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(BBC)   BBC's news analysis on how the Vatican chooses a new pope   ( ) divider line 72
    More: PSA  
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15532 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Apr 2005 at 4:16 PM (10 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

72 Comments   (+0 »)

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2005-04-01 02:18:06 PM  

2005-04-01 02:28:03 PM  
Reed Ungels & Demuns

It's feecshun, boot hoo zeey ilect a noo pupe-a is trooe-a. Guud buuk tuu. Vetch oooot fur Illoomeeneti.
Bork Bork Bork!
2005-04-01 02:29:55 PM  
Read Angels & Demons

It's fiction, but how they elect a new pope is true. Good book too. Watch out for Illuminati.


"This does not look good for Homestar Runner."
2005-04-01 02:41:06 PM  
I heard it involves drinking games and a lot of sacramental wine.
2005-04-01 02:52:15 PM  
Do internet petitions count?
2005-04-01 03:18:37 PM  
Anybody but Giovanni Battista.

I'm rooting for Claudio Hummes.
2005-04-01 03:30:51 PM  
djtripp: Read Angels & Demons

I just finished that book the other day and it is AMAZING!

Can't wait to start reading The DaVinci Code.
2005-04-01 03:33:25 PM  
I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school for 12 years, so I can tell you with 100% accuracy that the Pope is chosen in an event much like the one at the end of Revenge of the Nerds.

[image from too old to be available]

All hail Pope Booger.
2005-04-01 04:20:55 PM  
It's official (pops)

RIP Pope.
2005-04-01 04:21:12 PM  
Stop! Hammer time.

"This does not look good for Homestar Runner."
2005-04-01 04:21:44 PM  

[image from too old to be available]
2005-04-01 04:21:52 PM  
Yu-gi-oh challenge.

Seriously - if you have 2 blue-eyes-white-dragons, they equal one Pope.
2005-04-01 04:21:57 PM  

2005-04-01 04:22:44 PM  
And this is news, why? It's dated February 21, 2001 Fer Chris+ sake!
2005-04-01 04:24:13 PM  
how mny farking times do i have to submit an "unlikely next pope" photoshop contest before it gets approved?!?
2005-04-01 04:27:58 PM  
Just watch Eurotrip.
2005-04-01 04:29:23 PM  
Could someone *please* turn off the filters? It was funny for about the first hour, but now it's just annoying, especially on a day like today when people are trying to have serious discussions.
2005-04-01 04:30:19 PM  
After reading Angels and Demons, you might be disappointed with The Da Vinci Code. Angels and Demons is a better book.
2005-04-01 04:30:24 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

"Oh no! You shenked my Jenga ship!"
2005-04-01 04:30:30 PM  
WE KNOW! Jesus! Are you Catholics selling tickets to the next Pope slection or something? For Fark's sakes...this thing has only been linked in every farking thread all farking day.

"Meedly meedly meedly me!!"
2005-04-01 04:31:35 PM  
I thought they just reached used the pickled egg method.
2005-04-01 04:32:47 PM  
If you have a whole bunch of Popes, is that a potpourri?
2005-04-01 04:33:23 PM  
I have no idea where that "reached" came from.
2005-04-01 04:33:39 PM  
Ladies an' gentlemen, please welcome thuh n'st senator frum thuh great state uh Missouri, Pope Joe Bob Billy Joe II !!
2005-04-01 04:37:42 PM  

that's missour-uh
2005-04-01 04:37:50 PM  
Yeah, and ever thinthe Pope Joan in the 850'th the Cardinalth make damn thure to do a weener check. Let me tell you...

It'th true. You know, honey? "Bob" told me. You know, honey?
2005-04-01 04:38:18 PM  
I'm the only person in history to ever say this: "It's my lunchtime. I'm going to take a nap in my car. I expect the pope to be dead when I get back."

"You was tryin' to jank me!"
2005-04-01 04:38:27 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

"Issa easy a-really. Alla's ya gotta do issa pick out a-how a-many a-Popes ya see inna da pizza. Send-a ya pick to-a 30 Rockafella Centa..."

/old school
2005-04-01 04:38:27 PM  
I'm with Carlin here. We need a Pope Corky. They'd have to go to Pope Corky IX, just because Pope Corky The First wouldn't sound too official...
2005-04-01 04:38:35 PM  
Other ways to elect the next pope, from batch of candidates:

- Open Mic Night at The Vatican
- A wicked game of Triple Yahtzee
- Longest Drive Contest
- Guess Oprah's Weight
- Wine, Wafer, Censer
- See who gets the most links approved on Fark in a day
- Drag race in riced-(pretzeled?)-out Pope Mobiles

Tie-Breaker: See who knows all of the Brady kids, Seven Dwarves, and the Big Mac song

"I'm open for interpretation."
2005-04-01 04:39:17 PM  
De Onion had a good article around de 2000 elecshun about a deadlocked battle between two different candidates fawh Pope. Yuh got me so fahr? I especially liked de parodied Gawh 2000 sign wit' a cross in place of de shootin' star. Yuh got me so fahr?
2005-04-01 04:42:43 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2005-04-01 04:43:00 PM  
Dewe is no pope... it's aww just a big media toow fow Cadowics. De movie Simone is based off of de twue stowy of de Pope.... except he's not a supewmodew.

Damn dat movie sucked dough...
2005-04-01 04:45:57 PM  
I get a stupid accented one? Damn!
2005-04-01 04:46:03 PM  
What have I missed? Why are so many people writing with a silly accent?
2005-04-01 04:48:37 PM  
To try to increase popularity and to update the Catholic Church's image, they're going to do the selection as a reality TV show. They'll interview each cardinal eliminated down at St. Peter-in-chains.

Oh, and Go Cardinals!
2005-04-01 04:51:08 PM  
A) He's not dead...YET
B) I thought it went to the winner of the "What's under my flowing Robes?" Contest...Oh...That was for the kid who carries the candles....

/just kiddin....

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Past!"
2005-04-01 05:04:12 PM  
Wut have I missed? Why are so many people writing with a silly accent?

Em tunk someone activated the St Patricks day filter.
2005-04-01 05:04:47 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

...heres my simpsons reference for the day
2005-04-01 05:05:47 PM  
They have a race to find the egg of a sooty tern?

/a wee obscure

"This does not look good for Homestar Runner."
2005-04-01 05:09:28 PM  
I say do it the old-fashioned way. Have local crime families invade and occupy the Vatican, holding the cardinals at knife-point and threatening them with death unless they vote for the family's preferred candidate.

/Medici family, farkers
2005-04-01 05:19:44 PM  
Vatican Idol?
2005-04-01 05:20:08 PM  
Hoo tu select a Pupe-a

Zeere-a ere-a fuoor beseec reqoourements:
Fucoos, Poobleec Ecceptunce-a, Epulugeteecs und Pepel Inffelleebilty.

Fucoos: Cummooneeun veffer skeet shuut- 10 pueents
Poobleec Ecceptunce-a: Stund up cumedy chellenge-a- 15 pueents (Veenner yuoong inuoogh tu ectooelly "stund up" unesseested)
Epulugeteecs: Ixpleeen zee murecle-a ooff trunsoobstunseeeshun tu a ruum fooll ooff Bepteest- 25 pueents (veenner dusen't get lynched)
Pepel Inffelleebilty": Greesed elter buy coontest-50 pueents (veenner dusen't inter coontest)

100 pueents ere-a reqooured tu veen zee beeg het und boobble-a cer.
Bork Bork Bork!
2005-04-01 05:21:06 PM  
How to select a Pope

There are four basic requirements:
Focus, Public Acceptance, Apologetics and Papal Infallibilty.

Focus: Communion wafer skeet shoot- 10 points
Public Acceptance: Stand up comedy challenge- 15 points (Winner young enough to actually "stand up" unassisted)
Apologetics: Explain the miracle of transubstansiation to a room full of Baptist- 25 points (winner dosen't get lynched)
Papal Infallibilty": Greased altar boy contest-50 points (winner dosen't enter contest)

100 points are required to win the big hat and bubble car.

argh, filtered!
2005-04-01 05:37:39 PM  
I'm not completely sold on Father Guido Sarducci...

I think Cardinal Glick and Reverend Lovejoy should be considered for the post.
2005-04-01 05:43:35 PM  
I don't kar vho ze next Pope is, as long as his Papal nam vil be Pope John Paul George Ringo.

"Hey Stupid! I brought you this stuff!"
2005-04-01 05:44:31 PM  
I saw this in 1979.

2005-04-01 05:47:07 PM  
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2005-04-01 05:47:47 PM  
and he's made sure the next pope's going to be a douche, rather.
2005-04-01 06:00:44 PM  

WE KNOW! Jesus! Are you Catholics selling tickets to the next Pope slection or something? For Fark's sakes...this thing has only been linked in every farking thread all farking day.

Really, I'm not sure it's worth getting worked up over. I mean, let's say it was Queen Elizabeth II that had/was about to kick the bucket. I'm pretty sure it'd be very much all over the news, and we'd have articles all about the royal line of succession in Britain. Just think of it as the same deal here.
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