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(Fark Classic)   The top 100 things I'd do if I ever became an evil overlord   ( divider line 185
    More: Advice  
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39705 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Apr 2005 at 6:56 PM (10 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2005-04-04 05:51:19 PM  
Steak every day. Being evil is all about the dietary perks.
2005-04-04 05:53:14 PM  
This list has been around a while, but it's still hilarious to read.
2005-04-04 05:55:58 PM  
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

Hey! Without my beard I look like I'm 12.

/just shaved it
//growing it right back
2005-04-04 05:58:40 PM  
Sharks with friggin "lasers"

2005-04-04 06:07:44 PM  
Rip the tag off my matress.
2005-04-04 06:09:00 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2005-04-04 06:09:23 PM  
Let's get this over with:

Two chicks at the same time.
2005-04-04 06:10:14 PM  
Beautiful timing, CatchrNdRy.
2005-04-04 06:10:26 PM  
make a miniature clone of myself

2005-04-04 06:10:44 PM  
great minds think alike. and if you just typed those words... Nabb1
2005-04-04 06:11:39 PM  
damn you didn't.
2005-04-04 06:12:12 PM  
2005-04-04 06:13:12 PM  
I love this list. It's better than the "RPG cliche" list.

I especially like setting the detonator to ignite at 117.
2005-04-04 06:17:50 PM  
I've never seen this. Great stuff!

I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

2005-04-04 06:20:31 PM  


I AM an evil overlord! I touch my paeons inappropriately, but give them the nice love. They worship my goodness.
2005-04-04 06:26:52 PM  
"Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size."

This list is comedy gold
2005-04-04 06:30:04 PM  
I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

I just love this list!
2005-04-04 06:31:36 PM  
Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual

2005-04-04 06:33:06 PM  
I wish to thank the following contributors to this list by making their email addresses easily farmable for evil spamlords.
2005-04-04 06:36:21 PM  
No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
2005-04-04 06:38:38 PM  
So who wants to see my room? Don't worry, it's not really "Sewage overflow containment."
2005-04-04 06:58:59 PM  
If we're doing favourites, I like #98
2005-04-04 07:00:50 PM  
2005-04-04 07:00:58 PM  
banish bush/cheney/wolfowitz/perle/rice to devil's island forever.
2005-04-04 07:01:26 PM  
Er, and my favorite is #34: I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
2005-04-04 07:01:45 PM  
Hey Fark, welcome to 5 years ago.

/Though the list wasn't as long back then as it is now.
2005-04-04 07:05:12 PM  
Slow news day, much? Why bother trying to find new links when you can just resubmit old stuff with the "Fark Classic" category?
2005-04-04 07:05:20 PM  
Invade Afghanistan, Iraq, and Syria.
2005-04-04 07:05:51 PM  
I remember when there were 25 items in the list.

It's still hilarious, though.

I used to have it on the door to my cubicle which, given that I was the office admin, actually freaked a few of the no-sense-of-humour managers out a little.
2005-04-04 07:06:27 PM  
Nabb1: Let's get this over with:

Two chicks at the same time.

Only 2 - whasamatta with you...?
2005-04-04 07:07:27 PM  
i've always liked this
2005-04-04 07:09:15 PM  
Why clear faceplates? Is it because since they're humanized, they'll be harder to kill?

The rebel troops in Star Wars die just as hard as Stormtroopers.
2005-04-04 07:10:56 PM  
if i were a evil overlord the first thing i would do is attack iraq.
2005-04-04 07:10:56 PM  
I would run a website called
2005-04-04 07:11:17 PM  
If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
2005-04-04 07:11:22 PM  
Seduce Jessica Alba
2005-04-04 07:12:16 PM  
I would put a stop to those annoying flashing adds on fark.
2005-04-04 07:13:04 PM  
Invader Flak

No, doof. It's so you can see their faces and the hero can't steal a guard's uniform to sneak around your fortress/lair/palace.
2005-04-04 07:13:11 PM  
No, it's so the hero can't disguise himself as one of your troopers and infiltrate your facility.

See: Star Wars et al.
2005-04-04 07:13:33 PM  
Invader Flak

It's so your enemies can't sneak in wearing one...
2005-04-04 07:14:35 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

2005-04-04 07:14:54 PM  
Have you noticed that you can't kill anything with a visible face?

(As for Githerax, try a paradigm shift. Asshole.)
2005-04-04 07:16:54 PM  
I'd go over to the "Colorado begins fining people who don't get out of the left lane" thread and kick some serious ass.
2005-04-04 07:17:46 PM  
More like welcome to 1996-1997.
2005-04-04 07:17:50 PM  
I would also grow a large beard and fall off the stage alot
2005-04-04 07:18:27 PM  
Execute anybody who drank low carb "beer", used the term "metrosexual" or ever participated in "American Idol".

Then I'd stop using my turn signal.
2005-04-04 07:19:25 PM  
101: I would create an island lair surrounded by Liquid Hot Maaaagma
2005-04-04 07:21:29 PM  
Damn, this page is paleolithic. I remember reading it in 1997!

That said, this one is the best:

If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
2005-04-04 07:21:37 PM  
Invader Flak

I sink zits sew pimples Kant snuggle mint tour hassle wife midden places.
2005-04-04 07:23:55 PM  

What an assmaster swamp donkey
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