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(Some Biker)   The top 10 list of "How not to get hit by cars"   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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31310 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Apr 2005 at 2:26 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

128 Comments     (+0 »)

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2005-04-03 09:29:03 AM  
We had one of those militant cyclists who used to ride ~30 mph under the speed limit and made it a point to impede traffic (two lane road, heavy traffic in both directions and no way to pass this doofus). When he got killed, I was not surpised. I wasn't happy about it, but I don't miss the buttclown's antics, either.
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2005-04-03 09:35:23 AM  
The page may be good advice on avoiding being unintentionally hit by a car.
2005-04-03 10:18:18 AM  
ZAZ: he page may be good advice on avoiding being unintentionally hit by a car.

So it wouldn't work for people who want to get hit by cars....okay.
2005-04-03 10:22:20 AM  
Move to the Kalahari. Just look out for the runaway camels.
2005-04-03 11:00:56 AM  
This would've been useful on Thursday.
2005-04-03 11:03:39 AM  
11. Wear those tight fitting gay looking pants, and drivers will stay away for fear of catching your gheyness.
2005-04-03 01:15:45 PM  
Collision Type #2: The Door Prize
aka: How to have fun with motorcyclists as a car owner

A driver opens his door right in front of you. You run right into it if you can't stop in time. If you're lucky, the motorist will exit the car before you hit the door, so you'll at least have the pleasure of smashing them too when you crash, and their soft flesh will cushion your impact.
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2005-04-03 01:42:30 PM  
Put a two foot metal spike on the front of the bike. It'll hurt almost as much when you hit the car door but you'll have the pleasure of hearing the driver cry "my Lexus!" as you lie bleeding halfway through the window.
2005-04-03 02:08:43 PM  
Tip #12. Remember: Look left then right to cross traffic after returning to the USA from countries where they drive on the wrong side of the road.

Unless you're Antarctic Fox. Then continue to look the wrong way from time to time in a subconscious attempt to be the receipient of a Darwin award.
2005-04-03 02:34:43 PM  
#11 Don't ride your bike amongst the cars.
2005-04-03 02:36:45 PM  
Ten Ways to Not Get Hit

#1 - have sharp knees.
2005-04-03 02:37:18 PM  
They need to make two more relevant listings

1) top ten ways of avoiding parked cars

2) top ten ways to handle speed bumps

/had friends get injured on bicycles in both of the above ways
2005-04-03 02:37:24 PM  
2005-04-03 02:38:18 PM  
A lot of this advice boils down to "don't ride on the sidewalk and don't ride at night without a light."

I suppose there are three or four people riding bicycles who think they should be on the sidewalk, but anyone who's ever ridden very far on a bike knows that riding in the lane is the very safest place to ride.

Of course, riding in the lane means that you have to pick relatively safe routes -- either riding on roads with nearly no traffic, or riding on roads where you won't be a serious asshat and impede traffic too much. Of course, as salo2112 pointed out, there are many cities where you simply can't get from point A to B on a bicycle safely. You can either be a militant cyclist and risk a cager killing you in a fit of self-rightous rage, or you can move to a different city.
2005-04-03 02:38:49 PM  
Thank god that he had little clever names for all the ways to get hit, too. It seems that most of these can be summed up by saying "Pay attention to the cars, for they are large and driven by asshats."
2005-04-03 02:39:20 PM  

Then they would need list of how to avoid people with strollers and crazy dogs.
2005-04-03 02:39:24 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

2005-04-03 02:40:08 PM  

Ha ha ha ha ha... that's going to get you killed real fast.

Seriously, if you're going to ride, ride on the damned road. Roads are designed for fast moving traffic, like bicycles.
2005-04-03 02:43:21 PM  
Obviously, if you're going to ride amongst cars, you have to assume that the people driving are simply not stupid -- they're not on cell phones, or doing their makeup, or driving into the sun, or eating, or doing other things that are simply good ways to kill other human beings out of stupidity.

But riding your bicycle on the road is the safest place to ride a bicycle. Honest. Barrelling down the sidewalk at 30 mph is simply not good for a cyclist, and it's not good for the people on the sidewalk. Not to mention it's a great way to get killed at alleys, driveways, and cross streets.
2005-04-03 02:45:22 PM  
stupid f/u/c/k/i/n/g article==sfa
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2005-04-03 02:45:22 PM  

The city where I live banned new speed bumps after a bicyclist suffered a head injury.
2005-04-03 02:45:30 PM  


In most cities it's illegal to bike on sidewalks.

And drop the caps especially when suggesting illegal activities.
2005-04-03 02:47:15 PM  
It's a whole lot easier to read here:
2005-04-03 02:47:59 PM  
abstinence is the only way
2005-04-03 02:47:59 PM  
Oh boy, a "bicycles need to stay off my road" discussion. I don't have enough of this in my daily life when people realize I ride a bike almost everywhere. So let's get all of this crap out of the way...

Yes, bicyclists pay road taxes.
Bicyclists cause less damage to the road.
No, we should not be on the sidewalk.
Yes, I know there are a number of bicyclist who break traffic laws. Do you hate the drivers who speed as much as you hate bicyclists who break laws?
Yes, I prefer to be on a bike.
No, I have never had my DL suspended.
Yes honking your horn at me is a good way to scare the crap out of me.
The scars on my leg are from a motorist who threw a Snapple bottle at me.

Did I miss anything?
2005-04-03 02:58:33 PM  
Ever notice how they rock back and forth on the ground in pain when you hit them and they break their hip?
2005-04-03 02:59:22 PM  
You left out one:

Roads were designed and built for cars.
2005-04-03 02:59:52 PM  
I usually ride my bike on the street, but only if it's a quiet residential street. You couldn't pay me to ride my bike on the busy streets, I use the sidewalk. 2 months ago I was run down by some dumb fark in a truck (I wasn't on my bike though, but still) so I don't really trust the drivers here anymore.
2005-04-03 03:01:17 PM  
As a bicyclist, we have to ride on the road, how hard is it for a car to move over just a teensy little bit to let us have that one foot area on the side. Riding on the sidewalk is the worst thing ever, because you risk hitting anyone who is on it.

those shorts arent just for the gay impact, they have special coushins in the "seat" (a.k.a. ball and taint) area that make riding not so hard on your baby factory.
2005-04-03 03:02:18 PM  
To sum it up:

1.) Pay attention.
2.) Anticipate what could go wrong and be prepared.
3.) Don't be stupid.

Why does the Airforce publish stuff like this again?
2005-04-03 03:02:27 PM  
that chick in the boobies thread is so scorchingly hot. man. i'm still stuck on that.

wow. go netherlands.
2005-04-03 03:03:41 PM  

Hey...outta the way...*wacka wacka*...
[image from too old to be available]
2005-04-03 03:03:43 PM  
I think the best advice is that if you want to be treated like a car, then follow the same rules as as a car. No going straight in right turn only lanes or going between cars stopped at a red light.

It amazes me that people ride the service roads of a 65MPH interstate with no shoulder. I stick to the sidewalks even when it is 30mph. You pretty much just have to watch out for people that aren't expecting you in the crosswalks as quickly as a pedestrian would have been.

If Austin is a "biker friendly" town, then I sure would hate to see an unfriendly town.
2005-04-03 03:04:50 PM  
The scars on my leg are from a motorist who threw a Snapple bottle at me.

What is wrong with people? The thing is that if he thought for even 2 seconds on the fact that by throwing his little tantrum you could have been killed, he probably would not have done it.
2005-04-03 03:06:47 PM  
For anybody who's actually ridden a bike for long distances on the road, and dealt with traffic:

#1 - All drivers are farking stupid
#2 - If a car looks like its going to do something stupid, it will
#2.5 - If a car doesn't look like its going to do something stupid, it probably will anyway
#3 - Drivers get shocked looks on their faces when you blow by them during town-line sprints at 40
2005-04-03 03:07:34 PM  
Oh, forgot the most important one!

#0 (because its before #1...)

Mountain Biking is way more fun, so screw the road biking!
2005-04-03 03:08:17 PM  
This is Mr. E.R. Bradshaw of Napier Court, Black Lion Road London SE5. He can not be seen.

{Bradshaw gets hit by a car}

This demonstrates the value of being seen.
2005-04-03 03:08:29 PM  
he has learned the first rule of not being seen: Not standing up when asked to. But he has chosen a rather obvious hiding spot.

2005-04-03 03:10:36 PM  
"The passenger has the right of way."
"Unless you're IN the way!"
2005-04-03 03:10:47 PM  
I REALLY love the bikers that just have to ride down a windy mountain road with no shoulder and a 45MPH speed limit. Just a heads up for you biker types: You are an ASSHAT. Going 5-10Mph uphill while straddling the white line and causing drivers to have to leave their lane to pass you (in a no passing zone) or almost stop in a blind corner cause you're going so slow, is a great way to get hit, or cause a car accident and kill a family of four (with babies). Not all bikers do this, just the majority. Also the ones that think they are rally hauling ass goin downhill at 40mph in a 50mph area (drivers driving 55-60mph). you are just as much of a traffic hazard as a little old lady on the freeway in the left lane going 40mph. If you're going to ride on the road, stay to the right of the white line. a popped tire every once in a while is better than becoming a hood ornament on some soccer moms SUV.
/raced bikes for 3 years.
//still cant stand unaware/ arrogant bikers
2005-04-03 03:11:37 PM  

What is wrong with people? The thing is that if he thought for even 2 seconds on the fact that by throwing his little tantrum you could have been killed, he probably would not have done it.

That's the problem right there. People don't think before they act.

If you need any proof for that theory, call up your local PD or SD and ask them if they have a ride-along program for civilians. Then hope for a domestic violence call. Human stupidity in action.
2005-04-03 03:11:48 PM  
how about "don't be a bike asshole"?
2005-04-03 03:12:01 PM  
For some sweet video of people almost, but not quite getting hit by cars in manhattan, and probably breaking most of these rules, check out

/no brakes!
2005-04-03 03:13:57 PM  
Oh-I thought this was about BIKES-as in "motorcycle'

/rolls eyes and moves on to the next thread
2005-04-03 03:14:49 PM  

#3 - Drivers get shocked looks on their faces when you blow by them during town-line sprints at 40
Haha awesome.

Don't ride very much anymore, but I used to bike down a highway to work. Scary farking thing to do. At least the shoulder was 3 or 4 feet wide.
2005-04-03 03:15:10 PM  
It depends where you live. In Phoenix, riding on the sidewalk is the absolute safest way to go since nobody walks anywhere and due to the overall wild west mentality of drivers.
2005-04-03 03:15:12 PM  
Stinky93: Roads were designed and built for cars.

The whole damned country was designed and built for cars.

And, every cyclist knows that there are many people on the road who will kill you because you inconvenience them -- and they'll feel pretty damned self rightous about it, too.

"Why yes, officer -- I do feel justified smearing that human being's brains all over the road like a bag of liverwurst. He should have been on the damned sidewalk!"
2005-04-03 03:15:24 PM  

Red Light of Death
[image from too old to be available]

2005-04-03 03:16:18 PM  
I was pulling out of a driveway and turning right (east) onto a street. There was a cross street to my left. Oncoming traffic had to stop before crossing that cross street. I looked to the left to see if there were any cars coming. There was a bicyclist coming about 20-25 MPH (it was downhill.) I saw he had a stop sign so I pulled out. He flew right through the stop sign withoug slowing and I almost hit him as he crossed right in front of me. The son of a biatch called me an asshole! It took every ounce of self-control I had not to run that buttsucker down and beat him to death with his own bike.

Most bicyclists are intelligent enough to know that things like stop signs and red lights apply to them, but some think they are exempt from all traffic laws and can do whatever they want with universal right of way. Those few bikers are the ones most likely to get hit. I'd hope they learn to bike responsibly before they get hit, but if they don't, I'm sure Darwin's spirit applauds every time one of them is removed from the gene pool.
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2005-04-03 03:17:27 PM  
Ever notice how they rock back and forth on the ground in pain when you hit them and they break their hip?

Who has time to stop and watch?
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