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(Some Ex-JW)   YOU could be a Jehovah's Witness. Or could you? Take this quiz and find out   (thebentinel.com) divider line 657
    More: Amusing  
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48869 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Apr 2005 at 9:31 PM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2005-04-04 06:31:38 PM
You have what Jehovah's Witnesses call a "rebellious spirit" and a "bad attitude". Even if you became a Witness, you would be a bad one.

No good Jehovah's Witness drives a motorcycle.


Well, there goes my Jehovah's Witness career I was preparing for. Crap.
 
2005-04-04 06:40:37 PM
You are 50% Jehovah's Witness!
You have some serious changes to make before you can be baptized as a Jehovah's Witness. Your attitude will likely get you labeled as a rebel. Parents will not encourage their children to hang around you or your children, unless there is reason to believe they can help you become a better Jehovah's Witness. It is unlikely that you will ever really fit in at the Kingdom Hall


I guess I better polish up on my people skills.
 
2005-04-04 06:41:56 PM
wow...greenlight and everything

neither informative nor entertaining

conclusion: meh
 
2005-04-04 07:19:08 PM
30%, apparently I'm not good enough, or smart enough, but gosh darn it, no one likes me
 
2005-04-04 07:49:11 PM
What is the most important quality you look for in a church leader?
Honesty, Integrity

You might not fit in so well at a Kingdom Hall.

Need I say more?
 
2005-04-04 07:50:38 PM
I got almost everything "wrong", but I still managed a 27%. After reading over the answers, the whole thing stinks of a cult. I'm glad they never come around here to try and convert, we have enough mormons as it is.
 
2005-04-04 08:14:54 PM
I started out at 23%, but with a little work I was able to get it down to zero.
 
2005-04-04 09:36:26 PM
For good or bad,at least everyone has a copy of the "Watchtower" laying around somewhere.
 
2005-04-04 09:36:26 PM
17% at the start, wow
 
2005-04-04 09:37:10 PM
100%! I mean, I'd like to talk to you about an important matter...
 
2005-04-04 09:37:11 PM
Well, there goes my Jehovah's Witness career I was preparing for. Crap.

yeah. Me too. Oh well.
 
2005-04-04 09:37:33 PM
17%. Thor smiles upon me.
 
2005-04-04 09:38:00 PM
Hahahah.... I'm 27% Jehova's Witness! I wonder how much Jehova's Witness Michael Jackson is? And which part of him is Jehova's Witness? Clearly not his hands, in any case.

And these guys are nuts.
 
2005-04-04 09:38:23 PM
You are 27% Jehovah's Witness!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
 
2005-04-04 09:38:40 PM
I used to work overnights at a burger joint. There was this Watchtower radio show that came on at like four Sunday morning. Weirdly amusing.
 
2005-04-04 09:39:12 PM
I am 27% Jehovah's Witness!

so stop knocking on my door
 
2005-04-04 09:39:35 PM
Eff you all, Jehova's Witnesses, eff you all in your stupid ass. That cult almost ruined two of my friends' lives and put them both in therapy. Anway, 11%.
 
2005-04-04 09:39:43 PM
no, but maybe some other cult. I'm open to suggestions.
 
2005-04-04 09:40:30 PM
33%



How could I be a witness anyway? I wasn't there, I didn't see it happen.
 
2005-04-04 09:40:37 PM
33%. Probably because I dated a JW in high school. Thank goodness her family weren't strict J-Dubs. They were still pretty bad.
 
2005-04-04 09:40:55 PM
JESUS CHRIST! I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE, BUT I HAD NO IDEA HOW FARKING INSANE THESE WITNESSES WERE!
 
SGF
2005-04-04 09:41:02 PM
 
2005-04-04 09:41:25 PM
I love to ask JW's to wait just a minute, and I'll be with them.

You'd be surprised how long they'll stay.
 
2005-04-04 09:41:41 PM
If there are only 144,000 people allowed into heaven, and more than 1 million JWs, why are they still converting people? Won't this diminish their chances?

Maybe it's like a pyramid scheme: most souls converted in a day gets you bumped up the line.
 
2005-04-04 09:41:52 PM
You view holidays as opportunities to:
(x) sleep your ass off

You are 30% Jehovah's Witness!

How do you view the Bible?: The Bible is bunk
This is not good. The Jehovah's Witnesses believe that the Bible is fully-inspired of God.

/time to sell the car
 
2005-04-04 09:42:21 PM
33% by the way...which is definetly a lie, becuase that would mean that I wanted to kill 33% of myself, and, oddly, I dont.
 
2005-04-04 09:42:40 PM
You are 23% Jehovah's Witness!
You have some serious changes to make before you can be baptized as a Jehovah's Witness. Your attitude will likely get you labeled as a rebel. Parents will not encourage their children to hang around you or your children, unless there is reason to believe they can help you become a better Jehovah's Witness. It is unlikely that you will ever really fit in at the Kingdom Hall.

Oh Darn!
 
2005-04-04 09:42:45 PM
My GF is a disfellowshipped witness.
(not by her choice, either)
 
2005-04-04 09:43:12 PM
Wow, I'm 33%. Anyone else think that's too high? ;)
 
2005-04-04 09:43:14 PM
"Good morning. May I have a moment of your time to tell you about the kingdom of FARK and give you this free 8 x 10' picture of a squirrel with giant nuts?"
 
2005-04-04 09:43:36 PM
ya, i failed. they told me i would have been a rebel and that people wount want their kids to play with me.
 
2005-04-04 09:43:39 PM
27% JW (that seems to be a popular number).

Jehova help me, that's my highest score ever on any religious faith test!
 
2005-04-04 09:43:55 PM
33% JW... glad I'm now good enough for that CULT. Yes, it's a cult. Not a religion.
 
2005-04-04 09:44:14 PM
Not since I took the IOWA tests in 4th grade have I seen more pointless quiz.
 
2005-04-04 09:44:34 PM
13%. Like that's a surprise. JWs really annoy me... I've known enough of them to avoid them from now on.
 
2005-04-04 09:45:14 PM
15%!
I win!
 
2005-04-04 09:45:22 PM
One_Eyed_Trouser_Trout:

"Good morning. May I have a moment of your time to tell you about the kingdom of FARK and give you this free 8 x 10' picture of a squirrel with giant nuts?"

Yes you may, I'm intrigued, please tell me more?
 
2005-04-04 09:45:31 PM
"How often do you feel like attending church?

Never, probably less"


Love it :)
 
2005-04-04 09:45:59 PM
Gump Stump:

Gump Stump

13%. Like that's a surprise. JWs really annoy me... I've known enough of them to avoid them from now on.



Oh, I guess you win.
 
2005-04-04 09:46:30 PM
Hmmmmm... this was submitted by an "EX-JW" ...why is an EX-Jew submitting this? eh?

/If you don't get it you're a tard.
 
2005-04-04 09:46:33 PM
23% - guess that's low enough, though 0% would've been that much more comforting.
 
2005-04-04 09:46:52 PM
I guess my 1989 Toyota Camry is the only thing keeping me from being the 100% JW I've ALWAYS wanted to be. I guess I'll settle for 20%...

/Plays the world's smallest violin for myself
//And,yes, the Bible is bunk.
///Written 500 years after a carpenter died, went through innumerable translations
////Believes the phrase "Lost in Translation"
/////Yes, I believe in evolution, too.
//////Flame on...?
 
2005-04-04 09:47:00 PM
You are 47%

:(
 
2005-04-04 09:47:13 PM
Yeah, I could easily be a JW, except that I've been receiving recreational blood transfusions since 1978. You'll recognize me whe the Rapture comes - I'll be the one running around stabbing people in the eyeballs with a greasy meat fork.
 
2005-04-04 09:47:21 PM
17%. I feel like I'm knocking on heaven's door.
 
2005-04-04 09:47:41 PM
13% JW. No I wasn't gaming the quiz...I answered honestly. Also, I am not evil. I know we're supposed to respect other people's beliefs, but JESUS CHRIST THESE PEOPLE ARE FREAKS. ...and no I'm not using the "lord's name in vain": I really am saying "Jesus Christ, you hearing what I'm hearing, dude? You GOTTA come down here and SMITE these muthas. : )
 
2005-04-04 09:48:23 PM
I think the JWs would fit in much better somewhere like Arkansas. Where having no friends outside of your immediate family and church is generally viewed as a big plus.
 
2005-04-04 09:48:24 PM
Lucky 13 (percent)...

My dad told me that when he was in college, some JWs came a-knocking on the door of his house one day. He listened to them patiently for a few minutes, and then they started asking questions (I guess some kind of test), one of which was "Where do you think your soul goes when you die?"

My dad replied, "A garage in Scranton?" They JWs didn't come back.
 
2005-04-04 09:49:01 PM
You are 43% Jehovah's Witness!

ewwww
 
2005-04-04 09:49:03 PM
How did you guys score so high? I'm only 7% JW
 
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