Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fark Classic)   The top 100 things I'd do if I ever became an evil overlord   ( divider line
    More: Advice  
•       •       •

39715 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Apr 2005 at 6:56 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

185 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Newest | Show all

2005-04-04 05:51:19 PM  
Steak every day. Being evil is all about the dietary perks.
2005-04-04 05:53:14 PM  
This list has been around a while, but it's still hilarious to read.
2005-04-04 05:55:58 PM  
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

Hey! Without my beard I look like I'm 12.

/just shaved it
//growing it right back
2005-04-04 05:58:40 PM  
Sharks with friggin "lasers"

2005-04-04 06:07:44 PM  
Rip the tag off my matress.
2005-04-04 06:09:00 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2005-04-04 06:09:23 PM  
Let's get this over with:

Two chicks at the same time.
2005-04-04 06:10:14 PM  
Beautiful timing, CatchrNdRy.
2005-04-04 06:10:26 PM  
make a miniature clone of myself

2005-04-04 06:10:44 PM  
great minds think alike. and if you just typed those words... Nabb1
2005-04-04 06:11:39 PM  
damn you didn't.
2005-04-04 06:12:12 PM  
2005-04-04 06:13:12 PM  
I love this list. It's better than the "RPG cliche" list.

I especially like setting the detonator to ignite at 117.
2005-04-04 06:17:50 PM  
I've never seen this. Great stuff!

I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

2005-04-04 06:20:31 PM  


I AM an evil overlord! I touch my paeons inappropriately, but give them the nice love. They worship my goodness.
2005-04-04 06:26:52 PM  
"Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size."

This list is comedy gold
2005-04-04 06:30:04 PM  
I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

I just love this list!
2005-04-04 06:31:36 PM  
Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual

2005-04-04 06:33:06 PM  
I wish to thank the following contributors to this list by making their email addresses easily farmable for evil spamlords.
2005-04-04 06:36:21 PM  
No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
2005-04-04 06:38:38 PM  
So who wants to see my room? Don't worry, it's not really "Sewage overflow containment."
2005-04-04 06:58:59 PM  
If we're doing favourites, I like #98
2005-04-04 07:00:50 PM  
2005-04-04 07:00:58 PM  
banish bush/cheney/wolfowitz/perle/rice to devil's island forever.
2005-04-04 07:01:26 PM  
Er, and my favorite is #34: I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
2005-04-04 07:01:45 PM  
Hey Fark, welcome to 5 years ago.

/Though the list wasn't as long back then as it is now.
2005-04-04 07:05:12 PM  
Slow news day, much? Why bother trying to find new links when you can just resubmit old stuff with the "Fark Classic" category?
2005-04-04 07:05:20 PM  
Invade Afghanistan, Iraq, and Syria.
2005-04-04 07:05:51 PM  
I remember when there were 25 items in the list.

It's still hilarious, though.

I used to have it on the door to my cubicle which, given that I was the office admin, actually freaked a few of the no-sense-of-humour managers out a little.
2005-04-04 07:06:27 PM  
Nabb1: Let's get this over with:

Two chicks at the same time.

Only 2 - whasamatta with you...?
2005-04-04 07:07:27 PM  
i've always liked this
2005-04-04 07:09:15 PM  
Why clear faceplates? Is it because since they're humanized, they'll be harder to kill?

The rebel troops in Star Wars die just as hard as Stormtroopers.
2005-04-04 07:10:56 PM  
if i were a evil overlord the first thing i would do is attack iraq.
2005-04-04 07:10:56 PM  
I would run a website called
2005-04-04 07:11:17 PM  
If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
2005-04-04 07:11:22 PM  
Seduce Jessica Alba
2005-04-04 07:12:16 PM  
I would put a stop to those annoying flashing adds on fark.
2005-04-04 07:13:04 PM  
Invader Flak

No, doof. It's so you can see their faces and the hero can't steal a guard's uniform to sneak around your fortress/lair/palace.
2005-04-04 07:13:11 PM  
No, it's so the hero can't disguise himself as one of your troopers and infiltrate your facility.

See: Star Wars et al.
2005-04-04 07:13:33 PM  
Invader Flak

It's so your enemies can't sneak in wearing one...
2005-04-04 07:14:35 PM  
[image from too old to be available]


2005-04-04 07:14:54 PM  
Have you noticed that you can't kill anything with a visible face?

(As for Githerax, try a paradigm shift. Asshole.)
2005-04-04 07:16:54 PM  
I'd go over to the "Colorado begins fining people who don't get out of the left lane" thread and kick some serious ass.
2005-04-04 07:17:46 PM  
More like welcome to 1996-1997.
2005-04-04 07:17:50 PM  
I would also grow a large beard and fall off the stage alot
2005-04-04 07:18:27 PM  
Execute anybody who drank low carb "beer", used the term "metrosexual" or ever participated in "American Idol".

Then I'd stop using my turn signal.
2005-04-04 07:19:25 PM  
101: I would create an island lair surrounded by Liquid Hot Maaaagma
2005-04-04 07:21:29 PM  
Damn, this page is paleolithic. I remember reading it in 1997!

That said, this one is the best:

If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
2005-04-04 07:21:37 PM  
Invader Flak

I sink zits sew pimples Kant snuggle mint tour hassle wife midden places.
2005-04-04 07:23:55 PM  

What an assmaster swamp donkey
Displayed 50 of 185 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Newest | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.