
Unmenschlich (10:49:16 AM): better hop to
Sicamore(10:49:18 AM): they just don't know any better
 
2002-03-27 02:50:16 PM
Tone_DeBone
what does a boat named after Female Sanitary Products have to do with anything?


Couple of months ago, a cargo ship smuggling shiatloads of Afghan refugees shored up outside Australia, hoping for asylum. When the Aussies told them to go fark themselves, and the Indonesians did the same, they were more or less farked.

Eventually they were distributed, NZ took a pile of them.

I think it was called the Tampa.. it's the only name that rings a bell.. and I'm sure those who live in the lovely city of Tampa up there in your limp-dick state of Florida would take offence at your analogy.
 
2002-03-27 04:10:52 PM
New Zealand isn't a fundamentally farked-up country. It's actually rather nice there. That's why it isn't news.
 
2002-03-27 04:53:11 PM
The Tampa refugees did all right in the end, all but one of those that ended up in NZ were granted refugee status which means they can stay there forever. That US$10,000 they paid the people smugglers was money well spent.
 
2002-03-27 11:37:48 PM
The President expressed surprise that the New Zealanders all walked upright.
 
2002-03-29 01:59:43 AM
The Prime Minister was delighted to discover that the president could speak English.
 
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